Can I Date Her?

[DFWCatholic817]

Long time reader, first time poster

I am currently dating a woman who is Catholic and is divorced from her first husband, who is a Protestant. They were not married in a Catholic church. The woman recently inquired with her parish regarding whether an annulment is needed and she indicated that she is in an ongoing discussion with her priest and is meeting with him on a regular basis regarding the previous marriage.

My questions:

1. Is an annulment needed in this case? My understanding is that if a special dispensation was not given to her and her ex to marry outside of the Church, an annulment is not needed due to lack of form. In the case an annulment is not needed, it’s my understanding that she will need to complete a relatively quick (weeks long) process to be able to remarry.
2. More importantly, since she has not completed the annulment process nor has she completed the paperwork needed if an annulment is not needed, is it immoral for me to be in a romantic relationship with her? It is my intention to remain in a state of grace and not lead her or myself into either mortal or venial sin. I can definitely see that if an annulment is needed, I do not need to be involved with her since she is a married woman in the Church’s eyes.

I have spoken to many fellow laymen and multiple priests and I have heard multiple opinions regarding whether an annulment is needed and whether or not I should maintain involvement if an annulment is not needed (at least until she finishes the “annulment not needed” paperwork).

 

[anonymousdollz]

Why don’t you ask the priest. He’ll be able to explain if you can or why you can’t. Plus it’ll show the woman you care about her beliefs and went to the Church to make sure it was ok. It shows that you respect her boundaries and wouldn’t want her to go against the Church on your account.

 

[marty1818]

The woman needs to contact the diocesan chancellery and they can tell her whether or not she needs an annulment. Until she knows with certainty that she does not need an annulment or until her marriage is annulled, it would be immoral to date her. To do so could also be scandalous to other people aware of her situation.

 

[Vincent1984]

The woman needs to contact the diocesan chancellery and they can tell her whether or not she needs an annulment. Until she knows with certainty that she does not need an annulment or until her marriage is annulled, it would be immoral to date her. To do so could also be scandalous to other people aware of her situation.

Yes.

The situation the OP describes sounds as though a formal, 12+ months investigation into marital nullity is not needed; that her case may be much simpler and quicker. But you really need to get it checked out by someone with (1) training in canon law, and (2) access to all relevant facts in this particular case. Until then, why take the risk? In the long term, you will both be glad you waited and did things properly.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

The woman needs to contact the diocesan chancellery and they can tell her whether or not she needs an annulment. Until she knows with certainty that she does not need an annulment or until her marriage is annulled, it would be immoral to date her. To do so could also be scandalous to other people aware of her situation.

This.

I recommend against you contacting her priest since you do not have the details. You say she is speaking to a priest. He should direct her to the chancellery and whatever steps she needs to take next.

In the meantime, you can certainly remain friends, but do not consider her a “girlfriend”. If it turns out she is validly married, you will be in a tight spot!

 

[jmcrae]

The woman needs to contact the diocesan chancellery and they can tell her whether or not she needs an annulment. Until she knows with certainty that she does not need an annulment or until her marriage is annulled, it would be immoral to date her. To do so could also be scandalous to other people aware of her situation.

I have no doubt that the priest is speaking to them on her behalf. In the meantime, without knowing the details. all we can do is speculate. I am always surprised at how complicated even the simplest-looking case can turn out to be. All I can do is thank God that we did what the Church requires at the time that the Church required it.

For example, even if a Declaration of Nullity is not required, she might still have to go through testing to discover whether she is fit or able to marry - in which case, even if she free of the previous marriage, she might not be free to marry.

 

[Chatter163]

The woman needs to contact the diocesan chancellery and they can tell her whether or not she needs an annulment. Until she knows with certainty that she does not need an annulment or until her marriage is annulled, it would be immoral to date her. To do so could also be scandalous to other people aware of her situation.

This does not involve contacting the chancery; speaking with one’s pastor will get the process going.

Either way an annulment is needed. It is a question of whether or not the full tribunal process is needed, or the much-shorter documentary process for defect of form, It certainly sounds if is the latter is the case, but the pastor will handle that. I would advise the OP to simply wait until the process is over, which probably will not be long.

But there are other questions to consider, viz., is the woman attending Mass regularly? Is she refraining from receiving communion? What circumstances led her to marry outside of the Church? Did she stop attending Mass for a period? Did she have issues with her Catholic faith? If so, has she addressed these? These might be fruitfully discussed with the priest, as well. I wish all well.

 

[DFWCatholic817]

All,

Many thanks for the thorough replies. The information you provided will help me to move forward in a holy manner.

Blessings.