Can I be called to abandon my marriage and family? REVISITED

[proudfather_oh]

I am a 30-something father of two, faithfully married for 10 years.

When I was younger, I attended a Jesuit University, while there I had the wonderful opportunity to engage in an shortened eight day version of the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola. I was recently reminded of this. while listening to a speaker discuss how one can find the “thin space” where one learns to hear God’s voice. It made me recall those 8 silent days and what I heard in the last days of the retreat.

Today, I find myself wondering if, in my ignorance as a young adult, I ignored God’s message to follow His path. I find myself not at peace and full of regret for not listening to God in the past. I find myself wondering if it’s too late to find this calling again. I wonder if I were to find it, what consequences it could have for my family. I find myself wondering what happened to the Apostle’s families, when Jesus inspired them to follow Him, and leave behind all that they had. I can only imagine what Peter’s wife must have said when he explained what he was going to do in following Jesus. And I wonder if she supported his pursuit or thought that she was being abandoned.

Is it possible that God, not man, could end my life as a loving and faithful husband and father,by following this path? …And if my family (wife) chose not to accept it and pursue steps to annul the marriage?

A big part of me thinks that posting this question is, in itself, fairly ridiculous, I have written it, read it, and re-written it several times. I often think, “what would Jesus do?” when facing difficult choices. Today, I want to know what was in the hearts of the Apostles and their families as those men chose to abandon all they had and follow Jesus. Everything I have been taught implies these choices were made as leaps of faith, not well considered decisions where consequences were evaluated.

I am a thinker, a dweller, and a strategist. Taking a leap of faith is very much against the grain of my personality. I fear the consequences of taking the leap today, and regret the decision not take it when the consequences would have been a petty few.

 

[Fr.Vincent_Serpa]

After re-reading the question in the light of day ( I first answered it just before going to bed), I have re-written my answer.

Dear friend,

We actually know very little about St. Peter’s family situation. All we really know is that he was married and had a mother-in-law. How he and others dealt with such responsibilities, we can only conjecture.

We do know that you already have a vocation. God is not likely to be calling you to forsake the responsibilities He Himself has called you to fulfill. He has created other human beings through the love you and your wife have for each other. Your children have a RIGHT to a mother and a father in their lives!

If the Lord wants you to be a priest, it will not involve abandoning your wife. You don’t mention how old your children are. If they are still home, they still need you. Certainly, you don’t have to be a priest to give your life to love God.

Now the Eastern rites of the Catholic Church do ordain married men. It might also be possible for you to be a deacon. But in any case, your wife and family are a part of what God has chosen for you. We will be praying for you.

The best reality check I know of is the Lord’s passion. I include a reflection on it it below that it may give you perspective. We—all of us, married and not—are all about Him and what He wills for us.

Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.

Reflection on the Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ +

The agony in the garden was really the agony in His mind. He suffered the passion in His mind before He suffered it in His body—to the point of actually affecting the latter by sweating blood. But from then on, it was His bodily suffering that affected His mental suffering.

At the base of all His suffering was the one thing that human beings dread the most: rejection. He was betrayed by Judas, denied by Peter and abandoned by all the rest of His Apostles; those He had hand picked as His closest intimates. He was most rejected by those who put Him to death. They not only wanted Him dead, they wanted Him to suffer. They not only considered Him to be worth nothing, they considered Him to be worth minus nothing! This significance was not lost on Him. He felt fully the rejection as each physical agony reminded Him.

So we thank Him for joining us on our human journey and actually choosing to experience what we fear the most.

We thank Him for enduring the arrest and the cruelty of the guards and the Sanhedrin. We thank Him for enduring the cruelty of Pilate who allowed Him to be executed rather than risk his own political ruin—and for the cruelty of Herod who wanted to be entertained by having Him work a miracle. We thank Him for all the time He spent satisfying their preoccupation with themselves, just delaying His ultimate death. We thank Him for the anxiety of that night in a cell.

The next morning He was brutally scourged with such intensity and violence that He became as an aged man in a matter of minutes. His multiple wounds bloodied His entire body. The loss of so much blood not only severely weakened Him; it also caused a severe, throbbing headache that remained with Him for the duration.

We thank Him for this and for the mockery He received when they put a purple cloth on His shoulders and pushed a crown of thorns down into His head which intensified His headache. They blindfolded Him and slapped Him, insisting that He ‘prophesy’ who had hit Him. They spat on Him and beat Him.

He stood at the praetorium in utter disgrace according to the attitude of the crowd—while in reality, He stood in utter glory: almighty God, being present to every person who has ever suffered rejection, joining them in their moment of pain. It was there that He was sentenced to death by crucifixion. Physically, He was utterly miserable. He revealed to St. Bernard that carrying the cross was His most painful agony. He was so weak, He could hardly walk. Nauseous and thirsty, He found the weight of the cross on His shoulder almost unbearable. It most likely dislocated His shoulder. It is not surprising that He fell down on the stone streets that were filthy with animal dung—with the cross on top of Him. And He got up each time.

It was only with the help of Simon of Cyrene that He made it to the top of Calvary. There they drove the nails into the carpal tunnels of His hands, causing pain throughout His upper body. The nail in His feet registered great pain through all the sensitive nerves there. When the cross was righted, His up-stretched arms squeezed His lungs and He began to pant for lack of oxygen. So He had to push down on His crucified feet to push His body up in order to fill His lungs with air. This took great effort because He was so weak. Yet He managed to maintain such effort for three hours of agony which increased gradually as He became weaker moment by moment.

By the end of the third hour, His agony was at its peak. He had come to the point where His strength simply gave out and He suffocated. In this eternal moment as He died, He gave us His life. Transcending time, this moment of divine love is present to us in the tabernacles of the world.

Thank you, Lord. We adore you O Christ and we praise you. By your holy cross, you have redeemed the world.