Bullying at work

[canadaryan]

I have been struggling for a few years now with a former manager at work who needed constant attention, took credit for some of my work, and then bullied me in front of my peers. One of my former teammates who showed concern for me now shows friendliness towards her and walks by me in the hall without looking at me or acknowledging my existence. This former friend is even Catholic. I don’t understand how people who behave this way seem to get away with this. They’re friendly to people’s faces and then cruel behind their back. I feel so hurt by how they have treated me. I don’t have to work with them anymore but I do have to see them regularly and every time it brings back the hurt. I saw an article where Pope Francis said bullying is the devil’s work. Could that be true? If so, how do you deal with these people?

 

[LovelyLadybug]

I am sorry to hear what you are going through!!! I will pray for you and the former manager. I think the best thing to do to talk to the current manager and try to ignore the former one’s bullying. I know it’s hard to not let cruel words get to you, but you have to try. I hope this helps!!! God bless!!!

 

[Zach]

I saw an article where Pope Francis said bullying is the devil’s work. Could that be true? If so, how do you deal with these people?

Not only Francis but the book of James. Much bullying is words and James says the tongue is a restless evil full of deadly poison. It might be the devil’s work but the bully is still culpable by choosing to turn from God.

Dealing with it is not easy. Hate what they are doing but try not to hate them. It’s hard to ignore it because it will still hurt. Lashing back at them might make it worse. Putting up with it and letting them get to you will only tear you apart inside. You can confront them but if they are ganging up on you it’s one against many. You can try following Jesus’ words and bless those who curse you, pray for those who persecute you.

You are fortunate you don’t have to work with them any more. When you see them now pray for them and be thankful for that.

 

[Servant31]

Hey sorry to hear your dealing with this. I’ll pray for you.

 

[Peaceable]

People behave abominably in groups and under the influence of bullies. Nothing surprises me anymore. Praying for you. What helped my in my own situation, apart from posting here, was to leave. Never let this experience cause you to doubt your values, yourself or your abilities!

 

[Cruciferi]

I have been struggling for a few years now with a former manager at work who needed constant attention, took credit for some of my work, and then bullied me in front of my peers.

I’m sorry that you’re going through this…

I too had to endure several years of harassment at my job. Thankfully, I was able to build a case against the individual and have HR intervene. The harassment stopped but now I’m considered the “bad guy” and some coworkers ignore or act cautious around me.

If so, how do you deal with these people?

Forgive them and if necessary hold them accountable. Nobody has a right to bully you. Ever!

 

[Cham65]

Keep a record of her actions dates and times and report the person.
It’s important to stand up to them. I Also recommend that you pray and ask God to help you and the bully

 

[EricF]

Just do the work you are tasked to do, as best as you possibly can, while keeping in mind the shame and ridicule Jesus experienced. Try and unite your suffering with his remembering your greatest reward isn’t here on earth.

 

[TheLittleLady]

The best advice a professional mentor ever gave me: you don’t have to be friends, you have to be cordial and professional.

Bullying is a squishy term. If your boss threatened you, discriminated against you on the basis of sex, religion, race, age, etc then document and report to Human resources or to the EEOC.

On the other hand, if it is simply a personality thing or immaturity (often in service industry jobs the supervisor is immature and has had no real training in managing people).

You simply be the grown up. Treat every co-worker with dignity, leave work at work, dont get in your own head, gain experience. In work, even if you work at the Vatican, you are going to work with some people where there is a clash. Learning how to keep it professional is a skill that will serve you for life.

Pray the litany of humility before work every day.

 

[Gripper]

In my country it isn’t illegal for your boss to bully you but it is illegal to harass you. Unfortunately companies generally side with their managers as you are more expendable. I have seen and been the victim of much bullying in my lifetime and unfortunately it will never end.

Bullying is horrible.

 

[Zach]

If it’s a clash of personalities it’s one thing. If people are ganging up and bullying and ostracizing and singling out one person it’s another thing. It’s documented in studies that people who are excluded from the group actually feel physical pain. It goes back to when the protection and survival of individuals in hunter and gathering societies was dependent on group membership. In modern society it’s really not much different. No man or woman is an island. I think the law should protect every individual from discrimination and bullying and ostracism in the workplace beyond any defined category to which that individual belongs.

 

[Mary888]

In my country it isn’t illegal for your boss to bully you but it is illegal to harass you.

May I ask where are you from? And how can someone tell the difference between bullying and harassing?

