Brother n law marrying outside of the Catholic Church

[grace68]

My husband’s brother and his fiance are getting married in March. They are both Catholic. They are getting married civally. They are not church goers, and my future sister n law is a Catholic but I think she was not raised as an active Catholic. I realized this still is not an excuse, but my question is would it be wrong to attend this wedding? I will be asking my priest about this. Has anyone else been in this situation and how did you handle it?

Thanks and God bless,

Kerri

 

[JackieMom]

Ask your priest, but I don’t think it’s patently prohibited. I have attended such “weddings” to preserve family relations and because in one case missing it would have been very conspicuous and embarrassing for my parents - plus, I loved the couple and did not want to offend them. It’s disappointing, but one of these invalid weddings actually turned into a lovely convalidation 7 years later. Pray for this wayward couple!

 

[grace68]

Ask your priest, but I don’t think it’s patently prohibited. I have attended such “weddings” to preserve family relations. It’s disappointing, but one of these invalid weddings actually turned into a lovely convalidation 7 years later. Pray for this wayward couple!

Thanks! I actually was married civally in 2004, but I ended up going through a conversion and my husband and I had our marriage convalidated in 2005. I will be praying for them.

Kerri

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

This is a matter of prudential judgment. The standard response would be to not attend the wedding, because it will be an invalid marriage, and one should not celebrate or make it appear as though one condones an invalid marriage. However, there is an argument that some will make, depending on the situation, that if not attending will create a permanent rift in the relationship, then it might be better to attend, so that through an ongoing relationship one can give witness to Christ and the Truth over the longer term. If you have children of an impressionable age, it might be more important to keep them from attending, so that they are not confused.

I think you have to ask yourself questions like:
–are the members of the couple reasonable enough that they can respect your commitment to your faith? If you tell them, “I have to be true to my conscience” will they respect that answer?
–if we don’t attend the wedding, will that cause a permanent end to our relationship, or will it damage it so badly that we will never be able to have a positive effect on them?
–Is the couple so completely removed from their faith, and is their understanding of it so stunted, that they won’t be able to understand my reasoning? And do I need to witness to the faith in more basic ways instead?
–Are there other people who will believe that this sort of wedding is ok if we attend it? Are we likely to cause scandal to other people?
–Will I be able to attend the reception, and have the type of conversation that is usually had at a wedding (like, “wasn’t that a beautiful ceremony?” “aren’t they the perfect couple?”), or will I be able to hold back from being dishonest without creating a stir?

Certainly talk to your priest about it. He may be able to give you advice more appropriate to your specific circumstance.

 

[Mikeydell]

My husband’s brother and his fiance are getting married in March. They are both Catholic. They are getting married civally. They are not church goers, and my future sister n law is a Catholic but I think she was not raised as an active Catholic. I realized this still is not an excuse, but my question is would it be wrong to attend this wedding? I will be asking my priest about this. Has anyone else been in this situation and how did you handle it?

Thanks and God bless,

Kerri

Thanks! I actually was married civally in 2004, but I ended up going through a conversion and my husband and I had our marriage convalidated in 2005. I will be praying for them.

Kerri

Pray tell, who attended YOUR civil ceremony? Oh, and don’t forget to mention to your priest that you and your husband were originally married in a civil ceremony as well!

Mike

 

[grace68]

My family attended. I did have a friend who attended, but he did want me to get married in the Catholic Church. I know that is what my mil wanted as well, but she never pushed the issue.

My priest knows because he was priest at our convalidation and priest we met with before our convalidation.

 

[Iron_Donkey]

An ask an apologist link that may be helpful: forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=167154

In particular, in addition to what ThyKingdomCome said:

“The Church does not explicitly forbid Catholics from attending presumptively-invalid marriages. Catholics must use their own prudential judgment in making the decision, keeping in mind the need to uphold the Catholic understanding of the sanctity of marriage. One rule of thumb that may be helpful in making such decisions might be to ask yourself if you believe the couple is doing the best that they can to act honorably and according to the truth that they have. So, for example, you might decide to attend the presumptively-invalid wedding of a couple who is expecting a child; but decline to attend the presumptively-invalid wedding of a couple who have engaged in adultery and destroyed previous marriages and families.”

So if they seem to you to be spiritually confused, but trying to do the best they can with what they believe to be true, then that may be a point in favor of attending.

The case of same-sex “weddings” mentioned by another poster is different, because everything about such a situation is on an extreme (including the fact that it is completely impossible that such a “marriage” ever be made right, and the fact that it is not an attempt at something that is possible that fails for some reason, but an attempt at something impossible). To avoid hijacking your thread, I won’t go into detail and start an argument, but suffice it to say that agreement that one should not celebrate same sex “weddings” does automatically imply that one should not celebrate any invalid weddings of other types.

 

[grace68]

I will pray for you I have been in a similiar circumstance and it caused me much pain and heartache.

Iron Donkey gave an excellent quote from the Ask An Apologist Forum. A Catholic may decide to attend an invalid wedding but it depends on the circumstances. If a couple has been living together and is trying to get on the right track, you may decide to attend their invalid wedding. However attending a “gay” marriage ceremony would not be advised. In most circumstances it is discouraged also to be a maid of honor or any other position of honor at an invalid wedding though you may discern it is good to attend as a guest.

Something else to consider is your children. I noticed that your older children may be of the age where something like this may have an impact on them. I might bring my children to the wedding dance and dinner…but I would be very cautious into bringing them to a marriage ceremony that was not in a church, especially the ceremony of someone they know to be Catholic. You want to avoid questions like “why was Uncle Joe married outside in the park by a woman judge instead of in church?” Adults can handle this but it can be hard for a child to grasp until they are old enough to understand that people may stray from the faith. I will pray for you, I personally know how hard this is and it is awful. God bless you.

Thanks for your advice. They actually do live together right now, so they are at least making some kind of commitment though I pray it will be in Catholic Church. My oldest is 8 years old and just made her first confession. She will be making her First Communion the same weekend as their wedding. She has asked if she could stay with my mom since her retreat is next morning. I will ask my mom to see if she can baby sit for me that way they would not come. My younger two would not understand that them getting married outside of Church is wrong becuase of their age. My oldest has not asked me any questions about that, but if she did I would explain to her what the Church teaches in regards to this and that we need to pray for them that they will one day get married in the Catholic Church, so that their marriage can be a sacrament.

Kerri