Brothers 5th Wedding

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LivingInJMJ

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Hello,

I need advice please. My brother whom is two years older than I am is getting married in June of this year. I received the wedding invitation.

My brother is 45. He is getting married for the fifth time. I have not attended any of his weddings as they all happend when he was serving in the USAF as a career until he retired.

We are not close and we do not talk on a regular basis. I am not close to his fiancé, but we do talk online, once and awhile.

My brother was Baptized as a child into the Roman Catholic Faith. That is as far as the walk went. My husband and I are Roman Catholics and very active in our Faith. My brother is aware of this and has an issue with me being devoted to the Church.

Please help me with how I will tell them that my husband and I will not attend his wedding.
I have been trying to figure this out for a few months when the news broke that they were engaged.

I love my brother but I cannot attend the wedding as it is outside the Church and it is number 5.

Thank you for your time.

Melissa
 
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Attend the wedding. It’s not against the rules anymore to attend the wedding. Father Larry Richards says it’s better to attend the wedding than it is to cause problems in the family. Ask him on open line thursdays. Ewtn radio
 
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It really comes down to what kind of future relationship you want to have with your brother. If you want something positive, then there’s no way of skipping the wedding to show your disapproval. If you don’t care about a relationship, then just send your regrets and be done with it.

Do you think that you can have a positive influence in his life? If so, you need to build up your relationship with him.
 
I have been told by many Catholic Priests that marriage is a Sacrament. If I were to get married outside of the Catholic Church then I would be breaking a Sacrament.

Father Richards has told many people that they can do as they please, but he has said many times in situations - if they pertained to himself, that he would not go.

Thank you for your time.
 
If my brother respects me, he will understand that following by what the Catholic Church teaches is important to my husband and I.

My brother will not even speak to me as is. He was out of my life for 20+ years.

I was looking for suggestions as to how to form the correspondence.

Thank you.
 
LivingInJMJ said:
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My husband and I are Roman Catholics and very active in our Faith. My brother is aware of this and has an issue with me being devoted to the Church.

Melissa
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I would never encourage someone not to attend a family wedding.
At the same time your observation above says a lot. The responsibility for this decision isn’t solely yours, especially given that your brother sounds hostile to your faith.
Respect goes both ways.

I hope you and your brother come to an understanding.
 
NP.
I have a gay sister who had a civil union a number of years ago.
I went because I love my sister. She knows exactly what we believe and she respects our beliefs.
 
If you haven’t attended his last four weddings, do you think he’s going to mind if you don’t attend his fifth one?
 
He is no longer serving. He retired. No one went to any of his weddings because they happened in different countries. I only knew he got married as did family after they got the call.
 
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It’s possible he may be reaching out to you as his sister.

It’s possible his fiancee may have said “she’s your sister and you should invite her”, and it was sent out of duty and not anything else.

If you’re hesitant about forming the correspondence, as you put it, there’s likely more weighing on your mind than just the fact that he’s been married four other times and his thoughts on Catholicism.

Send the RSVP with the appropriate box checked (you’re actually under no obligation to do any more if etiquette is to be believed), or if there’s no prepaid RSVP, buy a blank card and write, “Thank you for the invitation, but I/we will be unable to attend”. Enclose a gift card if you want. Drop it in the mail. You’ve not been rude, but you’ve made it clear you won’t be there.

Personally, I would go, but I can understand why you’re not particularly leaning that way. My brothers are in their sixties. I’m not particularly close with one of them (mostly due to the way his wife has treated our mother - it’s caused problems for all of us), but one day they won’t be there. They’re still my brothers.
 
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Decline politely and wish them both the best. You do not have to make any comment on the wisdom or validity of their marriage ceremony.

You could say: Best wishes to you and Sally. I am sorry that we cannot attend your wedding on July 4. We will pray for you both and your futures.
 
I do believe it is out of duty. He will not answer my emails, calls, etc for years. I have tried to have a good relationship with him.

Thank you.
 
LivingInJMJ said:
I do believe it is out of duty. He will not answer my emails, calls, etc for years. I have tried to have a good relationship with him.
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You are in a terrible position and I’m sorry for that. You have my prayers.
 
Were any of his previous 4 marriages made in the Catholic Church? It could be that none of his marriages were ever valid and he might actually be free to marry?

Also, do you have children? We have to give our kids a good witness. When I was younger, my one cousin got a divorce from her husband. This was in the Catholic Church. So when invitations came to us for her second wedding outside the Church, my parents did not attend and neither did we. They did this out of love. They couldn’t celebrate my cousins new “wedding” while her true husband was still living. Try to weigh your options, pray, and use the virtue of prudence. As others have mentioned, you missed the first four. Also, loving someone is to will the good of another. Keep that in mind to.
 
One day when we all stand before God, we will be held accountable for the acts we decided to go through with.

Marriage is a Sacrament. Marriage is between one man and one woman. I pray that you will go to Confession.

I am not judging you but I care for your soul. As a child of God, I have to say this to you.
 
LivingInJMJ said:
One day when we all stand before God, we will be held accountable for the acts we decided to go through with.

Marriage is a Sacrament. Marriage is between one man and one woman. I pray that you will go to Confession.

I am not judging you but I care for your soul. As a child of God, I have to say this to you.
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It wasnn’t me that was married in a civil union! It was my sister. We had to make a prudential judgment in our specific circumstance, which the Church allows.

You assume I don’t know Catholic marriage theology? You are mistaken. And you are judging me, rather rashly.

And also, I do go to confession, about every two weeks. Thanks for checking up on me.
(this conversation might say a lot about your situation with your brother…)
 
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Did that with a family member at least day of the wedding and we are still on good terms.
 
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