Bucking a trend, these churches figured out how to bring millennials back to worship

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Allie1 said:
This sounds really bad but I am horrible at knowing peoples names, it’s a flaw in myself in social interactions.
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I don’t think that’s unusual when you have very casual interactions.

I find that our school directory is a social life-saver.
 
I get that. Brief casual interactions don’t really help me feel integrated at all.
 
I guess it’s staying and making a conversation with someone that helps you get to know them. Is there anything you are interested in that if there isn’t a group already for it could you start one? Doesn’t have to be parish related, you could start a knitting group or a book group something you enjoy that would enable you to meet more people and get to know them a bit better
 
I feel really rotten admitting this but I haven’t met anyone at any of the parishes that I have gone to since my student days who I have connected with to the point where I have had a real conversation.

There have been times where I have really wanted to start a group, as a new graduate i longed to reach out to those in a similar situation for some mutual support with job applications and to stop horror stories about the job centre but I ultimately had to accept that the parishes in my area didn’t have the right demographic. I like the idea of spotting a gap and trying to fill it with an appropriate group though.
 
Yeah, I understand. I graduated 2.5 years ago and when I was graduating, I knew my life was completely changing from living at the Catholic Center to basically work and home.

I was longing for friends, but I’m too introverted to make discussions before/after Mass. I was felt it wrong to talk in the nave, and I felt improper running up after people who were leaving.

Luckily, we have a deanery wide young adult group (18-39), and it took everything I had to show up to the first few meetings. Now I’m at the point I’m thinking of running after young adults leaving after communion just to let them know we exist, and we want to be their friends, and to help them come closer to the Church and Christ. And young adults who sit alone and run away might not keep coming to Mass, because they feel like they don’t belong. I know - I got to the point, even with great knowledge about the faith, of a lack of faith, and a growing hesitation towards Mass. The group helped me change that, and helped me discover my faith past the knowledge of the faith.
 
I keep reading about groups in all your parishes. We’ve got nothing. Oh, wait, we’ve got the Catholic Women’s Committee but that only comes together to work to set up fund raisers of one kind or another. They never meet otherwise. But a group just to meet, or have Bible study, or any other thing? Nada.
 
be the change you want to see in the world (or in this case, your parish) 🙂🙂
 
Yeah there’s not exactly much going on here either, but what there is I’ve tried to join it. Tonight is the CAFOD Live Simply group, that means about 8 of us from 2 parishes meet together for an hour once a month to discuss things that we can fundraise for or that we can host or change. We have raised money and manged to do toilet twinning in both parishes.
 
Try starting one. Our young adult group started because one person asked the priest to start one - and the priest said as long as it didn’t take any more time from him, as he’s already too busy. People showed up. It stayed, it grew, and now we just finished our first annual conference.

I seriously hope that we can spread young adult ministry effectively throughout the rest of the Church. I know areas just a few hours away that have strong college ministries, but nothing after that.

Now, the key is how to keep people coming back. There’s a few things, but here are some important ones:
  1. Food. Yeah, food. Any meeting worth having is worth having because of food.
  2. Don’t be hating on those who like drinking beer (or wine) socially. Don’t force people to drink it either.
  3. Names. Super important. And I know we’re all bad at names, but this needs to be remembered by someone. And their likes/dislikes. Their job and aspirations. Who they are.
  4. Consistency. Meet often, meet consistently. We have something almost every night of the week, with a main meeting every weekend.
  5. But not monotonous. Switch it up. Have social outings. Have bible studies. Have apologetic dicussions. Have Church History. Have a game night. Have a Friendsgiving. Have a Christmas Party. Go to Church together. Invite priests to talk. Encourage others to talk about something they find passionate in the Church. I’ve talked about the Crusades and the 21 Ecumenical Councils. I had a friend who talked about mental health and the Church. This past Sunday was about advent by another.
  6. Spread the…leadership. People like identifying with a leader of the group, because it comforts them. Even if it’s someone who says the opening prayer, or does an announcement, or leads a sub-group. If you can see yourself in a leader, you can see yourself in the group.
  7. Don’t turf it up. This isn’t a turf war. We’re all trying our best. Of course, communication is nice, but don’t stop someone from getting involved (just because it’s your turf) unless they are hurting others. Don’t tolerate people shutting down others from their turf either.
  8. Don’t shy down. We’re Catholic, and so we know certain things. Don’t be shy about stating the porn or pre-marital sex is wrong. Society is trying to tell us that is okay, and we need to hear that it’s not. But don’t be super-traditionalists about it either or ever have a holier-than-thou attitude towards it. We’re all sinners, but we need to help each other become saints.
  9. And lastly, and probably most importantly - the Mass. Everything revolves around it. Encourage attendance. Talk about it. Talk about the Real Presence. Go to Mass together.
  10. And one other thing. Inviting. Also be inviting. Yeah, if the group continues and meets often, it can become your core friends - the people you go to to get away. But you have to always be inviting, and make sure everyone always feels welcome, whether you’ve known them for years or it’s the first time you’ve seen them. They need to know they belong.
I could keep going, but these are general points. Eat together. Pray together. Study together. Have fun together.
 
