You mentioned that your husband has tried hard to be accepted and loved by your parents, but you did not mention how hard you have tried to defend your husband to your parents. It should have been your responsibility for all the years of your marriage to say respectfully to your parents (over and over, as necessary), “Mom, Dad, I love you and I always will, and because I am the person you raised me to be, I have to insist that you treat my husband and his family respectfully.” In other words, it is great that your husband has tried hard to please your parents and to get along with them, but it is
your responsibility to insist to your parents that they treat him with respect. If you have not yet done that, then you have not done all that you must first attempt to do to reconcile your loved ones before giving up and distancing your family from them.
If you
have done everything you can think of to foster reconciliation, including seeking appropriate therapy to establish healthy boundaries (please contact the
Pastoral Solutions Institute for more information), then you might have just reason to distance yourself and your family from your parents, but you cannot, at least given the information you’ve related here, “disown” them. Your parents will always be your parents and, at the very least, they deserve acknowledgment as your parents. Perhaps you might have to avoid family get-togethers if your husband is made to feel unwelcome, or you might have to limit interaction with your parents to communications you can more easily control than face-to-face visits (e.g., email, calls, letters). But you should always be available to help them if they truly are in need.
Recommended reading:
God Help Me! These People Are Driving Me Nuts by Gregory K. Popcak
When Difficult Relatives Happen to Good People by Leonard Felder
