Can a priest refuse to do matrimony?

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kvuong1

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Hi everyone, I am so gald that I found this forum and I beleive that you guys can help with the answer to my situation. Here is my situation:
I moved to Wichita, KS two years ago and I met my boyfriend’s family there. They are Catholic. Following them to church every Sunday, I found my faith in God, then I got baptized and became a Catholic. However, I am not a member of any local parish. My boyfriend’s family are active member of one local church. We planned the wedding in May 2012. Unfortunately, my boyfriend got a new job and moved to another state 6 months ago. We went to the father of his family’s church. The father agree to do sacrament of holy matrimony for our wedding in May 2012. Along with that I have to take all of the marriage preparation such as course, retreat, natural planning. And my boyfriend also need to find a church over his state and prepare the same thing. So I though everything have been set. Unfortunatly, due to my studying, I have to transfer to another state in January 2012 for my study. At this point, the father said he wont’ help us do our wedding any more because both of us no longer memeber of the church or the catholic diocese of Wichita. That confused me because I was not a member of that church , and my boyfriend’s family still active member of the church eventhough he himself moved away. So my question is CAN THE FATHER OF CHURCH REFUSE TO DO DO MY WEDDING BECAUSE WE BOTH MOVE AWAY FROM HIS CHURCH TOWN EVENTHOUGH WE HAVE DONE ALL OF HIS REQUIREMENTS FOR THE MARRIAGE PREPARATION? and GENERALLY, UNDER WHAT CIRCUMTANCE, THE FATHER CAN REFUSE A MARTINONY?. Thank you so much for all of your help ! God Bless You and I hope through you guys, God will grant me an answer to my situation ! Thank you so much again!
 
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kvuong1:
If thigs happened the way you said, it is an abuse.
It happened to me the same, so I went to another priest. It happened witht he baptism of one of my sons.
Just search around (if you find) a priest who is not so law-stricted and more human-bound.
 
Don’t blame the priest, he needs special permission to celebrate your wedding now that you live outside his parish boundaries, in fact outside his diocese.

Although you may never have registered in any parish, you were automatically a member of the parish where you lived. If there was only one parish in the town where you lived, you were a member of that parish by virtue of living in that town and being Catholic.

Once you moved to another city in another state you became a member of the parish within whose boundaries you happen to live and it belongs to THAT pastor to celebrate your wedding. The priest in the former parish is only doing what he knows to be right.

What you have to do now, is visit your own pastor, explain the situation and get him to communicate with the priest in the first parish to give him permission to celebrate your wedding.

This has to be followed by paperwork between the two dioceses because your present bishop has to grant permission for your marriage to take place outside the diocese, and the bishop of the other diocese has to give his permission to the priest in the original parish to celebrate the wedding of a couple who don’t live within the diocese.

Start now, it takes time to get that done.
 
Phemie said:
Don’t blame the priest, he needs special permission to celebrate your wedding now that you live outside his parish boundaries, in fact outside his diocese.

Although you may never have registered in any parish, you were automatically a member of the parish where you lived. If there was only one parish in the town where you lived, you were a member of that parish by virtue of living in that town and being Catholic.

Once you moved to another city in another state you became a member of the parish within whose boundaries you happen to live and it belongs to THAT pastor to celebrate your wedding. The priest in the former parish is only doing what he knows to be right.

What you have to do now, is visit your own pastor, explain the situation and get him to communicate with the priest in the first parish to give him permission to celebrate your wedding.

This has to be followed by paperwork between the two dioceses because your present bishop has to grant permission for your marriage to take place outside the diocese, and the bishop of the other diocese has to give his permission to the priest in the original parish to celebrate the wedding of a couple who don’t live within the diocese.

Start now, it takes time to get that done.
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This 👍
 
the priest of the parish where you reside has jurisdiction over sacraments for his parishioners, since you are both moving, he will no longer have that jurisdiction.

key: you don’t say whether these are permanent moves, or temporary, such as for a college student.

The priest who will be marrying you is the one that has to be able to attest that you are properly prepared and worthily disposed for the sacrament, and that to the best he is able to determine, the marriage will be valid. He cannot do that if he does not know you, or does not know those who will be overseeing those aspects of marriage preparation. Also if you are moving outside your diocese, there needs to be permission for that also, as he has no authority outside his own diocese, except to give you permission to be married elsewhere.

