Can a priest and woman be good friends?

[Baelor]

But I’m speaking about the potential for a type of relationship akin to romance to develop between a priest & parishioner or friend.

It need not simply because they are going to the movies or going to dinner. I will pray for you if you have that little faith in priests and their parishioners.

You talk about needing the “intent” to date - the fact is that only one needs to interpret the situation as a date in order for the situation to become complicated.

I would think that any two people regardless of vocation would make an effort to clarify what the status of an outing is. I would also think that the priest probably would not be going to dinner with someone who does not recognize his vow.

Stuff like this requires proper discernment. Intent to date or not - I would say if you are alone with a woman going for dinner & movie - that is courting behavior & not really what I would expect to see from a priest.

It is friendship behavior, unless you consider two men or two women going to the movies necessarily dating.

 

[Bix]

It need not simply because they are going to the movies or going to dinner. I will pray for you if you have that little faith in priests and their parishioners.

I would think that any two people regardless of vocation would make an effort to clarify what the status of an outing is. I would also think that the priest probably would not be going to dinner with someone who does not recognize his vow.

It is friendship behavior, unless you consider two men or two women going to the movies necessarily dating.

 

[AdamP88]

I, as a young man considering priesthood, am at a point where I have ruled out dating women. Purely to allow God to work in my life and be my priority.
This means I don’t go to dinner, movies, or anything that could be construed as a date - with a girl.

It is not out of lack of trust - it is merely common sense. I do not wish to develop a unique attachment to a young woman when I am trying to commit myself to the Lord.

It is also out of concern for the young lady involved. It would be an abuse of trust & friendship for me to lead her to a point where she became attached to me in a romantic way.

I have female friends but I generally would meet with them as part of a group and this, I think is more appropriate to the state in life of a Priest, a seminarian, or even one in the final stages of discernment.

 

[Bix]

I, as a young man considering priesthood, am at a point where I have ruled out dating women. Purely to allow God to work in my life and be my priority.
This means I don’t go to dinner, movies, or anything that could be construed as a date - with a girl.

It is not out of lack of trust - it is merely common sense. I do not wish to develop a unique attachment to a young woman when I am trying to commit myself to the Lord.

It is also out of concern for the young lady involved. It would be an abuse of trust & friendship for me to lead her to a point where she became attached to me in a romantic way.

I have female friends but I generally would meet with them as part of a group and this, I think is more appropriate to the state in life of a Priest, a seminarian, or even one in the final stages of discernment.

I understand what you are saying and don’t completely disagree with you.

However, each person and situation is unique and should be handled accordingly. It saddens me that in a Christian community, people here jump to the worst conclusions, assume something immoral is going on or will occur as if there are no moral people left. Instead of being proud that we have some good priests- everyone brings up temptations, sin, jealousy and so on. It’s sad and wrong.

Frankly, I would rather know my priests were social and had healthy friendships with churchgoing people of both sexes. We are social people. I would be more concerned about a priest with no life or social balance - this would create more issues with temptations and other issues.

 

[InLight247]

I, as a young man considering priesthood, am at a point where I have ruled out dating women. Purely to allow God to work in my life and be my priority.
This means I don’t go to dinner, movies, or anything that could be construed as a date - with a girl.

It is not out of lack of trust - it is merely common sense. I do not wish to develop a unique attachment to a young woman when I am trying to commit myself to the Lord.

It is also out of concern for the young lady involved. It would be an abuse of trust & friendship for me to lead her to a point where she became attached to me in a romantic way.

I have female friends but I generally would meet with them as part of a group and this, I think is more appropriate to the state in life of a Priest, a seminarian, or even one in the final stages of discernment.

I applaud for your thoughtfulness, prudence, commitment, and decency. Our church needs holy priests. I hope all Catholics can conscientiously protect priest’s vocation. I keep you and all seminarians in my prayers. May God guide, guard, protect and richly bless you!

 

[Bix]

I understand what you are saying and don’t completely disagree with you.

However, each person and situation is unique and should be handled accordingly. It saddens me that in a Christian community, people here jump to the worst conclusions, assume something immoral is going on or will occur as if there are no moral people left. Instead of being proud that we have some good priests- everyone brings up temptations, sin, jealousy and so on. It’s sad and wrong.

Frankly, I would rather know my priests were social and had healthy friendships with churchgoing people of both sexes. We are social people. I would be more concerned about a priest with no life or social balance - this would create more issues with temptations and other issues.

 

[Baelor]

I, as a young man considering priesthood, am at a point where I have ruled out dating women. Purely to allow God to work in my life and be my priority.
This means I don’t go to dinner, movies, or anything that could be construed as a date - with a girl.

It is not out of lack of trust - it is merely common sense. I do not wish to develop a unique attachment to a young woman when I am trying to commit myself to the Lord.

