Brother taking advantage of our mom

[kittery]

I’m looking for people to share what they would do if they were in my situation…

My dad died about 15 months ago at age 60 after battling cancer, and my parents had been married for 40 years. My mom was 17 when they married and she has never known how to “be on her own”. My parents lived on a 5 acre property with blueberries and my dad was a contractor, leaving behind a lot of tools and equipment.

My brother was living in a tiny 700 sq ft house nearby and is married to a very materialistic wife. Before dad died, they were making plans on what to do about mom’s living situation. They had the property appraised and a selling price of $275,000 was decided upon. My brother and his wife decided they wanted to buy it and after dad died, they moved out there with mom. Shortly thereafter, they realized the bank wouldn’t do the loan because of the way the land was plotted out and they would need to go through a process to vacate lots and blocks and make the property sellable.

My mom went through the arduous process of getting the lots and blocks vacated Then, the appraisal was redone and came back with a new value of $345,000 because without the lots and block appearing on the plot, the actual acreage in the valuation was 5 acres and they were able to add the shop into the appraisal.

My brother and sil are claiming now that it was improvements that they made to the property over the past year that increased the value of the property by $70,000. He is saying that he has put $30,000 of their own money into the property but he won’t tell me what it was he spent it on because “it’s none of my business”.
I know that they did the following:
Added a water treatment system to the existing well because my sil didn’t like the taste of the water, $2500
Replaced wood stove with pellet stove, necessary because of the laws about wood stoves, $1000
Removed old fir trees because they caused too much of a mess (trees were not hazardous), $7000

Now, my brother is claiming that the appraiser told him that his improvements listed above were “necessary” and added a lot of value to the house. They are also demanding my mom put in a new septic system- top of the line of course, after the sale of the house. My brother says the house isn’t “sellable” without a new septic, and yet this is something that will be done after the closing of the house. He is trying to tell me that the only reason the sale will go through is because they will not be requesting a home inspection. I told him that I know that a bank wants to know it’s loaning money on a house with an adequate septic, so if the sale goes through- the septic should be adequate and their responsibility from that point forward. Instead, he is intent on making mom pay. Her net after the $275,000 sales price will be $30,000 and the septic will cost $15,000 plus she’s paying their closing costs. So, she will have about $7,000 net from selling their farm.

When the new appraisal came in, I advised my mom she should talk to my brother about the sales price because this is the true value of the property now that the lots and blocks have been vacated. My mom accused me of being “all about money”, but I just want to see her interests protected while I know that my brother has no qualms about taking advantage of the situation and even cheating his own mother to get ahead.

My brother and sil are extremely competitive people and my brother hates nothing more than losing. He cheats and lies all the time- even just with trivial things like board games to avoid losing. He is angry that I suggested this to mom and started texting me while I was working yesterday, demanding that I call him on my lunch break. I told him that I would rather talk face to face but he said no- call me on your drive home from work. I got off at 11:30pm last night after 11 hour shift and have an hour drive home. I told him that for obvious reasons, I wasn’t going to have this discussion over the phone while driving. I asked him to meet me in person but he claims he has zero availability and that this is so urgent, I will just have to settle for talking over the phone.

Since they’ve lived there, mom has given my brother all of the farm equipment, not included in the sales price. He sold some of it off and used the cash for his own benefit- bought a brand new truck, bought spray for the berries on the farm, etc. It’s also my sister and I and while my mom is giving my brother at least $100,000 in property and equipment, she hasn’t considered us girls at all. More importantly, mom is planning on moving into a rental house that her and dad own and will have to pay that loan down by $30,000 in order to get her debt to income ratio to an acceptable level. The rental house needs all new interior/exterior paint and flooring and we aren’t sure if that’s the full extent of it yet. My mom has a fixed income of $1600 per month.

So, what would you guys do? How do I make peace with knowing my brother is cheating my mom?

Kittety

 

[Xantippe]

Have you convened a council of sisters yet? I would suggest doing that and then maybe bringing in a third party to advise you and perhaps to go over the numbers with mom. I have to warn you that a lot of “financial advisers” are shady, but if you could find somebody solid and reputable through your community contacts, that would be good. I’m not sure what specialty would be best. Estate planner? CPA? But it would be good to have somebody to say to mom something along these lines (and provide her with a written version for her to study at her leisure):

1. You have this stuff, worth this much
2. You are giving brother dearest X dollars, leaving Y dollars.
3. You are 58 years old
4. Your female relatives generally live until 85-90
5. Assuming you will live another 30 years, here is your budget for you to live on, after you’ve given brother all your stuff. It’s $Z a month.
6. When dad was alive, you had $ABC dollars a month. Your projected budget is D% less.
7. Are you happy with this?

