Can a man and a woman "just be friends?"

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All of the men in my life are “just friends.” So of course it’s possible!

Jala
 
GraceDK said:
Really, so your very best friend is not your husband, but another man? How does your husband feel about that? :confused:

I would be sad if my husband’s best female friend were not me…
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I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt and say that it goes without saying that her husband is her best friend and that she’s referring to her best other friend.
 
Yes I think so. I have a few male friends. I think you have to be more careful to respect boundaries with friends of the opposite sex, however.
 
I am learning about love currently in my human sexuality class–and I did also in my sexual integrity class in Catholic high school–and there are so many different types of love and attraction, that I believe friendship is completely possible without going the next step. The different categories are: intimacy, commitment, and passion. I feel that it is completely normal to develop a crush/infatuation, but it usually disappears or dissipates with time.
My boyfriend and I have many different friends of both genders and we are happily committed to each other; without fearing that the other will fall in love with someone else. We have a great mutual trust. We are also both bisexual, which if it was what you would think, OP, then we could not have any friends chuckle. If it were not that way, we would be falling in love with everybody!
I feel that there is an irrational fear of a partner becoming friends with someone one may see as a “threat”. I do not think this is healthy for relationships. I do not think of it as an issue, trust is the most important thing, along with communication, in a relationship.
 
If you’re single why not, but in my opinion NO.
First, of all I don’t have that much friends because I’ve been a lot disappointed so I try to stay close to people I know I can count on. And I’ve realized you have 2 families in life, the one you were born in and the one you choose with your same sex friends and your husband /wife.
Second, I only have 1 male friend who is more like a little brother since is 22 and he is one of our part time trainee. We get on really well, but he is still a man so I try to put some boundaries just in case.
I truly believe the man I will marry has to be my best friend. You can never be “just friends” with opposite sex. If i need any advice, I’m lucky enough to have brothers or I’ll find a priest if its too sensitive.

E.
 
Can a man and a woman "just be friends?"

The million dollar question.

Yeah… they can. I suppose it’s a little more difficult if you’re a hormonally raging teen. But if you’re an adult and you don’t keep your brain in your pants I don’t see why not.

Why can’t a priest be a friend to a nun? Why can’t a male have a good, sincere, and meaningful friendship with a female colleague he admires or simply respects and likes as a person?

Why do I come on this board and want to shake my head sometimes? :rolleyes:

Makes me want all the more to self mortify myself with vowed celibacy and holy orders so I can stay away from the hormonally charged world obsessed with sex and who is doing what to whom and where and how much. :rolleyes: :yawn:
 
TimeEntrance said:
**
the hormonally charged world obsessed with sex and who is doing what to whom and where and how much. :rolleyes: :yawn:**

Ahhhh that is exactly why for so many that it is not possible. Because most of the world is just as you describe.

So you just answered your own question about why cant a person be just friends in the real world.

Answer. lt is a sex obsessed world
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SRLAUREL said:
This is not, in this case anyway, only about a tendency — though it is ALSO about that. It has to do with Church teaching. For centuries, largely thanks to Saint Augustine, sex was seen as sinful and even in marriage it was still seen as venially sinful — though it was tolerated for the purposes of pro-creation, etc. It is only in the past half-century or so that the Church herself has stressed the Sacramental or sacred nature of sex. (Moral theologians have done so for longer than this.)

The response to Church teaching eventually was the rebellion and correlative assertion of the naturalness and beauty of sex we find so prevalent in the past century (or less). This was a big step, but it did not go far enough. Hence the Church has been stressing the further necessity — that people regard sex as sacred/sacramental and that a vocation to marriage be understood as a genuine call to holiness as complete as religious life or ordination are such calls. (The universal call to holiness was part of the fruit of Vatican II, as I am sure you know well.) Treating sexual/married love as sacred and a way to genuine holiness really was something new.

However, I agree with all you say about knowing ourselves, our strengths and weaknesses, etc.

Sincerely,

Sister Laurel M O’Neal, Er Dio
Stillsong Hermitage
Diocese of Oakland
notesfromstillsong.blogspot.com

(God’s) power is made perfect in weakness; (2Cor 12.9)
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Sister Laurel is the quality of mind and person a man - lay or religious - could do far worse in finding a friend in.

Read her educational and intellectual profile, her interests, and be cognizant of her commitments and sacrifices from the little you can glean while not knowing her directly or being privy to her heart like God. Then I think you, I, or we… can see little reflections of God and Madonna in her.

I think part of friendship is enjoying or appreciating the company and the occasional or frequent conversation you have with someone. That does not need to be contingent on their biological sex.
 
Moore11 said:
Ahhhh that is exactly why for so many that it is not possible. Because most of the world is just as you describe.

So you just answered your own question about why cant a person be just friends in the real world.

