Burn out or laziness?

[mama2lovebugs]

Lately I have been so exhausted from the duties of homemaking and motherhood that I have lost my motivation to carry out my tasks and have very little patience for my family. I find that I am feeling overwhelmed with regular tasks, like laundry for instance, that sometimes I just leave it fr a day (which only makes it worse). I also am snapping at my family more often. I am just so tired! I feel guilty that I am being lazy but sometimes I think that I am burned out from the demands of my life and never getting a break. My children are all in school now but other than that I am with them 24/7, my husband works shift work and we don’t have a sitter or family that take the kids for an hour or two.

 

[Fan_of_Francis]

Lord, we pray that You provide a safety net for her,so that she can carry out Your will.
Through Christ we pray.

 

[KathleenGee]

Ask the Lord to relieve you of all burdens. Take two days of rest. Try to rest in bed as much as you can and make spiritual communions. Ask the Lord to give you a new approach to mothering and domestic work, and work on detachment.

Make Jesus the center of your life and spend time with Him every day. He is the source of our renewal.

Been there.

 

[agnes_therese]

Lately I have been so exhausted from the duties of homemaking and motherhood that I have lost my motivation to carry out my tasks and have very little patience for my family. I find that I am feeling overwhelmed with regular tasks, like laundry for instance, that sometimes I just leave it fr a day (which only makes it worse). I also am snapping at my family more often. I am just so tired! I feel guilty that I am being lazy but sometimes I think that I am burned out from the demands of my life and never getting a break. My children are all in school now but other than that I am with them 24/7, my husband works shift work and we don’t have a sitter or family that take the kids for an hour or two.

Since your children are in school, they’re obviously old enough to help around the house. Does your husband help at all?

 

[Bartolome_Casas]

Lately I have been so exhausted from the duties of homemaking and motherhood that I have lost my motivation to carry out my tasks and have very little patience for my family. I find that I am feeling overwhelmed with regular tasks, like laundry for instance, that sometimes I just leave it fr a day (which only makes it worse). I also am snapping at my family more often. I am just so tired! I feel guilty that I am being lazy but sometimes I think that I am burned out from the demands of my life and never getting a break. My children are all in school now but other than that I am with them 24/7, my husband works shift work and we don’t have a sitter or family that take the kids for an hour or two.

I’ll just make a wild guess, based on the very limited info you gave us. I suspect you, or a part of you, wants to break free of all this “drudgery.” A part of you is getting into a “rebel” mode. I’d say this is part of you is in your unconscious mind. I don’t see the tasks themselves as overwhelming you. You are working hard, but this amount of housework and child care is not extreme or out of the ordinary. Rather, it is your unconscious mind’s EVALUATION of all this that is causing you to find all this to be a “drag” and terrible burden.

Everyone wants to feel fulfilled. Different people need different experiences and conditions in their lives to feel fulfilled. Some women would be very fulfilled and content to be in your shoes. Others would be like you, and would be trying to find an escape out of this “prison.”

I think you, or a part of you, is wanting to get out of this marriage and this mother role. Perhaps you will find no way to escape. Yet, you will punish those around you, for you will see them as keeping you in this unfulfilling “prison.” That will not make you happy, and won’t make anyone else happy either.

You are married. You are a mother of young children. According to the Catholic vision of things, these are commitments you cannot break. So, somehow, I think you must stop punishing your husband and your kids for your feelings of unfulfillment. Maybe you wanted to be “somebody” in life, and are not realizing that is not going to happen. Maybe you always dreamed of being rich and famous or something.

But, mini-escapes are possible. You could work part-time. Run for the school board. Get involved in St. Vincent de Paul charitable work.

You asked: “Burn out or laziness?” My guess: Broken dreams.

But the answer might be to find new dreams in the context within which you find yourself. “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”

Well, I hope those brief ideas were of some use to you. God bless!