Since you are the one who is changing location, don’t blame the priest for refusing to do what he is not allowed to do.

All of these situations have a remedy, it takes time, patience, communication, and cooperation. I find it hard to believe neither you nor your fiance knew when you started marriage preparation that these moves would be coming up, so the priest can be forgiven for not anticipating these situations.
 
puzzleannie said:
the priest of the parish where you reside has jurisdiction over sacraments for his parishioners, since you are both moving, he will no longer have that jurisdiction.

key: you don’t say whether these are permanent moves, or temporary, such as for a college student.

The priest who will be marrying you is the one that has to be able to attest that you are properly prepared and worthily disposed for the sacrament, and that to the best he is able to determine, the marriage will be valid. He cannot do that if he does not know you, or does not know those who will be overseeing those aspects of marriage preparation. Also if you are moving outside your diocese, there needs to be permission for that also, as he has no authority outside his own diocese, except to give you permission to be married elsewhere.

Since you are the one who is changing location, don’t blame the priest for refusing to do what he is not allowed to do.

All of these situations have a remedy, it takes time, patience, communication, and cooperation. I find it hard to believe neither you nor your fiance knew when you started marriage preparation that these moves would be coming up, so the priest can be forgiven for not anticipating these situations.
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Exactly. Assuming you are both free to marry and properly prepared and disposed, you have the right to the sacraments, but you do not have the right to demand the sacraments from any parish or any priest in Christendom. Rather, you have the right to the sacraments in your parish of domicile, which is determined by the geographic location of your home on the day you are to receive the sacraments.

Having said that, it is often possible to arrange to receive the sacraments outside your parish of domicile. You just have to realize that the right only exists in the place you live, and treat those you are trying to get to help you as if they are doing you a favor, because they are.

Having said that, bishops often give permission for children to return to their home diocese in order to marry in the parish of domicile of one of their parents, particularly if the children lived there for a good portion of their lives. Call the chancery office for the diocese in which your boyfriend’s parents still live, and see if that can be arranged in your case. There is a good chance that it can. (Although a local bishop can forbid that in his diocese, there is not an ironclad rule in canon law that forbids it.)
 
Thank you you all for your helps! I did not mean to blame on the priest, I just want to clear things out that it is impossible for us to have our wedding in my fiance’s hometown once we both move away, but his family and my family still live there.
I did call the Catholic Diocese where I lived. The person who talked to me said that it is not uncommon that young couple going away to study or work to another town or out of diocese then coming to the town and have their weddings done. Plus, I am going to complete all of my requirement for marriage preparation in this hometown church. So she said she did not see why there is a problem for us to have our wedding as planned.
She set up an appointment for me with the local chancery tomorrow, I hope this will help with my situation because I truly did not know that I have to move away with all of sudden. Please pray for me! Thank you for all your help again and I will update the next for you. Thank you for concerning!
 
I don’t see why it is so difficult.

When my dh (who is not Catholic) & I began planning our wedding, we went straight to the church I grew up in (I still lived in that town and attended there). However, right around the time of our EE weekend, we bought/closed on our house in a town about 30-40 min. away, which was in a different diocese.

Now - I never registered in that parish (where we now attend) until AFTER my wedding. Attended, yes, registered, no. My priest (old church, who married us), never said a word (and he knew about the house purchase/move - heck, he helped us paint and get the house ready! - he was good friends w/ my parents) about not being able to marry us.

Also, I know plenty of people (friends, family, etc) who have moved from their childhood hometown/parish, but have come “home” to get married. Nobody ever had a problem with it like you seem to be having.
 
thanks Jen! Feel much better to have your support. I think I will try to have the chancery from my diocese to have a talk or letter to the father of my church. Thank you so much you all !
 
