Can I administer wedding vows?

[CesarAugusto]

One of my best friends, a fallen-away muslim, is marrying a girl, a fallen-away buddhist, in Malaysia. He was the best man at my wedding and invited me to return the honour. I will probably be in Malaysia for his wedding sometime this summer.

Now, he doesn’t have any family there, and there’s going to be just a handful of people on his side of the party.

This will not be a church wedding. The festivities will be divided into two days: on Thursday there’ll be a small get-together mostly for family in which they’ll exchange vows. On Saturday there will be a civil ceremony (ie. signing of papers) and a big reception.

He has asked me to administer the wedding vows on Thursday.

My Catholic radar went up and my first instinct is that it is probably not ok for me to do it.

Does anybody have any (name removed by moderator)ut on this? Theirs won’t be a sacramental marriage, so is it wrong for me to help out? Also, when are they “married” as far as the Catholic Church understands it? When they exchange vows or when they sign the civil documents?

I would like to do it, but only if it is appropriate.

Thanks in advance guys!

 

[kevinsgirl]

I’m pretty sure you can’t do this one. :nope:

 

[CesarAugusto]

Right, that’s my gut feeling too.

Does anybody know precisely why?

Thanks!

 

[dulcissima]

As non-Catholics, your friends are not bound to the Catholic form of marriage. They will just need to follow Malaysian law in order to be married. Since I have no idea what Malaysian law is, I can’t say at which moment they are married or whether or not you need any special qualifications in order to administer the vows.

If Malaysian law permits you to administer the wedding vows, then it would be no problem for you as a Catholic to participate in this way. For two non-Catholics, a civil marriage, while not sacramental, is still valid.

This issue has come up in my family as my grandfather is a federal judge. He has been asked to perform marriages, but will only do this for non-Catholics.

 

[kevinsgirl]

I’m pretty sure you can’t do this one. :nope:

Ok, I did my homework and dulcissima is dead on.

As non-Catholics, your friends are not bound to the Catholic form of marriage. They will just need to follow Malaysian law in order to be married. Since I have no idea what Malaysian law is, I can’t say at which moment they are married or whether or not you need any special qualifications in order to administer the vows.

If Malaysian law permits you to administer the wedding vows, then it would be no problem for you as a Catholic to participate in this way. For two non-Catholics, a civil marriage, while not sacramental, is still valid.

This issue has come up in my family as my grandfather is a federal judge. He has been asked to perform marriages, but will only do this for non-Catholics.

See this link: forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=42851

So it looks like you’re free to officiate. I just learned something new today!

 

[SMHW]

One of my best friends, a fallen-away muslim, is marrying a girl, a fallen-away buddhist, in Malaysia. He was the best man at my wedding and invited me to return the honour. I will probably be in Malaysia for his wedding sometime this summer.

Now, he doesn’t have any family there, and there’s going to be just a handful of people on his side of the party.

This will not be a church wedding. The festivities will be divided into two days: on Thursday there’ll be a small get-together mostly for family in which they’ll exchange vows. On Saturday there will be a civil ceremony (ie. signing of papers) and a big reception.

He has asked me to administer the wedding vows on Thursday.

My Catholic radar went up and my first instinct is that it is probably not ok for me to do it.

Does anybody have any (name removed by moderator)ut on this? Theirs won’t be a sacramental marriage, so is it wrong for me to help out? Also, when are they “married” as far as the Catholic Church understands it? When they exchange vows or when they sign the civil documents?

I would like to do it, but only if it is appropriate.

Thanks in advance guys!

You don’t say why you would be able to do this from a purely legal standpoint.

It’s my understanding that if you are a judge/justice of the peace/ship’s captain/??? who is normally able to officiate at secular weddings then you are free to exercise that role for the wedding of any two non-Catholics (and probably non-Orthodox too).

However… you may not seek some sort of mail-order ordination or other means of becoming an ordained minister. That would be a mockery of the sacrament of Holy Orders.

If you are actually an ordained deacon or priest then hopefully you already know the rules.

 

[CesarAugusto]

You don’t say why you would be able to do this from a purely legal standpoint.

It’s my understanding that if you are a judge/justice of the peace/ship’s captain/??? who is normally able to officiate at secular weddings then you are free to exercise that role for the wedding of any two non-Catholics (and probably non-Orthodox too).

However… you may not seek some sort of mail-order ordination or other means of becoming an ordained minister. That would be a mockery of the sacrament of Holy Orders.

If you are actually an ordained deacon or priest then hopefully you already know the rules.

Thanks guys, very informative.

Now here’s the twist (you might not have caught it from my first post).

The actual civil wedding is two days after the vows cerimony.

So even after I help them with the vows, they’re not officially married according to Malaysian law.

Would it still be ok to do?

 

[dulcissima]

Thanks guys, very informative.

Now here’s the twist (you might not have caught it from my first post).

The actual civil wedding is two days after the vows cerimony.

So even after I help them with the vows, they’re not officially married according to Malaysian law.

Would it still be ok to do?

I wouldn’t do it if their plan was to consummate the marriage prior to having it become official.

 

[SMHW]

Thanks guys, very informative.

Now here’s the twist (you might not have caught it from my first post).

The actual civil wedding is two days after the vows cerimony.

So even after I help them with the vows, they’re not officially married according to Malaysian law.

Would it still be ok to do?

What is the point of the vows, then?

 

[grandiosa]

Thanks guys, very informative.

Now here’s the twist (you might not have caught it from my first post).

The actual civil wedding is two days after the vows cerimony.

So even after I help them with the vows, they’re not officially married according to Malaysian law.

Would it still be ok to do?

It seems like your role will be basically that of a good friend facilitating their making of promises to one another. The legal and religious stuff is all outside your perview. Seems like there is nothing really wrong with you doing as asked.