Can a relationship between a Catholic and a Presbyterian work out?

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thesunsetglow

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I’m Italian and I was born and raised in the Roman Catholic faith. I’ve been baptized, had communion, confirmation, confession, all of the above. In the past few years, I haven’t attended church too regularly simply because our church does not have a very strong young demographic and I feel its hard to feel a part of the church. Nevertheless, I still pray and read the bible… I believe very strongly in God.
My boyfriend of three years converted to Presbyterian from Roman Catholicism when he moved to Canada (the decision was made for him, he was young). He believes very strongly in his faith, participates in their ‘worship team’, attends church regularly. Very devout.
In our every day lives, this religious difference does not affect us. However, he has recently been pressuring me into converting to Presbyterian, which I am not about to do. Roman Catholicism is an enormous part of my culture that I will not let go of. I have never asked him to convert for me. He has now said that he will never marry me if I am Catholic, and is now saying that he needs to find a girl who is Korean AND Presbyterian so that he and his parents will be happy. In this fight he ragged on my ‘relationship with god’ and some of the exclusive beliefs of my faith, telling me that I am not yet ‘saved by god’.

I find if very hurtful and very unchristian that he is being so close minded, racist and discriminatory towards me and my beliefs. I would just like him to see what I am seeing. I love him with all my heart, and I know he loves me just as much. It seems so futile to let something like this come in between us. If I converted, I would lose a HUGE piece of myself, and would only gain resentment towards him, and I don’t want that.

Should I cut my losses? Or is there a way that I can help him understand? I love him so, so much.
 
To be blunt, it is time to cut your losses. Let him find a nice girl that his mommy and daddy like.

Rest assured that many (most?) people have had their heart broken in life, and when it happens for the first time, especially when you are still young, it can seem so awful. But you will learn and grow from it, believe me.

Might I suggest it time to revisit the faith that you so courageously stuck to through all this? You fought for it, so maybe time to start attending Mass and reading up on the faith? It will most assuredly help you through the heartache, and strengthen you in ways you cannot imagine.
 
It will be very difficult. Right now it may not affect you but think about the future.

If you get married will it be in a Catholic Church or a Presbyterian Church? That will cause problems since he obviously doesn’t agree with your Catholic faith and you aren’t willing to leave it. Then, your families will be upset. I’m sure if he chooses to get married in the Catholic Church his family will be angry and vise versa.

Then you have to think about once you guys are actually married. Will you both be going to the same church every Sunday or you will part ways and go to your own church? I know if I was married I would want my husband with me at Church.

If you decide to have children what church will you take them to? Will you raise them Catholic, Presbyterian, or just let them choose when they get older? Will he be ok with your children being baptized and confirmed in the Catholic Church? Will you be ok if he wants his kids raised in the Presbyterian Church?

He basically told you he would be happier if he found a Presbyterian girl and if you aren’t willing to leave your faith for him, which you shouldn’t if you truly believe in it (and you should never leave your faith for a guy), then leave him.
 
Yes, you need to discontinue this relationship. It is going nowhere fast.

But, more importantly, you need to go to Confession and resume a reglar practice of your fiath. He is right in one respect, you need to go to Church, attend Mass regularly and stop this nonsense of just going occasionally or saying you are a Catholic because you are of Italian descent… I suggest you stop considering Catholicism a cultural thing, and start studying to obtain an adult understanding of your faith.
 
Also wanted to mention that this guy is bending to his parent’s will… not a good sign for a man ready to marry. A young man still under his parents protection and law? Yes. But when a man is ready to cleave to a woman for the rest of his life, he should be defending you, and this guy is not. It may be immaturity or it may be weakness of character, but either way, he is not marriageable material!

I’m not against mixed marriages by the way. My parents marriage was mixed - Jewish/Catholic. They had a very hard row to hoe, but they were happily married for 62 years. Both were under intense pressure to break it off and “marry their own kind,” but they both stood up for each other and their love.
 
You should leave him because he cannot accept you as you are, not because of your religious differences.

People of different faiths or if one has none can still have happy relationships, trust me, I’m one of those people. But if one cannot accept the other as they are, then it is doomed to failure. Even if it’s not about religion - if my boyfriend told me I had to change any aspect of myself for him to marry me I would refuse (unless I was taking part in something which could damage my health, etc, of course).
 
Kristin234 said:
It will be very difficult. Right now it may not affect you but think about the future.

