Business Trip = Miss Mass For Most Of Year

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Xanthippe_Voorhees said:
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BoomBoomMancini:
It’s pronounced “dependapotomas.”
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LOL!

Good one. Seriously people. Your spouse is in the military. What do you expect???

These days most non-entry-level civilians in the corporate world have to travel–sometimes extensively.
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My husband - who does work, I might add - says he’s not a Dependapotamus, but a “TRICAREatops”. 😆😆😆😆
 
Pup7 said:
I could fill all available slots in about a week. 🤣🤣 I have met some doozies.
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I wouldn’t doubt it.
Pup7 said:
My husband - who does work, I might add - says he’s not a Dependapotamus, but a “TRICAREatops”. 😆😆😆😆
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That’s hysterical.

And back to the point about military spouses and divorce rates. The military is different, it really is a poor case study. You have far different circumstances surrounding deployment (including the feeling of choice) and the trauma of the returning soldier who often needs more TLC than the family he’s returning to. In the non-officer ranks, you have women who have been caring for several children with little help often in cruddy TLQ’s and less than food stamp level funds. They often get lumped in with single moms which is grossly unfair becuase they do have a spouse who they need to help, too.
 
I’m a Catholic from China living in the US. Which city are you going to? Circumstances vary greatly from one area to another. (depending on the local govt, bishop, etc)
 
Xanthippe_Voorhees said:
The military is different, it really is a poor case study. You have far different circumstances surrounding deployment (including the feeling of choice) and the trauma of the returning soldier who often needs more TLC than the family he’s returning to. In the non-officer ranks, you have women who have been caring for several children with little help often in cruddy TLQ’s and less than food stamp level funds. They often get lumped in with single moms which is grossly unfair becuase they do have a spouse who they need to help, too.
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I’m just speaking of the straight divorce rate. It’s off by about one percentage point. It’s not massively skewed compared to the civilian world.

There’s actually very little “cruddy” military housing left. Go take a look on some base websites. I can tell you they’re accurate - to the point that we’re living on base here because it’s a better deal than what housing costs off base. Took me a few months to get a house, but it’s well worth it. And that goes for enlisted and officer housing. (I’ve been both in my day.)

In many places people actually choose to live off base because it’s a better value for the buck. (San Antonio was one place - you can buy twice as much house for about $500 below what your BAH is - and to live on base, you surrender your whole BAH). So we do have bases where most of the on-base housing isn’t lived in by active duty people - they’re Reservists and some DOD Federal employees and even retirees.
 
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Pup7 said:
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Xanthippe_Voorhees:
The military is different, it really is a poor case study. You have far different circumstances surrounding deployment (including the feeling of choice) and the trauma of the returning soldier who often needs more TLC than the family he’s returning to. In the non-officer ranks, you have women who have been caring for several children with little help often in cruddy TLQ’s and less than food stamp level funds. They often get lumped in with single moms which is grossly unfair becuase they do have a spouse who they need to help, too.
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I’m just speaking of the straight divorce rate. It’s off by about one percentage point. It’s not massively skewed compared to the civilian world.

There’s actually very little “cruddy” military housing left. Go take a look on some base websites. I can tell you they’re accurate - to the point that we’re living on base here because it’s a better deal than what housing costs off base. Took me a few months to get a house, but it’s well worth it. And that goes for enlisted and officer housing. (I’ve been both in my day.)

In many places people actually choose to live off base because it’s a better value for the buck. (San Antonio was one place - you can buy twice as much house for about $500 below what your BAH is - and to live on base, you surrender your whole BAH). So we do have bases where most of the on-base housing isn’t lived in by active duty people - they’re Reservists and some DOD Federal employees and even retirees.
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I’m speaking of the reality of what military families in the past 10-20 years faced. Even if the divorce rate is higher, it’s completely understandable. TLQ’s have been improved, but the stress of a TLQ isn’t just in the fact that if you yell for TP your neighbor’s liable to hear you and bring a roll over.

The frequency of the moves and the very temporariness of a TLQ is what makes it stressful and cruddy. House buying is just painful. Plus car reg, school reg and a bazillion other things depending on base-available services. It’s enormously taxing and you’re doing it every 2-5 years.

At the end of the day, my point is that military marriages have stressors that civilian marriages simply do not. Laying the blame on separations alone is incredibly short-sighted.
 
Actually, on base housing isn’t built that way anymore. You don’t share walls anymore. And yes, I’m talking about across the ranks. Military housing isn’t “stressful” in the ways that it used to be.

You forget - I’ve been active duty for 16 of the last 25 years, and was raised on military bases. As an enlisted kid.

