Can a person really overcome sex addiction?

[untruestory]

Dear Forum-mates:

I asked this question purely from an objective point of view? It is not meant to be an offensive or negative question to the other fellow Catholics, Church, etc.

The reason I asked this question is because I am a living example of how hard it is to fight the good fight. I started to have issues, mostly masturbation, as a teenager. My father would keep adult magazines by his bed side in our tiny apartment, so it was easily “accessible” by me and my older brother. I became sensitized to sex and my body since that age. It became an outlet of frustration and also a dark secretive resort for me to “rest” and get comfort.

Many years later, after getting married, having my own children, and other life events, I am still struggling with this evil in my life. There were good times and bad times, but it has become part of my life. My sexual sins have extended to illicit sexual acts with real ladies. Like many other fellow sex addicts, I would go to confession regularly but only to find myself all again not long afterwards.

I’ve tried different ways to fight back but the cycle just repeats itself. I could be doing well for a week, but then one morning when I wake up, something changes in my mind/body and the physiological changes would slowly take control of myself. I maybe able to fight it for one day or a few days through prayers and other strategies, but slowly I would lose the battle again.

I’ve seen many suggestions on this Forum about how to fight sexual temptations, and I really appreciate everybody’s suggestions, time and good intentions. I am not trying to minimize them. I am only describing what I 've been going through personally. And deep down in my heart, I also have confidence in Jesus, especially after my confessions.

But I still would like to ask this question openly - whether somebody has actually and truthfully been able to get rid of this addiction for an extended period of time (except maybe for very occasion relapses). If you have, please share your experiences. I may not be able to copy your strategies or methods of overcoming your addiction, but it would at least give me a real life example of another person having won the war. And I believe such a knowledge would be very helpful to me.

Again, please don’t take this message negatively in any ways.

I can thoroughly relate. My struggles started in grade school and progressed in ways I’ve never confessed to anyone. I converted to Catholicism about 6yrs ago and knew a long time before it was an issue. It’s definitely my biggest barrier to holiness. By the grace of God I’ve escaped a the cycle of criminal behavior as a 3 time felon and found a respectable career. I had substance abuse issues having gone through DTs from alcohol when I was 17 and withdrawal from cocaine at 28 and been free of those habits since my conversion. All of that was challenging, but not nearly the struggle that sex has been. I have old friends that are swingers and there isn’t a lot I haven’t explored and it haunts me to this day.

I’ve managed to abstain from sex for extended periods. Once for almost a year, once just over s year, and one time almost two years. It’s similar to drugs in many ways and I think that, like drugs people tend to diagnose it in an extremely general way when it’s often much more personal. I’m in need of advice myself but I can share what’s helped me:
-frequent confession and spiritual counsel
-being active in the parish community
-reading and being inspired by saints with similar struggles
-a trusted friend that shares your values that you can confide in
-form a vision of your life and put it on paper: a) start by writing your own obituary b) make a personal list of the things most important to you c) imagine a holy version of you and describe it in detail from your character to how you’d live your ordinary days. Review it often.
-frequent adoration and daily mass
-place meaningful and inspirational religious symbols and pictures of loved ones in places you’re tempted: computer, bathroom, car, and religious jewellery or a trinket you can carry
-socialize more and spendb more time with family
-MOST IMPORTANT: don’t let the devil get his foot in the door: it ALWAYS starts with us allowing a simple, subtle, seemingly innocent thought to be entertained. Say a quick prayer in your head any time you notice such temptation. Something like “God, help me love and appreciate her the way you do and the way her father does” or even “St Joseph, pray for me and for her”.

Hope that helps!

 

[topsaulez]

I think it’s safe to say that it’s a weird analogy that is helpful for me but probably not very many other people. I’m a sucker for strategy games so that is how I tend to think. I won’t be offended if you find other people’s insights more meaningful to you

I guess the message I’m getting across is: don’t make your spirituality all about “overcoming sexual sin”. Make it “falling in love with God and being a light to the world”. If you follow through with general ways to be a holier person that serves others, your slavery to sexual sin will weaken along with it.