 

[mama2lovebugs]

I’ll just make a wild guess, based on the very limited info you gave us. I suspect you, or a part of you, wants to break free of all this “drudgery.” A part of you is getting into a “rebel” mode. I’d say this is part of you is in your unconscious mind. I don’t see the tasks themselves as overwhelming you. You are working hard, but this amount of housework and child care is not extreme or out of the ordinary. Rather, it is your unconscious mind’s EVALUATION of all this that is causing you to find all this to be a “drag” and terrible burden.

Everyone wants to feel fulfilled. Different people need different experiences and conditions in their lives to feel fulfilled. Some women would be very fulfilled and content to be in your shoes. Others would be like you, and would be trying to find an escape out of this “prison.”

I think you, or a part of you, is wanting to get out of this marriage and this mother role. Perhaps you will find no way to escape. Yet, you will punish those around you, for you will see them as keeping you in this unfulfilling “prison.” That will not make you happy, and won’t make anyone else happy either.

You are married. You are a mother of young children. According to the Catholic vision of things, these are commitments you cannot break. So, somehow, I think you must stop punishing your husband and your kids for your feelings of unfulfillment. Maybe you wanted to be “somebody” in life, and are not realizing that is not going to happen. Maybe you always dreamed of being rich and famous or something.

But, mini-escapes are possible. You could work part-time. Run for the school board. Get involved in St. Vincent de Paul charitable work.

You asked: “Burn out or laziness?” My guess: Broken dreams.

But the answer might be to find new dreams in the context within which you find yourself. “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”

Well, I hope those brief ideas were of some use to you. God bless!

I think you are off base here. I LOVE being married and being a mother who is able to stay at home with her children. This is my dream and I do realize how blessed I am to have this life, which is why I feel guilty about being exhausted.

If you knew me you would never guess that I felt this way. My house is clean, I cook from scratch, my children and husband are loved and cared for, as are any guests that visit me in my home. I try to love and care for anyone I encounter in this quiet and small life of mine. I do not want a career and don’t long to be “someone important.”

I am just tired because I give everything to everyone and it never seems to be enough. Because I am at home my “job” is never done. My family is very dependant on me and I have no outside help. My husband and I have been out on two dates in the nine years we have been married. I have had to cancel important doctor’s appointments because I have no one to watch my children (and in fact, I was watching someone else’s children as well). If someone needs something they know they can call me because I am at home and will be there to help them. Unfortunately the help I offer others is not reciprocated and I would never dream to ask for it, unless it was an emergency.

I should have provided more information in my original post but we were running off to Mass. I appreciate your response but with all due respect, believe it is inaccurate.

 

[mama2lovebugs]

Since your children are in school, they’re obviously old enough to help around the house. Does your husband help at all?

You have hit on one of my great failings as a mother, I have not required my children to help out around the house. I have them help me in the kitchen, because I want them to have those skills but that is about it. My daughter, who is 8 years old, asked to clean the bathroom once so I let her but when my husband found out he said it was child abuse. My husband thinks that taking care of the home is my responsibility because I stay at home and as such, they shouldn’t be required to do chores. My husband washes the cars, mows the teeny tiny lawn and takes out the garbage. Everything else falls on me.

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

I think you are off base here. I LOVE being married and being a mother who is able to stay at home with her children. This is my dream and I do realize how blessed I am to have this life, which is why I feel guilty about being exhausted.

If you knew me you would never guess that I felt this way. My house is clean, I cook from scratch, my children and husband are loved and cared for, as are any guests that visit me in my home. I try to love and care for anyone I encounter in this quiet and small life of mine. I do not want a career and don’t long to be “someone important.”

I am just tired because I give everything to everyone and it never seems to be enough. Because I am at home my “job” is never done. My family is very dependant on me and I have no outside help. My husband and I have been out on two dates in the nine years we have been married. I have had to cancel important doctor’s appointments because I have no one to watch my children (and in fact, I was watching someone else’s children as well). If someone needs something they know they can call me because I am at home and will be there to help them. Unfortunately the help I offer others is not reciprocated and I would never dream to ask for it, unless it was an emergency.

I should have provided more information in my original post but we were running off to Mass. I appreciate your response but with all due respect, believe it is inaccurate.

