Can i ever forgive myself?

  • Thread starter Thread starter howdytest
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
H

howdytest

Guest
I don’t need to, nor want to, get into many details. I don’t think it’s important and it’s not something i need to share.

I grew up Catholic, but I never really took it seriously until recently. The fact that for years i was basically a shell of Catholic bothers me. I wish i could go back and change that.

And while that bothers me, the sins i committed bother me more. While i knew it was wrong, i continued to do it. And now that i have recognized that fact, I’m having great difficulty forgiving myself. While it may have been socially accepted, it’s not something i want on my “track record”. But since it is, I will have to pray that the people in my future will forgive me for what i have done. I pray to God they find it in their hearts to forgive me. Their forgiveness is quite important to me.

However, I can not forgive myself for what i have done. I went against everything i knew to be right. In the process i lost my self respect, dignity, and honor. But what’s worse, is that i’ll never get it back. Every day of my life i will need to ask forgiveness from God, the people around me, and myself.

I have been vague, but i hope you guys can give me some advice. Maybe someone can relate to my little story.
 
I can relate, I’ve done some things that are, at least to me, unforgivable. I’ve been to confession and have been absolved, but I haven’t really been able to forgive myself.

I think that’s the reason I feel, at times, that the rough times I’ve been through are thoroughly deserved:(. After what I’ve done I am completely unworthy of anything good happening to me and I deserve to be punished in the severest ways.

I know how you feel and I work on forgiving myself because I want to see everything that happens to me as a blessing…even if it is painful, there is always something good we just have to look for it.

Keep praying for the ability to forgive yourself and don’t forget reconciliation is such a healing sacrament, I love it and use it often.
 
God wants to forgive you. Who are you to deny Him? Why would you want to deny Him?

Every sin is utterly reprehensible, utterly foul, utterly incoherent. However, God is perfectly willing to forgive every single one of them, to make it as if they had never even happened.

If you want something helpful, pick up Kierkegaard’s The Sickness Unto Death. It goes into detail about the kind of despair you’re experiencing, the inability to forgive oneself.
 
I read this book a while ago, Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship by Josh Harris. He’s a Protestant author, so there are some things I don’t completely agree with, but it’s definitely help me see issues of dating/courtship from a different perspective (that’s for another thread maybe 😛 ).

Anyways, returning to the topic, he says something I find interesting:
Self-righteousness is also expressed by the person who refuses to accept God’s forgiveness. “I just can’t forgive myself,” she says. “Maybe God can, but I can’t.” It might appear pious, but statements like these are really a form of reverse pride that says, “My standards are higher than God’s.” Instead of humbly acknowledging that her sin was against God and that only He can wipe it away, she tries to become her own savior. She tries to bear her own punishment, pay penance by wallowing in guilt or doing good deeds, or add to God’s favor through obedience.
Click to expand...
Now I don’t really know that this applies to you, but I do know that I’ve been guilty of this kind of thinking before (without realizing this implication at the time), when I used to have a problem going to confession. I guess it could kind of go along the same line as what BlaineTog said, and reading it was definitely a humbling experience for me.

I guess my advice is to regularly make use of Reconciliation, step back and honestly think about why you feel this way. And lastly, don’t forget Romans 8:1-2: “Hence, now there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the spirit of life in Christ Jesus has freed you from the law of sin and death.” God bless 🙂
 
You must forgive yourself. I know this is hard sometimes. I used to struggle with one sin in particular mightily. Sometimes the memory of what I did would come back and all the pain and sorrow I felt at what I had done, at the realisation of the magnitude of my error would threaten to overwhelm me and I would forget that all of that was washed away when I was Baptised. I would go over it and over it and beat myself with it. I will never be able to make it right or make it up to her, I can’t ask the person I hurt to forgive me because she died.

God forgave me. Who am I to say that what God loosed, I will bind? Am I greater than God?

This is a trap of Satan. He wants us to believe that our sins are are still there and are not forgiven. He wants us to take back the weight and oppression of sin in order to separate us from God. He seeks to fool us with a false piety in thinking that holding ourselves to a higher standard than God holds us to is somehow a good thing to do.

One of the last times I was at Confession, the priest told me to forget all about everything I had just confessed. They are forgiven, they are past, they are gone and done with. I am not to take that weight back.

I also brought up this problem in prayer group, but it was more about forgiving another person for what they had done to me, something I thought I had forgiven but which would come back again and again. One of the members said, “How many times must we forgive? What does the Lord say? Seventy times seven. This is how many times you must forgive this person, even if it is for the same thing over and over again.”

The same applies to forgiving yourself.

Let go and Trust in God’s Mercy.
 
Thanks everyone. Your advice really helped. I suppose most of this comes from my shame.
 
howdytest said:
I don’t need to, nor want to, get into many details. I don’t think it’s important and it’s not something i need to share.

I grew up Catholic, but I never really took it seriously until recently. The fact that for years i was basically a shell of Catholic bothers me. I wish i could go back and change that.

And while that bothers me, the sins i committed bother me more. While i knew it was wrong, i continued to do it. And now that i have recognized that fact, I’m having great difficulty forgiving myself. While it may have been socially accepted, it’s not something i want on my “track record”. But since it is, I will have to pray that the people in my future will forgive me for what i have done. I pray to God they find it in their hearts to forgive me. Their forgiveness is quite important to me.

However, I can not forgive myself for what i have done. I went against everything i knew to be right. In the process i lost my self respect, dignity, and honor. But what’s worse, is that i’ll never get it back. Every day of my life i will need to ask forgiveness from God, the people around me, and myself.

