Called to Marriage?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Melodeonist
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Melodeonist said:
It’s not just office work. I just don’t like computer science. It’s hellish because it’s very confusing and makes you frustrated. I don’t like sitting down in front of a computer and having to deal with abstract theories and complex logic problems. I can do deep thinking, but I just hate deep thinking. It’s stressful. I don’t want to sit around all day. I like to go places, do different things and such.

In short, I enjoy working with customers face to face. I enjoy working with my eyes, ears, and hands, even if I’m just moving boxes around. I DON’T like having to solve logic problems, and I don’t like having to sit around.
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Then you need to drop your classes and stop wasting your money (or your parent’s money). Although, it’s October so depending on when you started you may be better off sticking it out for the semester. Most end by the middle or end of December. That’s only 3 more months…not a lot of time. Although it sounded like you were doing general ED classes from last check (Accounting, English, etc). Even if the other 3 are CS classes they should easily transfer into an Associates in Liberal Arts.

You NEED a career counselor.

I worked an office job, and let me tell you I NEVER “sat around”. I was making calls, dealing with clients, going to meetings and learning more about doing my job better.

I worked a highly active management job, on my feet 10+ or 12+ hours a day during busy season. ALL I did was solve complex logic problems. “Putting out fires” as we call it.

If you think Police officers don’t solve head-scratching logic problems all day, you have another thing coming. Sure, they aren’t mathematical logic, but I tell you boolean doesn’t hold a candle to drunk logic. 😜

Honestly, you might be better off finding a trade you like–perhaps plumbing or HVAC technician where for 3-5 years you’ll just be doing “grunt” work as an apprentice might be more appealing.
 
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yes, my thoughts, you stress too much about your life.

just start living it. let life happen.

the reason for marriage is love. not to help each other get to heaven.

live life. she will come along in the fullness of time as they say, if its meant to be.
 
at least you are starting to identify what you dont like or want to do.

how about a stint in the military?
 
Just pray about it 🙂 put all your worries and concerns about yourself, dating, marriage, etc into God’s Hands. He is the Creator of your life, He knows where you’re headed, trust in Him!
 
I’ve thought about it. My original plan after getting my associates degree was to join the Air Force and get a computer job there.
 
Well. It seems I was mistaken. There are more members than I thought. Today three guys, one whom I believe is a Catholic for sure the other two not 100% sure, came in. We are still a small group, just not super small. :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

This makes the student count about 7 including me, but excluding an older woman who came in last Thursday. There may be even more who I haven’t met yet.
 
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"Eww, I don’t ever want to get married. I think I will become a priest. I will go to school for computer science. I think I just want to work in a supermarket. I think I might become a priest. Or get married. I think I will become a police officer. Or a priest. Or a graphic artist. Or maybe get married. Or maybe go in the Air Force. "

Seriously, you need help. This is not average 20 year old thinking.

Go get counseling. Stop waiting to just fall into something without making it happen. Stop changing your mind because things involve researching things, or reading, or studying.

If you were my son, I would advise you to finish out the semester and go to work full time while you figure yourself out with the help of multiple counsellors.
 
Melodeonist said:
I’ve thought about it. My original plan after getting my associates degree was to join the Air Force and get a computer job there.
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Have you ever spoken to a recruiter? They don’t just take anyone that walks in the door.

But of course, now that I threw that monkey wrench in there…
 
Mel, the biggest scam pulled on kids of your generation is that old saw “You can be anything you want to be!”

Nope. No, you can’t. Each career involves hard work, study of some form, some sort of internship, interview process, reading, and dedication. No one falls into a career.
Time to get a plan. A real plan. Not just a “wouldn’t it be fun if…” sort of plan.
You may need a 4-year degree or even an advanced degree for any of the many things you’ve expressed an interest in.
Priests enter with a 4-year degree in many dioceses. They get a Masters AT seminary. It’s not all praying and reading the Bible. Seminary is HARD.

Being a cop is hard. Turn on the TV and watch those policemen who were in Vegas when that nutjob pummelled the crowd with bullets.

Being in the military is hard. Long hours, lots of classes, no free time, and grueling physical exertion.

Finish Jr College, and attend a 4 yr school.
Learn to interact with people from all walks of life, and study hard Develop good study habits, Take harder courses, push yourself.

Get a spiritual director to speak with if your parents don’t have the inclination to advise you.

You may have a gift or aptitude for something, but you have not found it yet or else you wouldn’t be flip-flopping all the time.

Becuase you want something, doesn’t mean it will happen. Realize this, and avoid lots of heartache.
 
