Calling all Former Maids of Honor/Brides (Advice needed!)

[Mimi20]

So, to sum it all up: I have no idea what I’m doing!

Well that’s not true, but having been assigned as a MOH I’m seeking some sound pieces of advice.

Particularly what any former brides found to be helpful or thoughtful during/before their wedding.

Bearing in mind, I’m acting across state lines and will be arriving barley 2 days before the actual wedding.

Party planing advice and or ideas also appreciated.

 

[pensmama87]

Ask the bride specifically what she wants you to do, and if you can’t, be upfront and honest about it. Most people are understanding especially if you’re long distance, but weddings can make people nutty and different families have different traditions that they may or may not think everyone does. So just ask.

 

[Allegra]

I just wanted mine to show up and wear the dress I assigned her.

 

[agapewolf]

Pray for them. Offer masses, fast, organize prayer intention support with the other witnesses. Do novenas. Pray with the couple. Talk with them about their marriage prep and their prayer life. Encourage their engagement time to be prayerful.

 

[CatholicRaven]

Ask her.

And be sure to ask whether you’ll be expected to make a speech or toast at the reception–I got blindsided by that one, totally unprepared!

 

[RPRPsych]

Ask her.

And be sure to ask whether you’ll be expected to make a speech or toast at the reception–I got blindsided by that one, totally unprepared!

I can relate to that; though I’ve never been a “best man” (the custom isn’t that common here), I have been blindsided by such requests more often than I care to remember!

 

[Irishmom2]

I just wanted mine to show up and wear the dress I assigned her.

Same here.

You are a maid of honor, not a handmaid. You don’t work for the bride as the Bridezilla shows represent. Ask if there is anything the bride needs help with, but don’t ask what would you like me to do unless you want the responsibility of a project and to make the promise of achieving its perfection.

Obviously if you are rolling into town two days before the wedding, it’s a pretty safe bet that the bride will have everything under control. At least that’s what all those Pinterest pins say.

 

[bitterhope]

I asked my oldest sister to be my matron of honor. My husband had a friend be his best man. The only tasks either of them had was to show up on time to witness our vows because the priest told us we needed two witnesses. I think we asked them the week before the wedding but I can’t remember exactly. We spent much more time preparing for our life together than we did for the ceremony. We married at a regular weekend Mass and the church was packed full of many families and kids. It was nice because my husband had no family in the US but we were surrounded by a community of well wishers and not just my family. I think my husband may have been lonely if only my family and a few of his friends were there but maybe not.

 

[Lorelei12]

I just wanted mine to show up and wear the dress I assigned her.

Me too. Mine also came up to try on dresses once, but as far as planning the wedding goes I did all of it.

That said, she did a lot more that I didn’t expect her to. She threw me an amazing bridal shower and kept track of all my gifts and who gave them so that I could write thank you notes. The day of the wedding she did things like help me get dressed, drove me to the church, kept track of my purse, held my flowers, and gave a speech. One thing that I thought was really nice was she brought an emergency bag of things I might not have thought of- clear nail polish for nylon runs, tissues, etc.

Honestly the most important thing she did was keep me comfortable in general, she was just there the whole time in case I needed anything. The night before the wedding, we had the rehearsal dinner and my bridesmaids spent the night at my apartment and we had the best time talking and laughing; it was like we were back in college. It was just what I needed to calm my nerves.

 

[BioNerd]

I couldn’t resist since I was just a MOH this past March!

First, what definitely helped me out A LOT was simply just asking the Bride what she needed help with and what she wanted to do for her shower/bachelorette parties. Most of the actual wedding planning was taken care of by her and her groom. I mainly helped with helping her say yes to a dress by showing up with her mom, the bridesmaids etc to ‘aww’ at her in the bridal boutiques.

Since you’re out of state, that may make things a little more complicated in regards to planning the Bridal Showers, Lingerie Showers, Bachelorett etc. Of course not all brides want all of these events. My Bride wanted a shower and a bachelorette so I was in charge of organizing it (along with the help of the rest of the bridesmaids). This can be a pretty big financial burden (I spent a total of about $300+ on expenses of being a MOH) so DO NOT be afraid of asking the wedding party to help (mom, mother-in-law, maids). Her MIL got the cake, her mother provided for the catering and the maids and I took care of the decor.

For the bachelorette, definitely ask her for ideas on what she would like to do and what she does NOT want to do. I had a friend that wanted a girls/spa night and then another bride that wanted the whole Chippendales full meal deal.

Of course all of this depends on how involved she wants you to be, especially taking into consideration the distance. If it’s a low-budget wedding and all you really need to do is stand there with the dress she picked, awesome. I actually would have preferred that to all the drama with the other maids. If not, always try to have patience if she makes a reasonable request from you. And reasonable means just that. I once had a friend tell me she had told a bridesmaid to lose weight! Big no no!

And of course, if at any point (preferably earlier) you feel you cannot fulfill the role she wants you to play, you are absolutely free to decline. In the last wedding a few bridesmaids declined due to the expense and/or busy school/work schedules.

Good luck and stay calm! Use pinterest!

 

[Katherine438]

I’m deleting what I wrote, don’t want to make you more nervous.

Best advice is to talk to the family and see if they know what you are going to be expected to do … that’s the next best advice to talking to the bride, which people already told you.