Answer. lt is a sex obsessed world
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@ bold: LOL. 🙂 You are probably right, Moore. If nothing else… you caught and recognized a bit of a contradiction I made. I was not even aware of it until you pointed it out.

I still think men and women can be friends with no sexual tensions and investments or sly objectives. Although, in light of what you brought up about my slight contradictions I made, I suppose I must amend that to say many if not most people may find it difficult to be platonic friends with one or more members of the opposite sex.
 
I know that I can’t “just be friends” with another man. I just know that’s too dangerous for me.
 
As a guy I have many female friends. I actually prefer to be in the company of females. It’a awesome when you go out with a hot female friend and pretend she is your girl friend. It’s like you are experiencing the best part of a relationship without the commitment or other drawbacks.

Unfortunately for me, having a female friend is the closest thing I will ever have to a real relationship.
 
True friendship? Not if both are straight.

Friendship in a structured way, like two couples who do things together and never without their husband/wife? Or friendship in a work environment that as akin to comraderie? Yes.

The key is structure. If there’s no structure to impose disciplined limits, someone is going to eventually either end the friendship because it’s getting to be too much, or make a romantic move, causing something unfortunate to happen.

Just my 2c.

I have ZERO female friends in the true sense of the word - meaning unsupervise, unstructured intimacy. But in structured environments, I have a lot of female “buddies” and coworkers.
 
VirtusTransitus said:
True friendship? Not if both are straight.
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This observation fascinates me. What is it about Catholics which makes it more challenging to have platonic inter-gender relationships? I just don’t get it. Some relationships are sexual. Some are not. I can’t believe that Catbolics just can’t have normal platonic relationships.
 
epan said:
This observation fascinates me. What is it about Catholics which makes it more challenging to have platonic inter-gender relationships? I just don’t get it. Some relationships are sexual. Some are not. I can’t believe that Catbolics just can’t have normal platonic relationships.
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Why are you limiting that to Catholics. Agree or disagree but I’m sure other people other than Catholics would share the same opinion.
 
Moore11 said:
Why are you limiting that to Catholics. Agree or disagree but I’m sure other people other than Catholics would share the same opinion.
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Point taken.

I’ll just say that I don’t get it. Women and men can be close friends. No problem
 
VirtusTransitus said:
True friendship? Not if both are straight.

Friendship in a structured way, like two couples who do things together and never without their husband/wife? Or friendship in a work environment that as akin to comraderie? Yes.

The key is structure. If there’s no structure to impose disciplined limits, someone is going to eventually either end the friendship because it’s getting to be too much, or make a romantic move, causing something unfortunate to happen.

Just my 2c.

I have ZERO female friends in the true sense of the word - meaning unsupervise, unstructured intimacy. But in structured environments, I have a lot of female “buddies” and coworkers.
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The structure can also be that they don’t see each other very often, see each other mostly in groups, and when they do see each other one-on-one, it is in public. But yes, married people ought to keep themselves chaperoned when they spend time with members of the opposite sex, whether they consider them “friends” or not!!

The other case, the one where a close friendship is most likely without a romance ever happening, is when they were brought up seeing each other as siblings, to the degree that there is a quasi-incestuous quality to the thought of romance between them. Kind of like kissing one of your cousins…she’s not actually a literal sister, but…ICK!
 
epan said:
This observation fascinates me. What is it about Catholics which makes it more challenging to have platonic inter-gender relationships? I just don’t get it. Some relationships are sexual. Some are not. I can’t believe that Catbolics just can’t have normal platonic relationships.
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Well, I didn’t assume a sexual relationship. Just a romantic one. Close, intimate friends love one another. Two people who love one another will be attracted to one another on many levels. If they are of the opposite sex, at least one of them is going to start having a romantic love interest in the other.

Just an opinion.
 
Of course. The only difficulty is thinking of any valid friendship as “just” a friendship. We have to consider our Priests. They have deeply profound relationships with many people of both genders and maintain nonromantic attachments.

I personally have enjoyed several very good friendships with the opposite gender that have never had sexual aspects or romantic draw.

I recommend reading The Jesuit Guide to (almost) Everything: A Spirituality for Real Life. by James Martin, SJ. The book is filled with how to be the right kind of friend regardless of gender.

Thanks,

Dara
 
😃 Easter Joy - your last lines remind me of the friendship I have with a man who I met on my first day at college. We’ve been close friends ever since and never an inkling of romance. When challenged by the ‘no smoke without fire-brigade’ our reply is “YUK - that would be friendcest!”

I’d never heard of the Jesuit guide - perhaps I will treat myself and read it throughout Lent 👍 I generally like the Jesuit take on life (maybe because I studied the formation of the order for a history exam and got an A :rolleyes:)
 
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