God has gifted me in graphic design and music. I’d assume graphic design you can make some cash, but musicians don’t usually make enough money to support themselves and a family unless they are a famous rapper or pop star.

I’ve read the replies to my knowledge. The only “reasons” I had in the past for hating marriage and intimate relations was because I was suppressing my libido, being selfish, and fear of my parents reactions if I ever told them I was attracted to women. I’ve overcome the first two, but my fear of my parents and my fear of asking a girl out are still present.

I will get a spiritual director. I want to understand the faith. I don’t want to be confused till the end of my days. I am in contact with a guy at the Need Club who is from the Diocese who has offered to be my spiritual director.
 
I have said this time and time again… there is a FREE (no charge) RCIA study guide and course available online. Keep it handy in case you meet a female who takes your heart and isn’t Catholic “yet.” If a non-Catholic is “the one” she will welcome all of it with open arms, and be engaged in RCIA at the first opportunity!

Marriage (if you find the right one) is great between two confirmed persons. If you meet a woman who was not confirmed, see if she is willing to make that Sacrament. That gives you an opportunity to see how serious she is about the faith and how true she may be to Sacraments in general.

I hope you (and I) can make wonderful sacraments of marriage by finding wonderful women.
 
Why would they be upset that you were dating anyone, or simply asking a person out? What reason could they possibly have for being upset at normal behavior for a person your age?
 
Melodeonist said:
God has gifted me in graphic design and music. I’d assume graphic design you can make some cash, but musicians don’t usually make enough money to support themselves and a family unless they are a famous rapper or pop star.
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False.

You have it backward. A talented musician who can play the piano and ESPECIALLY the organ is highly sought out. While she does not have benefits, my SIL was a music major. She has good ties to the community and now makes really, really good money between afternoon lessons and working with only ONE (non-Catholic) church choir on Sundays, plus one evening of choir practice. She also fills in at the Catholic church Saturday nights and makes VERY good money on the organ. She plays morning funerals and weekend weddings. It’s not 9-5, but she makes good money. More than enough to support a family, albeit she has odd hours that could be hard for a young family.

On the other hand, I know quite a few talented graphic design artists. Quite frankly, the competition has become very, very hard. Very few companies want to pay living wages for graphic work. About the only way that you can get graphic work and a liveable wage today is to be very good at programming and very experienced in web design, including HTML5, Java and others. Just what you’ve indicated you hated.

Of course, if you’d talk to someone in career, you’d be told this. 😶
Melodeonist said:
I’ve read the replies to my knowledge. The only “reasons” I had in the past for hating marriage and intimate relations was because I was suppressing my libido, being selfish, and fear of my parents reactions if I ever told them I was attracted to women. I’ve overcome the first two, but my fear of my parents and my fear of asking a girl out are still present.
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I’m sorry, are we on planet backwards? I’m pretty sure that most parents would think that their 20-year-old son would be interested in women. It’s not exactly strange. Unless your parents have pre-determined that you are gay and need a man, I don’t see why they’d have an issue with you and a woman. Yes, your father has his issues, and yes you argue with your mother to no avail, but you’ve not said a thing that gave the impression that they thought you wouldn’t act, you know, like a man.
Melodeonist said:
I will get a spiritual director. I want to understand the faith. I don’t want to be confused till the end of my days. I am in contact with a guy at the Need Club who is from the Diocese who has offered to be my spiritual director.
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So now you’ve gotten a spiritual director

Time to get appropriate help in other facets of your life.
You need a spiritual director-

And a psychological counselor
And a career counselor
 
Honestly I don’t know. I doubt they would even care in the least. It’s more of a subconscious and irrational fear I have. I guess I’m just uncomfortable discussing anything I’ve never done before to my parents.

Another reason I have this fear is this: I feel my parents, especially my mother, is constantly comparing me to my brother. My brother is 16 and plays video games all day after doing home school, much like I did at his age. My mother and my brother rarely leave the house. I feel my mother wants to keep me her “innocent baby” until the end of my days. This fear is partially irrational, but it has some basis in fact. My mother is very overprotective.

The same happened when I told my parents I wanted to become Catholic. My fear was way overblown. My mother even got me a Bible and rosary book.

The only way to overcome these fears is to confront them. I need to man up and say what I want, easier said than done though as I am very meek. :hugs:
 
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Melodeonist said:
Honestly I don’t know. I doubt they would even care in the least. It’s more of a subconscious and irrational fear I have. I guess I’m just uncomfortable discussing anything I’ve never done before to my parents.
[…]

The same happened when I told my parents I wanted to become Catholic. My fear was way overblown. My mother even got me a Bible and rosary book.

