Can Catholic brides promise to "obey"?

[Tabby]

I’ve been helping friends plan a nuptial Mass, and the bride approached me yesterday, excited by this article, in which a Catholic writer states that she used the word “obey” in her wedding vows. My friend really wants to do this too. But, when I looked up Catholic wedding vows online, I couldn’t find an approved option with the word “obey.” Would the priest celebrant allow this couple to include a bride’s vow to obey?

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

Would the priest celebrant allow this couple to include a bride’s vow to obey?

Possibly. After all, the writer who wrote the article managed to convince her marriage celebrant to allow her to insert such a vow. But that does not mean that he should have allowed it or that what the writer did was correct.

Here are the approved options for Catholic wedding vows in the United States:

I, (name), take you, (name), to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

I, (name), take you, (name), for my lawful (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

The article writer used this unapproved form (emphasis on unapproved changes and insertions):

I, Heather, take thee, Bill, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and obey, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law.

Catholic couples need to realize that in marriage they are conferring a sacrament upon each other, one that, in part, depends – as do all sacraments – on a form that has been approved for use by the Church. Just as a priest has no right to “improve” upon the words of consecration during the Mass with edits he thinks to be more relevant, inspiring, or theologically correct than those approved by the Church, so brides and grooms have no right to edit the vows they exchange in the sacrament of matrimony. To do so constitutes a liturgical abuse; depending on how grave the changes made, to do so could affect the liceity (if not the validity) of the sacrament. Priests and deacons should never allow couples to do this at marriages they witness, and should gently explain to couples why it cannot be permitted.