Thanks for the explanation. Now I get it. I agree with that strategy too. In fact, that’s the other part of my body talking all the time. Here is where I get checkmated - when I am about to praise the glory of God and denounce (or just talk about) the sins of the world, my darker self will remind me how great a sinner I am, how long I have been crippled by addiction, how fake it is for me to participate in sharing, to give advice to others, etc. I am afraid I may get discovered. Or even if I don’t, the inconsistencies between the two opposite sides of my life are suffocating me.

On the one hand, I know that I should follow Christ no matter what; on the other, I can’t help but realize that I am noting but a hypocrite - no different from most politicians or fallen clergies. Just like what St. Paul said, my heart wants to do good but my body is directing me to a different direction. What I have been doing for many years is trying to get out of this living paradox.

 

[Trident_H]

Dear Trident:

Thank you so much for your response. I take it that you have recovered from drug/alcohol addiction and is living a normal life. Although our addictions are of different nature, I believe the physiological changes and cycles are probably very similar. So I would definitely take your advice very seriously.

I agree with some other posters that your sharing is very personal and unique. Rather than offering some generic advice, you were able to share your personal struggles and unique experiences with us. I can use a few of your tips.

About writing a journal, I’ve started one, but I don’t think I am writing enough. I should really pick it up again. I agree with what you said about it - it lays down all the facts logically and the causes and effects too. It is definitely helpful and I need to pick it up again.

Keep busy is also something that I try to do. But I have another issue. I get very tense mentally if I allow myself overwork. I get stressed out easily from work and also from some social situations. And if I get stressed, I tend to seek out sexual pleasures as an outlet too. So I have to strike the right balance here.

About telling somebody about it… this is something that I would like to do but I am not ready to do it yet. I can’t find that right person that I can confide my deepest secrets with yet. People outside of church probably don’t see this as such as big problem. So they won’t be able to help me that much.

For the church friends, we are quite close and it would be difficult for me to break such a “inconceivable thing” to them (it goes back to your saying of how addicts have two personalities, two worlds, two versions, etc.) I am no Bill Clinton, but such a news would be quick shocking to my circle of friends. So I am not ready to do it yet. Or at least I haven’t found the right person to share it with, and who will keep it confidential.

If you don’t mind, I will take up your offer of PMing you. Having somebody who will hold me accountable will be extremely helpful to me.

Thanks,
Top

For sure you can PM me. Anytime. I’m here for you man. Every day.

Thanks for hearing me. And for the kind words.

Peace topsaulez. Talk to you soon.

-Trident

 

[Trident_H]

I can thoroughly relate. My struggles started in grade school and progressed in ways I’ve never confessed to anyone. I converted to Catholicism about 6yrs ago and knew a long time before it was an issue. It’s definitely my biggest barrier to holiness. By the grace of God I’ve escaped a the cycle of criminal behavior as a 3 time felon and found a respectable career. I had substance abuse issues having gone through DTs from alcohol when I was 17 and withdrawal from cocaine at 28 and been free of those habits since my conversion. All of that was challenging, but not nearly the struggle that sex has been. I have old friends that are swingers and there isn’t a lot I haven’t explored and it haunts me to this day.

I’ve managed to abstain from sex for extended periods. Once for almost a year, once just over s year, and one time almost two years. It’s similar to drugs in many ways and I think that, like drugs people tend to diagnose it in an extremely general way when it’s often much more personal. I’m in need of advice myself but I can share what’s helped me:
-frequent confession and spiritual counsel
-being active in the parish community
-reading and being inspired by saints with similar struggles
-a trusted friend that shares your values that you can confide in
-form a vision of your life and put it on paper: a) start by writing your own obituary b) make a personal list of the things most important to you c) imagine a holy version of you and describe it in detail from your character to how you’d live your ordinary days. Review it often.
-frequent adoration and daily mass
-place meaningful and inspirational religious symbols and pictures of loved ones in places you’re tempted: computer, bathroom, car, and religious jewellery or a trinket you can carry
-socialize more and spendb more time with family
-MOST IMPORTANT: don’t let the devil get his foot in the door: it ALWAYS starts with us allowing a simple, subtle, seemingly innocent thought to be entertained. Say a quick prayer in your head any time you notice such temptation. Something like “God, help me love and appreciate her the way you do and the way her father does” or even “St Joseph, pray for me and for her”.

