Brother marrying in non-denominational church

[JMJ01]

I was wanting to know if anyone has ever been in this situation…My brother who is Catholic is thinking about getting married in a non-denominational church without getting a dispensation from the bishop and without taking marriage prep courses through a priest. He says he will remain Catholic and she already said she will not give RCIA a try. My parents are hurting real bad. It is fine and dandy if he wants to get married to this girl, but we think he needs to go about it the correct way. Get a dispensation, go through the marriage courses, etc. I take it that if he chooses to go the wrong way and choose not to do those things that he is committing mortal sin? Is this true? Anyone had to go through this before? Thank you.

 

[BlestOne]

Yep… which is why I didn’t attend my brothers wedding on the beach…

Of course my mother was no help at all… she made him bitter and angry after his first wife died so she had only herself to blame that he got married that way.

 

[samcarter14]

Yes, my BIL divorced his SIL (married in the Catholic church) after she was unfaithful. He did not want to wait for an annulment, which may not have been granted in any case, and married in a nondenominational church on a boat, I believe. His second wife is also a divorcee, with no annulment.

My MIL and FIL did not attend, and neither did we. My BIL acts as though we did him a great wrong, and I’m sure in his eyes we did. But we could not condone or support such a marriage.

 

[1ke]

I was wanting to know if anyone has ever been in this situation…My brother who is Catholic is thinking about getting married in a non-denominational church without getting a dispensation from the bishop and without taking marriage prep courses through a priest. He says he will remain Catholic and she already said she will not give RCIA a try. My parents are hurting real bad. It is fine and dandy if he wants to get married to this girl, but we think he needs to go about it the correct way. Get a dispensation, go through the marriage courses, etc. I take it that if he chooses to go the wrong way and choose not to do those things that he is committing mortal sin? Is this true? Anyone had to go through this before? Thank you.

He says he will “remain” Catholic. Does he not understand that as a Catholic he is obligated to follow Catholic marriage law and if he does not he is in an invalid marriage and may not receive the Sacraments?

What reason has he given for not wanting to go through marriage preparation or gain permission to marry outside Catholic form?

Encourage him to go talk to his priest.

 

[JMJ01]

He says he will “remain” Catholic. Does he not understand that as a Catholic he is obligated to follow Catholic marriage law and if he does not he is in an invalid marriage and may not receive the Sacraments?

What reason has he given for not wanting to go through marriage preparation or gain permission to marry outside Catholic form?

Encourage him to go talk to his priest.

The main reason he doesnt want to go through with it is because of his future wife. She simply does not want to have to go through the “hassle” and he does anything this girl wants. It is just a bad situation. I also think in his heart, he doesn’t really care about having to go through with the prep courses, etc. I told him that I think you would be in mortal sin and are you willing to risk that? He says, he is happy in the present time and doesn’t care about the next life because he is happy right now with her. Very scary and my parents aren’t doing too well because of the situation.

 

[1ke]

The main reason he doesnt want to go through with it is because of his future wife. She simply does not want to have to go through the “hassle” and he does anything this girl wants. It is just a bad situation.

It sounds like a marriage that may not last long. Sooner or later he’ll get tired of doing anything she wants… the rose colored glasses will come off.

Pray for him. He’s beyond help right now, but prayer is powerful.

 

[4Squarebaby]

He says he will “remain” Catholic. Does he not understand that as a Catholic he is obligated to follow Catholic marriage law and if he does not he is in an invalid marriage and may not receive the Sacraments?

What reason has he given for not wanting to go through marriage preparation or gain permission to marry outside Catholic form?

Encourage him to go talk to his priest.

I would not assume that because someone belongs to an organization that he knows and understands all of its rules. What will be interesting if when told if he has enough time to change plans? Remember a non Catholic, probably with less stringent church requirements, is also involved in this specific case.

 

[1ke]

I would not assume that because someone belongs to an organization that he knows and understands all of its rules.

That is not the case here. He knows and understands.

JMJ has stated that he “doesn’t care” although he knows the requirements and consequences.

 

[1ke]

JMJ–

Will he consider talking to a priest at all?

 

[4Squarebaby]

JMJ–

Will he consider talking to a priest at all?

That’s what I mean if he won’t talk to a Priest thenI would think that he was told of his responsibility as a Catholic and discounted the messenger. Possibly as someone trying to stop a “mixed” marriage as his first priority.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I wish you were the only person who has gone through this, but such is not the case, JMJ01. I think every person here has gone through watching a Catholic family member get married outside the Church, or has done it and then had to back-track.

Ask An Apologist has a ton of these questions, I’ll give you the highlights:

http://forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=263481&highlight=civil+wedding

The fact is that your family is each going to have to individually make up your minds what to do, based upon what you would like the outcome to be after your brother does this. You could decide it’s more prudent for you to attend, or you could decide it’s strictly not going to happen, no matter how much you love your brother. Unfortunately, he’s a grown man, and your parents can’t haul him in by the ear to the priest to make sure it’s done correctly.

http://forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=167154

http://forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=64951

Just be sure you do it in love, if you do decide not to attend; and that you understand if you don’t attend, even if you are the most loving bunch in the world when you tell him, you are liable to cause a family rift and be prepared for the consequences of that.

And I agree with 1ke. It doesn’t sound as if the marriage will last long, if it gets off the ground. Pray hard, and you can add my prayers as well.

 

[JMJ01]

JMJ–

Will he consider talking to a priest at all?

Yes, actually he already has spoken with a priest. His future wife did not attend. I thought for sure talking to a priest would help, especially since we grew up with this priest when we were little. We have known him for at least 15 years. The whole situation is a mess at the moment. Hopefully, he has second thoughts and does the right thing.

 

[JMJ01]

I wish you were the only person who has gone through this, but such is not the case, JMJ01. I think every person here has gone through watching a Catholic family member get married outside the Church, or has done it and then had to back-track.

Ask An Apologist has a ton of these questions, I’ll give you the highlights:

http://forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=263481&highlight=civil+wedding

The fact is that your family is each going to have to individually make up your minds what to do, based upon what you would like the outcome to be after your brother does this. You could decide it’s more prudent for you to attend, or you could decide it’s strictly not going to happen, no matter how much you love your brother. Unfortunately, he’s a grown man, and your parents can’t haul him in by the ear to the priest to make sure it’s done correctly.

http://forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=167154

http://forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=64951

Just be sure you do it in love, if you do decide not to attend; and that you understand if you don’t attend, even if you are the most loving bunch in the world when you tell him, you are liable to cause a family rift and be prepared for the consequences of that.

And I agree with 1ke. It doesn’t sound as if the marriage will last long, if it gets off the ground. Pray hard, and you can add my prayers as well.

Thank you for all the links. I appreciate it and thank you for your prayers.

 

[Lil_Cat]

Sigh

This is going to come back and bite them both. In my situation I was the non-denominational and he was the Catholic. I’m guessing he’ll have a reversion within a year of them being married and then he’ll have to drag her through the convalidation and they’ll have major problems as a result. Its just not worth it. Tell him from one person who has been through it the hard way that he just needs to get it over with. It’ll have to happen sooner or later so they might as well get it done now.

 

[Ruthie]

What struck me is her unwillingness to go through the “hassle.”

I would have ridden backwards on a horse down the interstate, if that made the difference between being able to marry my DH, and not.

I’m not talking about some ridiculous demand. I just mean that if I was in her shoes, I’d be perfectly willing to do what his religion required.

I wonder when he will become a “hassle.”

However, there’s a silver lining to every cloud. It won’t be a valid marriage, so after the divorce, the annulment process will be pretty quick.

I’ll pray for all of you.

Ruthie