Yes, I should’ve nuanced my post a bit, though my intention wasn’t to explicate Muslim burial/funerary practices. I know that whether gravestones are permissible at all is controversial in Islam, but as far as I’ve been told by dozens of Muslims all the various “sects” and schools of jurisprudence agree that they cannot be ostentatious. The standard caveat that Islam is huge and huge religions are difficult to generalize applies, obviously.
Flowers are interesting. I’ve been told that the prohibition on flowers has been reinterpreted by some Muslims living in the West as a symbol of sympathy meant for the survivors to see and experience rather than a token of homage to the dead, the former being an act of charity and the latter being seen as an act of shirk (idolatry). I have no idea how pervasive this new understanding is. I do remember when a Muslim neighbor passed away suddenly I asked his daughter who is my age what’s appropriate for the “funeral” and whatnot. She told me that bringing flowers is not customary though nobody will be offended if you do. It’s preferred, however, that you bring food and other day-to-day items for the survivors as there are strict rules about them leaving the house and being in public during the prescribed time of mourning. My deceased neighbor was also the only male in the family and the rules for mourning are pretty inhibiting for women to carry out day to day tasks.
“Funerals” in Islam really aren’t like our Western funerals either. It’s strictly a religious service meant to worship Allah and not to eulogize the deceased. Mourning is attenuated and if it gets out of hand the survivors will be escorted away. I was also told that widows are strictly forbidden from crying.
