Burned out on life

[28562]

I’m sure we all go through this from time to time, so I’m interested in hearing how you deal with just being tired of the SSDD that is adult life…

Right now I am so tired of the mundaneness ( if that’s a word) of my life. Wake up, eat a crummy breakfast, take my daughter to school, go to college, come home for a couple hours, get on the boys for fighting, tearing stuff up, acting up, etc, eat lunch, see it wife for a little bit but can’t carry on a conversation because of kid interruptions, go to work until 2am, go home, sleep a few hours, do it again. I only get to really spend quality time at home on the weekends, but this is also the only time that I have to get anything done in the house or yard. I’m fed up with the kids because I spend so much time fixing broken toys or putting someone in timeout or telling someone to suck it up because they’ll live that I can never get anything accomplished. I’m fed up with not having enough quality time with my wife. I am struggling to keep up with everything at home, work, and all the work for all my classes, which is going to cause me to spend more time at school, compounding all the other issues. I’m tired of not being able to keep up, I’m tired of trying hard, I’m tired of struggling, I’m tired of trying to always stay strong and tough. I know this is just temporary and it’s the way it has to be for a while, so I need some tactics to help cope with running through the same boring, exhausting, no fun routine every day of my life.

 

[1ke]

Well, what helps me are two things:

1. Adjusting expectations. House won’t be clean, stuff won’t get done, things won’t be the way I would like. Unmet expectations are a serious cause of stress. So, I have adjusted mine.
2. Jettison things. Seriously, everyone I know is overcommitted. When DH and I feel most stressed we start looking at what to give the heave-ho.

 

[lovemyboys]

God bless you for all you do. I think you’re sleep deprived, and it’s making your world seem bleak. I think you should try to get more sleep any way you can! I know how sleep deprivation ruins your life-- I’m sleep deprived right now.

 

[Kensho]

I’m so sorry. I do know how you feel. Just remember that it isn’t forever and that what you are doing is important.

Do you have a solid bedtime established? It sounds as though you need a night to put the kids to bed and keep them there and have some adult time with your wife, talking and doing something relaxing you both enjoy, whether that’s watching a movie, playing Scrabble, or, er, well, other things.

 

[1ke]

OH, and #3. Outsource.

Outsource whatever you can afford to-- yardwork, housework, etc-- in order to have more time and less stress.

 

[28562]

God bless you for all you do. I think you’re sleep deprived, and it’s making your world seem bleak. I think you should try to get more sleep any way you can! I know how sleep deprivation ruins your life-- I’m sleep deprived right now.

I may be, but I don’t feel like it. I have really just gotten used to sleeping so little and I try to catch up some on the weekends. The problem with that is that if I sleep until 10am, I have wasted 3 hrs that I could have done something that I needed to do…

 

[28562]

Well, what helps me are two things:

1. Adjusting expectations. House won’t be clean, stuff won’t get done, things won’t be the way I would like. Unmet expectations are a serious cause of stress. So, I have adjusted mine.
2. Jettison things. Seriously, everyone I know is overcommitted. When DH and I feel most stressed we start looking at what to give the heave-ho.

I have adjusted my expectations…that is why the yard never got raked even once last fall…but I can only put thngs off for so long before it can’t wait any longer. Until we get the hospital bill from the baby paid off (haha that’s gonna be a while) or I get some OT, we can’t afford to pay anyone to do anything.

I wish their was something on my plate I could get rid of, but there really isn’t. In fact, there is more that I need to add…

 

[chevalier]

Well, what helps me are two things:

1. Adjusting expectations. House won’t be clean, stuff won’t get done, things won’t be the way I would like. Unmet expectations are a serious cause of stress. So, I have adjusted mine.
2. Jettison things. Seriously, everyone I know is overcommitted. When DH and I feel most stressed we start looking at what to give the heave-ho.

+1

And it helps to try and rationalise things in an objective light. The priests in my parish have been stressing the importance of quality time with God and family around holidays over clean houses and even over the wonderful dishes the ladies make.