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boclucky14 said:
I seriously hope that we can spread young adult ministry effectively throughout the rest of the Church. I know areas just a few hours away that have strong college ministries, but nothing after that.
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I am a long time away from being a “young adult” so some things have probably changed. But one thing I remember was that it is good for young single adults and young married adults to stay connected to each other, even after the children arrive.
 
SMHW said:
I am a long time away from being a “young adult” so some things have probably changed. But one thing I remember was that it is good for young single adults and young married adults to stay connected to each other, even after the children arrive.
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You are entirely correct. A young adult group needs to have couples, including those with children. It can’t be a singles group. It can’t be for dating - our leader constantly “jokes” about the “No Dating” rule we have - although it’s more about growing a friendship before randomly asking people out - a girl, on her first few visits, shouldn’t get 20 first date requests. If we were there just to date, then all the guys would ask all the girls. Then they are either a couple and have no reason for a Singles group, or they aren’t a couple and it becomes awkward and/or they move to the next one. Eventually, the girls stop coming. Then the guys stop coming. And the group stops meeting. Which has happened to a group similar to ours in the same area.

It can’t be about dating, and it can’t be a singles group. Those that are single should be aspiring to our vocations, including marriage, meaning we shouldn’t “kick” people out who have reached those aspirations. And keeping them coming again is important. It’s harder for those with families to be part of the group as they have kids to take care of too, so they typically don’t come to many of our weekday events, but they still are able to come to our main meetings.

Our leader/facilitator is married, and they both lead the group along with the few other members who are stepping up. It helps to have a couple “in charge”, as it’s too much of a task for one person at our level, but also because it more expressly shows that we’re not a singles group.
 
boclucky14 said:
You are entirely correct. A young adult group needs to have couples, including those with children. It can’t be a singles group. It can’t be for dating - our leader constantly “jokes” about the “No Dating” rule we have - although it’s more about growing a friendship before randomly asking people out - a girl, on her first few visits, shouldn’t get 20 first date requests. If we were there just to date, then all the guys would ask all the girls. Then they are either a couple and have no reason for a Singles group, or they aren’t a couple and it becomes awkward and/or they move to the next one. Eventually, the girls stop coming. Then the guys stop coming. And the group stops meeting. Which has happened to a group similar to ours in the same area.
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I think you should write your experience up for some sort of Catholic publication online.
 
How do you get the young married adults to participate? I imagine that it would be harder when they have small children, trying to get away from them for events. Do you provide childcare or are your events child-friendly?

I am just curious because when I tried to work with several young adults and a deacon at my previous parish to get something going, it just never really got off the ground. I’m not sure why, but then, I always felt a little strange as a single person trying to relate to the married people, even though we were about the same general age. I just didn’t have that shared experience, and they were always busy with their kids’ activities or taking care of the new baby, whereas I was a single, unattached young adult who didn’t have a lot of friends and wanted someone to be able to meet me for ice cream, or to have a Bible study, or anything, really. I put myself out of my comfort zone as an introvert, and things never seemed to work out.

I’m married now and in a different parish, and we are expecting our first child to arrive next summer. Who knows how things will work out by then.
 
I’ve always enjoyed (for the most part) Catholic services that I’ve gone to. But I’m not your typical millennial. If I had to guess, I would say that my fellow demographic would be more likely to give Church a chance if people would loosen their collars a bit. I hear so many people complaining about things that seem so… inconsequential. They were wearing jeans and a polo shirt! They were reading the missal off their phone! They like music with rhythm!

I mean, there WAS a time in history when polyphonic music was considered utterly crass and disrespectful. Now nearly every hymn in the book is polyphonic. And black tie? That’s casual dress! You’re not even wearing tails or a cumberbund!! These worries are so artificial. I can be perfectly respectful and reverent wearing khaki shorts, a button down shirt, and nice loafers. And there are plenty of electric guitar religious songs that are pious, heartfelt, and inspire deep religious feelings.
 
starlady said:
How do you get the young married adults to participate?
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That’s the $1,000,000 question. We have quite a few couples show up, however. Our fearless leader(s) are married. We have another married couple soon to have a child. Another newly-wed couple that met at our group and will be having a child. Another couple that’s going through RCIA (the husband is; the wife might be soon). And another couple that moved away, with the husband going through RCIA now too.

