Can Ex-hubby and his fiancee get married in a Catholic church service?

[drafdog]

The fact of the matter is that it is not your business whether or not he can satisfy the canons of a church to which you do not belong in order to marry in that church. If he decided to marry in another country, it would not be your business whether or not his divorce in this country was a problem in the other country.

Matthew

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

…When we first married I thought that I would be married to that man for the rest of my life. And, it’s OK for you to remarry, but not him…why? Two, The girl that he is marrying has destroyed his relationship with his daughters all over a freaking catholic ceremony. Perhaps because she is Catholic? She is the one insisting that she wants a catholic cermemony and my girls don’t want the marriage annulled because they want it on record that their parents were married and not something that can just be erased all so she can have a catholic ceremony.Then you misunderstand the decree of nullity, or annulment as it is called. So do your girls. Unfortunately, so do a lot of Catholics. Let me try to give you a better picture of it. I also suggest you read the book, Annulment: The Wedding That Was.

First and foremost, the Church will not declare your daughters illegitmate. They were the offspring of a putative marriage. Furthermore, an ecclesial decree of nullity has no bearing whatsoever in civil law. Any future children their father has- if he gets a decree of nullity- are every bit equal to yours, bearing into account certain child support laws. This is not legal advice, BTW.

Second, the Church is not saying you did not have a wedding or that you did not attempt marriage. It is saying that, for some reason, there was a flaw when you attempted to marry this man. Now, the Tribunal and the Court of Second Instance will review his testimony, the testimony of his witnesses; and your testimony, and the testimony of your witnesses if you decide to participate. Based on that fact-finding mission, the Tribunal and Court of Second Instance will determine if, at the time of the marriage, there was a reason why, even though there was a wedding, there was not what the Church considers a marriage.The one daughter won’t even speak to him because of this. That’s unfortunate. If she loved their father as much as she says that she does then it wouldn’t matter where they got married so long as it didn’t interfere with his relationship with his girls. But you see, it does matter to Catholics, or it should. And it does not interfere with their relationship with their father in any way…

 

[JustAnotherThou]

I care because one I may not be Catholic but I do hold marriage sacred. When we first married I thought that I would be married to that man for the rest of my life. Two, The girl that he is marrying has destroyed his relationship with his daughters all over a freaking catholic ceremony. She is the one insisting that she wants a catholic cermemony and my girls don’t want the marriage annulled because they want it on record that their parents were married and not something that can just be erased all so she can have a catholic ceremony.The one daughter won’t even speak to him because of this. If she loved their father as much as she says that she does then it wouldn’t matter where they got married so long as it didn’t interfere with his relationship with his girls.

It is very difficult, although please remember that Jesus did call for us to forgive. Even though you are not Catholic, I am not aware of any Christian religion that does not teach forgiveness. I would suggest that you speak to your pastor, minister, priest. You can also speak to a Catholic priest on this matter to help you and your daughters better understand.

 

[jmcrae]

I care because one I may not be Catholic but I do hold marriage sacred. When we first married I thought that I would be married to that man for the rest of my life.

So, why did you permit the divorce, and why did you remarry, afterwards?

Two, The girl that he is marrying has destroyed his relationship with his daughters all over a freaking catholic ceremony. She is the one insisting that she wants a catholic cermemony and my girls don’t want the marriage annulled because they want it on record that their parents were married and not something that can just be erased all so she can have a catholic ceremony.

Their legal inheritance rights will not be compromised by a Declaration of Nullity, if one is granted. The Declaration of Nullity only tells what actually happened at the original wedding; it does not create any kind of a legal fiction (unlike a divorce).

The one daughter won’t even speak to him because of this. If she loved their father as much as she says that she does then it wouldn’t matter where they got married so long as it didn’t interfere with his relationship with his girls.

It won’t. They will still be legally his daughters, and he will still be responsible for their material upkeep until they reach the age of 18, and they will still inherit his property (together with any other children he has with his new wife, and along with any children of hers that he adopts as his own) at the time of his death.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

I agree with the poster who says the poor Catholic girl needs to be wary of someone who is on his third marriage… but it seems that after some mistakes in her own life, she is attempting to do things right.

May I say it might be nice for the OP to encourage some stability and respectful living in her ex. Instead of letting anger control her emotions, she needs to THINK. First of all, her anti-Catholic bias is coming out here. Is she really worried this Catholic woman might influence her own daughters. Seems she had no problem with his other two marriages, as long as they weren’t in a Catholic Church.

It would benefit her daughters in the long run if they could see their father living a moral life, treating a wife with respect and fulfilling his obligations to God and others. That will be the model they make their own choices on. It is in their best interest that he finally get it right. It’s in the OP’s best interest for her daughters that he be with a woman who actually is trying to follow God. She will be around them and influence them. Better to be an influence for good.

This advice comes from someone who has watched an ex play the field for years and cart all kinds of women into their lives.

This isn’t a contest over punishing ex husband. She needs to think about the influences that will be in her daughters’ lives. Better her ex grows up late than never.

 

[whatevergirl]

I care because one I may not be Catholic but I do hold marriage sacred. When we first married I thought that I would be married to that man for the rest of my life. Two, The girl that he is marrying has destroyed his relationship with his daughters all over a freaking catholic ceremony. She is the one insisting that she wants a catholic cermemony and my girls don’t want the marriage annulled because they want it on record that their parents were married and not something that can just be erased all so she can have a catholic ceremony.The one daughter won’t even speak to him because of this. If she loved their father as much as she says that she does then it wouldn’t matter where they got married so long as it didn’t interfere with his relationship with his girls.

I say this with all due respect, and hopefully it will come across in the spirit it’s intended to come across in…but whether or not he gets an annulment, should have nothing to do with his fostering a good relationship with his kids. It truly sounds more like you have not completely moved forward…on the exterior, it would appear you have–but inside your heart, you are still hurting. I don’t suppose we ever fully get over these things–but for your own peace of mind, I would try to forgive the hurt he has caused, and try to be happy in your own life. You can’t change his choices, and frankly, it’s great that he is marrying a woman who wishes to hold fast to her faith. Isn’t that what we are to do? Put God first? And suppose the answer is ‘no’ to your thread question–then what? It is his life to lead and figure out…

I will keep everyone here in my prayers–I know it’s not easy, but at some point, you have to free him from your mind.