"business days" and "love days" within a relationship

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cojrio

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Hello all,

My girl told me about this thing she has that she refers to as “business days” and “love days”, and basically what this means is that some days are “business days” to her which means the feelings aren’t all there or not quite as strong, and then other days are “love days” where the feelings are all there and she’s twitterpated, I guess.

Anyway, especially all you females out there, could you shed some light on this? She claims it’s all induced by hormones and nothing for me to worry about, but it seems a bit odd to me that her feelings for me would be fluctating so much on a day to day basis, especially since we’ve been dating for only 2 months. I do feel kind of bad about it, and just the thought of her feelings for me going down, on random days makes me feel uneasy, especially since it is so early in the relationship.
 
Hmmmmm…she sounds a bit flaky, honestly. At this point in your relationship, she shouldn’t feel “business-like” at all. That can happen later on down the road, much later, after you’re married and busy with children and a life. I don’t know…this girl just sounds like she’s got some different ideas about how life works.

🤷

This is not a generally female thing, though.
 
Well, it’s not that unusual to feel slightly differently about someone from day-to-day, even if you’ve only been dating for a couple of months. Sometimes you feel lovey-dovey, and sometimes you don’t. Personally, hormones have a pretty big impact on me as well- not that they’re the deciding factor in how I feel, but if I’m tired or feeling sick or just blah, I’m not that excited about anything.

However, I do find it a little weird that your girlfriend actually has a name for these times. Most people don’t spend too much time thinking about it. Was she trying to explain it in response to concerns you had, or did she just out of the blue tell you she feels differently about you from time to time?
 
Love is fast more than fuzzy feelings.
Marriage must be based on committed love. Not hormonal feelings whichwill fade and dissapear.
 
cojrio said:
Hello all,

My girl told me about this thing she has that she refers to as “business days” and “love days”, and basically what this means is that some days are “business days” to her which means the feelings aren’t all there or not quite as strong, and then other days are “love days” where the feelings are all there and she’s twitterpated, I guess.

Anyway, especially all you females out there, could you shed some light on this? She claims it’s all induced by hormones and nothing for me to worry about, but it seems a bit odd to me that her feelings for me would be fluctating so much on a day to day basis, especially since we’ve been dating for only 2 months. I do feel kind of bad about it, and just the thought of her feelings for me going down, on random days makes me feel uneasy, especially since it is so early in the relationship.
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I don’t think this is a general girl thing. It’s certainly not the way I feel when I’m in love with someone. When I’m in love with someone, I feel excessively lovey-dovey all the time. 😊 Sigh.
 
anruari said:
Love is fast more than fuzzy feelings.
Marriage must be based on committed love. Not hormonal feelings whichwill fade and dissapear.
Click to expand...
Reminder: we’re talking about a 2-month relationship. I doubt actual love or marriage are quite on the table.

To the OP, I think it might help to clarify how long you’ve known this person prior to dating. In my eyes, that would make a big difference.

While the labeling does seem somewhat odd, I don’t think you should be too concerned about the behavior itself. This is projection, but she might just be compartmentalizing, which isn’t always a bad thing, but is something she might want to identify and learn that not everyone operates that way.

My girlfriend and I went through a similar situation, and I was the one with the fluctuations. Our language is “work mode” and “not work mode” so maybe her labels aren’t that strange after all 🙂
 
cojrio said:
Hello all,

My girl told me about this thing she has that she refers to as “business days” and “love days”, and basically what this means is that some days are “business days” to her which means the feelings aren’t all there or not quite as strong, and then other days are “love days” where the feelings are all there and she’s twitterpated, I guess.

Anyway, especially all you females out there, could you shed some light on this? She claims it’s all induced by hormones and nothing for me to worry about, but it seems a bit odd to me that her feelings for me would be fluctating so much on a day to day basis, especially since we’ve been dating for only 2 months. I do feel kind of bad about it, and just the thought of her feelings for me going down, on random days makes me feel uneasy, especially since it is so early in the relationship.
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I have been female all my life and I have never heard any thing about “business days” or “love days”. 😃 :confused: 🤷
 
For what it’s worth, I have seen this happen in my relationship to my husband. It is NORMAL to have days when that mushy, gushy, ooey, gooey “he’s the most wonderful man in the world!” feeling isn’t there. (I don’t know, however, if this is normal at the end of only 2 months!)

