Burning with Lust

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Young Thinker another thing is you are brand new to the Catholic faith - I am going to fill in a couple things I see here and please excuse my bluntness:
  1. Obedience- we need to be obedient both to the will of God and to the Magisterium - three times you have been told you need a spiritual director - twice by a Brother - twice this advice was meant with an excuse - you must learn to be obedient on the little things
  2. Lust- Yes, you are a human being - however I do not recomend dating as some posters have recommeded - here is why? What happens if you choose vocation? You break the heart of the woman you are dating. If you choose marriage you have wasted valuable resources of the seminary or retreat center. Either way it is selfish.Both paths need to be discerned individually.
  3. Neophyte status - being a neophyte - or new to the Church is actually an impediment to the priesthood in a lot of circumstances.
You need to find a spiritual director immediately and go over all of this - or could it be that maybe your priest in your original post or has said part of this to you in his comment “Maybe you are called to marriage” and you have not heard him.
 
Young Thinker another thing is you are brand new to the Catholic faith - I am going to fill in a couple things I see here and please excuse my bluntness:
  1. Obedience- we need to be obedient both to the will of God and to the Magisterium - three times you have been told you need a spiritual director - twice by a Brother - twice this advice was meant with an excuse - you must learn to be obedient on the little things
  2. Lust- Yes, you are a human being - however I do not recomend dating as some posters have recommeded - here is why? What happens if you choose vocation? You break the heart of the woman you are dating. If you choose marriage you have wasted valuable resources of the seminary or retreat center. Either way it is selfish.Both paths need to be discerned individually.
  3. Neophyte status - being a neophyte - or new to the Church is actually an impediment to the priesthood in a lot of circumstances.
You need to find a spiritual director immediately and go over all of this - or could it be that maybe your priest in your original post or has said part of this to you in his comment “Maybe you are called to marriage” and you have not heard him.
I am trying to do my best. I think that the priest whom I mentioned was just making a suggestion about the possibility of marriage; he himself said that struggled with whether stay in major seminary once he was there- though for a different reason. As for being new to the Church, that is why I have been told to wait for 2 or 3 years after my confirmation before entering a community or matriculating a a seminary.
 
I am trying to do my best. I think that the priest whom I mentioned was just making a suggestion about the possibility of marriage; he himself said that struggled with whether stay in major seminary once he was there- though for a different reason. As for being new to the Church, that is why I have been told to wait for 2 or 3 years after my confirmation before entering a community or matriculating a a seminary.
Yes, most communities and diocese will require this.

But while you are waiting you can do things that will help you along.

One of them is to get a spiritual director, they do not just help you will discernment but also with your over all prayer and spiritual life.

Another thing to do is to get involved in your parish. I know of applicants who are told that they will not be accepted at this time (time of their application) because they have not been involved in their parish. How can one feel a calling to the religious life and/or the priesthood but not have it show through parish involvement?

If you are still in college you can take some philosophy and Catholic theology undergraduate courses (but only if you are at a Catholic institution as most major seminaries will not accept such courses from non-Catholic institutions).

You can go on retreats, especially “come and see” and vocation retreats. Some communities might not allow you to come to a “come and see” yet as they may use this retreat to see if you are “ready” to apply but others treat their “come and see” retreat as more open.

Just a few ideas. If you are interested in a particular community and they have a secular order and they have a presence in your area you can get in touch with them to get a better grounding in the charism of the community.

If there is no such group you can still find books and do a self study on such.

For example, there are a lot of books on the Carmelites and Jesuits out there. You might contact a member of the community you are interested in for suggestions.
 
Yes, most communities and diocese will require this.

But while you are waiting you can do things that will help you along.

One of them is to get a spiritual director, they do not just help you will discernment but also with your over all prayer and spiritual life.

Another thing to do is to get know of applicainvolved in your parish. I nts who are told that they will not be accepted at this time (time of their application) because they have not been involved in their parish. How can one feel a calling to the religious life and/or the priesthood but not have it show through parish involvement?

If you are still in college you can take some philosophy and Catholic theology undergraduate courses (but only if you are at a Catholic institution as most major seminaries will not accept such courses from non-Catholic institutions).

You can go on retreats, especially “come and see” and vocation retreats. Some communities might not allow you to come to a “come and see” yet as they may use this retreat to see if you are “ready” to apply but others treat their “come and see” retreat as more open.