At initial invitation, honestly, a couple should be invited by another couple (goes back to the “see yourself in the group, then you’ll want to be part of the group”). When I’m trying to talk to people after Mass to invite them, I don’t “go after” couples, since there’s a 99% chance they won’t come around. And a group of friends is also hard, as it might appear I’m friendless at initial invitation. So, if I’m alone, I find someone else who is alone and try purposefully reach them after Mass. Remember, this isn’t an announcement. This is individually making the effort to introduce yourself, and invite them. Get their contact information, such as a phone number, to remind them. One of the key parts of all ministries isn’t waiting for people to come to you - you have to go to them.
starlady said:
I imagine that it would be harder when they have small children, trying to get away from them for events. Do you provide childcare or are your events child-friendly?
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It is hard. We meet at our leaders’ house. We tend to discourage kids from coming, but obviously its better for the couples to come than to not if they don’t have an alternative. We make it work. The kids will go upstairs typically. Younger kids (e.g. babies, toddlers) tend to stay with their parents. We understand. I wouldn’t call it child-friendly necessarily, but they have a projector upstairs, so a good kids movie tends to be sufficient; at the same time, I wouldn’t call it anti-children either. We may be drinking beer, but we (well, most of us) know how to moderate ourselves, both verbally and consumption wise.
starlady said:
I am just curious because when I tried to work with several young adults and a deacon at my previous parish to get something going, it just never really got off the ground. I’m not sure why, but then, I always felt a little strange as a single person trying to relate to the married people, even though we were about the same general age.
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Yes, that can be strange at first. The couples I have the best [and easiest] time talking to are couples who trust each other enough to not have to be sitting next to each other (Note: I’m not saying couples can never sit next to each other, but they should grow to a point where they don’t need to be on top of each other either). Of course, you still have to work with the couples who are constantly together in a social setting, but we don’t have many of that any more, as both individuals become comfortable with the group as a whole and more-so specific members.
 
Young’s adults aren’t a homogenous group at all and it’s hard to come up with something for everyone. My 21 year old self would probably have seen a group like that and thought “ah its more for parent’s and babies rather than people like me”, a childless male in his early 20s even more so. Maybe with some advertising to really emphasize that it’s a group for all 18-30s.
 
I don’t think if it was at someones house I would want to go, especially if I didn’t know the person that was hosting it.

I do think though that we do need to do more for families, I’m single I can join a group without an issue, but if you have young kids then you don’t get that time with adults to have a conversation, without children distracting you.

I know that having some sort of Children’s club is hard to set up, you have to have enough volunteers, they have to be checked, you have to have a good space and something or the children to do, but I think if it’s possible then parishes should do it. Sadly ours doesn’t and we really see that in Mas as there’s very few families that attend, despite us having a Catholic school less than half a mile away!
 
boclucky14 said:
Try starting one. Our young adult group started because one person asked the priest to start one - and the priest said as long as it didn’t take any more time from him, as he’s already too busy. People showed up. It stayed, it grew, and now we just finished our first annual conference.
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It sounds like you did a great job. I personally have no idea what kind of group to start. I’m an introvert with an erratic job schedule so right now my occasional contribution to the parish doing baptismal preparation and being a regular reader is about all I can manage.

A youth group needs to be led by a young person, not a grandma nearing retirement. The handful of young adults we see in church are busy moms with equally busy work lives. It’s not surprising that in many parishes the groups cater to the older demographic.
 
ConfusedLucy said:
Young’s adults aren’t a homogenous group at all and it’s hard to come up with something for everyone. My 21 year old self would probably have seen a group like that and thought “ah its more for parent’s and babies rather than people like me”, a childless male in his early 20s even more so. Maybe with some advertising to really emphasize that it’s a group for all 18-30s.
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I was emphasizing our couples since that was what @starlady asked about. However, I would wager roughly 75% of our members - our most active members - are single young adults (with a healthy mix of men and women) in their mid-20s. So, you would’ve fit right in with most of our members. Heck, you’d fit in with me - a childless male in his early-to-mid 20s. And most of our “extra” meetings, such as our weekday meetings, would have definitely fit your demographic as parents typically are too busy to make those.

You are entirely correct that there isn’t a “one-size-fits-all” with young adult ministry, which is why diversity of leadership and meeting styles are important. People can pick and choose what they enjoy more. And if there’s something lacking, start it. There’s probably more than a few people who’d join you. We’ve had our fair number of issues with us being seen as “we’re not Catholic enough” while also being told “we’re too Catholic”. It’s difficult to manage when your being told both at the same time, but our various pastors all support our group entirely, so that also helps.
 
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