Can exceptions be granted for grave situations?

[planehopr]

My fiancée and I would like to get married. We are both severely mentally disabled, having spent two decades in and out of the psych wards of hospitals.

I receive straight Social Security and Medicare because I worked and paid into it for many years. She receives SSI and Medicaid.

Her condition is more severe than mine. Medicaid covers the $1300+ in prescription costs each month. Medicare would not. I have been able to use strictly old generic medicine to manage my condition.

If we were to marry civilly our combined income would exempt us from coverage of these expensive medications. Terrible things might happen to her. Neither of us can work, so we would have to live in homeless shelters while we tried to afford the medication.

Right now and for many months we have been living as brother and sister trying to work all this out. I really miss her. I love her and we’ve been together helping each other through sickness and in health for 7 years.

I don’t know anything about cannon law, but as it has been put to me, you have to get a marriage licence before the church will marry you. I believe our situation is grave. We would like the church to marry us without a marriage licence so that civilly we can continue to receive our medical benefits. I’m not trying to get rich, I’m just trying to survive with dignity.

I believe we fall into the sick, poor, needy, helpless category. Won’t the church show us some mercy? If so, can you please tell me who I can talk to?

 

[InternetWoman]

I would find the nearest Catholic Church to where you live and talk to the pastor. He can help you understand your options.

 

[DavidFilmer]

Won’t the church show us some mercy?

What sort of mercy are you asking for?

Are you asking if you can be married in the Church, but that the Church not require a marriage license that the priest would sign? (or the Church would otherwise conceal the marriage from civil authorities?)

Or are you asking for some sort of dispensation so that you may live as husband and wife without benefit of Holy Matrimony?

Are you even Catholic? (is she?) You do not describe yourself as such in your profile. In another thread, you describe yourself as unbaptized and not Catholic, but nevertheless interested in becoming a priest (which usually precludes the possibility of Matrimony in the Latin Rite).

If you are, indeed, not Catholic, then what are you asking the Catholic Church to do for you? You are not under Catholic jurisdiction and are not subject to Catholic Canon Law.

Please help us better understand your question.

 

[DavidFilmer]

Ah, I just re-read your post and I see that you are asking if you could marry in the Church but conceal it from civil authorities.

But your first problem is that you probably could not marry in the Catholic Church in the first place (unless she is Catholic - and even then, it is problematic because you are not Baptized). The Church does not conduct the rite of Holy Matrimony for unbaptized non-Catholic couples.

If you (and she) were Baptized Catholics then Canon Law (#1071) does allow for exceptions “in a case of necessity.”

Except in a case of necessity, no one is to assist without the permission of the local Ordinary at … a marriage which cannot be recognised by the civil law or celebrated in accordance with it.

This means your Bishop could, in theory, grant your request. But I think your chances of a favorable answer are slim. Only your Bishop could grant such a request (though, if you wish to pursue this line of inquiry, you should do so through the Pastor of the Parish in which you reside - call your local Chancery Office if you do not know which Parish you are in).

 

[planehopr]

What sort of mercy are you asking for?

Are you asking if you can be married in the Church, but that the Church not require a marriage license that the priest would sign? (or the Church would otherwise conceal the marriage from civil authorities?)

Or are you asking for some sort of dispensation so that you may live as husband and wife without benefit of Holy Matrimony?

Are you even Catholic? (is she?) You do not describe yourself as such in your profile. In another thread, you describe yourself as unbaptized and not Catholic, but nevertheless interested in becoming a priest (which usually precludes the possibility of Matrimony in the Latin Rite).

If you are, indeed, not Catholic, then what are you asking the Catholic Church to do for you? You are not under Catholic jurisdiction and are not subject to Catholic Canon Law.

Please help us better understand your question.

I am not catholic. She is. I apologize that I’ve asked a few quirky questions on here. I am just very curious about catholicism. I do not want to become a priest but I wondered what a person would have to do to become one. I am willing to become baptized if that would make a difference in our case. I am just very frustrated. I joined this site to try to learn about how the “rules” apply to us. It does not look good. For my fiancee, she just wants to be right with God and her faith. I want to support her in that. Please don’t be critical of us and our ploy to get married through the church. Spiritually I will do what it takes. I will even become Catholic if I must. But the medicine and hospitalizations are another can of worms. Again, I’m really sorry if I have offended anyone by my previous posts. I feel I could spend hours on here reading. I’m amazed at the level of knowledge and insight that is being offered.

 

[DavidFilmer]

I am willing to become baptized if that would make a difference in our case.

It would certainly remove barriers with regard to Catholic Matrimony. But the Catholic Church generally does not Baptize adults unless they thereby intend to become Catholic (and undergo RCIA instruction, which takes 1-2 years).

The Church regards these things as serious matters.

Please don’t be critical of us and our ploy to get married through the church.

Nobody has been critical. You want the Church to perform the Rite of Matrimony but conceal it from civil authority. This is irregular, but possible (and it has been done before). But the ONLY person who has authority to make this possible is your Bishop. You feel you have a legitimate case to claim “necessity.” If your Bishop agrees, then you win.