This is really hard.

If she isn’t currently working, I think it would be a very good idea to encourage her to work at least part-time, both for income, and for her own good.

 

[newf]

You can’t help people who don’t want to be helped and your mom doesn’t seem to want your help. After all she said you were ‘all about the money’.

Your mom’s property and money are hers. If she wants to give all of it to your brother, it is her prerogative to do that. She doesn’t owe you or your sister anything. It would be nice if she wanted to share with you, but she surely doesn’t have to.

I think you should just leave this alone. Don’t call your brother. Don’t talk about it with your mom unless SHE asks your opinion. And it doesn’t seem like she wants to hear what you have to say. Leave it alone.

The only exception would be if you think your mom is mentally incapable of handling her affairs, then you need to get a lawyer. Otherwise, stay out of it.

 

[Burt_Macklin]

You can’t help people who don’t want to be helped and your mom doesn’t seem to want your help. After all she said you were ‘all about the money’.

Your mom’s property and money are hers. If she wants to give all of it to your brother, it is her prerogative to do that. She doesn’t owe you or your sister anything. It would be nice if she wanted to share with you, but she surely doesn’t have to.

I think you should just leave this alone. Don’t call your brother. Don’t talk about it with your mom unless SHE asks your opinion. And it doesn’t seem like she wants to hear what you have to say. Leave it alone.

The only exception would be if you think your mom is mentally incapable of handling her affairs, then you need to get a lawyer. Otherwise, stay out of it.

I’m facing a similar circumstance to the OP and I will tell you what my problem is with what you’re saying. The money does belong to the mom and she is free to do with it as she pleases. That much is true. But if she gives away her support now, at 58, she will at some point in the not so distant future need help, help that she would not have needed had she not given away all her assets. More than likely that help will not be coming from the child they gave all their assets to but from the children that received nothing. So who do you think is really footing the bill in the end?

I would have no problem being left out of the estate - in fact that is what I’d prefer - as long as when the times comes it is the child who received the money who provides.

 

[Memaw]

I’m looking for people to share what they would do if they were in my situation…

My dad died about 15 months ago at age 60 after battling cancer, and my parents had been married for 40 years. My mom was 17 when they married and she has never known how to “be on her own”. My parents lived on a 5 acre property with blueberries and my dad was a contractor, leaving behind a lot of tools and equipment.

My brother was living in a tiny 700 sq ft house nearby and is married to a very materialistic wife. Before dad died, they were making plans on what to do about mom’s living situation. They had the property appraised and a selling price of $275,000 was decided upon. My brother and his wife decided they wanted to buy it and after dad died, they moved out there with mom. Shortly thereafter, they realized the bank wouldn’t do the loan because of the way the land was plotted out and they would need to go through a process to vacate lots and blocks and make the property sellable.

My mom went through the arduous process of getting the lots and blocks vacated Then, the appraisal was redone and came back with a new value of $345,000 because without the lots and block appearing on the plot, the actual acreage in the valuation was 5 acres and they were able to add the shop into the appraisal.

My brother and sil are claiming now that it was improvements that they made to the property over the past year that increased the value of the property by $70,000. He is saying that he has put $30,000 of their own money into the property but he won’t tell me what it was he spent it on because “it’s none of my business”.
I know that they did the following:
Added a water treatment system to the existing well because my sil didn’t like the taste of the water, $2500
Replaced wood stove with pellet stove, necessary because of the laws about wood stoves, $1000
Removed old fir trees because they caused too much of a mess (trees were not hazardous), $7000

Now, my brother is claiming that the appraiser told him that his improvements listed above were “necessary” and added a lot of value to the house. They are also demanding my mom put in a new septic system- top of the line of course, after the sale of the house. My brother says the house isn’t “sellable” without a new septic, and yet this is something that will be done after the closing of the house. He is trying to tell me that the only reason the sale will go through is because they will not be requesting a home inspection. I told him that I know that a bank wants to know it’s loaning money on a house with an adequate septic, so if the sale goes through- the septic should be adequate and their responsibility from that point forward. Instead, he is intent on making mom pay. Her net after the $275,000 sales price will be $30,000 and the septic will cost $15,000 plus she’s paying their closing costs. So, she will have about $7,000 net from selling their farm.