Buying a house with a VA loan isn’t difficult, and is what most people opt for, again, across ranks. Living in on base housing is no more temporary than renting anywhere else. All on base housing is run by contract companies. The houses here are no smaller than 1500 square feet. The one we live in - which shares a garage wall with the house next door - is 1900 square feet and three bedrooms. Huge by the standards I remember when I was a kid, and far nicer. Again - across ranks. (Our senior enlisted E9 has a nicer house than we do - mostly because he has more dependents, but man - compared to how my E9 brother lived in on base housing, it’s the Taj Mahal. LOL.)

Car registration never changes - they passed a law back in the late 1980s. We don’t change tags every state anymore. Mine are still where they’ve been since I was on active duty when I was enlisted 25 years ago - they didn’t change back then and they haven’t changed now, even with living in six states across both terms of service (I moved back to the state I was living in when I enlisted, and departed for my commissioned years from the same state). I’ve even bought a car while on active duty (three, actually - two when I was enlisted thanks to a wreck, and one since I’ve been back on active duty) and you just transfer tags and the dealer handles it through a website called National DMV. And yes, states and dealers will try to tell people they have to change their tags…but they don’t. Military orders do not establish domicile.

We have stressors, but most of them aren’t what you mention.
 
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I thought we weren’t required to attend the Chinese thurch though? he certainly could, if he wanted to, but I don’t think it’s an obligation ffr mass in this case
 
Pup7 said:
Actually, on base housing isn’t built that way anymore. You don’t share walls anymore. And yes, I’m talking about across the ranks. Military housing isn’t “stressful” in the ways that it used to be.

You forget - I’ve been active duty for 16 of the last 25 years, and was raised on military bases. As an enlisted kid.

Buying a house with a VA loan isn’t difficult, and is what most people opt for, again, across ranks. Living in on base housing is no more temporary than renting anywhere else. All on base housing is run by contract companies. The houses here are no smaller than 1500 square feet. The one we live in - which shares a garage wall with the house next door - is 1900 square feet and three bedrooms. Huge by the standards I remember when I was a kid, and far nicer. Again - across ranks. (Our senior enlisted E9 has a nicer house than we do - mostly because he has more dependents, but man - compared to how my E9 brother lived in on base housing, it’s the Taj Mahal. LOL.)

Car registration never changes - they passed a law back in the late 1980s. We don’t change tags every state anymore. Mine are still where they’ve been since I was on active duty when I was enlisted 25 years ago - they didn’t change back then and they haven’t changed now, even with living in six states across both terms of service (I moved back to the state I was living in when I enlisted, and departed for my commissioned years from the same state). I’ve even bought a car while on active duty (three, actually - two when I was enlisted thanks to a wreck, and one since I’ve been back on active duty) and you just transfer tags and the dealer handles it through a website called National DMV. And yes, states and dealers will try to tell people they have to change their tags…but they don’t. Military orders do not establish domicile.

We have stressors, but most of them aren’t what you mention.
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You speak from your experience and I will speak from mine.
 
Mine spans about 34 years (37, if you count my Reserve time), two services, three continents, enlisted and commissioned time, dependent and active duty, and about twelve states, so I’ll keep speaking from it. Have a good rest of the day.
 
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flatlanderjenn said:
Hello all!

My husband has an opportunity to teach in China for a whole school year (9 months). But in China it’s illegal to be a faithful Catholic. They have government-run Catholic Churches with government-hired priests while the true Church is underground. Which would mean he’d miss Mass for an entire school year! We aren’t sure if they’d allow a bible, allow him to watch Mass on EWTNdotcom or use the Laudate App on his phone for the Sunday readings. (We both like to read the daily readings on Laudate.) Even if he has access to the Liturgy of the Word, he couldn’t have Liturgy of the Eucharist.

My initial reaction is “no way! I don’t care if working there for one school year would pay off our mortgage and we’d be debt free. It seems like trading God for money.” But I wonder if I’m putting too much thought into it because a family friend is spending the summer in China teaching and therefore missing Mass. When he returns he’s going to tell my husband and I about it.

What do you all think?

Thanks!
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I’m with you in your assessment. It’s not worth it.
 
A lot of people are giving opinions without actually being there.

Wrong. The open churches in China ARE in fact state-run. I stayed there for a quarter several years ago, right in the capital city of Beijing. I attended the Patriotic Church Masses. They are illicit, but valid.

In fact, the government of Xi right now is even more hostile to Christians.

You could probably go to an underground Mass, but I don’t know where, nor would I recommend it for your safety.
 
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As a Chinese Catholic, this is mostly correct. However, not all state-run churches are illicit. Many newly ordained bishops are approved by the Holy See and the government. (Although their actual loyalty to the Vatican may be questionable)
 
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If your husband leaves the country for an extended period of time that pastor wont be your husband’s pastor.
 
To add one more dimension to the fight, one of the unique stresses on military marriages is that, for a lot of reasons mostly related to BAH and the desire for stability, a lot of people get married WAY too young. It’s one of the last places in the modern world where a married 19 year old is not super abnormal.
 
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