Can I adopt a new Patron Saint?

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Years ago when I was to be confirmed, I wanted Saint Francis of Assisi to be my patron Saint. I had my heart set on it from the start. I was born in a hospital bore his name and I too love animals and nature as a creation of God. I remember as a child loving to look at his statue–it made me feel happy. But I was told he couldn’t be my Saint because he was male and I was female (I’d been told that, but I held on to hope that since Francis is also a female name that it would be acceptable on some level).

I had to choose another Saint, but I was at a loss and couldn’t come up with one and one was chosen for me (the Martyrs of Alexandria).

I’ve never really felt a closeness to the Martyrs. Maybe it’s my human failing or maybe it’s because I can’t put a “face” to my patron Saints… or maybe it’s because it wasn’t my heart that chose them.

I still love St Francis though (and other Saints that I’ve learned about over the years). I was wondering, is it possible for me to pick one as my patron now? Or is it too late?
 
I had something similar happen to me. While preparing for confirmation, I felt incredibly drawn to St. Dominic Savio. My teacher and pastor said a boy’s name would be inappropriate and to do further study. I then decided on St. Dymphna and was told she was also inappropriate - this time because her story involved incest and abuse, and they thought I was too young and innocent to delve into her story (never mind that I was drawn to her because of my own history of abuse).

I was told to stop being difficult and try again and I chose Bernadette because my mother had “Song of Bernadette” in her bookshelf. While I like and respect St. Bernadette a great deal and have even made a pilgrimage to Lourdes, I have never felt a connection or closeness with her of any sort, and I deeply regret not having Dominic or Dymphna as a patron.
 
I believe there is not an actual rule that says girls may not choose a male saint. We have it all the time - especially with Francis. I have even been told it is OK for a girl to feminize a male saint’s name. The idea behind choosing a saint is to have a role model and to learn from that person. Many time priests and nuns are set in their ways. I have often heard that First Communicant all had to be dressed the same - boys in blue suits and girls in white tea-length dresses. God loves the boys in brown sweater vest and girls in ecru dresses just as much as everyone else.
 
For the record, “Francis” is strictly a man’s name. “Frances”, however, is a woman’s name. In any case, your favorite saint’s name real name was “Francesco”, which is unmistakably male.
 
In my view, it seems that if you want to take on a particular saint as a patron saint, why not do so? Perhaps it might not be ‘official’ like a baptismal or confirmation name, but it shouldn’t stop you from developing that connection you have with that saint. My confirmation saint is St. Maximilian Kolbe, but since confirmation, I have adopted St. Aloysius Gonzaga as a special patron of mine as well as St. Gemma Galgani, who have both been a tremendous help to me.

Someone said something concerning this that I thought was interesting but true: you don’t pick the saint, the saint picks you. Perhaps you are drawn to St. Francis because he is a special advocate in heaven for you.
 
This is terrible - someone should have told St. John Mary Vianney!

I guess I understand the impulse reaction but think it’s overblown. You should have been allowed to take the name of your patron (even a feminized version).
 
SonCatcher said:
This is terrible - someone should have told St. John Mary Vianney!

I guess I understand the impulse reaction but think it’s overblown. You should have been allowed to take the name of your patron (even a feminized version).
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Exactly. I am dumbfounded as to how a person can be restricted from choosing a patron saint, and yet I’ve heard of many priests and nuns that have had opposite gender saint names included in their religious identity.

Doing so does not declare that you are trying to be something that you are not. Rather, you are exhibiting that you aspire to be as virtuous as that holy saint.
 
mellowcalico said:
Years ago when I was to be confirmed, I wanted Saint Francis of Assisi to be my patron Saint. I had my heart set on it from the start. I was born in a hospital bore his name and I too love animals and nature as a creation of God. I remember as a child loving to look at his statue–it made me feel happy. But I was told he couldn’t be my Saint because he was male and I was female (I’d been told that, but I held on to hope that since Francis is also a female name that it would be acceptable on some level).

I had to choose another Saint, but I was at a loss and couldn’t come up with one and one was chosen for me (the Martyrs of Alexandria).

I’ve never really felt a closeness to the Martyrs. Maybe it’s my human failing or maybe it’s because I can’t put a “face” to my patron Saints… or maybe it’s because it wasn’t my heart that chose them.

I still love St Francis though (and other Saints that I’ve learned about over the years). I was wondering, is it possible for me to pick one as my patron now? Or is it too late?
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I wonder what the official reason for this restriction would be? Did you ask why this rule was put in place in your parish?
 
Last year I attended a confirmation Mass with 72 confirmandi. (Yes, it was a long Mass.) At least a quarter of the candidates had confirmation names associated with the opposite gender. This is commonly done.
 
I think that confirmation, like baptism, imprints an indelible character on the soul (given that the sacrament cannot be repeated), so your probably “stuck” with the Martyrs in some way (there are many of them so obviously you can have more than one patron - you already do).

Were you to enter religious life, you likely would have the chance to take yet another patron. Also, since we are part of the Communion of Saints, we should try to draw nearer to all the Saints. Devotions involving any and all of them are appropriate.
 
I asked my priest about this situation this afternoon. I am distressed by his response to my question that went unanswered here.
 
I dont post here that often, but as I read this it came to mind that priests and nuns take the names of the opposite sex. For example, Fr. John Mary, It seems hypocritical to deny the laity the very same. Wasnt there a priest on EWTN called Francis Mary?
 
joshua1 said:
I dont post here that often, but as I read this it came to mind that priests and nuns take the names of the opposite sex. For example, Fr. John Mary, It seems hypocritical to deny the laity the very same. Wasnt there a priest on EWTN called Francis Mary?
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That is not the point at all. The point here is that the OP was denied a choice without a reason given for it. The OP accepted that response as many or most would likely do when told by an authority figure what to do/not to do.
Challenging them on the point, would only lead to further inquiry of many other topics.
It is too bad many people simply go along and do not inquire about their thoughts to a priest in depth.
Maybe everyone should consider how often do they talk to their priests?
 
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