But I didn't sign up to be celibate!

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JRKH said:
One thing that I noted in your OP that I thought was interesting…The dichotomy between saying how lonely you are and then explaining that you are so busy that you don’t have time for someone else.
I believe that you need to take some time to prayerfully consider this.

As to other matters…
Please do finish the annulment process. This will provide closure and surety as to whether you may consider a new relationship or not.

Once that is complete, and assuming a positive outcome, you might want to consider using a Catholic dating site as a way of meeting like minded, faithful women to correspond with, go to dinner etc. and who knows perhaps even marry one day.

A good woman is not going to need to be expensively entertained. She is going to appreciate that you have responsibilities and will find your fidelity in these responsibilities to be quite attractive.
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Ditto… First things first, get the annulment! After that, you can focus on the rest!
 
TrueLight said:
Amen.

I want to point out that women go through the same things, especially since we tend to want and like affection.

Recently I stumbled upon an ex I hadn’t seen in a while. Suffice it to say he is a source of great temptation.

So I’m basically filling up my time with spiritual things, to thwart the Enemy’s plan.
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I am a 30 year old woman who has never been married (or done anything beyond kissing :o) and I am struggling too. I thought I’d be married by now and having a healthy love life. 🤷 The older I get, the harder it is to control my thoughts.
 
tskrobacz said:
First, I’m sorry for your suffering.

At 32 suffering is often a first step in the awakening process. I suggest you look at Prov 3:5-6 and consider daily readings of scripture. It may not seem so now but it has been shown by many that the cure for loneliness is solitude. In that solitude you will find your true self and hopefully your true God. As one theologian put it…we suffer to get well, we die to live, we surrender to win and we give it away to get it…journey well.
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I need to figure out the difference between being alone and solitude. I spend a lot of time by myself and am naturally introverted so I don’t mind it–I need that alone time. But in regards to being single and lonely, maybe focusing more on solitude will help me not to feel so tragic about being single lol.
 
SeekNFind said:
I need to figure out the difference between being alone and solitude. I spend a lot of time by myself and am naturally introverted so I don’t mind it–I need that alone time. But in regards to being single and lonely, maybe focusing more on solitude will help me not to feel so tragic about being single lol.
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Exactly. Big difference between being alone and lonely. I don’t mind the former, but am sick and tired of the latter.
 
Trelow said:
First off I’m not sure if this goes here, has more to do with my vocation than anything else I suppose.

I’m a 32 year old divorced father of four. The divorce wasn’t my choice really, but well, stuff happens. What. Do. I. Do? I wouldn’t have gotten married if I wanted to spend my life as a eunuch. It’s not only the physical relationship, which I miss greatly, it’s the connection to someone else. The loneliness is suffocating.

I don’t know what my question is really. I’m just struggling with this greatly. Even if I did complete my annulment paperwork and a decree of nullity was issued, between taking care of my kids 4 days a week, teaching PSR, and time with the Knights, I don’t really have the time for anyone else, let alone the money after having my meager paycheck halved.

I know I just need to suck it up and deal with it, but the weight is crushing me. I’m an intelligent, funny, good looking, faithful guy, and I spend nearly every moment either alone or with my kids. I didn’t sign up for this.
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God doesn’t always give us more than one choice on how to follow Him without sinning. You are from Platte City- I know your area very well. There are numerous opportunities to get involved with activities in the diocese- including a ministry for young adults. If you feel like you are being crushed, perhaps the things you are involved in are not helping you- and you need to find other areas. Find a spiritual director- I know of at least five priests near you who would be great at it.
Trelow said:
I know that I’m mostly just throwing a pity party. I’ve just been having a near breakdown the last week or so, this load is too much for someone as weak as myself. Certainly God has more faith in me than I do in Him.
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It’s ok to throw a pity party now and then- just don’t stay there. I am sorry you are struggling- know that you are not alone.
 
