Can anyone show me some ways to get out of premarital sex?

[dumbseeker]

In today’s society, almost everybody has committed premarital sex except for kids… but even some teenagers have done that.

Did anyone actually succeed in controlling themselves out of premarital sex? Can you show me some ways to control ourselves? My friend who is a catholic wants to get some methods to control himself. After seeing so many people who have had premarital sex, he starts to think keeping chaste until marriage is IMPOSSIBLE.

 

[sonolady06]

It is definitely possible. I am not the best example, but I am trying to learn more about living chastely. My fiance and I used to have sex, but then we learned more about what the Church teaches about all this. We decided to stop and have not broken this promise for more than 3 months. We are getting married in 9 months and are looking forward to celebrating a true and holy marriage.

The reason we had sex was because we were never told why not to. Of course, there was always the classic, “Because it is sinful and wrong!” which doesn’t seem to help much when no one can tell you why it is so wrong. Yes, we were deeply in love. Yes, we planned to get married. But there were still some elements in our relationship that proved we weren’t supposed to be having sex.

1. We were not prepared to have children. Engaging in sex says to the other person, “I want to have your babies…possibly right now.”
2. What if we broke up? Of course, we were planning a wedding, but sex isn’t something you do in the “planning to” phase.
3. Sex is a renewal of wedding vows. You can’t renew vows until after you say them the first time…in Church, not in bed.

Also, a big mistake many Catholic families make is teaching their children that sex is bad. Sex in the proper context is not bad. It is a crazy awesome gift from God. For this reason, it is not to be abused. Sex is meant for a man and a woman who have sworn before God to love and honor each other for all their days. It is not some recreational toy, but a tool for sharing married intimacy and creating new life.

Don’t be afraid to talk about sex with your significant other. Discuss your fears and frustrations with them. Work through difficult times together. Finding nonsexual ways to express your love until marriage will only strengthen your love.

Try reading the theology of the body and Holy Sex!
Good luck!
Anna

 

[dumbseeker]

It is definitely possible. I am not the best example, but I am trying to learn more about living chastely. My fiance and I used to have sex, but then we learned more about what the Church teaches about all this. We decided to stop and have not broken this promise for more than 3 months. We are getting married in 9 months and are looking forward to celebrating a true and holy marriage.

The reason we had sex was because we were never told why not to. Of course, there was always the classic, “Because it is sinful and wrong!” which doesn’t seem to help much when no one can tell you why it is so wrong. Yes, we were deeply in love. Yes, we planned to get married. But there were still some elements in our relationship that proved we weren’t supposed to be having sex.

1. We were not prepared to have children. Engaging in sex says to the other person, “I want to have your babies…possibly right now.”
2. What if we broke up? Of course, we were planning a wedding, but sex isn’t something you do in the “planning to” phase.
3. Sex is a renewal of wedding vows. You can’t renew vows until after you say them the first time…in Church, not in bed.

Also, a big mistake many Catholic families make is teaching their children that sex is bad. Sex in the proper context is not bad. It is a crazy awesome gift from God. For this reason, it is not to be abused. Sex is meant for a man and a woman who have sworn before God to love and honor each other for all their days. It is not some recreational toy, but a tool for sharing married intimacy and creating new life.

Don’t be afraid to talk about sex with your significant other. Discuss your fears and frustrations with them. Work through difficult times together. Finding nonsexual ways to express your love until marriage will only strengthen your love.

Try reading the theology of the body and Holy Sex!
Good luck!
Anna

Do you just stop having premarital sex for religious reasons? or are these religious reasons the biggest part of your decision not to have premarital sex?

 

[Nino]

First,dont,DONT fall for the secular line that ‘everyone is doing it’ that is a lie…since the pc and laugh soundtrack the ruling class feels we are like pavlovs mutts and salivate on cue,well we dont.!!! If you go all the way before marriage then why spend the time and money on a honeymoon? Tell the guy you had…H…A…D…a better opinion of him before he started making too advanced advances…period. A woman is a sacred vessal…not just a plaything…and if he finds you ‘easy’ then its good by to the wedding…or as my wife used to quote…“why buy the milk if you can get if free from the cow!!!”…soooo true…our marriage has lasted so long because we were both virgins on our wedding day …we had waited for each other,even before meeting…do what you want but dont come knockilng at my door when he starts coming home late at nite from an executive meeting…Nino

 

[sacramento7]

Well that’s an interesting topic!

I was a virgin till the age of 34. Tried to be chase and date girls that I felt God brought me too. At a time in my life when I was dating someone, the relationship was turning for the worse. We didn’t have any sex in the relationship but at the time of desperation, I gave up all I believed about waiting till marriage. I thought having any relationship with out sex would not lead to marriage. I was wrong! I thought getting married would never happen to me so what the heck!!

The relationship soon failed, then a few years later. I met another person. The girl I met was raised catholic but not strong in her faith. She had a past. At the time I feel like I had lost my faith and I was mad at God for the previous lost relationship. So, again I gave into this new found pleasure, I dated this girl for about 1 year and yes, church was not a part of my life. I did what I wanted to so, I was still mad at God!