kvuong1 said:
Hi everyone, I am so gald that I found this forum and I beleive that you guys can help with the answer to my situation. Here is my situation:
I moved to Wichita, KS two years ago and I met my boyfriend’s family there. They are Catholic. Following them to church every Sunday, I found my faith in God, then I got baptized and became a Catholic. However, I am not a member of any local parish. My boyfriend’s family are active member of one local church. We planned the wedding in May 2012. Unfortunately, my boyfriend got a new job and moved to another state 6 months ago. We went to the father of his family’s church. The father agree to do sacrament of holy matrimony for our wedding in May 2012. Along with that I have to take all of the marriage preparation such as course, retreat, natural planning. And my boyfriend also need to find a church over his state and prepare the same thing. So I though everything have been set. Unfortunatly, due to my studying, I have to transfer to another state in January 2012 for my study. At this point, the father said he wont’ help us do our wedding any more because both of us no longer memeber of the church or the catholic diocese of Wichita. That confused me because I was not a member of that church , and my boyfriend’s family still active member of the church eventhough he himself moved away. So my question is CAN THE FATHER OF CHURCH REFUSE TO DO DO MY WEDDING BECAUSE WE BOTH MOVE AWAY FROM HIS CHURCH TOWN EVENTHOUGH WE HAVE DONE ALL OF HIS REQUIREMENTS FOR THE MARRIAGE PREPARATION? and GENERALLY, UNDER WHAT CIRCUMTANCE, THE FATHER CAN REFUSE A MARTINONY?. Thank you so much for all of your help ! God Bless You and I hope through you guys, God will grant me an answer to my situation ! Thank you so much again!
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My husband and I had very similiar problems. It seems that a lot of Canon law in regards to marriage doesn’t take into account how mobile people are. Catholicism views your parish as an extension of your family. Your parish priest has pastorial authority over you. As such, Canon Law requires you to get married either at your parish or your future spouses parish (assuming you’re both Catholic) unless your pastor gives you special permission to marry at another Catholic Church… Many young Catholics are not registered at any parish and thus the Canon Law problem is often solved simply telling couples who come in to get married that they’re required to register first.

I would have thought that the fact that my husband and I were faithful Catholics that we would have had no problem arranging our wedding. In the end though we ended up having to post pone our wedding. Originally we were planning on getting married in October of 2009 and instead we got married in April of 2010. That said, once we got things set, we were able to get married at my parents’ parish (that I had previously been a member at) even though I moved to my husband’s city about 3 months before the wedding and have become a registered member there.

Here’s what I’d recommend. If your boyfriend lives in the area you will be living in after you are married, have him pick out a parish the two of you will belong to. Have him schedule an appointment with the pastor about registering and about the wedding. If you need the wedding in your parents’ city (because your family insists on it) have him explain the situation to the pastor and see if there is any way that he can grant you special permission to marry at a parish around there or if he can in any way contact your parents’ priest. If you need to delay your wedding date to reduce stress levels, do that. Don’t let this issue ruin your relationship.
 
twoangels said:
My husband and I had very similiar problems. It seems that a lot of Canon law in regards to marriage doesn’t take into account how mobile people are…
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In our archdiocese, the archbishop specifically gives pastors direction concerning the situation of couples seeking marriage in parishes in which they do not have domicile under canon law:

*2. People who live within the physical boundaries of a parish have a right to marry in that church—even if they do not regularly attend that church or are not registered in that parish.

a. For the purpose of celebrating marriage, couples who regularly attend Mass at a parish should be treated has having “domicile” in that parish even if they live outside the physical boundaries of that parish.

b. For the purpose of celebrating marriage, children whose parents are members of a parish may be treated as having “domicile” in the parish when seeking to celebrate their marriage.*
– from Marriage Policies, Archdiocese of Portland in Oregon

In other dioceses, the bishop requires permission come from him for each exception to what canon law requires a parish to do, which is to perform marriages for Catholics residing within the geographic boundaries of the parish. It depends on the situation in each diocese and how the bishop wants to handle it with his priests and parishes.
 
kvuong1 said:
I did call the Catholic Diocese where I lived. The person who talked to me said that it is not uncommon that young couple going away to study or work to another town or out of diocese then coming to the town and have their weddings done. Plus, I am going to complete all of my requirement for marriage preparation in this hometown church. So she said she did not see why there is a problem for us to have our wedding as planned. !
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you did the right thing, called someone at the diocese who can help you, hope others in a similar situation take note

congratulations and I hope your wedding is beautiful and your marriage full of joy
 
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