When the new appraisal came in, I advised my mom she should talk to my brother about the sales price because this is the true value of the property now that the lots and blocks have been vacated. My mom accused me of being “all about money”, but I just want to see her interests protected while I know that my brother has no qualms about taking advantage of the situation and even cheating his own mother to get ahead.

My brother and sil are extremely competitive people and my brother hates nothing more than losing. He cheats and lies all the time- even just with trivial things like board games to avoid losing. He is angry that I suggested this to mom and started texting me while I was working yesterday, demanding that I call him on my lunch break. I told him that I would rather talk face to face but he said no- call me on your drive home from work. I got off at 11:30pm last night after 11 hour shift and have an hour drive home. I told him that for obvious reasons, I wasn’t going to have this discussion over the phone while driving. I asked him to meet me in person but he claims he has zero availability and that this is so urgent, I will just have to settle for talking over the phone.

Since they’ve lived there, mom has given my brother all of the farm equipment, not included in the sales price. He sold some of it off and used the cash for his own benefit- bought a brand new truck, bought spray for the berries on the farm, etc. It’s also my sister and I and while my mom is giving my brother at least $100,000 in property and equipment, she hasn’t considered us girls at all. More importantly, mom is planning on moving into a rental house that her and dad own and will have to pay that loan down by $30,000 in order to get her debt to income ratio to an acceptable level. The rental house needs all new interior/exterior paint and flooring and we aren’t sure if that’s the full extent of it yet. My mom has a fixed income of $1600 per month.

So, what would you guys do? How do I make peace with knowing my brother is cheating my mom?

Kittety

I think it’s time to talk to good lawyer!! Prayers and God Bless, Memaw

 

[Xantippe]

I’m facing a similar circumstance to the OP and I will tell you what my problem is with what you’re saying. The money does belong to the mom and she is free to do with it as she pleases. That much is true. But if she gives away her support now, at 58, she will at some point in the not so distant future need help, help that she would not have needed had she not given away all her assets. More than likely that help will not be coming from the child they gave all their assets to but from the children that received nothing. So who do you think is really footing the bill in the end?

I would have no problem being left out of the estate - in fact that is what I’d prefer - as long as when the times comes it is the child who received the money who provides.

Exactly.

I also think that the OP’s mom is relatively recently bereaved, is probably still grieving deeply, does not have experience making her own way in the world, and is basically has the financial street smarts of the 17-year-old bride she was 41 years ago. She may also be instinctively looking for a man to lean on.

Perhaps if the sisters get together and have an intervention, they can say something like,
“Mom, we don’t want your money, but we are worried about your future and what is going to happen to you if you give away all your stuff when you’re so young. We want you to be well-provided for, and we don’t think that is going to happen if you give brother all your stuff. Slow down and talk to a CPA before you do anything else.”

Also, in future if she mentions some plan to do something stupid, don’t fight her on it, but ask something like, “Have you talked to your CPA about this yet?”

Make sure you help her find the CPA, of course.

(Shakespeare wrote a story about this–it’s called King Lear. He gave away all his stuff to the wrong kids, too, and lived to regret it.)

Good luck!

 

[EasterJoy]

I think I would say, “Mom, perhaps you are right and I’m being overly cautious, but I’d feel a lot better if you got a disinterested third party to look out after your interests. John and Mary are go-getters, but Dad intended that the hard work the two of you did would support you after he died. I would really feel better if you got an opinion from someone that John and Mary didn’t choose for you. I’m sure one of Dad’s colleagues from the berry growers association would be more than willing to help you out. Have you asked Todd Smith if he’d look at John’s proposals for you? I know that if Todd’s wife, Sarah, were in this position, Dad would have done the same for her.”

It wouldn’t have to be a fellow farmer, it could be a relative in her generation or someone your parents had in their wedding party, but surely your parents have known someone for 30 or 40 years, someone your dad respected and whose judgment your mother would trust to be impartial and sensible.

 

[newf]

I’m facing a similar circumstance to the OP and I will tell you what my problem is with what you’re saying. The money does belong to the mom and she is free to do with it as she pleases. That much is true. But if she gives away her support now, at 58, she will at some point in the not so distant future need help, help that she would not have needed had she not given away all her assets. More than likely that help will not be coming from the child they gave all their assets to but from the children that received nothing. So who do you think is really footing the bill in the end?