Just a few ideas. If you are interested in a particular community and they have a secular order and they have a presence in your area you can get in touch with them to get a better grounding in the charism of the community.

If there is no such group you can still find books and do a self study on such.

For example, there are a lot of books on the Carmelites and Jesuits out there. You might contact a member of the community you are interested in for suggestions.
Thank you very much for advice, Brother David. I shall certainly attempt to do things like those that you have just suggested. As for becoming more active in one’s parish, would an example be offering to serve as a catechist or lector (after confirmation, of course)? As for doing something like being a eucharistic minister, I do not think that one can just ask to
become one.
 
Thank you very much for advice, Brother David. I shall certainly attempt to do things like those that you have just suggested. As for becoming more active in one’s parish, would an example be offering to serve as a catechist or lector (after confirmation, of course)? As for doing something like being a eucharistic minister, I do not think that one can just ask to
become one.
Yes, that is it. Also many parishes have a volunteer committee you might want to investigate if yours does and see what all you can get involved with.

I would suggest lectoring and altar serving to begin with. I know most altar servers are young but most can not serve at a daily mass, if you could do that it would be a good thing as you will most likely have to do so at the major seminary or within a community at some time.

Also most catechists need a certificate from the diocese which requires that you take courses through the diocese or approved by the diocese. It might be a good thing to look into it.

My parish involvement was helping to start up a Bible Study and helping to lead it as well as working within a group that set up a lecture series on Eastern Spirituality and giving one of the talks. I also lectored a little bit and served at the altar. Right after RCIA I was a sacristan and trained to be an EMHC but then I switched to a Melkite parish (which is were I lectored (had to chant the epistle) and served as well as all the other parish involvement took place).

I did not get a spiritual director until I started the application process. I had a priest friend who kind of mentored me but he was too far away for direction. This is something that after I started I kicked myself for not starting earlier.
 
Yes, that is it. Also many parishes have a volunteer committee you might want to investigate if yours does and see what all you can get involved with.

I would suggest lectoring and altar serving to begin with. I know most altar servers are young but most can not serve at a daily mass, if you could do that it would be a good thing as you will most likely have to do so at the major seminary or within a community at some time.

Also most catechists need a certificate from the diocese which requires that you take courses through the diocese or approved by the diocese. It might be a good thing to look into it.

My parish involvement was helping to start up a Bible Study and helping to lead it as well as working within a group that set up a lecture series on Eastern Spirituality and giving one of the talks. I also lectored a little bit and served at the altar. Right after RCIA I was a sacristan and trained to be an EMHC but then I switched to a Melkite parish (which is were I lectored (had to chant the epistle) and served as well as all the other parish involvement took place).

I did not get a spiritual director until I started the application process. I had a priest friend who kind of mentored me but he was too far away for direction. This is something that after I started I kicked myself for not starting earlier.
All right.
 
Please get the book “When God Asks for an Undivided Heart” by Fr. Andrew Apostoli. (He is a priest in the same community as Fr. Groeschel.) This book is about celibacy. It will be helpful to you, I promise!
 
Please get the book “When God Asks for an Undivided Heart” by Fr. Andrew Apostoli. (He is a priest in the same community as Fr. Groeschel.) This book is about celibacy. It will be helpful to you, I promise!
Thank you; it sounds interesting.
 
Your hormones seem to be working fine. It is natural for a man to have desires.

The question is do you hear a calling from God to be a priest; or is this something you think you want to be.

You seem to be concerned more about your natural instinct and have doubts about being able to control your natural desire.

I recommend fasting and deny yourself your favorite food or drink. This will help you to train your will power. Focus on your spiritual and mental health and start the rosary.

Our Lady can provide you the strength you are searching for.

This is a serious decision and should not be taken lightly.
 
I am a bit of a romantic. If one sets boundaries, would having a Platonic relationship with a girl (as long as the couple does not do foolish things like sleeping in the same bed with the intention of increasing their self-control) be necessarily dangerous? Such a relationship is sometimes prejoratively referred to as an emotional affair, but if honesty is maintained, can it be morally acceptable? I find it very hard to make friends and, even if I become a priest, I think that it would still be nice to have companionship with a lady(i.e. as my “soul-mate”).
 