 

[Gripper]

May I ask where are you from? And how can someone tell the difference between bullying and harassing?

I live in the UK and yes how do you tell? Something like as soon as they mention gender or race etc. it becomes harassment.

From my government website: Bullying itself is not against the law, but harassment is. This is when the unwanted behaviour is related to one of the following:

There is a list, age, gender etc.

So if my boss bullies me it’s fair and square but if I were gay my boss wouldn’t consider because I could always claim that was the reason and it would be harassment.

 

[Mary888]

This sounds like they are using a eufemism to institute priviledged discrimination…
Where will this lead us? Obviously even the extreme left must know that these ideas will promote incompentence and bankrupcy in the world. Or will people.begin to lie and pretend to be one these categories that are exempt.from bullying just to benefit from the laws?
It is all very twisted…

 

[Gripper]

Same goes for free speech, it doesn’t exist for certain people, all you need is for someone to say they were traumatised by what you said and it is suddenly classed as hate speech.

 

[Zach]

I wonder If people just give up and not say anything at all. Interact at work like a bunch of machines only communicating when it is absolutely necessary for work related purposes. Even that wouldn’t solve anything because then someone could say they were traumatized because somebody looked at them the wrong way or made eye contact too long or didn’t make eye contact or stood too close or didn’t stand close enough.

 

[Gripper]

I wonder If people just give up and not say anything at all. Interact at work like a bunch of machines only communicating when it is absolutely necessary for work related purposes.

That’s what I do unfortunately.

Even that wouldn’t solve anything because then someone could say they were traumatized because somebody looked at them the wrong way or made eye contact too long or didn’t make eye contact or stood too close or didn’t stand close enough.

I had a complaint once because I didn’t respond when someone was making dirty comments at me and they complained about me.

Crazy world.

 

[Servant31]

Imho this is too often accurate. There are companies which will intervene but I think there are some which simply say the manager is more valuable to the company. To me this is a societal problem too. Most people don’t intervene amongst bullying, I think we need to work on that.

OP I would also recommend documenting things you think are across the line. I didn’t do that once and wish I had. I hate thinking this way but…that’s occasionally how some things work.

 

[Servant31]

I think this is great advice. You’ll do other jobs…jobs come and go…who you are stays and helps get you where you want.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

I have been struggling for a few years now with a former manager at work who needed constant attention, took credit for some of my work, and then bullied me in front of my peers. One of my former teammates who showed concern for me now shows friendliness towards her and walks by me in the hall without looking at me or acknowledging my existence
(…)
I don’t have to work with them anymore but I do have to see them regularly and every time it brings back the hurt.

I looks like this is in the past but you have some unresolved feelings and maybe need some validation and resolution.

BullyUK is a website I used as a resource when I was dealing with workplace bullying, and the link takes you to the page regarding workplace bullying. I’m in the US and BullyOnlineUK was the most comprehensive site. Other than the personnel procedures and laws, most of the website should be helpful. I doubt you need that stuff anyway.

One thing I think is important is noting whether or not the behavior is bullying or, as others mentioned, a clash of personalities and you feeling like you were not liked and being liked is important to you. As TheLittleLady posted:

you don’t have to be friends, you have to be cordial and professional.
(…)

On the other hand, if it is simply a personality thing or immaturity (often in service industry jobs the supervisor is immature and has had no real training in managing people).

You simply be the grown up. Treat every co-worker with dignity, leave work at work, dont get in your own head, gain experience. In work, even if you work at the Vatican, you are going to work with some people where there is a clash. Learning how to keep it professional is a skill that will serve you for life.

Also, since is this in the past and you have a new manager you have a fresh start and at work I would let your work do the talking by doing your best there. I would not bring up a former manager to a current one; you may end up looking like a trouble maker.

If your experience does fit the definition of bullying, if you have experienced harm from it you make need some counseling or more. The challenge is if you do reach out you may get a counselor or therapist who is not well- versed in bullying so you might have to focus on the after -effects like PTSD, etc.

If it’s not bullying you still may need to process with a counselor or a good listener and share them the resources you use so they understand what you are trying to work through.

As far as you former teammate - remember she still needs to work with this person. Try not to put her in the middle; that’s not fair. She was supportive of you while in that environment and that is huge. If you do say hi, smile and don’t indicate that you are waiting for anything more than a return greeting. If she thinks you need to vent to her about Former Manager then she will probably avoid you. She’s probably trying to set a healthy boundary; respect it.