I would have no problem being left out of the estate - in fact that is what I’d prefer - as long as when the times comes it is the child who received the money who provides.

I understand what you are saying, and it’s not fair. So if she squanders all her money away, she will have little or nothing at the end. I’ve thought about this with my parents, too. We’ve decided that if we need to help them because they have no money for whatever reason, we will use our money that we currently give to the poor to help. They may have to sell their stuff or whatever. They may even have to rely on the government. I don’t think you should put your family in poverty because your parents choose poorly.

 

[Xantippe]

I understand what you are saying, and it’s not fair. So if she squanders all her money away, she will have little or nothing at the end. I’ve thought about this with my parents, too. We’ve decided that if we need to help them because they have no money for whatever reason, we will use our money that we currently give to the poor to help. They may have to sell their stuff or whatever. They may even have to rely on the government. I don’t think you should put your family in poverty because your parents choose poorly.

But maybe that train can be stopped before it leaves the station?

There’s another issue that just occurred to me–mom may be giving away so much stuff that she is in violation of federal gift tax rules (or about to be). If that’s the case, she will be taxed on her gifts to brother.

That would be very unpleasant for a lady on a fixed income to have to deal with.

 

[SAVINGRACE]

You can’t help people who don’t want to be helped and your mom doesn’t seem to want your help. After all she said you were ‘all about the money’.

Your mom’s property and money are hers. If she wants to give all of it to your brother, it is her prerogative to do that. She doesn’t owe you or your sister anything. It would be nice if she wanted to share with you, but she surely doesn’t have to.

I think you should just leave this alone. Don’t call your brother. Don’t talk about it with your mom unless SHE asks your opinion. And it doesn’t seem like she wants to hear what you have to say. Leave it alone.

The only exception would be if you think your mom is mentally incapable of handling her affairs, then you need to get a lawyer. Otherwise, stay out of it.

 

[kittery]

Have you convened a council of sisters yet? I would suggest doing that and then maybe bringing in a third party to advise you and perhaps to go over the numbers with mom. I have to warn you that a lot of “financial advisers” are shady, but if you could find somebody solid and reputable through your community contacts, that would be good. I’m not sure what specialty would be best. Estate planner? CPA? But it would be good to have somebody to say to mom something along these lines (and provide her with a written version for her to study at her leisure):

1. You have this stuff, worth this much
2. You are giving brother dearest X dollars, leaving Y dollars.
3. You are 58 years old
4. Your female relatives generally live until 85-90
5. Assuming you will live another 30 years, here is your budget for you to live on, after you’ve given brother all your stuff. It’s $Z a month.
6. When dad was alive, you had $ABC dollars a month. Your projected budget is D% less.
7. Are you happy with this?

This is really hard.

If she isn’t currently working, I think it would be a very good idea to encourage her to work at least part-time, both for income, and for her own good.

Yes- she and my dad have had the same CPA for years- a very good and trusted one. When the appraisal came back, I first said that I didn’t think I was the best person for her to talk to but that I thought she should consider talking to her accountant/financial adviser before going through with this. She said, yeah she might in a way that I knew meant NO.

 

[Selah_KY]

You can’t help people who don’t want to be helped and your mom doesn’t seem to want your help. After all she said you were ‘all about the money’.

Your mom’s property and money are hers. If she wants to give all of it to your brother, it is her prerogative to do that. She doesn’t owe you or your sister anything. It would be nice if she wanted to share with you, but she surely doesn’t have to.

I think you should just leave this alone. Don’t call your brother. Don’t talk about it with your mom unless SHE asks your opinion. And it doesn’t seem like she wants to hear what you have to say. Leave it alone.

The only exception would be if you think your mom is mentally incapable of handling her affairs, then you need to get a lawyer. Otherwise, stay out of it.

Yup. This.

It’s just “stuff”. And your mom’s stuff at that.

 

[kittery]

Thank you for taking the time to share this story, I am so sorry for the loss of your father and all that you are going through.

I am going to share my first observations: I would guess that you have had a difficult relationship with your brother for a very long time. In your post, you said nothing positive about him, everything had a negative “spin” on it. It is interesting to me because you could have chosen to point out that he has been helping your mom, that he has been taking care of the property and that your mother obviously trusts him, however that is not how you see this situation at all. That is good though, because you are being honest with your concerns and with how you view your brother and this situation. You don’t see him as a helper at all, you see him as a manipulator and as someone that uses people that is clear.

