Can a preist be removed from priesthood if he had an affair with a woman?

[totit_vita]

Thank you for all your replies and for your sympathy i didt expect to get a lot of replies overnight but i really appreciate all your concerns.

I gues i wasnt able to give enought details regarding this matter because i didnt expect to get a lot of replies at once.

Anyway let me start of by telling you guys that this is not gossip nor a hearsay. This issue actually happened and came from the mouth of the two people concerned (my wife and the priest) We are now married for 1 year (civil) meaning we were married by a Judge/Mayor. and we would like to have a church wedding to make our bond validated by the church. I had a 5 year relationship with my wife as a boyfriend and never attempted to cross the barrier (no premarital sex watsoever) as respect and love for my wife. There was one instance were we broke up then the priest came into the picture… this is were the story starts…

It all started out when we were in college (before graduation) retreat activity to be exact. The priest was the facilitator of the retreat. I was actually based in manila then and my wife (my girlfrind at that time was in the province). The priest started out by asking for her cell number and started out to be a very nice friend to my wifes circle of friends. He started texting friendly quotes religious quots ect…My wife, without any malice at all entertained him knowing hie interntions were good. Then the time came were we broke up because of a silly fight, the the priest came into the picture… started going out with her and her friends, night outs and gimmiks (which i dont know if preists are aloowed to do) just asking. Untill one instance were my wife got a bit drunk and the priest started to make his move…it all started there…i dont want to go into details anymore. then they have this secret affair for a month… my friends there knew about this and told me about what happened. at frst i asked her if it was ture and she wouldnt admit it. but still i accepted her and eventually we got back together and got married. after 6 years of hidding the skeletons in her closet, after 6 years of accepting what happened and letting bygones be bygones, one day, someone called at out house phone i happened to answer it the guy was looking for my wife, and that guy was the pirest… so i confronted my wife and i didnt stop till i get all the anwswer and let her admit about what really happned. So there she admitted evrything all the details etc… at first it was realy hard to accept but i did… she already had a confession and i already forgave her for what she did… I asked her if the priest even apologized to her for doing that … the priest never apologized ever told her " ok lang yun walang masama sa ginagawa natin" in english “its ok, theres nothing wrong with what we are doing” that realy made my blood boil.
So i decided to confront the priest. i drove all the way from manila to albay (bicol) with my wife… i was crying the whole time. we reached the parish of the priest and talked to him. At first i was really made at him and didnt knwo what to do if i see him. But as i was driving i was talking to the lord to guide me to do the right thing and for the right words to come out of my mouth… and so he did… god really works in myterious ways…we had a conversation with the priest… he admitted his wrong doings everithing my wife told me was true and he aknowledged it. i even had the conversaton recorder as proof. i asked him if he ever said sorry to my wife for destroying her reputation as well as her familys reputation (my wife came from a very religious and conservative family) he said he never said sorry… so i asked him to say sorry and so he did. upon saying that i already found forgiveness. im ready to forgive him as a normal person but its realy hard to accept the fact that he is still a priest ( he never confessed to the bishop yet) imamgine the church that he is running, imamgine how many weddings he will perform… its really hard to accept… i hope this long post wont bore you guys, i just wanted to share my experience and ask for your advise thank you

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

totit_vita:

Im really concerened not only for my wife and my family but also for the other woman or young ladies that might get victimized by these type of priests… thank you and waiting for your expert advise

If you are concerned for your wife you need to support her through this. If she is truly repentent then you are called to forgive her. Let it go. I am sure she feels terrible for her mistake. Work on your marriage, work on your faith, and work on yourself.

And I am sorry to tell you this, but your wife is a grown woman…unless the priest raped her she was not a victim. She made a choice…a bad one. We all make mistakes.

I sincerely hope you two can get on with your lives and get right with God.

Malia

 

[totit_vita]

shannin:

totit_vita:

Hello Friends

Im new to this forum and ive been searching all over to get advise on how to react on this issue. Im married (civil) and my wife confessed to me that she had a relationship with a priest before we even got married. Despite that, i still accepted her for what she is. But now im really having a hard time convincing myself to get married (church) by a priest because of that. I already confrunted the priest and tod him about how i felt. I asked him to let go of his priesthood status so that i could accept his apology and gain my confidence with the catholic church again and finnally get married (chuch)… what do you think i should do?
what are the steps i need to do so that this priest be removed from his position

I think your problem is more with your wife than with the priest. **Fact is - you married a woman that had an affair. **

You say you accepted her for what she is but yet you confronted the priest and asked him to let go of his “priesthood status”. I’m sorry, but I find that extremely offensive. Priests are human too.