I say burnout. In NO WAY laziness.

You seem smart and motivated, so please try to find a way to get time off for something that resembles a vacation. Don’t be afraid to do something frivolous that cheers you up.

 

[Reverie]

My daughter, who is 8 years old, asked to clean the bathroom once so I let her but when my husband found out he said it was child abuse. My husband thinks that taking care of the home is my responsibility because I stay at home and as such, they shouldn’t be required to do chores.

 I think you should have a heart to heart with your husband about his expectations around the house.  As you are the one responsible for the care and keeping of the house, you are in charge of delegating duties and teaching the children to the skills that will enable them to also take care of the/a house.  Housekeeping is not a skill that they will learn by watching.  There are no courses for it in highschool or college.  They will not suddenly acquire the knowledge just by growing up.  Learning a skill is certainly not abuse.  

 I struggle with bitterness and resentment of not being recognized for the work I put in.  One thing that helped me get over my pride was to refocus on who I was doing the work for.  Yes, I'm doing it out of love for my family, but more than that, I am to do it out of love for Jesus. 

 On a practical note, having the children take over their own laundry was a huge burden lifted off me.  With help (either by mom or a sibling), a child as young as four can load his clothes into the machine.  Each of my children have their own laundry day.  They do their laundry only on that day.  Wash, dry, fold and put away.  I have to remind the younger kids, but if the older ones forget, oh well.  Natural consequences.  

 You also deserve service free rest.  Your husband does not work 24/7.  Neither should you.  Work out with your husband a time for you and get him to promise to stick to it.  I go to lunch with a friend once a month for example.  

 Remember that society and the media is bombarding us with images and the ideas of perfect homes, unfrazzled mommies, well groomed husbands, children and pets.  It's like we're expected to keep up with image of Donna Reed from the 50s AND be able to keep up with the 21st century holding down a job and taking the kids to two different soccer practices at the same time without anyone being late, ever.  Don't buy into this mythical worldview.  :)   We can slow down and take it easy.  One of my favorite housekeeping sayings is, "God didn't do it all in one day.  What makes me think I can?"

I hope there was something helpful there.

 

[AnastasiaRomano]

You have hit on one of my great failings as a mother, I have not required my children to help out around the house. I have them help me in the kitchen, because I want them to have those skills but that is about it. My daughter, who is 8 years old, asked to clean the bathroom once so I let her but when my husband found out he said it was child abuse. My husband thinks that taking care of the home is my responsibility because I stay at home and as such, they shouldn’t be required to do chores. My husband washes the cars, mows the teeny tiny lawn and takes out the garbage. Everything else falls on me.

I’d say this is something that you and your DH need to continue to discuss. School-age children should have chores. Chores help teach responsibility. Of course they shouldn’t be extreme – children should not be asked to do everything around the house while the adults lounge around, for example. But school-age children do need to begin taking responsibility for some chores. At minimum, they should be able to be responsible for their own areas and things – cleaning their rooms, taking their clothes to the laundry room to be washed, etc. – and one other chore daily. Just my $0.02. Why does your husband think that chores for an 8-year-old constitute “child abuse”?

It sounds like you are burned out. I can’t say I blame you! There is a lot of work falling solely on your shoulders.

 

[Xantippe]

'My daughter, who is 8 years old, asked to clean the bathroom once so I let her but when my husband found out he said it was child abuse. My husband thinks that taking care of the home is my responsibility because I stay at home and as such, they shouldn’t be required to do chores."

Does your husband not understand that at least initially, getting kids to do housework is 3X the work?

You are not your children’s servant, and unless your last name is “Windsor,” waiting on them is very poor preparation for their adult life. Does he want them to grow up to be lazy, incompetent slobs who irritate future roommates and spouses?

You’re probably a little depressed. I’d suggest one big walk a day to get some sunshine and fresh air and some well-chosen listening to make laundry less burdensome. (I listen to the Dave Ramsey show and various podcasts. I used to listen to NPR, C-SPAN and various audiobooks while hanging out with the baby when the baby couldn’t talk.) I’ve recently gotten a pedometer and it’s a very nice addition to the housewifely routine–I can see that I’m making progress.