It is also out of concern for the young lady involved. It would be an abuse of trust & friendship for me to lead her to a point where she became attached to me in a romantic way.

I have female friends but I generally would meet with them as part of a group and this, I think is more appropriate to the state in life of a Priest, a seminarian, or even one in the final stages of discernment.

AdamPeter, thank you for discerning a difficult vocation and one that is unpopular in these times. Thank you for your commitment to the Church.

I have no doubt that you know what is best for you. There may be, however, some men for whom going to movies or dinner with a woman alone constitutes no occasion of sin and will not ever lead to the development of romantic feelings.

 

[superamazingman]

AdamPeter, thank you for discerning a difficult vocation and one that is unpopular in these times. Thank you for your commitment to the Church.

I have no doubt that you know what is best for you. There may be, however, some men for whom going to movies or dinner with a woman alone constitutes no occasion of sin and will not ever lead to the development of romantic feelings.

However, it’s simply not a prudent thing to do.

 

[Baelor]

However, it’s simply not a prudent thing to do.

It is not prudent for those who are tempted by such interactions. Not every man and woman is, in which case the issue of prudence is not applicable.

We clearly have very different personalities and experiences if simply being one-on-one with women constitutes an imprudent act if one of the two is unavailable.

 

[AdamP88]

I think if we were to try to argue that this situation were to (in most cases) not lead to any emotional/romantic attachment. We would be kidding ourselves. Everyone here is human and capable of sin…so there is no point in denying that.

On the other hand - a priest should have a social life with his parishioners/community.
This does not mean meeting alone with a woman for dinner - which is basically a date.

It is not prudent for those who are tempted by such interactions. Not every man and woman is, in which case the issue of prudence is not applicable.

We clearly have very different personalities and experiences if simply being one-on-one with women constitutes an imprudent act if one of the two is unavailable.

To say that only certain people are tempted within certain situations is probably the biggest mistake one can make in this particular type of thing. It’s like saying - the devil can’t tempt me to commit this sin so I’m good. It presupposes that the individual is incapable of falling to a particular sin. Prudence, discretion and discernment are always advisable…

 

[InLight247]

A priest should have a social life with his parishioners/community.
This does not mean meeting alone with a woman for dinner - which is basically a date.

Exa ctly! And most priests have their social lives. They have their own good friends. I know a group of young priests just come back from their week long trip in Rome and had a wonderful time. Some other priest went to a wonderful cruise with family and group of parishioners… Another priests dine out with the young adult group for fellowship… They have their proper social lives, but none of them dine out with a woman alone.

To say that only certain people are tempted within certain situations is probably the biggest mistake one can make in this particular type of thing. It’s like saying - the devil can’t tempt me to commit this sin so I’m good. It presupposes that the individual is incapable of falling to a particular sin. Prudence, discretion and discernment are always advisable…

Prudence is a matter of principle, not a conditional option, especially in such a serious matter as protecting the priest’s vocation. Prudence is to prevent any potential trouble, not saying the trouble is there already. To say the devil cannot temp me is a pride. It is saying “I” will never fall into such temptation thus “I” do not have to be prudent.

Seeing some people insisting there is no potential trouble for a woman to dine out with a priest alone, I wonder if the concept of “protecting our holy priest’s vocation” a common concept to the laity? Probably not.

I hope we all keep this in mind. Vocation is precious, the devil is roaring around to destroy priests. We must be extra careful not to create any possible issue. That is prudence for everyone.

 

[AdamP88]

Exa ctly! And most priests have their social lives. They have their own good friends. I know a group of young priests just come back from their week long trip in Rome and had a wonderful time. Some other priest went to a wonderful cruise with family and group of parishioners… Another priests dine out with the young adult group for fellowship… They have their proper social lives, but none of them dine out with a woman alone.

Prudence is a matter of principle, not a conditional option, especially in such a serious matter as protecting the priest’s vocation. Prudence is to prevent any potential trouble, not saying the trouble is there already. To say the devil cannot temp me is a pride. It is saying “I” will never fall into such temptation thus “I” do not have to be prudent.

Seeing some people insisting there is no potential trouble for a woman to dine out with a priest alone, I wonder if the concept of “protecting our holy priest’s vocation” a common concept to the laity? Probably not.

I hope we all keep this in mind. Vocation is precious, the devil is roaring around to destroy priests. We must be extra careful not to create any possible issue. That is prudence for everyone.

Very well put…I agree with your points about protecting vocation. It is most important and something that we should be more aware of as Catholics. The reasons why certain situations are not appropriate for priests/religious etc.

 

[agapewolf]

As I said already, going to dinner with a friend is not a date, or “almost a date”. Male or female.

I am female, I have several men-friends… some a priests, some are single, some are divorced without annulment, some are married. I go to lunch or dinner or beer with any of them, and there is no way it is “misconstrued” as anything romantic. There is absolutely no question in either of our minds what is going on.

