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teresadeavila
Guest
I never said we often go to movies together. We talk about movies - big difference. Thanks for all the insight - and I think I may have found a great book club, just all girls. 
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PJM
Guest
Prudence is required here.
MAKE SURE SOMEONE ELSE IS PRESENT. Donāt put both he and yourself at unnecessary risk.
God Bless,
pat/PJM
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WetCatechumen
Guest
If a priest is friends with a woman, theyāre having an affair.
If he is friends with a man, heās gay.
If he is friends with a teenager, he is a pedophile.
If he is not friends with anyone he is anti-social.
ā¦
This sort of attitude needs to stop. Priests are people. People have social needs. I have friends who are female with whom there is zero romantic involvement. Itās possible, believe it or not. And yes, boundaries should be taken. Should a priestās female friend spend the night on the rectory couch? Of course not. Strictly, there is nothing wrong with this action per se except for scandal and the mild occasion of sin. Adults are adults and we sin pretty willfully - if a priest and a woman want to be sexually active, they will, and these precautions that are taken arenāt going to do anything. But the idea that they canāt go out to lunch or dinner or whathaveyou? Thatās preposterous.
So yes, a priest can have a friendship with a woman and itās perfectly acceptable. People need to mind their own business.
If he is friends with a man, heās gay.
If he is friends with a teenager, he is a pedophile.
If he is not friends with anyone he is anti-social.
ā¦
This sort of attitude needs to stop. Priests are people. People have social needs. I have friends who are female with whom there is zero romantic involvement. Itās possible, believe it or not. And yes, boundaries should be taken. Should a priestās female friend spend the night on the rectory couch? Of course not. Strictly, there is nothing wrong with this action per se except for scandal and the mild occasion of sin. Adults are adults and we sin pretty willfully - if a priest and a woman want to be sexually active, they will, and these precautions that are taken arenāt going to do anything. But the idea that they canāt go out to lunch or dinner or whathaveyou? Thatās preposterous.
So yes, a priest can have a friendship with a woman and itās perfectly acceptable. People need to mind their own business.
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john78
Guest
personally i am considering a religious life, probably leaning towards the priesthood, though i wouldnt turn down a vocation as a brother,
I would want to have friends, but i am not going to put myself in a position where anyone would get the wrong idea, and in todays world an honest smile and helping hand to one person can be misconstrued and twisted by others as an improper relationship, so why would i want to put myself in that position ?
So I would not want to give any special attention ie, private lunches, spending time together at a movie, private meals with any woman, married or not .
and that is going to be my stance and choice if i ever enter into a religious life and if it also the rules then i will honor those rules too as i will be committing myself to being a Servant of Christ, and I do not want a side relationship interfereing with much needed work i want to do , that hopefully the Holy Spirit will be guiding me to do.
I would want to have friends, but i am not going to put myself in a position where anyone would get the wrong idea, and in todays world an honest smile and helping hand to one person can be misconstrued and twisted by others as an improper relationship, so why would i want to put myself in that position ?
So I would not want to give any special attention ie, private lunches, spending time together at a movie, private meals with any woman, married or not .
and that is going to be my stance and choice if i ever enter into a religious life and if it also the rules then i will honor those rules too as i will be committing myself to being a Servant of Christ, and I do not want a side relationship interfereing with much needed work i want to do , that hopefully the Holy Spirit will be guiding me to do.
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barb_finnegan
Guest
Amen to what you said!
:yup:
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barb_finnegan
Guest
I understand what you mean. I myself knew another priest who headed a prayer group in one of my previous parishes. There was a number of ladies in the group (mostly married, but also a widow or two and a couple of single people like me) who would go out to breakfast, lunch or dinner with him. This priest was very friendly, and we all loved him (in a non-romantic way of course!).
I even went with him and some of the ladies from the prayer group to a fund-raising concert at a local performing arts center-had no problem with that. In fact, I even drove them in my car!