The only way to overcome these fears is to confront them. I need to man up and say what I want, easier said than done though as I am very meek. :hugs:
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I’m going to ask this in all seriousness. Does it never concern you that the thoughts in your head and reality are often extremely loosely corelated?

Or that perhaps this thinking is a bit more serious than a wee bitty case of “man up”
 
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It doesn’t really concern me that much, as there is more I haven’t told. My mother isn’t just overprotective. She thinks I’m still a 5 year old boy in some regards. She beckons me over to the TV if she sees something on it that she wants to show me, even if I’m busy. She doesn’t like to let me clean up stuff if I make a mess. She always steps in.

Most likely this fear stems from my fear of offending people. I feel comfortable discussing all topics with anyone except my family, especially my mother. My father really isn’t overprotective at all. He leaves the house for work and groceries and plays golf with me from time to time. I think my mother’s over-protectiveness stems from homeschooling me (i.e. being around me 24/7 since 2nd grade) and the fact that she rarely leaves the house. She only knows of what happens outside from the news and people telling her stuff.

Well, from experience, the solution is to man up and tell them. It’s hard, but once you do man up the fear of telling/talking to them them about a specific uncomfortable topic will be vanquished,
 
Melodeonist said:
It doesn’t really concern me that much, as there is more I haven’t told. My mother isn’t just overprotective. She thinks I’m still a 5 year old boy in some regards. She beckons me over to the TV if she sees something on it that she wants to show me, even if I’m busy. She doesn’t like to let me clean up stuff if I make a mess. She always steps in.

Most likely this fear stems from my fear of offending people. I feel comfortable discussing all topics with anyone except my family, especially my mother. My father really isn’t overprotective at all. He leaves the house for work and groceries and plays golf with me from time to time. I think my mother’s over-protectiveness stems from homeschooling me (i.e. being around me 24/7 since 2nd grade) and the fact that she rarely leaves the house. She only knows of what happens outside from the news and people telling her stuff.

Well, from experience, the solution is to man up and tell them. It’s hard, but once you do man up the fear of telling/talking to them about a specific uncomfortable topic will be vanquished,
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I’m sure there is more you haven’t told.

I’m sorry but you are an adult living in other adult’s home. Some people are particular about cleaning. It’s HER house. That’s not treating you like a kid…thats wanting HER home in order.

I had roommates in college. Even when I was studying and one was watching TV more often than not when things got funny on Gilmore Girls or tense on Buffy the Vampire Slayer she called me over for this “must see” moment. It’s called living in a community. Normal. normal. normal.

She might not leave the house but you do. Some people are homebodies. My mom is. But she’s fine with all of her children doing things. You have classes, you have work, you volunteer, you go on outings. You are out of the house. It’s not nosy for her to ask you what you’ve done. It’s NORMAL. My mom would stay up to ask how my shift at the convenience store went during the summers when I was home. She had been home all day. But she wasn’t trying to live through me or get news or any of that nonsense. She was trying to maintain a relationship with me.

Now, I get how you’re behaving, because one of my brothers acted a bit like you. He thought going through his day with my Mom was her “smothering” him. It was never “overprotectiveness” it was just their personalities. HE took it the wrong way. All.the.time. My older brother and I just spoke–as adults–to our mom and listened to her litany of warnings.

And guess what? When we moved out we did miss those chats.

Again the world in your head doesn’t seem to match reality.

Perhaps with all that graphic design talent and musical talent you could pick up more lucrative work than a greengrocer and get a roommate or two and try to live on your own? It’d do you a world of good.
 
Melodeonist said:
Then honestly I should be a freelance graphic designer. I already have the skills from using Photoshop all the time. I know I’d be miserable being an office worker. It’s just not for me. Good grades + high pay =/= happiness. :confused:
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Different Xantippe here.

The only problem with that is that you won’t get nearly enough social interaction.
 
You know what, you should be telling all this to your parents. First, pray for courage. Second , make a golf day with your dad. Tell him you are considering these things. Marriage vs Priesthood. Graphic design vs cop/ military/music etc.

Then after discussing all this with your dad and making some resolutions, both of you discuss it with your mum.

Your parents love you. They are married, surely they are for marriage and grandkids.

If is the Priesthood , well thats a road to start going down with your vocations director. It may , or not, be your outcome.

But, you should be having this discussion with your father now.

And its ok to make mistakes.
 
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