I think you should work on your marriage and leave the poor priest alone. Why on earth would you want to destroy his life?

One other thing, you say you don’t have confidence in the Church, so why would you want to get married in the Church?

hello sir im not trying to detroy his life, all im asking is for him to do the right thing…i never said i have no confidence with the church, i have no, confidence with this particular priest.If yur were in my shoes, would you allow this particular priest celebrate your own wedding? knowing those things he did? im my opinion if he realy wants to serve god, he can also serve god in a diferent way…if he is realy comiited to god he could serve god as a normal person not as a priest. Please read my other post so that you could get the real story. God bless you also

 

[totit_vita]

Feanaro's Wife:

If you are concerned for your wife you need to support her through this. If she is truly repentent then you are called to forgive her. Let it go. I am sure she feels terrible for her mistake. Work on your marriage, work on your faith, and work on yourself.

And I am sorry to tell you this, but your wife is a grown woman…unless the priest raped her she was not a victim. She made a choice…a bad one. We all make mistakes.

I sincerely hope you two can get on with your lives and get right with God.

Malia

yes sir i know she makes her own dicisions and she made her mistakes also and i already forgave her. we are really trying our best for our family. She is a very religious woman sir not expecting the bad interntions of the priest. She was heartbroken then when the priest tries to comfor her, make friends with her, been nice and all then eventually he was able to get her attention… and by the way she was drunk when the priest attempted and from that night she ready regret what happend and felt realy sory for herself. i dont want this to hapen to any other women out there. It realy changed my perception among priests… they are humans just like us… since then i confess trough my prayers directly to god because its realy hard to trust priests again knowing that there are priests out there doing those things and getting away with it…

 

[Siena]

This does sound like the priest took advantage of her at her most confused and weakest point. Please encourage her to tell her story to the bishop. If this priest is a predator, he could be going after other young women, using his position as a priest to gain their trust. While not against the “law”, it is still very bad. (Also make sure the bishop knows the priest tried to contact her again.) Hopefully the bishop will talk to him, and keep a close eye on him so that this dosn’t happen again.

For you, pray for your wife, it is very hurtful to be taken advantage of sexually. Pray that she may be healed. Pray also that your trust in her and your love for her will be healed. God bless you.

 

[Siena]

totit_vita:

If yur were in my shoes, would you allow this particular priest celebrate your own wedding? knowing those things he did?

No.
Have another priest perform the wedding!!!

Also, don’t stop going to confession because of this. Out of the first priests Jesus made (the apostles) how many betrayed him? You are not confessing to a “priest”, you are confessing to Jesus! The priest lends his ears and voice to Jesus in the confessional!

 

[totit_vita]

shannin:

Yes, what the priest did is indeed scandalous but priests are human beings and we all fall short. What his wife did was also scandalous but he went ahead and married her anyway. Now, it seems he wants to destroy the priest so he can have a Catholic marriage :whacky: That doesn’t make any sense.

He needs counseling.

If i need counseling im willing to go under counselling im taking my wife wife me and i will ask this priest to atend counseling together with us… im not destroying anyones life sir, im trying to fix it…i know my wife is partly to blame but who do you think has better knowlege about those things? the priest corect? my wife was at a confused state during those days, hertbroken at first, then the priest took advantage of her status… even said, “we are not doing anything wrong, its ok…” can you immagine those words comming out from the mouth of a priest? a priest that we listen to during homily, during seminars during confessions? whats worst, can you accept that if those words come out from the priest who is celebrating your wedding, giving you the blessings on your wedding? try to put yourself in my shoes sir, maybe yuou will see the real picture. thank you…

 

[Siena]

Can you and your wife attend a different catholic church?

Please be patient with some of the people here, we didn’t know that this priest seemed to be LOOKING for someone vunerable to have sex with.

 

[totit_vita]

gardenswithkids:

I think you should accept his apology. I think your trust in the Church should not depend on the behavior of one priest.

If you desire to remain with your wife, I think you should be married in the Church. But find another priest to do the ceremony.