Hope that helps!

Sounds like you and I are spiritual cousins. Of a sort. Glad you’re headed in the right way on this. Let me know if you ever need to talk about this stuff. My offer’s on the table for you too man.

And maybe you wouldn’t mind getting the odd tap from me too hey? We can support each other in this.

Peace.

-Trident

 

[topsaulez]

I can thoroughly relate. My struggles started in grade school and progressed in ways I’ve never confessed to anyone. I converted to Catholicism about 6yrs ago and knew a long time before it was an issue. It’s definitely my biggest barrier to holiness. By the grace of God I’ve escaped a the cycle of criminal behavior as a 3 time felon and found a respectable career. I had substance abuse issues having gone through DTs from alcohol when I was 17 and withdrawal from cocaine at 28 and been free of those habits since my conversion. All of that was challenging, but not nearly the struggle that sex has been. I have old friends that are swingers and there isn’t a lot I haven’t explored and it haunts me to this day.

I’ve managed to abstain from sex for extended periods. Once for almost a year, once just over s year, and one time almost two years. It’s similar to drugs in many ways and I think that, like drugs people tend to diagnose it in an extremely general way when it’s often much more personal. I’m in need of advice myself but I can share what’s helped me:
-frequent confession and spiritual counsel
-being active in the parish community
-reading and being inspired by saints with similar struggles
-a trusted friend that shares your values that you can confide in
-form a vision of your life and put it on paper: a) start by writing your own obituary b) make a personal list of the things most important to you c) imagine a holy version of you and describe it in detail from your character to how you’d live your ordinary days. Review it often.
-frequent adoration and daily mass
-place meaningful and inspirational religious symbols and pictures of loved ones in places you’re tempted: computer, bathroom, car, and religious jewellery or a trinket you can carry
-socialize more and spendb more time with family
-MOST IMPORTANT: don’t let the devil get his foot in the door: it ALWAYS starts with us allowing a simple, subtle, seemingly innocent thought to be entertained. Say a quick prayer in your head any time you notice such temptation. Something like “God, help me love and appreciate her the way you do and the way her father does” or even “St Joseph, pray for me and for her”.

Hope that helps!

Thanks for sharing. I also pray that you can keep up with your good work!

 

[jesus_bro]

Dear Forum-mates:

I asked this question purely from an objective point of view? It is not meant to be an offensive or negative question to the other fellow Catholics, Church, etc.

The reason I asked this question is because I am a living example of how hard it is to fight the good fight. I started to have issues, mostly masturbation, as a teenager. My father would keep adult magazines by his bed side in our tiny apartment, so it was easily “accessible” by me and my older brother. I became sensitized to sex and my body since that age. It became an outlet of frustration and also a dark secretive resort for me to “rest” and get comfort.

Many years later, after getting married, having my own children, and other life events, I am still struggling with this evil in my life. There were good times and bad times, but it has become part of my life. My sexual sins have extended to illicit sexual acts with real ladies. Like many other fellow sex addicts, I would go to confession regularly but only to find myself all again not long afterwards.

I’ve tried different ways to fight back but the cycle just repeats itself. I could be doing well for a week, but then one morning when I wake up, something changes in my mind/body and the physiological changes would slowly take control of myself. I maybe able to fight it for one day or a few days through prayers and other strategies, but slowly I would lose the battle again.

I’ve seen many suggestions on this Forum about how to fight sexual temptations, and I really appreciate everybody’s suggestions, time and good intentions. I am not trying to minimize them. I am only describing what I 've been going through personally. And deep down in my heart, I also have confidence in Jesus, especially after my confessions.