If you get married will it be in a Catholic Church or a Presbyterian Church? That will cause problems since he obviously doesn’t agree with your Catholic faith and you aren’t willing to leave it. Then, your families will be upset. I’m sure if he chooses to get married in the Catholic Church his family will be angry and vise versa.

Then you have to think about once you guys are actually married. Will you both be going to the same church every Sunday or you will part ways and go to your own church? I know if I was married I would want my husband with me at Church.

If you decide to have children what church will you take them to? Will you raise them Catholic, Presbyterian, or just let them choose when they get older? Will he be ok with your children being baptized and confirmed in the Catholic Church? Will you be ok if he wants his kids raised in the Presbyterian Church?

He basically told you he would be happier if he found a Presbyterian girl and if you aren’t willing to leave your faith for him, which you shouldn’t if you truly believe in it (and you should never leave your faith for a guy), then leave him.
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👍

When I brought up the idea of converting to the CC to my wife, she was opposed. We were both Presbyterian and I volunteered to convert by myself. She wisely pointed out the problems that would cause, I hadn’t looked at that. We needed unity, not division. Mixed marriages can work with a lot of effort, but an ultimatum is not working from both sides. Leaving the CC will not fix any problems, time for some space. If it is in God’s plan for you to be together, He will make it happen without division and anger. The Catholic faith is so deep and rich, learn about it and practice it and you will be rewarded.
Newsy
 
I agree with the other posters here. It is time to move on. 😦

I know that you love him and I am sure that he loves you, too. But the relationship seems a bit immature at this point.

As many people who are married would, I assume, agree: for a good healthly marriage, you need MUCH more than a basic idea of love. Our culture teaches us that if you are attracted to a person and love them, then everything will be perfect. But… you also have to agree on some fundamentals to a relationship ie. decisions about children, religion, locations, etc.

Start attending mass again and practicing your Catholic faith–which you are defending. I think that it will do you a lot of good!!

Good luck to you!!
 
thesunsetglow said:
I’m Italian and I was born and raised in the Roman Catholic faith. I’ve been baptized, had communion, confirmation, confession, all of the above. In the past few years, I haven’t attended church too regularly simply because our church does not have a very strong young demographic and I feel its hard to feel a part of the church. Nevertheless, I still pray and read the bible… I believe very strongly in God.
My boyfriend of three years converted to Presbyterian from Roman Catholicism when he moved to Canada (the decision was made for him, he was young). He believes very strongly in his faith, participates in their ‘worship team’, attends church regularly. Very devout.
In our every day lives, this religious difference does not affect us. However, he has recently been pressuring me into converting to Presbyterian, which I am not about to do. Roman Catholicism is an enormous part of my culture that I will not let go of. I have never asked him to convert for me. He has now said that he will never marry me if I am Catholic, and is now saying that he needs to find a girl who is Korean AND Presbyterian so that he and his parents will be happy. In this fight he ragged on my ‘relationship with god’ and some of the exclusive beliefs of my faith, telling me that I am not yet ‘saved by god’.

I find if very hurtful and very unchristian that he is being so close minded, racist and discriminatory towards me and my beliefs. I would just like him to see what I am seeing. I love him with all my heart, and I know he loves me just as much. It seems so futile to let something like this come in between us. If I converted, I would lose a HUGE piece of myself, and would only gain resentment towards him, and I don’t want that.

Should I cut my losses? Or is there a way that I can help him understand? I love him so, so much.
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Some of the great apologists of our time such as John Martinoni and Patrick Madrid would tell you that a mixed marriage (meaning protestant and Catholic ) is very hard and is not recommended . One will always be more devout in their faith as the other and one will be almost forced into conversion . If he cannot accept your faith without trying to convert you , then it is time to cut your losses . Eventually if you love him enough you will give in ( he may tell you) . He was misguided into his current faith because his Catholic faith was weak , had he known the Catholic faith he would have stayed in the faith .I would not recommend you staying with him if he cannot bring himself to understanding your faith . If anything it should be him thinking about conversion .
 
I’m not necessarily against mixed marriages of this type, depending on the circumstances. But in this case I think the problems are different. He is trying to pressure you into changing religion, and bringing up ethnicity too! I’d move on.