My desk currently has seven cups on it because I prioritise and keeping it empty of empty cups is not high on my list because I’ve decided it’s objectively not worth that type of significance. It would be if it affected my clients (but they never get to see it) or my motivation/the way I feel about life (but they don’t; in fact, I feel home among empty coffee cups). Vacuuming is not a daily thing, either. If the carpet isn’t exactly right, I don’t correct it. I specifically allow things to remain on the floor if picking them up isn’t critical. I’m happier for this. Still fret over a bunch of other stuff, though, and burnout is a constant problem with me.

…Holidays help, as well as more time outside, less physically strenuous days, better sleep patterns (including herbs to fall asleep or relax), allowance for hobby time, meeting with friends, doing whatever I like (which tends to be reading novels or reading about new things). Going to a pub or café on my own helps at times, too. A change of routine and engaging in more physical occupations after too much intellectual work. Or finding something to do that doesn’t involve my hands if my joints are burning from the typing. I frequently notice that I must reconnect with some hobbies and other occupations from my younger years in order to stay sane and content, such as e.g. coding, even though it has little to do with my current job line, but I was passionate about it for about half of my life. Maybe you’ve got some such “sides of you” that want some of your attention but aren’t getting it?

OH, and #3. Outsource.

Outsource whatever you can afford to-- yardwork, housework, etc-- in order to have more time and less stress.

Yes, and especially if you could be working or preparing yourself for work (which includes sleeping or relaxing) in that time. I sometimes calculate and decide that doing something on my own is just unprofitable if an expert can do it in a fraction of the time and I can come out on top financially from actually working my job for the same amount of time as it would take me to do whatever I outsource.

 

[28562]

I’m so sorry. I do know how you feel. Just remember that it isn’t forever and that what you are doing is important.

Do you have a solid bedtime established? It sounds as though you need a night to put the kids to bed and keep them there and have some adult time with your wife, talking and doing something relaxing you both enjoy, whether that’s watching a movie, playing Scrabble, or, er, well, other things.

The kids do have a solid bedtime. Sometimes I feel bad for putting them in bed early on the weekends because I don’t see them enough during the week. And my wife refuses to play scrabble with me. I think she’s scared… and the “other things” have been on the backburner for a while because we are tta… I really do enjoy our time together, but it just gets really tough in the middle of the week or especially after a weekend with so many commitments that we still don’t get to hang out.

 

[Xantippe]

The first thing I’d jettison would be fixing toys the kids broke. Put it in a box and get to it later. That may mean never, but that’s OK.

 

[Mary_Virginia]

Hello 28562:

Hope things are settling down for you, but if not do you have a "date night?" You know, get a sitter and on Saturday or Sunday get a sitter for the kids, maybe some senior lady at church even to watch the children while you go out to dinner or movie and have that meaningful conversation weekly with your wife, and like someone else said, don't worry about the broken toys so much, maybe they will learn to take better care of them.
Also I know we spoil the kids with favorite things but also do the same for yourself once in awhile, go for walks with your wife and kids in the evenings, might help them concentrate on their homework better, and they will be distracted while walking and you and your wife can talk. I have a neighbor who was walking with his kids in the rain and I was outside working in the yard, he didn't notice me and he was singing loudly and his kids were giggling along with his wife, cute family! 
Try to have an evening where the kids vote on something different to do once a week as well, doesn't have to be something expensive, might be fun for them and you.

Before you know it the kids will be running off on their own date nights, so don’t end up a stranger with your wife when you do get alone time.

Peace My Friend~ Mary

 

[28562]

For the record, I’m not just a big Debbie Downer…

I know I am extremely blessed. I have 4 great kids, the best wife in the world, a great job, the ability to further my education, etc etc…but sometimes the ‘negatives’ of my life start to get to me.

 

[28562]

The first thing I’d jettison would be fixing toys the kids broke. Put it in a box and get to it later. That may mean never, but that’s OK.

But then I feel like a bad daddy! You see how this goes? lol…

I have a good reason for why I have to do everything I have to do…and I have a terrible time trying to leave stuff undone.