But I still would like to ask this question openly - whether somebody has actually and truthfully been able to get rid of this addiction for an extended period of time (except maybe for very occasion relapses). If you have, please share your experiences. I may not be able to copy your strategies or methods of overcoming your addiction, but it would at least give me a real life example of another person having won the war. And I believe such a knowledge would be very helpful to me.

Again, please don’t take this message negatively in any ways.

Hi there!

Your problem is very familiar to me because I was going through all that pain for years until one day when I wholeheartedly repented of all my sexual addiction related sins and decided to loyally follow Jesus Christ and his teachings forever.

The only way for you to get to the point where you’ll be able to completely abandon all the bad habits of your out-of-control, compulsive sexual behavior is to develop a live, interactive everyday relationship with Jesus.

There were only 2 things that helped me develop my own live, interactive daily relationship with Jesus and that can also help you do the same:

1. After being stuck in my sexual addictions as well as being absent from the church for over 15 years, I finally returned to God by attending a Mass and got to listen to the following Gospel (Matthew 7:21, 24-27), that’s the Parable of the Wise and Foolish Builders (also known as the House on the Rock):

*Follow Jesus’ teaching, like a wise man who built his house on rock.

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven. . .

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on rock. The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not act on them will be like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell — and great was its fall!”*

As I was carefully listening to this parable, I was almost shivering with fear, and my tears, one by one, started slowly dropping down my cheeks.

I could feel my entire soul hurt and slowly heal as I was sincerely repenting of all my sins piled up over the years.

Jesus’ words in this Gospel renewed my fear of God because I could immediately recognize myself as that foolish builder and knew that if I didn’t decide to change and be the wise man, I could easily have God furiously punish me forever by letting me end up in hell.

This was the day when I not only gave up the evil and the foolishness of all my sexual compulsive behaviors around meeting women but also I firmly decided to follow Jesus’ teaching for the rest of my life.

Hence until you’re able to identify yourself with the character of the foolish builder while indulging in all your sexual addictions and decide to wholeheartedly repent of all your sins, you won’t be able to completely abandon your current bad habits.

1. Once you take step 1., I suggest that you take some time and efforts to identify your top passion in life and then fully commit to fulfilling it.

The reason I suggest that you do so is because dedicating yourself to fulfilling your top passion will most likely motivate you to enter such a strong, live, interactive daily relationship with Jesus where you’ll be constantly praying for not only all His blessings but also His overall leadership throughout your journey to achieving your dream life.

God bless you!

Bruno

 

[topsaulez]

First of all, thank you for your post and sharing, Bruno.

I agree with you said and I also understand your points.

On your step one, I congratulate you on your "conversion"and repentance! Praise the Lord for your success! It is truly amazing how a person can be changed by one moment of epiphany after 15 years of sojourn. For me, I also have had such moments over the years, when I felt like the Holy Spirit was upon me and changed me. The problem is that when a person is addicted to something, and when there is an attack, the person is like being possessed and turns into another person. For those who really are or have been addicted to something, they will understand what I mean. Some others may have lived a “bad” life but they may not actually be addicted to it. So stop doing something is more like a personal choice and decision for them. For the truly addicted, there are two persons inside them, constantly fighting with each other. Unless and until that bad person is destroyed or suppressed or somehow controlled for good, the problem will continue to exist. What most people are struggling with is how to achieve that.

The comparison of our life to building a house is also absolutely correct. Again, the problem is that this “reasoning” (for lack of a better term) has little chance to win the war of the fresh when the body is being attacked because it appeals to the reasoning part of our brain. A person acts out because he or she is no longer able to use reason to control his/her actions. It is truly a blessing that you were able to do it.

On your step two, again, I wholeheartedly agree with you. Ever since I was young, I always admire others who have a passion in life, those who want to be a musician, a painter, a doctor, a teacher, a priest, a cashier, etc. For me, I am a middle aged person but still don’t know what my passion is in life. Even today, when I see people who can devote their life and energy to one thing that they feel strongly about, I envy them. It is truly a blessing. I also see that in kids too. Some kids are passionate since a young age - it is just part of them. Many others don’t know what they want to do, are not particularly good at anything, and have no interest or passion in anything other than just to get by. And you can’t pretend or force a passion, as you surely know.

