Can a priest and woman be good friends?

[Baelor]

It is inappropriate for a seminarian, priest or religious to be in certain situations with a woman that may be construed as “dating”. The intention may not to be actually date but it may be interpreted as such.

At the same time, it is not necessary for an individual to consider the possible inferences of every other person he will ever encounter. If there is no suggestion that the priest is involved with the women, I fail to see the issue. Of course, exercise prudence, but platonic friends eat in restaurants all the time. I walk around with priests; if someone thinks we are a gay couple, that is not my problem. If I happened to be a woman, same thing – at some point, we are absolved of responsibility.

Priests need social interaction. For some people, that may be in a movie or a restaurant.

 

[hwriggles4]

Hi There,
I am also discerning the possibility of becoming a priest. My own opinion on your question would be that, as a Catholic priest, you should avoid situations which would cause you to either commit the sin of scandal or becoming too emotionally involved with a woman.

That would include going for lunch dates/cinema trips alone.

As a man it would be common sense to admit that if you are trying to live a celibate life dating (or exclusive friendships with women) will not help.

That said, priests are actually encouraged to develop healthy friendships with members of both sexes as this is part of the human condition.

God Bless & good luck with your discernment.
Adam Peter

I agree it is important for us to have healthy friendships with members of both sexes.

I was a shy kid growing up, had many male-dominated interests (like science, cars, outdoor stuff, etc.) and I didn’t have sisters. In retrospect, I was a sophomore in college when I started to become more comfortable around girls. Looking back, it was a good thing too.

Getting back to the topic, I have a priest friend (he was a later vocation too) who is not afraid to wear his collar in public. He has told me that when a woman wants to have some kind of a 1-on-1 discussion with him (and suggests lunch) he always says politely and tactfully that he does not go to lunch with a woman alone. Like many have said, it has to do with “boundaries”.

In the secular world, I have some co-workers who will not eat lunch with a woman alone (a group luncheon is different). Part of it is a sign of respect for your spouse or girlfriend, and brings up issues of what is appropriate and what is not in the workplace.

By the same token, I’ve known some priests who have been criticized for ordering a beer at a Mexican restaurant, even if they are with another priest or with a group of men.

If a man is in a “discernment process” dating/courtship should be suspended. This is why many seminarians (if not all) are not allowed to date, and good vocation directors ask those in discernment not to date.

Good luck to those in discernment.

 

[AdamP88]

I agree it is important for us to have healthy friendships with members of both sexes.

I was a shy kid growing up, had many male-dominated interests (like science, cars, outdoor stuff, etc.) and I didn’t have sisters. In retrospect, I was a sophomore in college when I started to become more comfortable around girls. Looking back, it was a good thing too.

Getting back to the topic, I have a priest friend (he was a later vocation too) who is not afraid to wear his collar in public. He has told me that when a woman wants to have some kind of a 1-on-1 discussion with him (and suggests lunch) he always says politely and tactfully that he does not go to lunch with a woman alone. Like many have said, it has to do with “boundaries”.

In the secular world, I have some co-workers who will not eat lunch with a woman alone (a group luncheon is different). Part of it is a sign of respect for your spouse or girlfriend, and brings up issues of what is appropriate and what is not in the workplace.

By the same token, I’ve known some priests who have been criticized for ordering a beer at a Mexican restaurant, even if they are with another priest or with a group of men.

If a man is in a “discernment process” dating/courtship should be suspended. This is why many seminarians (if not all) are not allowed to date, and good vocation directors ask those in discernment not to date.

What is your point?

 

[g_ncl]

It is inappropriate for a seminarian, priest or religious to be in certain situations with a woman that may be construed as “dating”. The intention may not to be actually date but it may be interpreted as such.

In my native Eastern European country there is a saying: “Bad is he who thinks bad.”

 

[InLight247]

In my native Eastern European country there is a saying: “Bad is he who thinks bad.”

Think bad or not is irrelevant. No one can deny prudence along with boundary is necessary for all human beings who have fallen natures.

 

[AdamP88]

Think bad or not is irrelevant. No one can deny prudence along with boundary is necessary for all human beings who have fallen natures.

 

[TiggerS]

Both priest and married woman have holy vows to keep, both in the context of a Sacrament, vows to keep not only in the head, but ideally also in the heart. They also remain weak, fallible and faulted human beings especially in situations of temptation - this does not necessarily mean one is actually tempted, rather that the situation could lead to temptation. Wisdom and prudence will dictate what is wise and prudent in a relationship. The very fact that the question is asked in the first place may be telling.
I think that a priest and a woman can be great friends (I have had three such relationships) and still exercise prudence and wisdom in their friendship especially in the situations in which they may place themselves.
Short of it all, I would not engage in a regular situation with a priest such as has been described.
If Father is lonely for close friendship and the OP is lacking in something in her relationship with her husband, then spiritual counselling and/or therapy is the answer to my mind.

 

[HappilyMarriedF]

If you are going online, searching for an answer for whether or not it is “ok” to do something, then your concience may be trying to intercede. Please listen to your concience and do what is right.

In theory, it is ok to have a friendship with a priest. However, people have feelings and they tend to place themselves in situations that end up causing them grief. When you want something, do you usually “go after it”? Maybe part of you wants something, and would never admit to it.

Better either ditch the priest friend or have your husband handle him.

 

[Cristina_christ]

yes I THINK so! What if the women Desired a particular Priest should she tell him or keep to her self

 

[jpjd]

yes I THINK so! What if the women Desired a particular Priest should she tell him or keep to her self

If the woman desires a particular priest, meaning she feels attracted to him, she should keep it to herself! It serves no purpose whatsoever to tell the priest, and I would think in fact it would create either an awkward situation or a temptation to sin; and you should not want to create either situation, especially the latter. If you have a need to tell someone, confess it to a different priest.

 

[priya7]

It’s not tempting. There is no temptation.

I agree it might not be a temptation for me. But I cannot read the thoughts of another person and it is better not to be the reason for another’s temptation, when such meetings are not an absolute necessity. The priest actually has to deepen his friendship with God through prayer I feel. That would do more good to his soul and a lot many souls.

 

[agapewolf]

I agree it might not be a temptation for me. But I cannot read the thoughts of another person and it is better not to be the reason for another’s temptation, when such meetings are not an absolute necessity. The priest actually has to deepen his friendship with God through prayer I feel. That would do more good to his soul and a lot many souls.

Using this logic, one should never talk or be friends with anyone, ever.

Because there is more good to the soul to deepen his friendship with God through prayer. Why talk to anyone else when you can just go to God?

Bad logic.

Men and women need healthy relationships with both men and women. A lunch with someone of the opposite sex has nothing to do with “temptation”. It’s lunch.