In time, I believe there was a change to come. The girl I was dating wanted to go to church! After a few months we stopped our sinful ways and we both went to confession. Soon after we received communion together. Feeling that we wanted to keep things straight, we talked about what we had done and remained chase till we got married. So yes it is possible to turn away from pre-marital sex and wait till the right time and place to express it.

She also got away from birth control and she does not use it to this day. I believe that if she was on BC then the want for the act is highly increased. (I Knew this)

That’s my story, so get straight, stay close to the church and keep the (Blind Fold) of premarital sex at bay.

 

[jrabs]

Did anyone actually succeed in controlling themselves out of premarital sex? Can you show me some ways to control ourselves? My friend who is a catholic wants to get some methods to control himself. After seeing so many people who have had premarital sex, he starts to think keeping chaste until marriage is IMPOSSIBLE.

The best method is frequent confession, prayer, rosary, adoration. Begging for heavenly assistance.

Dating like minded people also helps. Dating Catholics that have the same core beliefs certainly helps.

When I was in the dating world, I was very frank within the first few dates. I had nothing to lose and all to gain by placing my expectations on the table. Premarital sex - out of the question.
It helped weed out those that were really serious about their faith.
Meaning - those were also the people I wanted to date.

It is not impossible.

 

[Dee_Dee_King]

The best method is frequent confession, prayer, rosary, adoration. Begging for heavenly assistance.

spot on. that’s what worked for me. keep yourself away from occasions of sin and also fasting on fridays helps.

marriage is the final answer for those who are in a serious relationship and have decided that God is not calling them to religious life. God gave us sexual drive for a reason.

 

[jmcrae]

In today’s society, almost everybody has committed premarital sex except for kids… but even some teenagers have done that.

Did anyone actually succeed in controlling themselves out of premarital sex? Can you show me some ways to control ourselves? My friend who is a catholic wants to get some methods to control himself. After seeing so many people who have had premarital sex, he starts to think keeping chaste until marriage is IMPOSSIBLE.

Just remind yourself that if you are not ready for the child, then you are not ready for sex. Sex is God’s way of giving us children. We have a strong sex drive because God wants us to reproduce and multiply.

But if you are not married, you aren’t in a good position to take care of children, and that’s the bottom line reason why unmarried people should not have sex. Birth control fails from time to time; it is not an absolute guarantee against a pregnancy.

 

[dumbseeker]

Just remind yourself that if you are not ready for the child, then you are not ready for sex. Sex is God’s way of giving us children. We have a strong sex drive because God wants us to reproduce and multiply.

But if you are not married, you aren’t in a good position to take care of children, and that’s the bottom line reason why unmarried people should not have sex. Birth control fails from time to time; it is not an absolute guarantee against a pregnancy.

Do you have other reasons not to have premarital sex besides not ready for children?

 

[LilyM]

What on earth does the fact that ‘everyone’s doing it’ have to do with the price of eggs? Doesn’t almost everyone lie at some point, drink to excess at some point? Does that mean that these things are no longer sins? Or that we can’t either avoid them or stop doing them?

Since when does popular vote determine whether something is sinful or worth doing or not? Scripture says fornicators shall not enter heaven, therefore it’s a sin, full stop. If it’s a sin, then God is seriousy offended and hurt by it, as He is by all our sins, even the smallest.

And if it’s a sin, God wants us to not start, or else to stop if we have started, more than He wants just about anything else. And He is more than capable of giving us the strength we need to not start, or else to stop ,if we rely on Him and keep in view how much our sin wounds Him and how hard He is fighting for us in this battle.

 

[dumbseeker]

The best method is frequent confession, prayer, rosary, adoration. Begging for heavenly assistance.

Dating like minded people also helps. Dating Catholics that have the same core beliefs certainly helps.

When I was in the dating world, I was very frank within the first few dates. I had nothing to lose and all to gain by placing my expectations on the table. Premarital sex - out of the question.
It helped weed out those that were really serious about their faith.
Meaning - those were also the people I wanted to date.

It is not impossible.

So did you actually keep chaste until the wedding night?

 

[jmcrae]

Do you have other reasons not to have premarital sex besides not ready for children?

If the mental and spiritual health of the future generations of your family isn’t enough, then consider sexually transmitted diseases, consider how difficult it is to break up once sex starts, consider the shame you bring down on your mother’s head, consider that if sex is so beautiful, why do you have to walk home in wrinkled clothes afterwards; consider, even, perhaps, that you will go straight to Hell if you don’t repent of it before you die.

You’ve probably got your own reasons for staying pure. Stick to them, and don’t let what “everyone else” is doing (“everyone else” being one or two loudmouths who you probaby don’t even know very well anyway) determine your future, either in this life, or in eternity.