It really stinks, but someone better will come along.
 
thesunsetglow said:
I’m Italian and I was born and raised in the Roman Catholic faith. I’ve been baptized, had communion, confirmation, confession, all of the above. In the past few years, I haven’t attended church too regularly simply because our church does not have a very strong young demographic and I feel its hard to feel a part of the church. Nevertheless, I still pray and read the bible… I believe very strongly in God.
My boyfriend of three years converted to Presbyterian from Roman Catholicism when he moved to Canada (the decision was made for him, he was young). He believes very strongly in his faith, participates in their ‘worship team’, attends church regularly. Very devout.
In our every day lives, this religious difference does not affect us. However, he has recently been pressuring me into converting to Presbyterian, which I am not about to do. Roman Catholicism is an enormous part of my culture that I will not let go of. I have never asked him to convert for me. He has now said that he will never marry me if I am Catholic, and is now saying that he needs to find a girl who is Korean AND Presbyterian so that he and his parents will be happy. In this fight he ragged on my ‘relationship with god’ and some of the exclusive beliefs of my faith, telling me that I am not yet ‘saved by god’.

I find if very hurtful and very unchristian that he is being so close minded, racist and discriminatory towards me and my beliefs. I would just like him to see what I am seeing. I love him with all my heart, and I know he loves me just as much. It seems so futile to let something like this come in between us. If I converted, I would lose a HUGE piece of myself, and would only gain resentment towards him, and I don’t want that.

Should I cut my losses? Or is there a way that I can help him understand? I love him so, so much.
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First, let me start by saying, I couldn’t, and wouldn’t give you advice one way or the other on whether to stay or leave based on only one side of a story, and the limited information available. That is something that is best left to a professional.

I will tell you this. My father was Catholic, and my mother Presbyterian (daughter of a Presbyterian minister). They were married 52 years.

They had their rough spots, and their good spots, just like any other married couple, but the main thing is, they worked it out between themselves.

When my oldest brother got married, the presiding priest asked my mother if we were Catholic. She explained that dad, and us kids were Catholic, but she was Presbyterian.

In a somewhat humorous way, he nudged my mother and said, “You know, we can change that right?” Without missing a beat, my mother’s reply was, “You know, that works both ways right?”

Pray and be strong. The Lord will guide you in this situation.
 
Of course it can my dear friend. I am a shaman of my Native American faith and I’ve been with my catholic girlfriend for 9 months lol… We get along just fine and there’s no friction between her and my religion. I go to church with her occasionally and she doesn’t spout out about how there’s a big fire underground waiting for my soul 😛 . the main point in all of this is to give each other room and love each other dearly. Don’t let petty things like arguements get in the way of love.
 
twopekinguys said:
First, let me start by saying, I couldn’t, and wouldn’t give you advice one way or the other on whether to stay or leave based on only one side of a story, and the limited information available. That is something that is best left to a professional.

I will tell you this. My father was Catholic, and my mother Presbyterian (daughter of a Presbyterian minister). They were married 52 years.

They had their rough spots, and their good spots, just like any other married couple, but the main thing is, they worked it out between themselves.

When my oldest brother got married, the presiding priest asked my mother if we were Catholic. She explained that dad, and us kids were Catholic, but she was Presbyterian.

In a somewhat humorous way, he nudged my mother and said, “You know, we can change that right?” Without missing a beat, my mother’s reply was, “You know, that works both ways right?”

Pray and be strong. The Lord will guide you in this situation.
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Your mother’s comeback line showed a great sense of humor. Your parents are a fine example for the OP of the many “mixed faith” marriages that work. I have known many who like your folks make it work. So I would never tell OP it can not work when they love each other so very much. That said, Lemon Lime made a good point about acceptance.
 
1ke said:
stop this nonsense of just going occasionally or saying you are a Catholic because you are of Italian descent. .
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Actually OP said she was baptized and so forth so sayng she is Catholic is not nonsense according to Church teaching.
 
thesunsetglow said:
I’m Italian and I was born and raised in the Roman Catholic faith. I’ve been baptized, had communion, confirmation, confession, all of the above.

Should I cut my losses? Or is there a way that I can help him understand? I love him so, so much.
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From what you have described, it is my humble opinion that it will not work. He is forcing you, and if you follow, there will only be regret and resentment on your part later on.