SeekNFind said:
I am a 30 year old woman who has never been married (or done anything beyond kissing :o) and I am struggling too. I thought I’d be married by now and having a healthy love life. 🤷 The older I get, the harder it is to control my thoughts.
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Much the same here. As a guy turning 30 in March and never having married, I struggle a lot, too. My thoughts will sometimes take me to dark places and moods, and there are times I’m awfully lonely, but ultimately, I have to realize two things to keep myself going:
  1. God loves me, and all of us. This is indisputable, given the overflowing bounty of examples He has and will always set forth for us. He IS love.
  2. God can do anything He wants to do, when He wants to do it. Again, indisputable, given all the examples we have.
Number 2 helps me to lay a solid groundwork for my Faith, and Number 1 tells me why He’s not answering my prayers right away, or in the manner I’d like best: He’s not going to do anything that would be against His love for me or others. I know in my heart I wouldn’t want Him to.

I know this is all largely preaching to the choir, so to speak, but sometimes hearing it can really help a person along during dark times.

To the OP and the rest of the folks here, yer all in my prayers. Much love.
 
Lochias said:
  1. God loves me, and all of us. This is indisputable, given the overflowing bounty of examples He has and will always set forth for us. He IS love.
  2. God can do anything He wants to do, when He wants to do it. Again, indisputable, given all the examples we have.
Number 2 helps me to lay a solid groundwork for my Faith, and Number 1 tells me why He’s not answering my prayers right away, or in the manner I’d like best: He’s not going to do anything that would be against His love for me or others. I know in my heart I wouldn’t want Him to.
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Amen! Thank you for this. I really believe that God has really been speaking to me lately and my mind is in a completely different place than it was 2 weeks ago. I feel calm and full of love for Him.
 
SeekNFind said:
Amen! Thank you for this. I really believe that God has really been speaking to me lately and my mind is in a completely different place than it was 2 weeks ago. I feel calm and full of love for Him.
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You’re very welcome. 👍 Different perspectives and all that, right?
 
SeekNFind said:
Amen! Thank you for this. I really believe that God has really been speaking to me lately and my mind is in a completely different place than it was 2 weeks ago. I feel calm and full of love for Him.
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What did you do that helped? I was legally married 25 years and civilly divorced 2 1/2…I am having the pity party now! … Is it contagious or something? LOL!
Maybe it is the holidays…
 
rainbow1 said:
What did you do that helped? I was legally married 25 years and civilly divorced 2 1/2…I am having the pity party now! … Is it contagious or something? LOL!
Maybe it is the holidays…
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Yeah the Holidays don’t help. Have you started the decree of nullity process - however it comes out - it is a healing process.
 
joanofarc2008 said:
Yeah the Holidays don’t help. Have you started the decree of nullity process - however it comes out - it is a healing process.
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Still praying on that one…
One of the posters said it is difficult not having someone be “at your back”…so agree…my dog is pretty good at listening, …I 'm just saying…🙂
 
rainbow1 said:
What did you do that helped? I was legally married 25 years and civilly divorced 2 1/2…I am having the pity party now! … Is it contagious or something? LOL!
Maybe it is the holidays…
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It ebbs and flows. I think it’s normal to have moments when you’re sad about it. But you have to keep moving. With the holidays, it does get very hard. I find when I’m with other people, it’s harder for me because I see what I don’t/can’t have and then I feel lonely. When I’m by myself, I don’t miss the human contact as much. The downside is I’m by myself. I dunno, we just have to find a healthy balance.
 
This time of year is definitely a problem. It hurts being around my family, or anyone’s for that matter, and there is just too much of it around now.
 
Trelow said:
This time of year is definitely a problem. It hurts being around my family, or anyone’s for that matter, and there is just too much of it around now.
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This is my 2nd holiday season being civilly divorced. I’m quite positive it will be easier than last year was for me. I suspect that it will SLOWLY get better each year, but we will see. :o
 
Trelow said:
This time of year is definitely a problem. It hurts being around my family, or anyone’s for that matter, and there is just too much of it around now.
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Trelow…I so know your pain! I found an interesting website this week called Divorcedcatholics.com…they have lots of free broadcasts that are very relevant…discussions on healing…blessings!!!
 
blueadept said:
Thanks! I’ll check that out as well.
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I made a mistake…it is “DivorcedCatholic.org”…no letter s after Catholic.
And also, google Fr. Thomas Williams and Journey of Hope…this is a Cathoic priest who speaks about Catholic divorce and also there is evidently a yearly conference that goes along with this…sounds great!
 
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