Burnout - Hard attending church, what is right?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Ignatiusmeansfire
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
I

Ignatiusmeansfire

Guest
Hello! I converted to Catholicism 3 years ago and it has been one of the best decisions of my life.

Although one year ago i was afflicted by “Burnout Syndrome”, from too much work, relationsship issues among other things. One of the bigger factors were also the fact that i lived far too much to please people around me.

After a year of getting better i can still just work 25% and housework and such is taxing, seeing friends is rare due to lack of energy. I am getting better but it will take a couple years longer.

So to my question, i have for a long time now been to church every sunday. Half of the times it has felt great, even though it has taken ALOT of energy. But half of the times i have done it because “i should”.

Since i have had, and have now a very limited supply of energy i usually choose between going to church at sunday or doing SOMETHING else during the weekend, like seeing a friend for coffee, or cleaning the apartment. And i have more and more times felt worse and worse going to church the sundays when i have really not “felt for it”. I have also developed some Anxiety issues together with all and forcing myself to go to church those times do induce panic attacks.

So i have more or less started to feel that it is not really God’s will for me to attend church every sunday as of now and for months in the future. But then, if i really want to i could attend every sunday, and just sacrifice other things.

Can i go to church “When i feel like it” and still be a catholic? I really love the church.
 
I think the more important issue is not whether you can only go to Mass when you feel like it, but rather why you’d not feel like it with some frequency. You talk about burnout and anxiety and panic attacks. Are you taking appropriate steps to deal with those things? Depending on the severity of them, it might be cause for missing Mass from time to time, but that’s a matter of conscience and something which should be taken up in consultation with your priest.

-Fr ACEGC
 
Ignatiusmeansfire said:
So i have more or less started to feel that it is not really God’s will for me to attend church every sunday as of now and for months in the future.
Click to expand...
Well… God’s will can’t be to do something that is possibly a sin. It’s an obligation for Catholics to attend Mass on Sunday. Unless you have some grave reason then mass must take priority every time.

If it’s a case of mass or visit a friend then you need to think of making other arrangements to see your friend.
I know anxiety can be crippling but one way of keeping it around is by giving in to it rather than learning to manage it.
 
I think it’s probably best to sit down (or speak on phone) with your pastor to discuss the matter. It would not be God’s will for you to not attend Mass. If it is, hang with my friend or go to Mass, that’s certainly not a good enough reason. If you are seeking help for your anxiety, but simply can’t get past the panic some Sunday mornings, that might be a just cause for missing Mass.

Does crowd size affect you? Perhaps, one of the parishes around has lower Mass attendance or is more chapel sized? I’m not pretending to say this would help, but is there a way to alter your thinking from “Mass being an obligation” to “Mass is in my buddy Jesus’ house. No big deal. My home away from home to rest and restore.”?
 
Last edited:
I would also add to the words of Father, please seek a full medical workup.
Viruses can be lingering and leave us with little energy, for example.
 
Last edited:
Yes, I agree with the general consensus on this. Speak to your Priest. Speak to an authorized medical personnel and definitely offer it up in Prayer to God for guidance.
 
Hello Father,
I too have low energy at times. (Getting to Mass and coming home takes two buses there and back, and three hours total time.) I understand what the OP is going through.

I’m wondering if the original poster would qualify for the Holy Eucharist to be brought to him? How sick does one have to be to receive this?
 
Lara said:
I’m wondering if the original poster would qualify for the Holy Eucharist to be brought to him? How sick does one have to be to receive this?
Click to expand...
That would also be within the judgment of the local pastor. I could certainly see it being an option for severe anxiety, but I think most priests would encourage the person to seek mental health care as well.
 
One thing I truly hate doing…
is attending church dog tired.
However, if youhaven’t attended church in weeks - look out !
You DON’T want that habit.
In winter - it snows - roads are dangerous - church miles away.
You have to factor in - even sickness. The flu.
 
Seagull said:
One thing I truly hate doing…
is attending church dog tired.
However, if youhaven’t attended church in weeks - look out !
You DON’T want that habit.
In winter - it snows - roads are dangerous - church miles away.
You have to factor in - even sickness. The flu.
Click to expand...
It’s my understanding this can be a valid reason to miss, especially a really bad storm.
 
Ignatiusmeansfire said:
So i have more or less started to feel that it is not really God’s will for me to attend church every sunday as of now and for months in the future. But then, if i really want to i could attend every sunday, and just sacrifice other things.
Click to expand...
Just out of curiosity, how often do you pray? How often do you go to confession?
 