 

[dumbseeker]

If the mental and spiritual health of the future generations of your family isn’t enough, then consider sexually transmitted diseases, consider how difficult it is to break up once sex starts, consider the shame you bring down on your mother’s head, consider that if sex is so beautiful, why do you have to walk home in wrinkled clothes afterwards; consider, even, perhaps, that you will go straight to Hell if you don’t repent of it before you die.

You’ve probably got your own reasons for staying pure. Stick to them, and don’t let what “everyone else” is doing (“everyone else” being one or two loudmouths who you probaby don’t even know very well anyway) determine your future, either in this life, or in eternity.

Do you have other religious reasons?

No offense. Did you keep chaste until you got married?

 

[Blade_and_Blood]

In today’s society, almost everybody has committed premarital sex except for kids… but even some teenagers have done that.

Did anyone actually succeed in controlling themselves out of premarital sex? Can you show me some ways to control ourselves? My friend who is a catholic wants to get some methods to control himself. After seeing so many people who have had premarital sex, he starts to think keeping chaste until marriage is IMPOSSIBLE.

Ah… I thought the same thing, but apparently they still do make people like me and your friend… virgins, namely.

Best thing to do is understand that there is someone out there with utmost love and respect for you–enough for them to wait until marriage. It makes for some excellent motivation!

Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood

 

[Appleby]

spot on. that’s what worked for me. keep yourself away from occasions of sin and also fasting on fridays helps.

marriage is the final answer for those who are in a serious relationship and have decided that God is not calling them to religious life. God gave us sexual drive for a reason.

The best way is to avoid compromising positions and locations. That is, don’t get drunk at fraternity parties or accept invitations to the submarine races

“No” works pretty well for me. If any whining results, I repeat, “Just no.”

 

[jmcrae]

Do you have other religious reasons?

Chastity is part of good spiritual health; it brings us closer to God and makes us spiritually stronger. It gives us the ability to resist despair and to be decisive and own our decision-making, which helps us to be in control of our own lives, the kinds of things that we allow to happen to us, even in areas not related to sexuality (ie: finances, job, etc.).

No offense. Did you keep chaste until you got married?

Chaste, no - but I was a virgin.

 

[dumbseeker]

Chastity is part of good spiritual health; it brings us closer to God and makes us spiritually stronger. It gives us the ability to resist despair and to be decisive and own our decision-making, which helps us to be in control of our own lives, the kinds of things that we allow to happen to us, even in areas not related to sexuality (ie: finances, job, etc.).

Chaste, no - but I was a virgin.

What made you not chaste? No offense. If you don’t want to answer, that’s alright. I’m sorry if it offends your privacy.

 

[jmcrae]

What made you not chaste? No offense. If you don’t want to answer, that’s alright. I’m sorry if it offends your privacy.

No, no problem. I was badly educated - I thought that as long as I remained a virgin and kept my clothes on, everything else short of that was “okay,” such as heavy petting, deep throat kissing, etc.

(I was a really dumb kid.)

 

[lovemysix]

Well, I think I already posted this someplace in answer to one of your questions, but my husband and I were both virgins—truly virgins,l we didn’t even French kiss before marriage–when we married.

And we weren’t (and aren’t) some kind of freaks that didn’t have normal desires or were totally hung up about sex or were just plain whacked. We just knew it was very important to both of us to give that gift to each other. We were friends before we started dating, but once we fell head over heels for each other and officially became a couple, we knew we were heading toward marriage. Why chance screwing (no pun intended ) up a good thing when we could use some common sense and just do things in the right order?

I don’t sit in judgment on anybody who wasn’t able to make it to marriage a virgin. I’ve always contended that there are far worse sins than premarital sex—after all, it was pride, not sex, that brought Lucifer down. I think sins of the flesh are ultimately a whole lot more understandable than sins of the mind.

My husband and I just figured if we COULD do things the right way…why not? Why NOT wait? It made life a whole lot easier doing things according to God’s Plan. No guilt was a huge bonus, too.

You ask if it was strictly a religious decision. I can’t really answer that because our faith is so wrapped into our very being that I can’t separate it in my mind. I do think, though, that even if I didn’t have a fear of hellfire and brimstone, I might have made that same decision just based on wanting to protect my physical and mental health. I had no desire to expose myself to STDs or to get myself wrapped up in some heavy-duty sexual relationship only to find out the guy didn’t really give a rip about me but was only along for the ride. My mother had become pregnant (unmarried) at 18, and I saw how much that screwed things up for her and didn’t want to go there, either.

Although most people these days don’t seem to make remaining a virgin much of a priority, that doesn’t mean there aren’t very good reasons (even besides religious ones) for being a virgin.

Yeah, it wasn’t always easy to stay chaste while we dated, but it was doable. And doable by two very normal people, at that!

Lauren

 

[fms]

Cf. escrivaworks.org/book/the_way-chapter-4.htm

The Way, Chapter 4, Holy Purity by St. Josemaria Escriva, Founder of Opus Dei

Lauren, you epitomize point 122: “Many live like angels in the midst of the world. Why not you…?”

Pray for the person who started the thread and pray for me and for my children to follow your example and that of the Holy Family.