I’ve always wanted to be Catholic somehow. I was baptized into the Lutheran church. Mom took me every Sunday. I remember, when I was a little kid, draping a towel over my head and looking at myself in the bathroom mirror, a pint-size Madonna (the REAL one) with my hands in prayer, tearing up over the image that I was trying to evoke. I had a good friend who was Catholic. She took me to Mass one time, and I felt sort of self-conscious that I didn’t have a Rosary, even though I didn’t know what one was; I just saw other people with them. And she wore a scapular, which I thought was a badge to show that she was part of a cool “club”! (OK, little kid thinking here!)
When I was a young adult, I got a New American Bible for some reason; I don’t know why or when, and I don’t know where it went. Later I called a Lutheran pastor one time, asking him why I shouldn’t be a Catholic. I don’t know what I expected out of him, and I’m sure he was bemused at my call, a random young woman on the other end who was apparently searching for an answer that he couldn’t give. After that, I saw an ad in the paper for a “Catholic Inquiry Class” at the local Shrine. At the last minute, I took the kids to the babysitter, jumped in the car, and went to it! Talk about impulsive…or WAS it???

Well, I finished the series and was received into the Church.
Due to lots of adverse situations, I didn’t stay active very long. Even when I wasn’t even considering myself Christian at all, at the request of my father to have my kids baptized (good call, Dad!) I had the kids attend CCD and baptized into the
Catholic Church. (He wasn’t too happy with that since he was Lutheran!)
After a lot more bad situations and time passing, I found myself praying the “Jesus prayer” at my second-husband-to-be’s request (OK different story). After that I started reading websites about various “types” of Christianity and ordered a book from some random website; definitely dispensationalist theology. I didn’t hang onto that one very long. We were married by a Baptist minister, and spent a few years debating about faith. After a “faith crisis”, we decided to go to the Lutheran church, a “compromise” between his Baptist background and my Catholic leanings.
But for a few years now, I’ve been reading lots of Catholic websites and books on the sly, and you can see that I’m on this forum, so I guess I still think Catholic is the way to go. The first reason I’ve always thought of is because the Catholic Church is the original church, plain and simple. That was before I really got into reading about the fallacy of Sola Scriptura and the reality of Tradition. And lots of other stuff…I’ve just got to admit that the Lutheran Church doesn’t hold any attraction for me; it doesn’t seem to have ever “moved” me, other than yes, I do hear God’s Word preached and that’s better than nothing. But of course that doesn’t mean that feelings only is the criterion for going to the right church.
Bottom line is, at some point I’m going to have to 'fess up to my husband, and get done what needs to be done to be back in total communion with the Church. That will probably involve more adverse situations, and I’m scared thinking of how I’ll have to go through it. That’s why my screen name is “Secret Believer”
