Brother just came out... need advice

  • Thread starter Thread starter ble
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
We all have crosses to bear – some more difficult than others. Most people in my family have a genetic tendency for depression and for over-eating. That doesn’t make acting out on our tendencies okay.

I don’t mean to minimize the pain that people with SSA bear. But there are many so-called “straight” individuals who aren’t walking the straight and narrow path – many people have a hard time keeping their sexual impulses in line with what Jesus calls following Him in holiness. Any sexual acts outside of marriage is a sin…no matter what proclivities someone may have or degree of difficulty it is not to cave in to temptation.

When my siblings lived with people before they married, I never treated them with contempt because only God judges … but I also reminded them what the Church teaches about their behaviors. I have friends living in a gay lifestyle – they know and seem to respect what I believe about homosexual behaviors, and seem to appreciate that I treat them with respect.

I am single, and miss having sexual relationships – but I continue to pray for strength not to cave in to my desires for sex. I honor the God-given purpose for our sexual organs. I love Jesus more than my desires – He continues to help me to follow Him when I seek Him.

Each of us sins, and I hope for compassion for my weakness when I sin, but I never expect anyone to condone my sins. I pray that those who consider themselves “SSA” will remember Jesus’ teachings, and seek help when they feel overwhelmed by their inclinations.

I do get tired of being accused of being a “homophobe” merely because I agree with our Church’s teachings on sexuality.
 
pathia said:
Unconditional love is just that, unconditional.

My advice for the start of this is to be tactful in any discussion of acting on SSA being a sin. I’m not saying do not discuss it, just be wary. I speak having experienced things from the point of your brother.

My parents instantly slammed me over the head with debate, hellfire, brimstone and saying I was condemned to hell. Then they rushed me into various treatments (I was under 18 when I came out). I am still recovering from the mental damage that was done to me by the bizzare methods of treatment I underwent.

My relationship with my parents shattered because of this, it also caused me to run away from the church and I ended up living on the street rather than deal with my parents constant attempts to cure me, I had no peace of mind. I was told not to ‘dwell’ on my SSA thoughts and they’d go away, but the constant badgering over the issue merely insured that it was bouncing around in my head all the more.
Click to expand...
Did living on the street cure you? What got you to understand that SSA does not equal homosexual relationship in Catholic teaching. What brought you to realize that you cannot morally act on your desire?
 
ble said:
Hi,

My dad just had a talk with me. My brother who is 18 just came out to him and my other brothers. I am stunned and don’t know what to do. I don’t want to scare him away… but since he is over 18 now, all I can do is talk to him. Are there parents, brothers, sisters who has gone through this and have some tips for me?

I’m speechless, stunned and very sad at the moment. He’s the youngest and most loved in the family, I would die for him in an instance but now… all I feel are hurt inside. What is to become of his life?

Thank you,
Ben
Click to expand...
Ben, I will echo pretty much what everyone here has told you. Just love him unconditionally.

My sister came out about 3 years ago, just after she graduated high school. I was the first one in the family that she told. It is one of the hardest things to hear from a sibling that you love so much. Know that your brother is probably suffering greatly and that he will continue to suffer with this… be there for him when it’s too much for him to bear, and pray for him always. Don’t be afraid to stand up for your brother as a person. You don’t have to condone the homosexual lifestyle to stand up for him. I will admit, it is hard to look at my sister the same way as I did before, but she knows that if she ever needs anything that I am here to help her. It hurts me deeply to see the way she struggles with oppression and discrimination from others in our family as well as from the outside world. Just try to remember that his sexuality does not define who he is… he is still the same person he has always been, its just that you know something now that you didn’t know before, so love him just as you always have.
 
My advice is be supportive, it must have took so much courage for your brother to come out. Pray for him, and don’t leave his side. :crossrc:

God Bless,

Gladys

:harp:
 
quiet52 said:
We all have crosses to bear – some more difficult than others. Most people in my family have a genetic tendency for depression and for over-eating. That doesn’t make acting out on our tendencies okay.

I don’t mean to minimize the pain that people with SSA bear. But there are many so-called “straight” individuals who aren’t walking the straight and narrow path – many people have a hard time keeping their sexual impulses in line with what Jesus calls following Him in holiness. Any sexual acts outside of marriage is a sin…no matter what proclivities someone may have or degree of difficulty it is not to cave in to temptation.

