Can a priest and woman be good friends?

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anonymous_in_fl said:
I thought there was a “rule of thumb” for priests and religious that they were never to be seen in the company of the opposite sex without a third person present? Seems very wise to me.
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It is a good policy. Does any one know of any diocesecan policies regarding this?

Consider this question. Can a priest be a good mentor to a teenager? Yes. Can they do it in private? No.
 
A foreign priest without a support system has to be introduced to the parish somehow.

I transported a Canadian priest from point A to point B for part of a semester and even stopped at McDonalds on the way and nobody said anything. He was wearing civies, though.

How the pair are acting toward one another is also important, but I think the fact that you brought it up is for one of some reasons, with scruples possibly being one of them.

Just please be sure to introduce him to more Godly gentlemen friends, and support him as he needs. I know one of our priests in AL used to drop in on parishioners unannounced. They just told him to go away if they were too busy to visit. He was Foreign-born Irish.

We’re all going to be overly zealous about this because of all the scandals. I think it’d be wise to keep that in mind.

Why don’t you ask the priest himself? Cultural differences will make a difference.

Blessings,
Cloisters
 
In my experience, yes, women and priests can be friends.
I have many friends who are priests, some whom I have known for many years who are like “uncles”, and others who are close to my own age (and some younger), who I have an occaisional meal with or go to a concert or movie or some other kind of social event with.

Priests are human beings first, and need to have interaction with other adults- male and female- in non-ministerial settings. Yes a priest is always a priest, but we all too often seem to forget that he is just a regular guy too, with social needs that need to be met.
 
Yes, one of my best friends is a priest. We have lunch together all the time. He was the catalyst in my husband becoming a catholic! And he was my husbands confirmation sponsor. BUT…others are correct, this can cause scandal for a priest. He is always a priest in my eyes first and then my friend.
 
pnewton said:
It is a good policy. Does any one know of any diocesecan policies regarding this?

Consider this question. Can a priest be a good mentor to a teenager? Yes. Can they do it in private? No.
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So, a priest is a more suspitious person than any psychiatrist or doctor…
 
teresadeavila said:
Hubby has been with us at times but can’t make it to all our lunches, priest has been to our home as well, knows the whole family including my mom and in-laws. He’s like family - we’ve joked about the fact that we’ve “adopted” him. Priest is from overseas so he has no family here. It’s in our culture to welcome people we really click with and treat them as family.
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How many lunches?
 
Julia_Mae said:
Only if she is at least twenty-five years older than he is. It is entirely inappropriate for a woman and a priest to be dating, which is what lunches and movies are. This is entering freely into temptation as well as giving scandal. If either finds they are “connecting” and long for one another’s company, they should immediately break off any contact that is not in the presence of a third party and limit conversation to courtesies and parish business.
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I would take lunches out of it.
Lunches may be professional!
 
teresadeavila said:
Can a priest and woman be good friends? Would the Diocese or church frown on this friendship, ie having lunch together, talking about books, movies, etc? If woman is happily married, hubby knows about all meetings, and priest is happy and enjoying his vocation but just enjoys spending time with the woman as friends and there’s no sexual tension, or should this relationship be avoided? Just wondering what your thoughts are…
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Sure they can. There’s nothing secretive going on here.
 
Lunch maybe once a month - and we live in a city around 1 million population. He has many friends, both male & female, who he spends time with at dinner parties, other lunches, movies, etc. He’s just a very social person.
 
teresadeavila said:
Lunch maybe once a month - and we live in a city around 1 million population. He has many friends, both male & female, who he spends time with at dinner parties, other lunches, movies, etc. He’s just a very social person.
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I knew a priest like that once. He was very charming and everyone loved him. He had a good word for everyone. He was also good looking. However, as time went on, he became very friendly with a married woman. Eventually, the worst happened. She left her husband and he the priesthood. They are now ‘married’ and the lesson is still not learned. When a priest is very social and friendly, lines can be crossed. It is so much better to avoid near occasions of sin by keeping a professional distance. A priest can be very available for pastoral duties without being too friendly.

It is the same as any other profession with regard to ‘professional distance’. Teachers and doctors know this. Why would a priest not?
 
I have a number of priests that I am friends with. I occasionaly go out to lunch or dinner alone with them or meet them to see a show (my husband hates to go to the movies or plays). There is nothing wrong with it as long as you know your boundaries. I would think that if one or the other started having feelings that are inappropriate that they would have the good sense to avoid meeting alone, otherwise there is nothing wrong.
 
