Can I attend my daughter's wedding if I make clear I don't approve?

[debbbal]

I have a 22-year-old daughter who is living with a 24-year-old man and they plan to wed in September. He is not Catholic and is nominally Christian. She is a baptized and confirmed Catholic. We have researched canon law and such and have sought advice from two priests and a deacon. One says that we can attend without participating and two say no. We can’t find anything in writing that defines participation in a situation like this. Can you advise us?

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

Before pointing you to some guidelines for thinking through whether or not to attend certain weddings, I have some questions for you to consider: How do you expect your daughter to understand that you disapprove of her marriage plans if you attend anyway? One of the guidelines offered at the link below is that you consider whether or not the couple is acting honorably according to the light they have. Your daughter was baptized and confirmed a Catholic, and presumably taught basic Catholic morality by you. Can it be said she is “acting honorably according to the light that she has” if she is currently living with a man outside of marriage?

That said, it should also be noted that cohabitation is not an inherent impediment to marriage. If your daughter obtains the proper permission to marry a non-Catholic (and, if she is marrying outside the Church, the permission to be married outside of the Catholic form of marriage), her marriage will be presumptively valid (presumptively sacramental if her fiance is baptized).

Recommended reading:

What are the rules for attending weddings?