Your mother is not simply trusting your brother with one aspect of things, your mother is trusting her son with many things. Your mother has turned over much of her life to your brother, she is living with him with no objections. She is trusting him with adding a water treatment system, replacing appliances, removing trees and remodeling many things. Your mother is also giving your brother equipment. When you point out what you believe are wrongdoings, both your mother and brother get upset.

Take a step back for a moment. I would ask you to take a deep breath and take a step back. You do not like how your mother or your brother are living their lives and you don’t like their relationship with each other…yet it seems the two of them (for the most part) seem satisfied and are working things out with each other adequately.

It is frustrating when we can’t control what other people do, and when we are worried. Remember that your ultimate happiness does not rest in your mother or your brother, but your ultimate happiness rests in Jesus Christ. Jesus loves you very much. No matter what your brother does, you are a child of God, God has plans for you! Since you can really do nothing about this situation, you may want to consider bowing out completely. You do not need to know the details about your brother’s truck or that your sister-in-law does not like the taste of the water because these details only aggravate you. Try and let this go. Jesus can help you let this go, seek the freedom from frustration that you deserve. Please be assured of my prayers.

Thank you Monicad- this is good, thought-provoking advice. Everyone tells me I can’t give up my relationship with my mom but her extreme favor toward my brother who I think is a cheat and a liar only makes me question myself over and over. I’m constantly asking myself what it is about me that I can’t see that they see as so inferior. I want to have a lot of space from my mom. I think I need it. I don’t want to hurt her or dishonor God or her but I feel like I’m better for my family without the stress of them in my life. Is that bad?

 

[kittery]

Exactly.

I also think that the OP’s mom is relatively recently bereaved, is probably still grieving deeply, does not have experience making her own way in the world, and is basically has the financial street smarts of the 17-year-old bride she was 41 years ago. She may also be instinctively looking for a man to lean on.

Perhaps if the sisters get together and have an intervention, they can say something like,
“Mom, we don’t want your money, but we are worried about your future and what is going to happen to you if you give away all your stuff when you’re so young. We want you to be well-provided for, and we don’t think that is going to happen if you give brother all your stuff. Slow down and talk to a CPA before you do anything else.”

Also, in future if she mentions some plan to do something stupid, don’t fight her on it, but ask something like, “Have you talked to your CPA about this yet?”

Make sure you help her find the CPA, of course.

(Shakespeare wrote a story about this–it’s called King Lear. He gave away all his stuff to the wrong kids, too, and lived to regret it.)

Good luck!

This was an aha! moment for me. She readily admits that she has never had to make decisions or think for herself- dad did all of the guiding and she happily followed along with whatever. I think she sees my dad in my brother (even though in my book he is NOTHING like my dad), and she is leaning on him to try to fill that void.

Also, she has a longtime, trusted CPA but there’s no getting her to consult him. My brother has her fully convinced that this deal is her best shot.

 

[kittery]

Update:

My brother called me today and was livid. He hurled insult after insult at me in between his lame justifications. He states that he deserves at least minimum wage for all the hours of “upkeep” around there and then there’s the “mortgage payments” they’ve been making- they pay $1125 flat to live there - mortgage and utilities included. The mortgage is $1800 as is and mom pays their cell phones, electric, garbage, etc. etc. So he’s counting his “rent” as equity he has built into the place and apparently charging mom to be a groundskeeper.

At the end of the conversation he said that I am just a psycho and he’s not the only family member that said that about me this weekend. Apparently they were pow-wowing about this without me after all. He said that everyone knows I’m “on medication to control my emotions”, (I take effexor for anxiety) and that I’m just a crazy unstable person that needs to leave mom alone. I asked him if mom’s crazy since she’s on a medication for depression and he blamed me for being the reason she needs it in the first place.

 

[EasterJoy]

Update:

My brother called me today and was livid. He hurled insult after insult at me in between his lame justifications. He states that he deserves at least minimum wage for all the hours of “upkeep” around there and then there’s the “mortgage payments” they’ve been making- they pay $1125 flat to live there - mortgage and utilities included. The mortgage is $1800 as is and mom pays their cell phones, electric, garbage, etc. etc. So he’s counting his “rent” as equity he has built into the place and apparently charging mom to be a groundskeeper.

At the end of the conversation he said that I am just a psycho and he’s not the only family member that said that about me this weekend. Apparently they were pow-wowing about this without me after all. He said that everyone knows I’m “on medication to control my emotions”, (I take effexor for anxiety) and that I’m just a crazy unstable person that needs to leave mom alone. I asked him if mom’s crazy since she’s on a medication for depression and he blamed me for being the reason she needs it in the first place.

