Can I be present when they spread his ashes?

[Robyn_p]

Wasn’t sure where to post this so moderators feel free to move it.

My uncle passed away a couple weeks ago. He was a baptized Catholic, but fallen away. He specifically requested his ashes to be spread in the mountains where he always went fishing. (which incidentally, ended up being where he died) They’ve already cremated him but haven’t done anything yet. Right now my aunt is not sure if she really wants to spread him. Not for any religious reasons, she just doesn’t want him to be far away from her.

I’m just wondering if I can go and be there with them if they do decide to go through with the spreading? I know Catholics aren’t allowed to have their ashes spread, but I also know if I don’t go, they will never forgive me.

I’m so conflicted.

 

[Catholic1954]

I live in California and it is illegal to spread human remains here. See if your aunt would be willing to have his urn buried at sea instead.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

First, never let anyone bully you into doing something that you do not feel right about.

You should urge your aunt to dispose of the remains reverently and to pray for her husband’s soul. I would think that; if they do scatter the ashes regardless, that you could choose to observe and pray without participating in the scattering.

 

[GoGoDiego]

It falls upon you if you will go. Try to encourage your aunt that the scattering of ashes is forbidden in Catholicism.

 

[Robyn_p]

I live in California and it is illegal to spread human remains here. See if your aunt would be willing to have his urn buried at sea instead.

Huh. I didn’t know that it was illegal too. That might change their minds.

 

[EasterJoy]

Huh. I didn’t know that it was illegal too. That might change their minds.

Even in places where it is legal, a permit is often required and there are usually rules to be followed.

I would encourage your aunt to consider putting your uncle’s ashes in a columbarium (like a mausoleum, only for cremated remains) unless she is sure she wants the ashes committed in nature. She can move them later if they are in an urn niche of some sort, after all, but once ashes are scattered the decision cannot be reversed.

I encourage her not to keep your uncle’s remains at her home. Every year or two, there is a report of someone in our local news area having ashes stolen from their home. Usually the remains were in an attractive urn, and of course thieves are willing to take anything that looks valuable. (If memory serves correctly, someone even had an urn stolen from their home during an estate sale!)

Catholics can have their remains buried at sea or in a large lake, provided the remains are committed in an durable urn of some sort (that is, not scattered and not left vulnerable to being misidentified as something other than human remains), but secular authorities have their own rules about that, as well. Those rules differ by jurisdiction. Sometimes burial at sea is forbidden, sometimes it has to follow certain rules, and sometimes it requires a permit. If your aunt does decide to take your uncle to the mountains, look into whether there is a lake that she can legally sink him into for her.

 

[ComplineSanFran]

Huh. I didn’t know that it was illegal too. That might change their minds.

I live in California also. Ashes are often taken out to sea and scattered, which is legal. Inland, it is pretty much ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell.’ I have been to more scatterings than I can count and people don’t think twice about it.

 

[Rosebud77]

A few years ago, here in Southern Ireland, I met a young American lady who told me she had brought her brother’s ashes with her to spread in certain place here… Am quite sure she “smuggled” them in…