Joannm said:
I have a number of priests that I am friends with. I occasionaly go out to lunch or dinner alone with them or meet them to see a show (my husband hates to go to the movies or plays). There is nothing wrong with it as long as you know your boundaries. I would think that if one or the other started having feelings that are inappropriate that they would have the good sense to avoid meeting alone, otherwise there is nothing wrong.
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It is not a good thing! Safety in numbers. For the priest’s sake, if for nothing else. We must behave according to our chosen profession. A teacher has to be very careful who she is seen with or what she does in her spare time as well as when working. A teacher can never ‘let her guard down’ in order to preserve her professionalism. I would expect that a priest would have to be even more circumspect. I would feel very uncomfortable going out to the movies or even a coffee with a lone priest. I would take one or two friends along. 🙂
 
BenedictFTW said:
It is not a good thing! Safety in numbers. For the priest’s sake, if for nothing else. We must behave according to our chosen profession. A teacher has to be very careful who she is seen with or what she does in her spare time as well as when working. A teacher can never ‘let her guard down’ in order to preserve her professionalism. I would expect that a priest would have to be even more circumspect. I would feel very uncomfortable going out to the movies or even a coffee with a lone priest. I would take one or two friends along. 🙂
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If you are in a public place what is the difference? Many times when out with a priest we talk confidnetially or about personal things that we don’t need others around to hear.
 
Joannm said:
If you are in a public place what is the difference? Many times when out with a priest we talk confidnetially or about personal things that we don’t need others around to hear.
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I would still advise against such confidential talk between a priest and a woman. If you need to speak to him so privately, then you have the confessional or you could arrange to speak to him in the priests’ house. Meeting in public, as special friends or lovers do, is not appropriate. The propriety of the priest is, of course, his responsibility. But we must help our priests and not put them in compromising positions. A wise person once said to me “It is not always sufficient to do the right thing; one must be SEEN to be doing the right thing!”
 
BenedictFTW said:
I would still advise against such confidential talk between a priest and a woman. If you need to speak to him so privately, then you have the confessional or you could arrange to speak to him in the priests’ house. Meeting in public, as special friends or lovers do, is not appropriate. The propriety of the priest is, of course, his responsibility. But we must help our priests and not put them in compromising positions. A wise person once said to me “It is not always sufficient to do the right thing; one must be SEEN to be doing the right thing!”
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But it is hard to be seen doing the right thing when people already think you are doing the wrong thing.

We need to give our good priest a little bit of good faith. Unless you have credible evidence to the contrary, you should assume that in whatever they’re doing they are being faithful to their vocation.
 
curlycool89 said:
But it is hard to be seen doing the right thing when people already think you are doing the wrong thing.

We need to give our good priest a little bit of good faith. Unless you have credible evidence to the contrary, you should assume that in whatever they’re doing they are being faithful to their vocation.
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The point is that we must make sure we are SEEN doing the right thing. We must not rely upon other people’s assumptions. If we do not put ourselves into compromising positions, then nobody would have to presume at all. A priest must be above suspicion. The same applies to others in positions of trust, such as a teacher or doctor. A priest even more than those, because he is a minister of God. The Church has been hurt by too many scandals of late. Even more than ever, it is incumbent upon every member of the clergy to protect the reputation of the Church.
 
Women in my parish are always going out to lunch with our priests and no one thinks twice about it. Last time I went out with one of my priest friends we ran into another priests having lunch with a woman friend and we ran into some of our parishioners. No one thought anything out of the ordinary.

I am not going to go sit in a confessional just to have a talk with a priest friend when I am not confessing. Sometimes we have deep theological discussions or talk about things that are going on in our lives. Sometimes we talk about our ministry or about decisions we have to make. We don’t want to include others in these discussions and it is always nice to discuss them over a nice lunch. Besides if something improper was going on no one would meet in a public place where anyone and everyone in town could see them.
 
Joannm said:
Women in my parish are always going out to lunch with our priests and no one thinks twice about it. Last time I went out with one of my priest friends we ran into another priests having lunch with a woman friend and we ran into some of our parishioners. No one thought anything out of the ordinary.

I am not going to go sit in a confessional just to have a talk with a priest friend when I am not confessing. Sometimes we have deep theological discussions or talk about things that are going on in our lives. Sometimes we talk about our ministry or about decisions we have to make. We don’t want to include others in these discussions and it is always nice to discuss them over a nice lunch. Besides if something improper was going on no one would meet in a public place where anyone and everyone in town could see them.
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Really? You think? I pity the priests these days. They are expected to be all things to all people.
 
BenedictFTW said:
The point is that we must make sure we are SEEN doing the right thing. We must not rely upon other people’s assumptions. If we do not put ourselves into compromising positions, then nobody would have to presume at all. A priest must be above suspicion. The same applies to others in positions of trust, such as a teacher or doctor. A priest even more than those, because he is a minister of God. The Church has been hurt by too many scandals of late. Even more than ever, it is incumbent upon every member of the clergy to protect the reputation of the Church.
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And what is “seen doing the right thing”? Do you have an all-encompassing and specific definition for us? Not guidelines (like “don’t be seen in a ‘compromising’ position”), but actual rules, with all the phrases and words defined for us?
 
BenedictFTW said:
Really? You think? I pity the priests these days. They are expected to be all things to all people.
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What is that supposed to mean. My priest friends enjoy having discussions with me and sometimes they want my opinion on things. I am not expecting them to be anything but themselves when I hang out with them. If I want them as my confessor or for direction I make an appointment. When we go for lunch or a walk we are just two colleagues enjoying each other’s company and good conversation. And some priests really appreciate a woman’s point of view on things.
 
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