Can I divorce an unfaithful spouse?

[PPQ]

Out of the 23 years we have been married, my spouse has had four affairs. I just found out that one of these has been going on for twelve years and there was another one still within these last six months. During these last six months of counseling, he continued to be unfaithful. The spouse has not told the truth to our counselor about the length or the continuation affairs. He will not admit to having a sexual additiction. Indeed, he insists that that he does not have an addiction. Do I have the right to finally ask for a divorce? Will God forgive me?

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

Adultery, in an of itself, is not grounds for divorce. It is a failure in fidelity to the marriage but does not justify retributional infidelity through divorce. However, under certain conditions in which common life has been made impossible, the Church does allow for separation of the spouses:

A spouse who occasions grave danger of soul or body to the other or to the children, or otherwise makes the common life unduly difficult, provides the other spouse with a reason to leave, either by a decree of the local ordinary or, if there is danger in delay, even on his or her own authority.

In all cases, when the reason for separation ceases, the common conjugal life is to be restored, unless otherwise provided by ecclesiastical authority (canon 1153, Code of Canon Law).

Given the civil legal consequences of the separation of spouses, it can be the case that a civil divorce may be necessary to settle child custody arrangements, financial and estate matters, and other important legal concerns. In such a case, the Church allows for a civil divorce to be obtained:

The separation of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law. If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense (CCC 2383).

It must be clearly understood that this civil divorce is merely the equivalent of a legal separation in the eyes of the Church. It does not dissolve the marriage, nor does it absolve the partners of the obligation to maintain marital chastity and fidelity; all that it does it to provide for separate households under civil law. Neither partner may enter a romantic relationship or remarry while the other partner yet lives – unless and until a Church marriage tribunal grants an annulment.

Since your husband’s serial infidelity constitutes a grave danger to your health – because his behavior opens you to the risk of deadly sexually-transmitted diseases – it appears that you may have just cause to seek a civil divorce. I urge you though to seek more personalized assistance in determining whether your marriage can be saved from the Pastoral Solutions Institute, a Catholic counseling apostolate.