I have a 10-year-old, an 8-year-old and an infant. I’ve had regular housecleaning help since my oldest was born and we normally eat dinner at the college cafeteria (we get a VERY good staff deal). My husband takes out trash and does the dishes at night. The big kids are in charge of tidying their rooms and putting away their laundry and I regularly have them tidy up the living room. I try to remember to have them clear the table and clean up after themselves in the kitchen. I’ve given them both Clorox Toilet Wands and refills to keep their toilets tidy. (There is minor financial compensation for the rooms and living room, but the cleaning is not optional.) I am beginning a kitchen literacy program with the kids–we’ve done soft pretzels, apple dumplings, and other yummy projects together, sometimes as part of playdates. I don’t have an amazingly tidy home, but I think the division of labor is fair, and I’m not stressed out (well, except for my mommy triathlon speech therapy days, when I’m zipping back and forth across town repeatedly).

I think your husband doesn’t realize how much work you are doing because you do it so well that it is invisible. Also, if you think you won’t have another baby for a while or at all, maybe this would be a good time to take a class or think about your future. Your housework and childcare should not expand to fill all your waking hours.

 

[Xantippe]

Now that your kids are in school, how about doing lunch dates with your husband? (Ground rule–no honey-dos from either of you.)

 

[KCT]

Is there any way you can explain to your husband that assigning chores to children (age appropriate chores) helps prepare them for life. It’s good for them.

If not, tell him you need to hire a maid, or pay for you to have a weekend away several times each year. A silent retreat each year can be refreshing as well.

 

[lovemyboys]

I’m also burnt out and thought I’d share what I’m doing to keep myself going…
-I am trying to keep my house standards pretty low right now so at least I don’t have the added pressure of keeping up a beautiful house (kids just mess it up immediately anyway).
-I’m also trying to keep the Catholic radio station on a lot to keep me focused on what’s important.
-I’m keeping a lot of healthy convenience food in the freezer so my older kids can make their own meals if I’m busy with the baby.
-I’m buying a lot of paper plates (and I still do a lot of dishes!).
-I fit in exercise wherever I can (even if that means dancing with The Wiggles).

Please come back and share if you find any tips that work…

 

[Chantal25]

I don’t have enough details about you so i can only make suggestion of thing that you can look into.

What can affect you spiritually: Distraction with cell phone, wireless and internet (High game of Microwave can change the protein of your brain and lead you to physical tiredness and laziness. Look into the study in Swirzerland). If you have any wireless turn that off.

Diet: Fresh fruits and vegetables will give you a boost of energy, start to eliminate food process and replace them with something healthier. Make always room for fresh fruits/vegetables uncooked. Look into recipe for green smoothie, this is amazing, how much this simple thing can help you physically.

Always, prioritize to make time for prayer, even when you are working. Offer all of your tiredness to God to save soul, it will help you in term of motivation.

Hormone imbalance: Stress will burn out your adrenal and you can also have physical stress with food. Ditch all alcohol, hard to digest food and caffeine. Making room for the good stuff such fresh herbs (parsley, cilantro, dandelion etc…), fresh fruits etc… will help your body to rejuvenate.

I hear you about being tired and not feeling motivated, i suffered about the same. I used to be such a hard worker but i noticed that i was never the same after using internet for work. What a coincidence, isn’t it? I did research about it and this is why, i know this is toxic. So limit your exposure. Nutrition helped me so much but most of all prayer.

Make always a priority to prayer. Determine your four most important thing to do, then decide which one is the most important, do those first always and in order.

Example, if you have big rock, gravel, sand and water. It doesn’t make sense to put the water first, then sand, gravel and big rock in a vase. You should start with the big rock first, then the gravel, then the sand and finally the water, this way, you will be able to fit everything.

All the best and i pray for you

p.s. I forgot to mention, you have parasite infestation, it will affect your amount of energy. I am not a doctor, please research