I am a bit of a romantic. If one sets boundaries, would having a Platonic relationship with a girl (as long as the couple does not do foolish things like sleeping in the same bed with the intention of increasing their self-control) be necessarily dangerous? Such a relationship is sometimes prejoratively referred to as an emotional affair, but if honesty is maintained, can it be morally acceptable? I find it very hard to make friends and, even if I become a priest, I think that it would still be nice to have companionship with a lady(i.e. as my “soul-mate”).
Actually, no. A celibate priest should not have a “soul-mate” relationship with a lady. Celibacy is not only a matter of not getting married, or not having sex. It would be dangerous to the priest’s commitment to celibacy, because we are, afterall, designed to be attractive to the opposite sex. Also, imagine the position that it would put the “lady friend” in. She would not be fulfilling her own vocation to marriage or celibacy or to being leaven in the world as a single person. I doubt that being a celibate priest’s soul mate is her vocation. Those called to celibacy need to have a prudent discretion to protect their commitment. Celibacy is not only about not getting married and not having sex. It encompasses all of our sexuality, in a particular way our emotional/relational selves. One other problem- it could be a serious source of scandal, even if “nothing” explicitly sexual took place.
 
Actually, no. A celibate priest should not have a “soul-mate” relationship with a lady. Celibacy is not only a matter of not getting married, or not having sex. It would be dangerous to the priest’s commitment to celibacy, because we are, afterall, designed to be attractive to the opposite sex. Also, imagine the position that it would put the “lady friend” in. She would not be fulfilling her own vocation to marriage or celibacy or to being leaven in the world as a single person. I doubt that being a celibate priest’s soul mate is her vocation. Those called to celibacy need to have a prudent discretion to protect their commitment. Celibacy is not only about not getting married and not having sex. It encompasses all of our sexuality, in a particular way our emotional/relational selves. One other problem- it could be a serious source of scandal, even if “nothing” explicitly sexual took place.
All right. However, I was not talking about living in the same house or preventing a woman from finding her vocation in life. I would certainly let her marry or enter religious life if she wishes; I would merely want to remain in her life.
 
I did not think that you meant living with a woman. But spending a lot of time with a woman when you are a celibate man is not only dangerous for your own vocation, but also scandalous to everyone else. Also, if she were to invest a lot of energy into you that is energy she is not investing in what God is calling her to in her life. That was my point about keeping her from her vocation. She needs to be about God’s business.

Celibacy is indeed not easy. Not everyone is called to live this way.

Do you have a spiritual director?
 
I did not think that you meant living with a woman. But spending a lot of time with a woman when you are a celibate man is not only dangerous for your own vocation, but also scandalous to everyone else. Also, if she were to invest a lot of energy into you that is energy she is not investing in what God is calling her to in her life. That was my point about keeping her from her vocation. She needs to be about God’s business.

Celibacy is indeed not easy. Not everyone is called to live this way.

Do you have a spiritual director?
Thank you for your advice. I have not had the chance to speak with my pastor as whether he would be willing to advice me spiritually, but I intend to ask him.
 
I see what you are saying, though. If I become a priest, I am going to have to attempt to do whatever I reasonably can to avoid falling in love. I would not want to break my vow of chastity (or promise of celibacy in the case of the secular priesthood) or cause a lot of heartache to myself or another person. As I have said, I am a romantic, but there is apparently such a thing as too much melodrama.
 
My long reply:

I think I am also a romantic, and I think I understand where you are coming from. From an idealistic and supernatural point of view, the idea of celibacy - of dedicating your being wholly to a particular pious/apostolic path, can actually be romantic. It sure was for me, especially in the beginning.

I was called to be a numerary member of Opus Dei back when I was 18, though the years before I also had the crisis of “burning with lust”. I had to show first stabilizing in holy purity before being admitted. But after living the celibate comittment for 6 years (while doing my university studies in hard science) I left that vocation. It was a bad way for me to leave because I grew lukewarm - not caring for the daily prayers and devotions and so forth - and in this weakness (and stress from studies perhaps and various other things), I felt lonely, and finally I fell in love with a girl. I caused scandal in the sense that I tried to secretly date the girl even as a numerary, before I eventually just decided to leave and pursue the girl openly.

Eventually I saw my mistake, and tried to reconcile with Our Lord, and broke up with the girl (like you we were, naturally, burning with Lust). It was very very painful. I would really suggest you follow a path where you don’t break a woman’s heart, because it is one of the worst things a romantic and religious guy can do (to women you must seem to be a decent person and attractive).