Here is something to ponder about what love ought to be…

1 Corinthians 13
The Way of Love
3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned,[a] but have not love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;** 6it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.**
 
From my personal experience,YES. Dad was astrong Catholic,raised by an Irish grandmother,who instilled in him a strong love for the Faith. Mum was Presbyterian at firstand they raised four children in the Catholic Faith.The four of us still practise our Catholic Faiith,one as a Catholic priest. Mum was delighted to have a son a priest. I think having non.Catholic cousins,uncles & aunts enabled us to grow up in an Ecumenical family where there was little prejudice and bigotry…it was people who mattered,not religion. Mum did eventually became a Catholic and a better convert to her dying day could never be found anywhere. Best wishes,:whistle::egyptian::whackadoo::shamrock2:
 
Defender1 said:
Some of the great apologists of our time such as John Martinoni and Patrick Madrid would tell you that a mixed marriage (meaning protestant and Catholic ) is very hard and is not recommended . One will always be more devout in their faith as the other and one will be almost forced into conversion . If he cannot accept your faith without trying to convert you , then it is time to cut your losses . Eventually if you love him enough you will give in ( he may tell you) . He was misguided into his current faith because his Catholic faith was weak , had he known the Catholic faith he would have stayed in the faith .I would not recommend you staying with him if he cannot bring himself to understanding your faith . If anything it should be him thinking about conversion .
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I think the OP is the one with the weak Catholic Faith. All her reasoning for staying, her not attending Mass, her cultural identity with it? That screams WEAK.

Her boyfriend, is practicing his faith. He is strong in it, as the OP admitted. He is attending worship services etc., which is much more than we can say for the OP, now isn’t it.

The person weak in their faith here is the OP. You can’t expect the boyfriend to take her seriously when she obviously does not put her Faith as an important part of her life.
 
CONTROL??? By another who can’t control themself. When two people who seriously care about respect and love each other they deal with these isuses…they are non-issues. They overcome these obstacles very easily. There’s a couple thoughts I believe individuals should always remember.

When come children, what religion shall they be?

What about when physical attraction isn’t the issue in a relationship, so often its so important to individuals from the on-set. Would you love them should change happen down the road? Then its down to pure love and respect for each other and companionship?

Whats the value to you looking at someone you believe is beautiful yet your emotionally connected to, in a pure senses this way? That could be very fleeting.

Think all relationships through, go slow, all that glitters isn’t Gold. There’s no such thing as one door closing and another not opening. Be direct, polite and Catholic.

Reletionships are like Taxi Cabs…theres always another one coming along. The immediate physical aspect and those feeling arr what youth so often responds to and acts off of, which places the divorce, seperation and dysfuntional family rate in the USA at its current situation. Find a true Partner.

God Bless, Gary
 
thesunsetglow said:
He has now said that he will never marry me if I am Catholic
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Normally I disagree with those that say “cut your losses” in a case like this but assuming you want to get married and he has point blank told you that he will not marry you unless you do something you’re dead set against it is time to do just that.
I think the OP is the one with the weak Catholic Faith. All her reasoning for staying, her not attending Mass, her cultural identity with it? That screams WEAK.
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Her boyfriend, is practicing his faith. He is strong in it, as the OP admitted. He is attending worship services etc., which is much more than we can say for the OP, now isn’t it.
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The person weak in their faith here is the OP. You can’t expect the boyfriend to take her seriously when she obviously does not put her Faith as an important part of her life.
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Anne, while I don’t entirely disagree I think you could have found a more charitable way to say this. But more importantly I think you were missing the point of what Defender was saying. The boyfriend’s conversion was due to his being weak in the Catholic faith. Trying to “discredit” the OP by saying she’s the weak one in faith doesn’t negate that but brings up an entirely different issue. Frankly it sounds as if your post serves no purpose other than trying to question her faith which I think is probably the last thing she needs right now.
 
thesunsetglow said:
I’m
In our every day lives, this religious difference does not affect us. However, he has recently been pressuring me into converting to Presbyterian, which I am not about to do. Roman Catholicism is an enormous part of my culture that I will not let go of. I have never asked him to convert for me. He has now said that he will never marry me if I am Catholic, and is now saying that he needs to find a girl who is Korean AND Presbyterian so that he and his parents will be happy…
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a relationship where people of different beliefs do not respect each other can never work out

a relationship where one party puts pressure on another to change beliefs that are part of their core identity can never work out

a relationship based on pleasing one’s parents as the top priority can never work out

a relationship that begins with non-negotiable demands can never work out

a relationship based on pressure and control can never work out

why did this guy even date a Catholic in the first place?

run, don’t walk, away.

If you want to attract young adults to your parish, invite them

if you want activities for young adults in your parish, start them.
 
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