Budget for family vs. charity

[Burt_Macklin]

So, I would discourage parents from believe that tra la la they can just do nothing and expect to have a self-supporting adult as soon as their child turns 18. College or no college, it may be a long road until they have a financially independent adult, so plan accordingly.

You can plan on it if you have the guts to follow through with it; just give 'em a solid shove out the nest and hope they can fly. With my parents 18 years of support was all you were going to get and I know plenty of parents who do the same. You can always join the US military or the French Foreign Legion if worse comes to worse.

 

[Xantippe]

You can plan on it if you have the guts to follow through with it; just give 'em a solid shove out the nest and hope they can fly. With my parents 18 years of support was all you were going to get and I know plenty of parents who do the same. You can always join the US military or the French Foreign Legion if worse comes to worse.

Yes and no.

One of the smartest things my dad ever said to me was a critique of that approach (which was fairly traditional in our blue collar area). He said something like, the problem with kicking kids out at 18 is that they come back to you five years later divorced with three kids.

So basically, pay now or pay later–give kids a good launch, or be prepared to clean up the wreckage for the next couple decades.

(That was 25 years ago when marrying out of high school was still a thing, so you have to adjust a little for current mores and family size. I think the current version would be, the problem with kicking kids out at 18 is they come back to you five years later with two kids born out of wedlock.)

Edited to add: I don’t know about you, but I know that I don’t want my daughters in the military.

 

[LethalMouse]

Where one lives can be subjective to avg anerican family vs living like such. So I am mildly confused as to what your level is. For example I make half of what my Dad made and live the same quality of life vecause of location…maybe even a better quality. I think the avg income is between 50-75K so if you make 150K you could feel like you are the rich man from the bible. If you lived where I do you almost would be. If you lived where I am from, you would almost be poorer than me and I make nowhere near that. So not sure exactly hiw to advise you. I also assume you make less than 500k or else the loans shouldn’t be an issue

Now with that available variance I feel advice is largely (name removed by moderator)ossible. But I do ask the following:

If you make debt a priority and get it paid off long before your children are in college, wouldn’t you then have enough income to save and pay for them?

Also, is it inherently necessary to pay them in full, no jobs etc? I mean you are concerned less about getting them in college as paying for your choice thereof. If you have enough for normal college and they go a Step up, their loans would surely pale in comparison to yours?

First world problems lol the struggles real though… my courtesy car from the dealer didnt have remote start I was sad all day… until I realized that was my only problem that day lol.

 

[DarkLight]

You can plan on it if you have the guts to follow through with it; just give 'em a solid shove out the nest and hope they can fly. With my parents 18 years of support was all you were going to get and I know plenty of parents who do the same. You can always join the US military or the French Foreign Legion if worse comes to worse.

Assuming you have the GPA, degree, and health to join the military, at least. The military is getting a lot more selective than they used to be.

And of course that also depends on setting the kid up before they turn 18. Making sure they get a job and have savings of their own and all the resources they need to fly on their own. Kicking a kid out with health problems and who’s never held a job before at 18 is a sure recipe for failure.

 

[Xantippe]

Where one lives can be subjective to avg anerican family vs living like such. So I am mildly confused as to what your level is. For example I make half of what my Dad made and live the same quality of life vecause of location…maybe even a better quality. I think the avg income is between 50-75K so if you make 150K you could feel like you are the rich man from the bible. If you lived where I do you almost would be. If you lived where I am from, you would almost be poorer than me and I make nowhere near that. So not sure exactly hiw to advise you. I also assume you make less than 500k or else the loans shouldn’t be an issue

Now with that available variance I feel advice is largely (name removed by moderator)ossible. But I do ask the following:

**If you make debt a priority and get it paid off long before your children are in college, wouldn’t you then have enough income to save and pay for them?

Also, is it inherently necessary to pay them in full, no jobs etc? I mean you are concerned less about getting them in college as paying for your choice thereof. If you have enough for normal college and they go a Step up, their loans would surely pale in comparison to yours?**

First world problems lol the struggles real though… my courtesy car from the dealer didnt have remote start I was sad all day… until I realized that was my only problem that day lol.

I don’t know what the OP or others hope to do, but we aim at the following: getting kids in and out debt-free, with our total support capped at whatever is the equivalent of four years of our main state college (UT Austin). That hopefully will involve college kids working, but unfortunately, there are a lot of low-paid and unpaid internships that are important for future employability, but may make it hard to work a job at a better-paying job. Also, certain majors are extremely time-consuming–I somehow managed to avoid any college lab courses, but I hear that college-level labs can suck up huge amounts of time.

So, while I’d prefer that our kids contribute substantially to their college living expenses, that may or may not be feasible depending on course of study.

I have to mention that there are a lot of college employment options that can be an extension of a student’s interests–working in the college gym, working in the computer lab. There are also some campus jobs that are especially easy to combine with getting reading done (basically, almost any work-study position involving a desk).

 

[pensmama87]

I have to mention that there are a lot of college employment options that can be an extension of a student’s interests–working in the college gym, working in the computer lab. There are also some campus jobs that are especially easy to combine with getting reading done (basically, almost any work-study position involving a desk).

Yep. I worked at our library for two years (plus summers) and was an RA the other two years, which was a really sweet gig because it covered room and board, and I got a room to myself. Most nights I was “on duty” I walked around the building a few times per night and did homework the rest.