Burning with Lust is true for most people with fallen nature, it is how you are able to manage this passion and channel it that matters. All that passion can be fuel for you to be energetic in so many other activities that engage you in generosity, service, and so forth. And it is discerning within that spirit of prayer, service and generosity where perhaps you would find your apostolic/priestly vocation clearer, if indeed you have one.

In Opus Dei, there are only a handful of celibate (numerary) vocations actually - most of the members (supernumeraries) are those who are called to marry or are open to marriage. Being a supernumerary member of Opus Dei does not disallow you from discovering a further vocation to celibacy and even priesthood, if you have not married yet, and if such is discerned by you and your spiritual director. So despite previous comments on the contrary, and in spite of the fact that you find Escriva and Opus Dei spirituality excellent (what I understood), it could be that you would be happy to participate in Opus Dei activities with an eye towards a supernumerary vocation.

The thing is, I believe young people nowadays take more time to discover themselves, so I would advise against having to rush.

It could be that you do your medical studies, discover a vocation to Opus Dei as a supernumerary, discover a further vocation to become a numerary, discover a further vocation to the priesthood. (That as only a strict possibility, it should be clear that the supernumerary vocation in Opus Dei is a vocation you discern towards marriage or possible future marriage). In that way, your medical studies would not have been “wasted” per se - all priests of Opus Dei have experienced professional life and have obtained secular university degrees, before they entered the seminary - and this lay /professional background actually helps them in their ministry as pastors of lay people following a lay spirituality and apostolate. So in that sense the professional studies did not just “go to waste”. FYI, the second prelate of Opus Dei had a doctorate degree in engineering, beside theology, and he ended up becoming a bishop, and one of the first priests of Opus Dei was first a doctor before entering the seminary and becoming a priest.

Note that if you are called to marriage you still have to fulfill the role of spiritual fatherhood to your children and soul-partner to your wife - which are not the same as priesthood, but can also be “romantic” in the supernatural sense.

And if you are called to marriage you will still have to manage your lust. Celibacy requires, out of love for Jesus, keeping guard of ones senses, and heart, so as to protect it from “falling in love” with a woman (where I failed, for example). But marriage also requires similar guards, so that you preserve your heart for your wife and conserve your love first to your family. So either way, you will need to face your lust, manage it, and hopefully overcame the habit of lust.

In summary if you are romantic, have a desire to study a secular university degree, have a desire to play a “priestly” or perhaps apostolic role to those around you, but also seek/romanticize about a hypothetical future spiritual companionship with a woman soul-mate, why not consider a marriage companionship with such a soul-mate, possibly as a supernumerary of Opus Dei.

You can PM me if you have further questions about Opus Dei, though note that I am not a current member, just an ex member and current fan. 👍
 
My long reply:
I really appreciate your advice and for explaining by detailed example. Your story is certainly intriguing. That being said, I do not know whether or not I would want to enter Opus Dei, even as a supernumerary. However, I may consider it. As regarding celibacy, I really feel that God wants to be a priest. If He does not, then there are always other spiritual paths, including those that involve the married life.
 
Maybe you have a calling to be a teenager for the time being. If you can’t control the lust then you are not called to either marriage or the priesthood, so put off both until you settle down emotionally.

Why would God call a person to the priesthood just so that he can suffer even more from a problem that should have deterred him from the priesthood in the first place? You sound like a 1970s vocation director.
Are you confusing “LUST” with a normal manly desire? Such as normality is not wrong in any way because it is normal. Where would we be if there were no sexul desires? There would be no people and we do not want that.
Yes, pray that you may have careful discernment but give yourself some slack and take the desire for what it is. Even clergy have such desires but are able to put them aside for what they consider higher and more valuable to the life that they have chosen.
 
Are you confusing “LUST” with a normal manly desire? Such as normality is not wrong in any way because it is normal. Where would we be if there were no sexul desires? There would be no people and we do not want that.
Yes, pray that you may have careful discernment but give yourself some slack and take the desire for what it is. Even clergy have such desires but are able to put them aside for what they consider higher and more valuable to the life that they have chosen.
Thank you. I think that my obsession with girls is unhealthy, though. In addition, it is almost as I want to make a mistake, since it could be very “romantic” (like the love-story of Cardinal de Bricassart and Maggie Cleary in “The Thornbirds”). That is a serious problem, since adultery and fornication are mortal sins and such behavior can have serious consequences. We should never glorify sin in any way.
 
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