Bullentin Bloopers

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JustaServant

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Just for laughs.

*They’re Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually
appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight:‘Searching for Jesus.’

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house… Bring your husbands.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much
about you.

*Don’t let worry kill you off - let the Church help. *

Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow…

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
*--------------------------

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered…

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

*Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. *

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

*The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door. **
 
JustaServant said:
Just for laughs.

*They’re Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually
appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight:‘Searching for Jesus.’

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house… Bring your husbands.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much
about you.

*Don’t let worry kill you off - let the Church help. *

Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow…

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
*--------------------------

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered…

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

*Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. *

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

*The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door. **
Click to expand...
JustaServant,

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: I laughed until I cried. I really needed that.

Thank you!!!

Anna
 
The preacher will preach his farewell massage, after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth With Joy”.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church
Ushers will eat latecomers
The Rev. Merriweather spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday. :eek:

Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
Tuesday at 4 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early
The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir…
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I upped My Pledge----Up Yours.”
Our next song is “Angels We Have Heard Get High.”
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
Missionary from Africa speaking at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Name: Bertha Belch. Announcement: Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa".
 
batman1973 said:
The preacher will preach his farewell massage, after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth With Joy”.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church
Ushers will eat latecomers
The Rev. Merriweather spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday. :eek:

Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
Tuesday at 4 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early
The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir…
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I upped My Pledge----Up Yours.”
Our next song is “Angels We Have Heard Get High.”
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
Missionary from Africa speaking at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Name: Bertha Belch. Announcement: Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa".
Click to expand...
soooo funny
 
batman1973 said:
The preacher will preach his farewell massage, after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth With Joy”.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church
Ushers will eat latecomers
The Rev. Merriweather spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday. :eek:

Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
Tuesday at 4 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early
The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir…
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I upped My Pledge----Up Yours.”
Our next song is “Angels We Have Heard Get High.”
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
Missionary from Africa speaking at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Name: Bertha Belch. Announcement: Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa".
Click to expand...
You guys are killing me. I’ve been laughing uncontrollably. :rotfl::rotfl:
 
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
Click to expand...
No matter how many times I see that, I laugh and giggle out loud. Don’t know why but this one always gets me.
 
Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on “It’s a Terrible Experience.”

Due to the Rector’s illness, Wednesday’s healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister’s daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

Today’s Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Lutheran Men’s group will meet at 6 p.m. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.

We have received word of sudden passing of Rev. Smith this morning during the worship service. Now let’s sing “Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow.”

The pastor will light his candle from the altar candles.

The ushers will light their candle from the pastor’s candle.

The ushers will turn and light each worshipper in the first pew.

Church sign: Jesus Saves!

Safeway sign across the street: Safeway saves you more!

Please welcome Pastor Don, a caring individual who loves hurting people.

There will not be any Women Worth Watching this week.(dang)
 
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