Can’t afford funeral costs. Any advice appreciated

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MarthaSo

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Hello everyone. I was thinking of my elderly parents today and my dad in particular who is 86. He doesn’t have life insurance as he cashed it out years ago and he doesn’t have savings. In NYC where we live the average “basic” funeral is almost $10K!! There is no way I can afford this! They are not practicing Catholics but I wanted to still bury them in accordance with the Catholic church. I hate to sound callous and forgive me but we are just getting out of debt and to bury both my parents would be another debt of $20k. In a way, I wish my father would not have left me this dilemma and would have prepared some cushion but he no longer has one and my husband and I along with our own family and debt cannot afford even the most basic funeral. I’m just a little staggered at learning the cost. I would do my best to have something in place so my children never have to deal with this.
Any advice appreciated. It sounds like cremation with burial is acceptable and is something that we can hopefully afford.
Thanks for listening.
 
I didn’t realize funeral homes were flexible on cost. My parents will have the best burial service that I can afford to give them even if that means cremation.
 
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That’s interesting, thanks so much for the information.
I didn’t think I could get insurance for them because of their age. I’ll look more into it. Appreciate it.
 
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My parents are in a similar situation. I found out though, that through my Dad’s service from serving in the military. He is eligible to be buried in the VA cemetery, it wont cost anything. Has your father spent any time serving in the military?
 
Great information thank you again. Oddly enough my husband was talking about joining weeks ago! Thanks again
 
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Talk to your pastor/chancery office. I would bet there is some sort of approved non-profit society that will contract to pick-up the remains, cremate and return to you for a small fraction of what you suggest. Then it’s up to you to have their cremains interred.

P.S. Many dioceses/parishes also allow members to buy their plots/niches on time, with no interest. That’s how I bought mine years ago. It was 4 years, zero interest.
 
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Hi Allie, thank you. No he’s not military. My brother is a disabled veteran and he lives with my dad but my father is not. Thanks
 
Thanks, it’s good to know this is an option. I would like a burial but I honestly didn’t expect that kind of cost. But at least now I know I have to do plenty more research.
 
oh gosh, I didn’t realize, well Lord knows we’ll do the best we can. thanks
 
I’m going to show him your posts, thanks again that sounds like a great benefit to what he was considering. God bless.
 
Allie1 said:
I found out though, that through my Dad’s service from serving in the military. He is eligible to be buried in the VA cemetery, it wont cost anything.
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I understand from my relatives that even if you choose not to bury them in the VA cemetery, you can obtain a grave marker for a veteran at a low or no cost. Some of my other family members chose to do that for their relatives. Of course, that’s if you go with a burial. If you are interring cremains as the Church requires you to do, it is cheaper than a burial.
 
There is nothing wrong with cremation (in fact, in my opinion it treats the body with more respect than does modern embalming).
 
The use of the parish church, if the person lived in that parish, for a simple funeral mass would be at no charge. (you might have to pay for organist if you wish to have one).

The funeral home will charge you to use their chapel/facility for the funeral/memorial service in just about every instance.

With cremation, you do not have to use a hearse to transport the cremains to the Church. Your Catholic Cemetery may do a small plot or a columbarium for interment of the cremains.
 
Do your homework. Funeral homes are businesses that stay in business by selling things people want rather than things people need.
This is just one article I turned up:


Here is another:


One major way to reduce costs is to opt for cremation, which the Church does allow if the remains are treated appropriately. If you and your parents are OK with cremation, you may find that this eliminates the cost of transporting the body from the mortuary to the church for the funeral and from the church to the place of internment. Urns are also far less expensive than caskets. If cremation is not a viable option, then do your homework and be ready for a direct burial, which means a burial done soon enough that cremation can be dispensed with.

Again: the more homework you do in advance, the more options you will turn up to find a resting place that is acceptable at a price your family can manage when the time comes. You don’t want to be figuring all this out when the time comes. (It costs money to store a body, too.)’

Talk to your parents’ priest, as well, about how to handle all this, particularly if you’re going to be dealing with time issues.
 
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Thank you!! I knew this organization existed, but could not remember or find the name!
They are very helpful on doing homework and finding the funeral service provider in your area that you’ll want to call. Some are far easier to work with than others!!

You really, really want to know what to do when the time comes and have all the homework done ahead of time. It can save thousands and thousands of dollars and also make a very stressful time far easier on everyone. (Just having picked out the readings and things for the funeral is a comfort, honestly. If your parents don’t want to chime in, at least you can plan knowing that you asked and they wanted you to make all the decisions.)
 
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In my experience, if you use a funeral home associated with your parish and especially if you know the person running it, who is often also a member of the parish, you will not have difficulties with your funeral or the costs, especially if you do not live in a wealthy area and/or make clear you are on a budget.

The funeral directors we used for my father and my husband and his parents were friends of our respective families for a long time. My husband’s father and brother used to volunteer as ushers for the undertaker who has now buried three of our family. By the time my mother passed away, the funeral director she knew had died, but his business was taken over by another member of the parish who was also head of the local Kiwanis and he did a fine job. Sadly I just found out he died about a year after my mom did. All these people were quite straightforward with me on costs and so forth and did not try to upsell me things or exceed my budget.

I realize it’s not possible for everybody to get to know your undertaker, but the ones who advertise in the Catholic church bulletins are usually good to deal with. They do not want any bad stories about them circulating around the parishes where they get a lot of their business.
 
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We were able to do a memorial service and cremation for my aunt for about $2500 and it was only that much because we used the chapel and bought her a casket.

Cremation is certainly the way to go.
 
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