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EvelynEVF
Guest
Itās interesting that someone mentioned that it wouldnāt be appropriate for the priest to do these friendly things while dressed as a priest. Personally, I would feel better having lunch (or whatever) with my priest if he were wearing his clerics, because that would make it very obvious to everyone that he was a priest. Otherwise it would feel like maybe we were trying to fly under the radar. I guess for me, part of my friendship with clergy is that they are always a priest first, and my friend second.
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Bix
Guest
I donāt think it should be considered scandalous.
Personally, I have had a very difficult life the past 10 years or so. I have experienced stuff that wouldnāt be believable in a soap operaā¦ As a result, I trust very few people- maybe 2 or 3. My priest would be one of them. Does this mean I couldnāt invite him over for dinner or lunch simply because Iām a single woman and around the same age of my priest? ( frankly, I would never do that to him- Iām a terrible cook!
)I would hope it would not be considered wrong. I find it extremely sad that because some people keep their mind in the gutter they would make assumptions of others. If our priests are considered to be an extension of Jesus, then shouldnāt we be able to be friends with them as well??? 
Personally, I have had a very difficult life the past 10 years or so. I have experienced stuff that wouldnāt be believable in a soap operaā¦ As a result, I trust very few people- maybe 2 or 3. My priest would be one of them. Does this mean I couldnāt invite him over for dinner or lunch simply because Iām a single woman and around the same age of my priest? ( frankly, I would never do that to him- Iām a terrible cook!
)I would hope it would not be considered wrong. I find it extremely sad that because some people keep their mind in the gutter they would make assumptions of others. If our priests are considered to be an extension of Jesus, then shouldnāt we be able to be friends with them as well???
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Bix
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???
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john78
Guest
it all comes down to personal responsibilty,as adults we all know what is crossing the line or inappropriate , should we be aware that there is a possibilty that others will start gossiping, maybeā¦
as a previous poster just stated it is the gossiping, we could go on for years on hypotheticals, it never endsā¦
Christ accepts everyone, he sat down and ate with tax collectors, thieves, liars, men, women, children, rich people, poor people, murderers,
so why does this have to be an issue.
as a previous poster just stated it is the gossiping, we could go on for years on hypotheticals, it never endsā¦
Christ accepts everyone, he sat down and ate with tax collectors, thieves, liars, men, women, children, rich people, poor people, murderers,
so why does this have to be an issue.
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Bix
Guest
Good people come in all shapes and forms.
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john78
Guest
exactly, but sadly people do judgeBut if the woman is straight, blonde and thin- there shouldnāt be any judgement either. Good people come in all shapes and forms.
so the rest of us have to be more mature than those that are quick to pass judgement on others for what ever the reason.
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jesusmylover
Guest
Yes of course,
A priest can have a woman friend, he his normal and human like every one. That is the sign that his vocation is authentic.
God bless you.
leandresz.com/en/
A priest can have a woman friend, he his normal and human like every one. That is the sign that his vocation is authentic.
God bless you.
leandresz.com/en/
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Pfaffenhoffen
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SalesianSDB
Guest
Iām a guy considering a vocationā¦and most of my best friends have been girls. Actually, high school was the only time where most of my friends were males, though even then I had many close female friends.
I just finished my first year at college and I realized, just about every good friend I made there is a girl. I had dinner with a group of about six girls every night. Sometimes one other guy would join, but not usually. And my best friend is a girl, we did hang out a lot together during the year. Totally chaste and no sexual tension.
Personally, for me, I value these friendships as they do give interesting perspectives and I wouldnāt trade them for the world.
Like others have said, as long as there isnāt temptation.
I just finished my first year at college and I realized, just about every good friend I made there is a girl. I had dinner with a group of about six girls every night. Sometimes one other guy would join, but not usually. And my best friend is a girl, we did hang out a lot together during the year. Totally chaste and no sexual tension.
Personally, for me, I value these friendships as they do give interesting perspectives and I wouldnāt trade them for the world.
Like others have said, as long as there isnāt temptation.