It sounds like this happened a long time ago. If your wife was a child or teenager at the time of the affair, this should certainly be reported to the bishop (or superior), with emphasis on her age at the time of their relationship. Regardless of her age, you may want to report this, but realize this would expose your wife’s misbehavior, and would probably cause her pain and embarrassment.

The bishop probably won’t remove a priest from ministry for one affair. But by letting him know, the bishop can watch for patterns of behavior. Priests should be forgiven for sins, but if they repeatedly fall into serious sins with women under their spiritual leadership, (causing scandal for the faithful and jeopardizing souls), the bishop may decide to remove him from active duty.

In the meanwhile, remember that we pray in the Our Father “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” A terrible wrong was done, but you need to forgive it. Forgive your wife, and forgive the priest, if only so God will forgive you of your sins.

 

[totit_vita]

gardenswithkids:

I think you should accept his apology. I think your trust in the Church should not depend on the behavior of one priest.

If you desire to remain with your wife, I think you should be married in the Church. But find another priest to do the ceremony.

It sounds like this happened a long time ago. If your wife was a child or teenager at the time of the affair, this should certainly be reported to the bishop (or superior), with emphasis on her age at the time of their relationship. Regardless of her age, you may want to report this, but realize this would expose your wife’s misbehavior, and would probably cause her pain and embarrassment.

The bishop probably won’t remove a priest from ministry for one affair. But by letting him know, the bishop can watch for patterns of behavior. Priests should be forgiven for sins, but if they repeatedly fall into serious sins with women under their spiritual leadership, (causing scandal for the faithful and jeopardizing souls), the bishop may decide to remove him from active duty.

In the meanwhile, remember that we pray in the Our Father “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” A terrible wrong was done, but you need to forgive it. Forgive your wife, and forgive the priest, if only so God will forgive you of your sins.

Yes i thought about exposing this particular issue to the public so that evryone would know, but i didnt beacause i dont want to jeopardize the reputation of my wife my family her family and everyone involved. i dont want the to ridicule my wife most of all. so i decided to talk to the priest in a nice way, nice manner and asked him to do the right thing… if he really regret doing those things, he could let go of his status now and serve god in a diferent way dont you think? il already forgave this priest i just want him to forgive himself and do the right thing.

 

[Siena]

totit_vita:

if he really regret doing those things, he could let go of his status now and serve god in a diferent way dont you think?

He will always be a priest. Perhaps if it is possible, your bishop can transfer him to another parish (keeping an eye on his behavior) so you and your wife are not put in the position of having to recieve the sacraments from him.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

totit_vita:

Yes i thought about exposing this particular issue to the public so that evryone would know, but i didnt beacause i dont want to jeopardize the reputation of my wife my family her family and everyone involved. i dont want the to ridicule my wife most of all. so i decided to talk to the priest in a nice way, nice manner and asked him to do the right thing… if he really regret doing those things, he could let go of his status now and serve god in a diferent way dont you think? il already forgave this priest i just want him to forgive himself and do the right thing.

I just don’t understand why you think that him leaving his vocation is “the right thing”. If he has confessed and repented then he deserves the same second-chance as any of us would.

But if he is a threat to other women and will most likely repeat this behavior it is your responsibilty to go up the chain of command and let his superiors deal with it. You cannot just demand that he leave the priesthood.

This needs to be dealt with by the proper authorities.

Malia

 

[totit_vita]

Siena:

Can you and your wife attend a different catholic church?

Please be patient with some of the people here, we didn’t know that this priest seemed to be LOOKING for someone vunerable to have sex with.

the priest used to be in the disoces of the city Legazpi to be exact and we now live in manila and attend mass here. When i confronted the priest he was re assigned to a diferent disoces at a rural area probably because of another scandal he was involved in… despite that i went to his parish took the rough roads etc just to talk to him about his misbehavior. sorry if i sounded a bit impatient on my other posts, i just want you guys to know the real story… thank you

 

[totit_vita]

Feanaro's Wife:

I just don’t understand why you think that him leaving his vocation is “the right thing”. If he has confessed and repented then he deserves the same second-chance as any of us would.

But if he is a threat to other women and will most likely repeat this behavior it is your responsibilty to go up the chain of command and let his superiors deal with it. You cannot just demand that he leave the priesthood.

This needs to be dealt with by the proper authorities.