 

[Robertanthony]

I’m sure we all go through this from time to time, so I’m interested in hearing how you deal with just being tired of the SSDD that is adult life…

Right now I am so tired of the mundaneness ( if that’s a word) of my life. Wake up, eat a crummy breakfast, take my daughter to school, go to college, come home for a couple hours, get on the boys for fighting, tearing stuff up, acting up, etc, eat lunch, see it wife for a little bit but can’t carry on a conversation because of kid interruptions, go to work until 2am, go home, sleep a few hours, do it again. I only get to really spend quality time at home on the weekends, but this is also the only time that I have to get anything done in the house or yard. I’m fed up with the kids because I spend so much time fixing broken toys or putting someone in timeout or telling someone to suck it up because they’ll live that I can never get anything accomplished. I’m fed up with not having enough quality time with my wife. I am struggling to keep up with everything at home, work, and all the work for all my classes, which is going to cause me to spend more time at school, compounding all the other issues. I’m tired of not being able to keep up, I’m tired of trying hard, I’m tired of struggling, I’m tired of trying to always stay strong and tough. I know this is just temporary and it’s the way it has to be for a while, so I need some tactics to help cope with running through the same boring, exhausting, no fun routine every day of my life.

I misread what you wrote, I thought you said you were fighting (for fun) with the kids, which you should do because boys need physical contact with and attention from their father. My hunch is that once you’ve played with them, they’ll be significantly less disruptive when you’re trying to have a conversation with your wife. Try and be more appreciative, a crummy breakfast becomes an opportunity to thank God for the food and to marvel at the beauty and abundance of nature. Realize that your kids won’t be kids forever, take pleasure in looking at the stuff they do, the new words they learn, etc. A night out one on one with your wife once a week or every other week might be something to consider (grandmothers are usually thrilled to see their grand children, provided your mother and your wife’s mother is still alive and not living in a different state). I see sleep maybe being an issue. And do what 1ke says.

 

[28562]

I misread what you wrote, I thought you said you were fighting (for fun) with the kids, which you should do because boys need physical contact with and attention from their father. **We normally do that too…which they love, but lately I just don’t even want to be touched. I just want them to leave me alone because the frustration has reached a high level and it never comes down.**My hunch is that once you’ve played with them, they’ll be significantly less disruptive when you’re trying to have a conversation with your wife. Try and be more appreciative, a crummy breakfast becomes an opportunity to thank God for the food and to marvel at the beauty and abundance of nature. **I KNOW this, but it is certainly something that I could work on getting better at FEELING…**Realize that your kids won’t be kids forever, take pleasure in looking at the stuff they do, the new words they learn, etc. A night out one on one with your wife once a week or every other week might be something to consider (grandmothers are usually thrilled to see their grand children,Not necessarily when you have 4 so young… provided your mother and your wife’s mother is still alive and not living in a different state). I see sleep maybe being an issue. And do what 1ke says.

Thank you for the advice! (that goes for everyone who has replied!)

 

[LittleFlower378]

How many hours do you work a week?
How many hours does your wife work a week?

You have to make life favorable for yourself, wife, kids. That means spending time for God #1, and your family but also having leisure time where you have a hobby or something enjoyable.

 

[LittleFlower378]

Book recomendation, maybe you can find it at the library?
Henri Nouwen - Making All Things New

 

[Robertanthony]

But then I feel like a bad daddy! You see how this goes? lol…

I have a good reason for why I have to do everything I have to do…and I have a terrible time trying to leave stuff undone.

Oh you will get better in time.

 

[28562]

How many hours do you work a week?
How many hours does your wife work a week?

You have to make life favorable for yourself, wife, kids. That means spending time for God #1, and your family but also having leisure time where you have a hobby or something enjoyable.

My wife stays home. Yes, I know her part of all this is not easy either.

I work 40-50 hrs, plus 16 hours of school. Luckily, this is my last semester.

The ‘something enjoyable’ for myself is really the difficult part now. There is simply no time for it. I feel as though the only option, regardless of how much I would like to do something for myself, is to continue to suck it up and push harder.

 

[LittleFlower378]

At this pace you will burn out and have problems with your wife and with the kids. There is only so much you can do, and do well in a day. I would advise to cut back at work and school and find some leisure time for yourself each day.