First i’m very happy for all the quick answers. It is nice to see you guys care 🙂

I have been seeing both a doctor and psychologist regularly the last year. And i am improving and today know quite well what triggers anxiety with more. Crowd size is a factor, we have only one church, but attending weekday mass is easier then sunday mass.

The main thing that triggers the anxiety according to my psychologist is doing things i “Don’t really feel like”, but do feel obliged to do. It can be anything from accepting extra work at work. Seeing a friend when i don’t really feel like having the energy for it. Or going to church. Both medical professionals pretty much agree i should not do any of those things when i do not “feel like it”. If it feels hard i should not do it that time, church or see a friend or whatever.

This is in an extreme contradiction to how i have lived my life. I have lived my life in extreme accordance to “what i should do” and what people expect me to do. Which is the main problem that triggered the burnout.

So i guess the main issue could really be, why do i not feel like going every sunday? Why do i feel the need to “prioritize” seeing friends sometimes or cleaning the apartment or shopping food instead of attending mass.

It scares me to think it is a lack of faith, but obviously, with an unbreakable faith those things are not important i guess?

I try to pray daily, anything from 5-30 minutes, maybe as expected, it has been less the last 2-3 weeks when i have not attended church.

I have talked to my priest about the issue, but it’s a hard matter to understand and discuss. He mostly says i should try to come when i can, try not to make it a habit missing sundays and that’s that.

I do not really know what kind of answers i am looking for. I struggle as of now and i am also afraid of getting further from the faith. But thanks for taking the time.
 
Does your church offer a Saturday vigil? It counts as a Sunday Mass, but is usually much smaller.
 
Ignatiusmeansfire said:
But half of the times i have done it because “i should”.
Click to expand...
It is a fact that our Spirit is willing, but our flesh is weak. The world, the flesh, and the devil conspire to keep us away from Jesus. This is where discipline carries us through the wall of resistance. Although it is ideal that we should go to Mass out of our love for Jesus, going because we “should” is just as good for our souls. The graces present to us in Mass are there whether we drag ourselves or run with eagerness to arrive.
Ignatiusmeansfire said:
Can i go to church “When i feel like it” and still be a catholic?
Click to expand...
I am sure that Jesus and the Apostles also encountered times when they “just did not feel like it”. Jesus prayed in the Garden that the cup of suffering pass by Him, but He said “Nevertheless, not what I will but what thou wilt”.

Remember that the Source of your life and energy is in the Mass:

“So Jesus said to them, “Very truly, I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you.” John 6:53

When you faithfully seek first the Kingdom, everything else will be added to you!
 
guanophore said:
The world, the flesh, and the devil conspire to keep us away from Jesus. This is where discipline carries us through the wall of resistance. Although it is ideal that we should go to Mass out of our love for Jesus, going because we “should” is just as good for our souls.
Click to expand...
You had me at hello.

Truthfully. The goal of the spiritual life is that love of God moves us, motivates us. Not the pleasure desired by the flesh, the approval of the world, or the lies promised by the evil one.

Intellect, faith, & reasoning choosing what is right.

But I think the OP has other issues. I believe you make a very good point nonetheless.
 
Cjbhoward said:
But I think the OP has other issues. I believe you make a very good point nonetheless.
Click to expand...
Yes, the advice to seek direction from the priest is the most important whenever there are health issues involved.

What I know from experience is that even if Mass is all I can manage on a Weekend (I have energy and health issues also) it has to be my first priority, even if I give up other things I want to do. If I don’t do this, then it opens a wedge through which a continual stream of rationalizing keeps inserting itself and I will end up making excuses to myself. I am caring for an elderly family member and a disabled family member and find it much easier to use this situation to miss Mass than to make myself go when its hard.
 
guanophore said:
What I know from experience is that even if Mass is all I can manage on a Weekend (I have energy and health issues also) it has to be my first priority, even if I give up other things I want to do. If I don’t do this, then it opens a wedge through which a continual stream of rationalizing keeps inserting itself and I will end up making excuses to myself. I am caring for an elderly family member and a disabled family member and find it much easier to use this situation to miss Mass than to make myself go when its hard.
Click to expand...
The difficulty when anxiety is involved is keeping that from sliding into a greater sense of obligation and tension due to feeling like you “have to”.
 
Just a suggestion that may or may not work for you, but I’ve gone through some apathetic stages of my life when things get busy, and it may help to shake up which mass you’re going to. Maybe try going at the time of the week you’re feeling most up to it. You should still try to go every week though.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top