But your “necessity” is a purely economic circumstance. You (and her) receive better government benefits if you are single than if you are (legally) married. If (for example) you lived in an oppressive country where Christian marriage was inherently illegal then you would easily obtain such a dispensation to conceal your Christian marriage from oppressive civil authority. But you have no such compelling reason - you say that you cannot “afford” to get married.

I think your Bishop would not be favorably inclined to grant your request to circumvent civil law in your case. Many couples wish to marry, but cannot afford it (I was in this category for some time). You claim that you could *never possibly *afford it. This is a difficult claim to prove, but you may be able to convince your Bishop.

At any rate, it is possible, but only your Bishop can make this happen.

 

[ChristIsTheWay]

I know very little about this question. During a class my pastor was teaching on the sacraments, he did mention this kind of marriage. I am not entirely sure but I think he might have referred to them as “clandestine marriages.” They’re quite secretive and any parties involved are barred from telling anyone about them. He compared the confidentiality of it to the seal of confession. Here is an example he used: there is a young, unmarried couple. The bride has a serious health issue and is on her parents’ health insurance. Getting a civil marriage would cause her to lose her health coverage. The couple wishes to receive the sacrament of marriage. Based on the bride’s predicament, the bishop grants (at his discretion) permission for this secretive marriage (not 100 percent on its technical name). As I recall his explanation, the marriage ceremony will occur in parish not of the bride or groom, the witnesses will not know them, etc. Of course, this is all my recollection of a class conducted about two or so years ago. I might be misremembering important details. You really need to ask your fiance’s priest and go from there. A canon lawyer might also have some knowledge about this kind of thing.

 

[DavidFilmer]

During a class my pastor was teaching on the sacraments, he did mention this kind of marriage. I am not entirely sure but I think he might have referred to them as “clandestine marriages.”

It’s not quite the same thing. A “clandestine” marriage is a marriage without sufficient witnesses. The definition of “sufficient” has changed over time (although Trent regarded even a marriage without “sufficient” witnesses as valid but irregular).

 

[ChristIsTheWay]

It’s not quite the same thing. A “clandestine” marriage is a marriage without sufficient witnesses. The definition of “sufficient” has changed over time (although Trent regarded even a marriage without “sufficient” witnesses as valid but irregular).

This class was a couple of years ago, so there is a very strong chance that different subjects discussed have now coalesced into one poorly recalled memory. I can just suggest our OP and his finance seek guidance from a priest on this matter.

 

[DavidFilmer]

I can just suggest our OP and his finance seek guidance from a priest on this matter.

Which is the same advice I offered in my first reply (and the same advice offered by a previous responder). It is essential for the OP to consult his Parish priest. This forum is no substitute.

 

[planehopr]

We contacted a priest at our parish over the phone with some general ideas. He consulted an expert and said that it doesn’t look like we qualify. I have not brought down the actual receipts showing medicine costs and our actual income paper work. I think the actual story is very clear to understand. Maybe it will make a difference if we make a stronger case with real evidence.

I like to use forums to gain ideas. I realize it isn’t an end all. I don’t always know where to go. I like to know where to go if the answer is ‘no’…do I go to the Bishop, the Arch Bishop, Cardinals, the Pope? This is very very important to us.

 

[planehopr]

I wanted to make note that my Grandma stayed home and raised 6 children. She was dependent on my grandpa who was an aerospace engineer for financial support. When he died she received his full social security benefit and other things.

When she was in her late 60’s she wanted to remarry. They concluded that she would lose too many health and financial benefits by having a civil marriage. My grandpa’s benefits were more helpful to her than the second husband.

They talked to a priest and they granted her request. I’m not sure why they didn’t tell an “old” lady to sacrifice, get another job, sell the houses, or beg on a street corner but I’m glad they showed her consideration.

I believe that although I’m young, I have much less to work with than she did, does (she’s still alive today but her second husband is not). If they could grant 2 seniors considerations for their assets and well being in retirement, they could grant 2 people with no assets, no ability to earn substantial income, and high health costs consideration.

 

[DavidFilmer]

I wanted to make note that my Grandma stayed home and raised 6 children. She was dependent on my grandpa who was an aerospace engineer for financial support. When he died she received his full social security benefit and other things.

When she was in her late 60’s she wanted to remarry. They concluded that she would lose too many health and financial benefits by having a civil marriage. My grandpa’s benefits were more helpful to her than the second husband.

WHO concluded this? Certainly not a Catholic marriage tribunal. Her husband was dead - she was absolutely free to marry again. Examination by a tribunal would be absolutely unnecessary (any Parish Priest would consent to the second marriage). But, if pressed, any Tribunal would automatically render a pro-forma judgement in her favor. A Tribunal does not consider the financial impact of its decision.

 

[planehopr]

What I was saying is that my grandma was allowed to marry in the church without getting her marriage licence. I was not saying that she couldn’t marry. I was drawing a parallel to how she received special consideration to marry in church without the marriage licence.