Calling NFP users! Quick question for you!

[Romans15_5_7]

Hi, everyone! While I’m newly registered here, I can’t say that I am new to the forum. I have enjoyed looking around for several months now. Hopefully the “Protestant” indicator on the top left isn’t going to turn anyone here off from responding to my question.

A little background: I was raised in a fantastically loving home with two amazing, Godly parents. I have been living faithfully and seeking Christ for as long as I can remember. My boyfriend is Catholic. He is a wonderful person who has always considered himself to be living a good life, but began really investigating his faith and dedicating himself to prayer since we have become acquainted (over a year ago). I’m all for that! We are very much in love and try to focus on our religious similarities, and we engage in lively (but respectful) debates regarding our differences. We are not engaged yet, but we have recently delved into the world of NFP together. I love not just the idea of it, but I agree with and understand the philosophy and morality behind NFP as well. I have even started charting just to get some experience before taking a formal class.

Finally, my question: I am enrolling in a great graduate school program, and it took many years of hard work to get here. While I am very enthusiastic about children and am open to having a large family, I am also dedicated to finishing my degree. I am not open to working or going to school if I have children in the home to care for- I just really believe in being at home when they are… My boyfriend and I both have several years of education left, meaning I could potentially be in school 4 years after we get married. Is it realistic to assume that we could TTA (well, delay) having children for that amount of time? I believe that NFP is effective, but I have really never heard of someone TTA for that amount of time in a new marriage. Like I said, I am very open to children, but I would like to finish my degree so that I can dedicate myself to raising them when that time comes- I’m sure that my boyfriend would like a year or two worth of salary, as well. We believe that these are “serious and just reasons” We are both quite young and do not feel that waiting several years would jeopardize our fertility in any way.

Thank you so much in advance for any answers, (name removed by moderator)ut, or personal anecdotes you decide to offer!

 

[MercyMia]

Romans15_5_7 welcome. Don’t worry that you aren’t Catholic - you are among friends
Good for you for choosing to value yourself, your future husband, and your future marriage by not using artificial contraception. I am 25 and have been married and using NFP for two years - no babies yet. Every woman is different, though.
When you come together as husband and wife, there is always the possibility that a new life will result in this. I know that as a young woman you have many professional goals and that is just awesome, but if you really dread the thought of plans getting derailed by a baby you have two choices - either postpone marriage or blissfully accept that no matter how good you are at charting, God just may have it in his heart that your plans are going to get derailed by a baby. Once you are a wife, you may find your heart changing and suddenly the thought of having a baby doesn’t seem so scary.
It’s good that you are taking charge of your own reproductive health. Charting is smart even if you aren’t sexually active because it helps you recognize signs of your own body and detect any health problems really quickly. Often times women on the pill are so disconnected from their bodies natural actions, they can’t spot a problem.
Are you familiar with Theology of the Body or Christopher West? I highly reccomend reading his stuff as you consider marriage.

 

[jilly4ski]

hmmm, I am not sure about abstaining for 4 years. It will work if you are dedicated to not having children at that time.
My dh and I decided not to abstain during our honeymoon, because we thought our reasons not just enough (nor did we want to wait after waiting 5 years.) I started law school the month after we got married and was already pregnant. I understand you want to stay home with the children, though this is not always possible, it is certainly a noble goal. I got to stay home with my baby this summer and that has truely been a blessing. Also b/c of my school schedule and my DH’s work schedule we do not have to put our son in daycare as he will always be watched by me or my DH. It has worked out great for us. But I have heard from others that it is not impossible if you are dedicated to not having children right now.

 

[manualman]

In terms of the mechanics of NFP, no problem - ESPECIALLY if you get good and familiar with your fertile symptoms before getting married and becoming sexually active.

But you are likely to have trouble you don’t anticipate. NFP is OK precisely because it DOES give you a large monthly push back towards openness to kids. It isn’t self-perpetuating like contraception. You might just find that your world view changes and you change your priorities. Or you might not, it all depends on whether your ‘serious reason’ really IS serious. And finding out via conscience, prayer and fasting is always a good thing. I say go for it.

 

[1ke]

Yes, it is possible to use NFP long-term if there is a need to avoid.

You should look up rayne89 on the board. She a serious medical condition relating to her heart, and pregnancy would likely result in her death.

She uses NFP, has been avoiding for 12 years, and will continue to do so until menopause.

Look at the method that best suits your lifestyle. Consider Sympto-Thermal (Couple to Couple League or Northwest Family Services), Creighton, Bilings, and Marquette. Each are effective, each have features that make them more or less appealing based on a variety of lifestyle factors.

Certainly motivation is a key player in this. I would suggest rayne is **very **motivated to practice NFP consistently, conservatively, accurately, and carefully. You may not be motivated in this same way, and that may impact the choices you and your DH make along the way in how rigorous you are, whether you will “take chances” when you are in the mood and NFP is saying “not tonight” and etc…

But, yes, it *can *work long term.

 

[Romans15_5_7]

or blissfully accept that no matter how good you are at charting, God just may have it in his heart that your plans are going to get derailed by a baby.

I like this perspective, MercyMia. I am reading up on Theology of the Body right now, as well… jilly4ski, the honeymoon is a whole new issue- wow! It sounds like it was God’s perfect timing, though. I guess I’ll wait until I am actually engaged to figure that one out.

Thanks to everyone for the quick responses- I really appreciate it! And thanks again in advance to anyone else who may post. It’s great to hear from those with more experience in this area.

 

[twhite]

I have epilepsy and take a boatload of medication daily, all of which can be seriously harmful to an unborn child. Every priest I have talked to has told me it is a “serious reason” to avoid pregnancy.

We use the Creighton model of NFP. Because of the signals my body sends off, it appears as if I’m fertile much longer than I possibly can be, which results in periods of abstinence that are longer than we care for. We’ve consulted with people in the know to try to hone in on things better, including Dr. Hilgers at Creighton, to no avail.

Why I share this with you is to alert you to the fact that practicing abstinence may be more of a challenge if your body says it will be! If you think marriage, NFP and postponing pregnancy are in your future, and possible *regular *longer periods of abstinence (2.5 weeks per month) would be a problem, you might try some serious charting before engagement.