Hi There,
I am also discerning the possibility of becoming a priest. My own opinion on your question would be that, as a Catholic priest, you should avoid situations which would cause you to either commit the sin of scandal or becoming too emotionally involved with a woman.
That would include going for lunch dates/cinema trips alone.
As a man it would be common sense to admit that if you are trying to live a celibate life dating (or exclusive friendships with women) will not help.
That said, priests are actually encouraged to develop healthy friendships with members of both sexes as this is part of the human condition.
God Bless & good luck with your discernment.
Adam Peter
I am also discerning the possibility of becoming a priest. My own opinion on your question would be that, as a Catholic priest, you should avoid situations which would cause you to either commit the sin of scandal or becoming too emotionally involved with a woman.
That would include going for lunch dates/cinema trips alone.
As a man it would be common sense to admit that if you are trying to live a celibate life dating (or exclusive friendships with women) will not help.
That said, priests are actually encouraged to develop healthy friendships with members of both sexes as this is part of the human condition.
God Bless & good luck with your discernment.
Adam Peter
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InLight247
Guest
I think the bottom line is to be prudent. Personally I would never invite or go out to eat with a priest alone. This is not an issue of being judgmental or scandalous, this is to be prudent, careful, thoughtful, protective, and setting right boundary all the time.I donāt think it should be considered scandalous.
Personally, I have had a very difficult life the past 10 years or so. I have experienced stuff that wouldnāt be believable in a soap operaā¦ As a result, I trust very few people- maybe 2 or 3. My priest would be one of them. Does this mean I couldnāt invite him over for dinner or lunch simply because Iām a single woman and around the same age of my priest? ( frankly, I would never do that to him- Iām a terrible cook!
It is totally alright to be a good friend with a priest. However visit in a private home or in a restaurant alone is to be avoided. We can always eat out together with a group. We can talk in the office when the conversation requires privacy. This will be good for the priest, for ourselves, and for those around.
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Baelor
Guest
I am curious ā what is problematic about the priest meeting a woman in a public place?
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Bix
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Careful about what???.
I understand what you are saying butā¦ Since youāve quoted my post ( which is perfectly fine) - I doubt I would simply because I have major trust issues. Not that I wouldnāt trust him in my home, (heās been here to bless the home and for another issue) but Iām not particularly comfortable with anyone in my home at this time. However, Iām not always particularly comfortable in his office eitherā¦ Frankly, I would rather sit outside. Too many nosy people inside. He knows I consider him a friend. I know he considers me ā¦ a parishiner with some serious issues and trusting him. Nothing more. If I want or need to discuss something more confidential, why would it be inappropriate to meet at my home or somewhere else on one occasion? If I were 80, would it then be okay? Iām not being argumentative or sarcastic. Iām looking for honest feedback.
Iām not trying to overstep boundaries. I respect him and his position. He knows this and I canāt imagine him ever overstepping his.
Also, I just dont understand the issueā¦ What if I did take him to dinner or something? I doubt he would accept, but what would the issue be? All of my life, the majority of my friends have been men. Strictly platonic, good friendships. My best friend is a guy and no issues there either.
I think a major part of people assuming scandalous things is becauseā¦ Sorry , nevermind
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Bix
Guest
I understand there are bad priests. There are bad people in every walk of life.
However- Maybe so many priests have scandal issues not because of wrong doing, but because of poor assumptions and poor faith in them as a whole. It seems to me, after reading this thread as well as others, that they are lucky to breathe without someone becoming worked up, hurt or offended by something. Maybe, if they were cut more slack to be human, the good priests would have a chance and hang in there. . . Just a thought.
However- Maybe so many priests have scandal issues not because of wrong doing, but because of poor assumptions and poor faith in them as a whole. It seems to me, after reading this thread as well as others, that they are lucky to breathe without someone becoming worked up, hurt or offended by something. Maybe, if they were cut more slack to be human, the good priests would have a chance and hang in there. . . Just a thought.
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