At the end of the day, love is a choice, not a feeling. My husband and I choose to love each other. Prior to our marriage, we had seen the best and the worst of each other, and felt that it was something we could live with. I think my husband deserves a medal - I had untreated anxiety and depression for years before we were married and for almost the first year after we were married. Admittedly, my worst was pretty bad. But he stuck with me all the same, and he helped me recognize there was a problem and seek treatment for it.

I always say that love is what takes over when the romance isn’t there. While it is important to have romance in your relationship (even after marriage), it can’t be there all the time. Think of it as “dessert” - nice once in a while, but you couldn’t LIVE on it.

Every relationship will go through some stressful times, and some good times, and some “normal” times. This tends to occur in cycles throughout the time you are together. I’m sure if you asked any couple who’s been married for any length of time, that there are good days and bad days. But at the end of the day, your partner is still the one you come home to.
 
She has a weird way of putting it, but of course the degree to which affection for your sweetie distracts you from everything else or conversely everything else you have going on distracts you from your sweetie is going to vary over time. It varies more for some people than for others; I don’t know whether females are more or less prone to it than males.

BTW, take whatever any one person says about the differences between the sexes with a grain of salt. Keep in mind that she may conclude that any way she is different from the fellows she likes the best (whether relative, friend, or boyfriend) must be something that reflects an inherent difference between women and men, when in reality any of those may only differences between her particular temperament and psychology and that of the particular kind of men she happens to consider ideal men. Also, realize that none of us have such a great grasp on the way we ourselves tick as we think, even though we are quite aware of how much everyone we know does not understand about themselves!! IOW, she may be naively assuming that the way she thinks she is by temperament is characteristic of all women, while she may assume her concept of your temperament is characteristic of all men.
 
cojrio said:
Hello all,

My girl told me about this thing she has that she refers to as “business days” and “love days”, and basically what this means is that some days are “business days” to her which means the feelings aren’t all there or not quite as strong, and then other days are “love days” where the feelings are all there and she’s twitterpated, I guess.

Anyway, especially all you females out there, could you shed some light on this? She claims it’s all induced by hormones and nothing for me to worry about, but it seems a bit odd to me that her feelings for me would be fluctating so much on a day to day basis, especially since we’ve been dating for only 2 months. I do feel kind of bad about it, and just the thought of her feelings for me going down, on random days makes me feel uneasy, especially since it is so early in the relationship.
Click to expand...
That’s connected with the idea that many women have: that a man should be present whenever they feel like it, and absent when they feel like it, or even absent when they don’t
feel like he should be present.

It’s a totally one-sided relationship balance, just like “liberty of contract” when a small vendor negotiates with a corporation and they’re both nominally equal, but we know what it’s gonna look like.

Ironically, women stress the importance of “mood”, “moment” etc. for themselves, but expect men to have an on/off switch (preferably with a button that presses itself too, so you don’t have to move a finger).

Some psychological research says the Web 2.0 generation prefers online to real life because there’s control over when meetings happen, for how long, and so on.

This is not an indictment. I’m not talking about an evil thing here, some horrible act or anything of the sort. It’s basically some kind of social dysfunction, civilisational disease.

Please realise that you have a right to your own rhythm, not an obligation to follow a woman’s only (let alone guess it, should that be the cause). You can have feelings too. You can have moods. You too can not feel like meeting or talking or whatever, and you too can move or decline arrangements. The rights are supposed to be equal. Don’t become a submissive.

Disclaimer: I’m not saying men never act like that. Perhaps they do, such as when they are the party that cares less, thus has less to lose if the relationship ends, and consequently has more control.
 
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