 

[teresadeavila]

If we love our priests, we will do all we can to protect their vocation. That starts with the willingness of controlling our own behavior. It is not what we “like” or not like. It is to do the right thing. Why does a woman want to have a meal alone with a priest? Why would a woman initiate such a thing? If the priest needs such a social occasion, he will initiate it in a proper way.

Why do you assume the woman initiated the meeting?

 

[teresadeavila]

I have to add that before you post a reply here, please, please read the actual scenario. And I NEVER said we’ve had dinner out alone, only a few lunches in public places. The lunches are also for business mingled with social purposes with the priest. I only go out to dinner with my hubby or family, in groups, or a girlfriend. I can exercise some judgment folks. For my business, I often have lunch meetings - almost 2-3 week.

Replies have been very interesting though and all over the map. It seems there’s the 1 extreme (avoid any social interaction at all costs) or perhaps trust the priest and laity to make their own judgment calls. I agree that discernment of feelings or attachments are very important - we’re only human.

 

[Dakota_Roberts]

I think if we were to try to argue that this situation were to (in most cases) not lead to any emotional/romantic attachment. We would be kidding ourselves. Everyone here is human and capable of sin…so there is no point in denying that.

On the other hand - a priest should have a social life with his parishioners/community.
This does not mean meeting alone with a woman for dinner - which is basically a date.

To say that only certain people are tempted within certain situations is probably the biggest mistake one can make in this particular type of thing. It’s like saying - the devil can’t tempt me to commit this sin so I’m good. It presupposes that the individual is incapable of falling to a particular sin. Prudence, discretion and discernment are always advisable…

You do realize that not all priests are attracted to women right? While they have things to worry about I don’t think getting into a sexual relationship is one of them.

 

[AdamP88]

I have to add that before you post a reply here, please, please read the actual scenario. And I NEVER said we’ve had dinner out alone, only a few lunches in public places. The lunches are also for business mingled with social purposes with the priest. I only go out to dinner with my hubby or family, in groups, or a girlfriend. I can exercise some judgment folks. For my business, I often have lunch meetings - almost 2-3 week.

Replies have been very interesting though and all over the map. It seems there’s the 1 extreme (avoid any social interaction at all costs) or perhaps trust the priest and laity to make their own judgment calls. I agree that discernment of feelings or attachments are very important - we’re only human.

That is true, you did say it was in a public place…but that is still a date in the accepted sense of the way it may appear…it is also alone in the social sense.

The question you posed was if a priest and a woman can be good friends - the answer is most definitely yes. I think though that even if a priest is speaking on business/parish matters with a female parishioner - both parties should keep it business oriented…social lunches & dinners with a priest even in a public place - are dating territory. Consider this - would you put yourself in the same position with the male spouse of a friend.

God Bless

 

[AdamP88]

You do realize that not all priests are attracted to women right? While they have things to worry about I don’t think getting into a sexual relationship is one of them.

I think it’s a fairly legitimate worry that the vast majority of priests have to deal with.

 

[InLight247]

Why do you assume the woman initiated the meeting?

I am not assume the woman initiated the meeting. There are many posts in this thread. Some post gave the impression that the woman desires to have such a meeting. My discussion was for discussion’s sake. Not particularly pointing to anyone.

The main idea I want to convey is that **priest’s vocation needs to be carefully protected. **To carefully protect, means to be extra careful, not the free spirit of “as long as I like”. There is a huge difference in the mentality. That is the prudence we have been discussing all along. Everyone needs to strive for being a mature Catholic with proper boundary and prudent behavior. That is the starting point of working toward holiness, if holiness is one’s goal.

 

[Baelor]

I think if we were to try to argue that this situation were to (in most cases) not lead to any emotional/romantic attachment. We would be kidding ourselves. Everyone here is human and capable of sin…so there is no point in denying that.

Am I understanding you correctly? You are saying that in most cases male-female friendships inevitably become fraught with romantic tension?

That has been the case with 0% of my friendships with women. I had a close female friend visit me for a weekend and she slept in my spare room. This happened while she was dating. There was no tension whatsoever. As I said, speak for yourself.

To say that only certain people are tempted within certain situations is probably the biggest mistake one can make in this particular type of thing.

It is true. Some people are very prone to explosive anger, others are not. And so forth: not everyone struggles with identical temptations, and not everyone struggling with a particular temptation struggles with it to the same degree.

That is true, you did say it was in a public place…but that is still a date in the accepted sense of the way it may appear…it is also alone in the social sense.

No, it is not a date. I do not assume that two people dining in a restaurant are dating. I assume that they are dining in a restaurant.

social lunches & dinners with a priest even in a public place - are dating territory. Consider this - would you put yourself in the same position with the male spouse of a friend.

Yes. I do things alone with women who are involved frequently. Tension level? Nonexistent.