The answer to your question (which is ‘no’) is in your question. You express deep sorrow and sadness for what you have done. That is all you need to calm your fears. When you express that sorrow and sadness - that contrition - you will certainly be absolved from your sins, and you will NOT hear, ‘Get out of RCIA.’ Chances are, you will hear, ‘Welcome home.’
God loves a repentent sinner; all of heaven rejoices when just one sinner turns from his sins and repents. When you confess this first time, remember that: all of heaven is rejoicing! Surely the priest will be rejoicing in his heart, too.
The priests I know say that hearing confessions is one of the most humbling and joy-filled parts of their vocation. To be able to say to a person, ‘God has forgiven your sins’ and to offer them God’s ‘pardon and peace’, knowing that that person’s soul is cleansed and that person is fully reconciled to God - it’s AMAZING. At the same time, true humble penitence, sorrow for sin, a desire to put it right, and the courage to confess is humbling to the priest who hears it. It makes him aware of his own inadequacy to be God’s vessel of such great grace to others. It makes him wish to sin less in his own life.
Priests have said that they admire people who come to confession, and that truly penitent people teach the priest a lot about what it is to be a Christian. Don’t be afraid of the priest’s judgment; he is not there to judge you, but only to give you Christ’s pardon and peace, if you are truly sorry for your sins. And since you are truly sorry for your sins, there is nothing to worry about.
I can tell you that for about 13 years of confessing to the same wonderful, gentle, kind, delicately tactful confessor, I STILL thought, ‘This time when I confess, Father is going to give me a harsh public penance that the whole city will talk about for years to come.’ My sorrow over my sins and my sense of how much I had hurt God was so great that I thought the priest would really ‘punish me.’ It took me about 13 years of having the same gentle, kind, understanding, hope-filled experience before it finally sunk in: I go to confession for ‘pardon and peace,’ not for punishment!
After I FINALLY realized that confession was about being welcomed back to Christ with open arms and all heaven singing joyfully, it became a joy to GO to confession, not just to come away from confession, freed from my sins.
If your sins are really as scarlet as you think, then there might be some restitution you will be required to do. For example, if you stole a large sum of money (or for that matter, a small sum), you might be told that you need to give back the money or (if that’s impossible, because, for example, the person is dead or the business is closed), donate that sum of money to a charity as restitution for what you stole.
You won’t be kicked out of RCIA! But you may have things that have to be ‘put right’ in a practical sense.
If there’s nothing practical that needs to be put right, the your sorrow and sadness over your sins is all you need to make a full and complete and worthy confession, and then to experience the astonishing sense of freedom and rebirth that you will know when you walk out of that confessional.
This will be one of the most profound and joyful experiences of your spiritual life. Be not afraid!