He may be justified in wanting some compensation for the work he’s doing. That doesn’t mean that everything he says is fair or that the way he’s going about being compensated is fair.

It sounds like he’s been doing what is called “alliance-building.” He’s gone to various family members and told them his side of the story in an attempt to turn “public opinion” against you. If he told you what family members he’s been talking to, it might pay to have a talk with them and just get the lay of the land.

The problem is that in most states your mother, because she is under 65, is not protected from undue influence from a confidante or family friend. If he gets himself a good deal with her, then strictly speaking that is her business. She is young enough and competent enough to do whatever foolish thing she gets it in her head to do, and no one can save her from herself except those she chooses to listen to.

At this point, your hands are tied. You cannot force anything. You can only hope to get an influence on your mother that helps her to look out for her best interests. Towards that end, I suppose I would talk to a family member that you think she trusts the most, tell them your concerns–and be very careful to talk about them as concerns that might be unfounded, rather than making any accusations that set you up as an adversary to your brother–and ask if they will keep an eye on your mother’s interests so that you can rest assured that your brother is getting what is fair but not leaving her financially vulnerable.

Once you have asked those she does trust to look out for her, take yourself out of this. Like a teen who will rebelliously date the worst kind of fellow just to show her parents that “it is my life, and I’ll do what I want,” a parent who thinks a child is trying to push her around will sometimes overcompensate by listening to the child who doesn’t upset her. There may be a limit to what others can do or are willing to do to help her, but you have to make sure you don’t estrange yourself from her entirely by trying to force her to take advice that she didn’t ask for and does not want from you. It is possible to make this worse than it already is. Try to avoid that.

 

[SAVINGRACE]

Leave it alone. Let it go. :hug1:

Do you want to be right or do you want to be left alone after the dust has cleared?

Fighting over material things is useless and can become very viscous, I have seen it tear families apart. Nothing is more important than family. Even if you think your brother isn’t putting family first, leave it alone and pray for him and his family and your mum.

This is your family, keep it together, support your mum and don’t be so quick to be suspicious of everything your brother says or does.

 

[EasterJoy]

Leave it alone. Let it go. :hug1:

Do you want to be right or do you want to be left alone after the dust has cleared?

Fighting over material things is useless and can become very viscous, I have seen it tear families apart. Nothing is more important than family. Even if you think your brother isn’t putting family first, leave it alone and pray for him and his family and your mum.

This is your family, keep it together, support your mum and don’t be so quick to be suspicious of everything your brother says or does.

She is trying to make certain that her mother is not left without the resources she needs to carry her into her old age. That is not a bad motive. You are right that she’ll do the best to be as non-combative as possible and to put the best possible face on what her brother is trying to do as possible. You do not want to get between a mama bear and her cub, and you do not want to make even your own mother choose between taking care of herself and defending her son. That is a no-win proposition.

 

[SAVINGRACE]

She is trying to make certain that her mother is not left without the resources she needs to carry her into her old age. That is not a bad motive. You are right that she’ll do the best to be as non-combative as possible and to put the best possible face on what her brother is trying to do as possible. You do not want to get between a mama bear and her cub, and you do not want to make even your own mother choose between taking care of herself and defending her son. That is a no-win proposition.

I am mindful that we are only hearing ONE side of this story.

 

[slh3016]

I can totally empathize with your situation. I have no doubt that my brother (whose integrity, it sounds like, closely resembles yours) will inherit anything left from my dad when he passes, but I’ve come to accept that.

As for my mom (parents are divorced), we’ll likely share 50/50 if she hasn’t squandered away her divorce settlement on her new fling

BUT, here’s the deal. It’s their money and they can do whatever they want to with it. It’s your mom’s money and she can spend it however foolishly she wants. Imagine that she’s playing the lotto with it and not being duped by your brother…same difference.

LET.IT.GO.

When the time comes and your mom needs help, your only obligation is to make sure she has a roof over her head, clothes on her back, and food to eat. It doesn’t even have to be comfortable.

LET.IT.GO.

You’re not gonna win this one. Trust me. All you are going to do is alienate everyone in the family. I’ve worked in an attorney’s office in the past and handled estates and estate planning. Nothing tears a family apart faster than money. Nothing. Don’t go there. Take the high road and get on with your life.