Again, thanks for the sharing. This is just my humble opinion.

 

[jesus_bro]

On your step two, again, I wholeheartedly agree with you. Ever since I was young, I always admire others who have a passion in life, those who want to be a musician, a painter, a doctor, a teacher, a priest, a cashier, etc. For me, I am a middle aged person but still don’t know what my passion is in life. Even today, when I see people who can devote their life and energy to one thing that they feel strongly about, I envy them. It is truly a blessing. I also see that in kids too. Some kids are passionate since a young age - it is just part of them. Many others don’t know what they want to do, are not particularly good at anything, and have no interest or passion in anything other than just to get by. And you can’t pretend or force a passion, as you surely know.

Again, thanks for the sharing. This is just my humble opinion.

You’re welcome. Thank and praise our Almighty Lord, Jesus Christ for all my efforts to help you.

As for following your passions in life, here’s the epiphany that struck me soon after I’d left all my sexual addictions behind: “If I had been firmly focused on pursuing my true passions in the first place, I probably would have never got seduced into practising the pick-up arts and ended up as a mentally disordered sexual addict, because once you’re fully focused on your top passions and dreams, you’re so happy and fulfilled that no distractions and no negative external factors can prevent you from enjoying a healthy and empowering life.”

On that note, I think that so many people all over the world get addicted to different bad things because they haven’t dedicated themselves to doing what truly matters to their happiness and fulfilment on earth. As a result, they get stuck in doing what doesn’t really matter to their happiness and fulfilment because they become an easy target of those offering them or seducing them into the things that don’t truly matter to their happiness and fulfilment.

God bless you!

Bruno

 

[chevalier]

Can a person really overcome sex addiction?

Yes. I’m not sure to what extent medicine and psychology on their own can help, but repentant Christians do that sort of thing all the time with God’s help.

 

[roseofshannon]

I was being attacked with crazy, disgusting images and temptations and was finally healed by the Sacrament of Anointing the Sick. They ceased!

It was amazingly powerful and I felt like I was walking on clouds for days after that!

I believe we should all avail ourselves to the power of that Sacrament more often.

 

[MagipolyKarp]

Fighting the same fight my friend. The way i see it masturbating can stem from 3 places:

1. you’re mind telling you to out of habit.
2. you having an actual urge to do it, and your mind giving yourself permission.
3. you getting triggered by some image you see or thought you have and your mind wants to fantasize more about this.
   These all lead up to the sin …

its all about your mind and how well you can control it. really its just about how bad you want to quit. it may even be that you don’t want it bad enough. you need to think of all scenarios that lead you to masturbating. For me its generally when no one is around and when im in bed at night. If I so much as think about anything sexual while im in these scenarios I immediately talk to God about something like an area of my life I could improve or just talk to him about your love for Him. This really helps me. I also immediately jump out of bed and start cleaning my room to get my mind off of it. This actually really helps for me and keeps my room clean haha. Also try not to sleep on your sides because your genitals could rub on the bed and get you aroused. If you do happen to just be really horny, again just pray and maybe do a physical activity real quick, anything really to get your mind off of it, quickly before you delve too deep. Remind yourself why you personally shouldnt be doing it. You could also try the whole cold shower thing when you get aroused if you will, it doesn’t do much for me personally though. You gotta go hardcore if you really mean to quit. Confess, and make it a point to go to mass every week as well. The eucharist has done amazing things for me as far as self control goes!

A thing that really gets me to not do it as well is realizing that this is a mortal sin and if i die which could be at any moment im pretty much screwed and am going to hell. I mean, even so much as a voluntary delving into sexual thoughts to get aroused is a mortal sin. This is insane to me. Honestly I am pretty paranoid about dieing in a state of mortal sin so I kind of have no choice but to abstain or else… you plrobably already know this and whatnot and sorry to scare you if not but yeah…
good luck man you got it!!