 

[LethalMouse]

I don’t know what the OP or others hope to do, but we aim at the following: getting kids in and out debt-free, with our total support capped at whatever is the equivalent of four years of our main state college (UT Austin). That hopefully will involve college kids working, but unfortunately, there are a lot of low-paid and unpaid internships that are important for future employability, but may make it hard to work a job at a better-paying job. Also, certain majors are extremely time-consuming–I somehow managed to avoid any college lab courses, but I hear that college-level labs can suck up huge amounts of time.

So, while I’d prefer that our kids contribute substantially to their college living expenses, that may or may not be feasible depending on course of study.

I have to mention that there are a lot of college employment options that can be an extension of a student’s interests–working in the college gym, working in the computer lab. There are also some campus jobs that are especially easy to combine with getting reading done (basically, almost any work-study position involving a desk).

If I remember from another thread you come from humble beginnings? Like you had real world problems and not first world problems?

If you are ever sad, know I would like to have your current problems

 

[Xantippe]

If I remember from another thread you come from humble beginnings? Like you had real world problems and not first world problems?

Yeah.

But that’s not uncommon on CAF.

 

[CradleJourney]

We don’t know what our income will be in 10 years from now but I would encourage them to pursue scholarships based on academic merit. At the rate things are going I wonder if colleges will even still be relevant in 10 years from now. There’s so much you can learn on your own these days.

Just want to throw this out there - but academic scholarships aren’t what many people think. My son’s a hs senior and while his excellent academics have helped get him accepted into colleges, what most scholarships want are service projects or special traits and/or ties to a specific organization.

What really threw me for a loop was discovering that while the basic in-state public school tuition wasn’t so bad - the room&board were more than double the tuition (plus add on fees). And most that we checked out would only apply academic scholarships to tuition - didn’t touch room and board running from $10k to $18k a year.

Only 1 of the 5 schools actually gave him a substantial amount for academics (to the point of being very affordable) - and he has all the “numbers” (top of class, 5’s on AP tests, nearly perfect SAT scores, 35’s on ACT, 4.4 something GPA on 4.0 scale and so forth). Other kids with close to his scores didn’t even get accepted into the majority of schools they applied to.

He’s my third kid to go thru the “college thing” - and it really is shocking at how much harder it’s gotten to get in, how much costs out-of-pocket have accelerated, and how much less aid is out there.

Don’t get me wrong - excellent academics is great and an important step. I just don’t want someone to assume that if they get straight A’s and high test scores they will automatically get scholarships sufficient to pay for college - or even get into their choice college.

I will say that outstanding debt is one “expense” no college will consider when it comes to aid they offer - and many will not count your retirement savings - so those are two areas I’d apply money to before actually setting aside college funds.

 

[DarkLight]

We don’t know what our income will be in 10 years from now but I would encourage them to pursue scholarships based on academic merit. At the rate things are going I wonder if colleges will even still be relevant in 10 years from now. There’s so much you can learn on your own these days.

It’s not what you know, but what you can prove you know. The big draw of college is that, at least in theory, you get a certificate that shows someone else has judged you reasonably competent in your field.

 

[Xantippe]

Just want to throw this out there - but academic scholarships aren’t what many people think. My son’s a hs senior and while his excellent academics have helped get him accepted into colleges, what most scholarships want are service projects or special traits and/or ties to a specific organization.

What really threw me for a loop was discovering that while the basic in-state public school tuition wasn’t so bad - the room&board were more than double the tuition (plus add on fees). And most that we checked out would only apply academic scholarships to tuition - didn’t touch room and board running from $10k to $18k a year.

Only 1 of the 5 schools actually gave him a substantial amount for academics (to the point of being very affordable) - and he has all the “numbers” (top of class, 5’s on AP tests, nearly perfect SAT scores, 35’s on ACT, 4.4 something GPA on 4.0 scale and so forth). Other kids with close to his scores didn’t even get accepted into the majority of schools they applied to.

He’s my third kid to go thru the “college thing” - and it really is shocking at how much harder it’s gotten to get in, how much costs out-of-pocket have accelerated, and how much less aid is out there.

Don’t get me wrong - excellent academics is great and an important step. I just don’t want someone to assume that if they get straight A’s and high test scores they will automatically get scholarships sufficient to pay for college - or even get into their choice college.

I will say that outstanding debt is one “expense” no college will consider when it comes to aid they offer - and many will not count your retirement savings - so those are two areas I’d apply money to before actually setting aside college funds.

That’s very helpful!

 

[Xantippe]

It’s not what you know, but what you can prove you know. The big draw of college is that, at least in theory, you get a certificate that shows someone else has judged you reasonably competent in your field.

Yes, and also that you showed up when you were supposed to and worked consistently over an extended period of time.

Only 3 out of 5 first-time full-time college students complete a 4-year degree within 6 years.

nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=40

 

[pensmama87]

Yes, and also that you showed up when you were supposed to and worked consistently over an extended period of time.

Only 3 out of 5 first-time full-time college students complete a 4-year degree within 6 years.

nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=40

That amazes me.

(Though maybe it shouldn’t - out of the four children in my family, only two of us completed degrees, and I was the only one who did in four years.)