Malia

yes i realy feel responsible for what happend to my wife and feel responsible to what could happen to other women…first of all he never confessed. he only admited his misbehavior to me when i showed him proof. he never even said sorry to my wife untill i told him to. that realy indicates that he never realy regets what he did.
I did not deman that he leave priesthood… i asked him in a nice way and gave hime those options… i just suggested that it would be better if he leave priesthood…i think it would be the right thing becase a normal person / batchelor can meet and have relationship with women and still serve god in his own way… a priest has a vow/ its like being married, god or the church is like your wife already and you cant have a mistress…i hope i made some point I dont know how to raise this to the porper authority/ his superiors without risking my wife and my familys reputation…

 

[Siena]

You can ask the bishop to keep this information confidential.

 

[needmorelight]

totit_vita:

If i need counseling im willing to go under counselling im taking my wife wife me and i will ask this priest to atend counseling together with us… im not destroying anyones life sir, im trying to fix it…i know my wife is partly to blame but who do you think has better knowlege about those things? the priest corect? my wife was at a confused state during those days, hertbroken at first, then the priest took advantage of her status… even said, “we are not doing anything wrong, its ok…” can you immagine those words comming out from the mouth of a priest? a priest that we listen to during homily, during seminars during confessions? whats worst, can you accept that if those words come out from the priest who is celebrating your wedding, giving you the blessings on your wedding? try to put yourself in my shoes sir, maybe yuou will see the real picture. thank you…

Kamusta! I’m really sorry that this happened to you and your wife. I hope that you have informed the bishop about your concerns with this priest although I just can’t imagine how moving a priest to another diocese really solves anything. I was shocked to read about the priest denying that he and your wife had done nothing wrong. You seem to doubt that the priest hadn’t confessed of this sin and believe that he was involved in other scandals. How do you know this?

If I may ask, did your wife go to confession to this same priest? Did he say those words to her during confession? If I’m not mistaken, a priest who absolves someone with whom he has participated in committing sexual sin, like fornication, is automatically excommunicated. I hope this wasn’t the case.

Your anger and pain is understandable but it’s time to move on. Get another priest to perform the wedding ceremony. But always pray for the priest who had offended you and for priests around the world that they may serve God and HIs Church faithfully and live holy lives. I hope that your experience inspires you to reform the Church from within and not lose faith in God and His Church. Our priests also need our help and support.

 

[totit_vita]

needmorelight:

Kamusta! I’m really sorry that this happened to you and your wife. I hope that you have informed the bishop about your concerns with this priest although I just can’t imagine how moving a priest to another diocese really solves anything. I was shocked to read about the priest denying that he and your wife had done nothing wrong. You seem to doubt that the priest hadn’t confessed of this sin and believe that he was involved in other scandals. How do you know this?

If I may ask, did your wife go to confession to this same priest? Did he say those words to her during confession? If I’m not mistaken, a priest who absolves someone with whom he has participated in committing sexual sin, like fornication, is automatically excommunicated. I hope this wasn’t the case.

Your anger and pain is understandable but it’s time to move on. Get another priest to perform the wedding ceremony. But always pray for the priest who had offended you and for priests around the world that they may serve God and HIs Church faithfully and live holy lives. I hope that your experience inspires you to reform the Church from within and not lose faith in God and His Church. Our priests also need our help and support.

hello nice to hear an advised from a kababayan…my wife confessed to a diferent priest already… years ago thats why i already forgave her and accepted her for who she is… as for the priest, i have very dependable sources that could prove that this priest is involved in other scandals. although other people see this priest hannging out with other women socially only, ofcourse other people who doesnt know his real color will give him the benifit of the doubt that he is not doing anything wrong…but thats what happend to my wife… other people think that they are only friends or something… but now i know his style…I have a friend who is in the military and i asked him to check on this particular priest… for short, the priest is actually under survailance now…

 

[LSK]

totit_vita:

hello nice to hear an advised from a kababayan…my wife confessed to a diferent priest already… years ago thats why i already forgave her and accepted her for who she is… as for the priest, i have very dependable sources that could prove that this priest is involved in other scandals. although other people see this priest hannging out with other women socially only, ofcourse other people who doesnt know his real color will give him the benifit of the doubt that he is not doing anything wrong…but thats what happend to my wife… other people think that they are only friends or something… but now i know his style…I have a friend who is in the military and i asked him to check on this particular priest… for short, the priest is actually under survailance now…

You have been given very good advice. Let the Church handle this troubled man and find another Priest to perform your marriage.