When my siblings lived with people before they married, I never treated them with contempt because only God judges … but I also reminded them what the Church teaches about their behaviors. I have friends living in a gay lifestyle – they know and seem to respect what I believe about homosexual behaviors, and seem to appreciate that I treat them with respect.

I am single, and miss having sexual relationships – but I continue to pray for strength not to cave in to my desires for sex. I honor the God-given purpose for our sexual organs. I love Jesus more than my desires – He continues to help me to follow Him when I seek Him.

Each of us sins, and I hope for compassion for my weakness when I sin, but I never expect anyone to condone my sins. I pray that those who consider themselves “SSA” will remember Jesus’ teachings, and seek help when they feel overwhelmed by their inclinations.

I do get tired of being accused of being a “homophobe” merely because I agree with our Church’s teachings on sexuality.
Click to expand...
Great post. I applaud your logical but charitable style.
 
There was a recent study that showed that birth-order had influence on SSA-susceptiblity: the younger siblings had greater likelihood to have SSA.
 
BrianK2007 said:
I feel silly asking this, but what the heck does SSA stand for anyway? I’ve seen it around here before just didn’t know what it meant.
Click to expand...
I assume that SSA in this context refers to “same sex attraction.” Some people prefer this term to “homosexuality” or “gay” (as the later seems to refer to a culture that embraces/celebrates an identity that is at least in part founded on a person’s same sex attraction). I suppose that SSA would be a more neutral term for some people (a person might be attracted to the same sex but not want to identify themselves as “gay” if they do not celebrate the fact and/or do not engage in homosexual acts).
 
While I never had anyone in my family come out I do have homosexual friends and I don’t treat them any differently as long as they don’t try to force their beliefs down my throat, and I don’t push mine on them as well. I just make a point to not condone it and I pray for them. If they wanna know why I don’t condone their lifestyle, I just simply answer that I believe homosexuality is a sin and leave it at that.

When I used to work at a plasma bank, a homosexual man was being discriminated against and treated horribly by some of the other donors, and my heart went out to him. He was a very kind man and so ever since then, I make a point to not be mean to homosexuals just because they are homosexuals. I just simply pray for them. :gopray:
 
I just wanted to thank everyone for your heartful (name removed by moderator)uts. I have to say that I cannot look at my brother through the same lense anymore, this does not mean I love him any less. This has been difficult for my little brother for a long time, in the past when he gets excited, he would run around with his arms flailing around. I recall yelling at him many times to not act like a girl and put his arms down, to which he did.

I used to do a lot of things with my little brother but now when I recall them, I get really sad. Nothing has changed, but yet, so much has changed.

I will continue to pray until the day I die that my brother will grow in his faith and in his love for the Lord, even if some events would drag him away for a while. Right now he is quite shaky in his faith and questions it a lot. He also stopped attending our family prayers at night, prefering to chat with his new found friends online.

Thank you again. Please pray for my little brother…

God bless,
Ben
 
Riley259 said:
This is astonishing. This gentleman could wield alot of influence in the culture. It sounds like he’s on his way to making a big difference in proving that homosexuality can be overcome and that homosexual practices are intrinsically lust-centered.
Click to expand...
While I believe homosexuality is sinful, anyone who claims to have been “cured” from it, is lying, IMHO
 
AdvanceAlways said:
While I believe homosexuality is sinful, anyone who claims to have been “cured” from it, is lying, IMHO
Click to expand...
True; they either never actually had SSA to begin with (got mixed up with people who influenced them into that lifestyle, but weren’t actually “wired” that way), or they are fooling themselves now.

There are actual genetic markers for SSA - for example, I was listening to one doctor explain that people with SSA have a longer ring finger on their dominant hand than normal people - it’s slightly longer than their index finger instead of slightly shorter.

I’m sure most of us have also noticed that they have something different about their voices, too, (males seem to have slightly higher voices, and females seem to have slightly lower voices) and apparently their hair also grows in a different pattern than heterosexual people - I can’t remember the details on that - I happened to catch it while flipping channels a few nights ago.
 
jmcrae said:
There are actual genetic markers for SSA - for example, I was listening to one doctor explain that …
Click to expand...
there’s a fascinating article on this topic here: nymag.com/news/features/33520/

it’s not necessarily genetic; the theory that’s gaining the most momentum is that it has to do with the mix of hormones in the uterus while the baby is developing. but nobody really knows yet.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top