I have been vague, but i hope you guys can give me some advice. Maybe someone can relate to my little story.
Click to expand...
My confessor told me that if God forgives me why should I be so arrogant as to believe I cant forgive myself? In 1Peter5:7 we are told to give our cares over to the Lord. He can handle them even when we can not.
 
I agree with what the others have said, and I’d like to comment on what you said about the people in your future forgiving you. Remember, ALL of us have sinned. You say that what you did was socially accepted, and if this is the case, the people in your future may well have committed the same sin in the past. And even if they didn’t, they will have committed other sins which you will have to overlook as much as they will have to overlook your sins. Don’t let the devil drag you down with false guilt. You have repented, confessed your sins, and received absolution, so those sins are history. Leave them in the past where they belong. Good luck to you, and God bless.
 
CarrieH said:
I agree with what the others have said, and I’d like to comment on what you said about the people in your future forgiving you. Remember, ALL of us have sinned. You say that what you did was socially accepted, and if this is the case, the people in your future may well have committed the same sin in the past. And even if they didn’t, they will have committed other sins which you will have to overlook as much as they will have to overlook your sins. Don’t let the devil drag you down with false guilt. You have repented, confessed your sins, and received absolution, so those sins are history. Leave them in the past where they belong. Good luck to you, and God bless.
Click to expand...
Thats good advice. The OP should keep in mind that all we can do is apologize and strive to not hurt them again. . Whether they accept the apology or not, to be blunt, is their problem. You can only work on your end of a realationship.
 
howdytest said:
I don’t need to, nor want to, get into many details. I don’t think it’s important and it’s not something i need to share.

I grew up Catholic, but I never really took it seriously until recently. The fact that for years i was basically a shell of Catholic bothers me. I wish i could go back and change that.

And while that bothers me, the sins i committed bother me more. While i knew it was wrong, i continued to do it. And now that i have recognized that fact, I’m having great difficulty forgiving myself. While it may have been socially accepted, it’s not something i want on my “track record”. But since it is, I will have to pray that the people in my future will forgive me for what i have done. I pray to God they find it in their hearts to forgive me. Their forgiveness is quite important to me.

However, I can not forgive myself for what i have done. I went against everything i knew to be right. In the process i lost my self respect, dignity, and honor. But what’s worse, is that i’ll never get it back. Every day of my life i will need to ask forgiveness from God, the people around me, and myself.

I have been vague, but i hope you guys can give me some advice. Maybe someone can relate to my little story.
Click to expand...
I’m so sorry that you’re feeling this way, right now. You know, there have been times in my life I felt this very same way–even after confessions, I repented, yet felt a sense of tremendous guilt, that lasted a long time. But, something that helped me forgive myself, was Christ’s words…‘I make all things new.’ And He does! He will take your old self, and make you a new person–IN HIM. Give your guilt and shame to Jesus, He will take your burdens, and lighten your load. We are called to live free to serve God, and when we hold on to guilt and shame from confessed and repented sins, we are not living free to do that. So…in Christ, you are now made new. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
 
Thank you everyone for your wonderful advice. I woke up this morning and didn’t feel as bad as when i wrote my post. I’m going to continue to confess and pray and at the very least, this event will keep me more mindful of God’s Will.
 
Howdytest - A few years I felt exactly like you did. I never thought I could forgive myself for the things I had done in the past. It was only through years of prayer that I finally tucked away those feelings. In fact, the guilt has turned into very important life lessons for me. Just remember - Confess your sins and breathe deeply as the forgiveness of God washes over you. Your heart will heal and your self-doubt will evaporate.
 
go to confession and let Christ forgive you, then pick up and move on in his love and mercy. don’t be less loving to yourself than He is to you, that would be a rejection of His love.
 
I’ve wrestled with that myself and I had to tell myself that I was being presumptuous to not forgive myself since He had forgiven me.
 
i hope i don’t repeat what others have said (don’t have time to read all Posts).

God is big enough to forgive every sin we can commit. Maybe you realize that in your head, but like me, not so much in your heart. I know how you feel, but i got over it when i began to see myself as just a “stupid little human being” as i said to God recently. :o I didn’t know better. Even when i know better, i still can’t always DO better because, well, for one thing, sin often looks very attractive.

There are psychological reasons why you did the sins you did… OUr psychological needs can lead us in all kinds of weird directions…

I think it is not so much you can’t forgive yourself, but that you feel others will never totally forgive you (?). God revealed to me that that was the case w/ me… Sometimes i get the feeling a lot of people in my life don’t forgive me for this or that… and it makes me feel terrible. But then i think: Who are they? God forgives me and if they don’t, they have a problem. It just shows how “neanderthal” they are in the spiritual realm, if they don’t forgive…

Have you been to Confession? Have u confessed not being able to forgive yourself? (It may important to find just the right priest. Some priests are more “concerned” & caring than others… ). But even if the priest isn’t perfect 😃 , Confession is powerful. One exorcist has said that confession is more powerful than an exorcism.
God bless. I’ll pray for you. Please pray for me.🙂
 
Think (meditate) on all that Jesus suffered… (Rosary and/or watch the movie The Passion) and ask yourself: Was there any sin that THAT could not forgive (and heal)?

Also: The Virgin Mary, in her apparitions, has said that there is nothing more (precious?) to God (can’t recall exact words) than offering up our sufferings to Him, in expiation 4 our own sins, or for the conversion of sinners… &/or for the souls in Purgatory.

What greater suffering is there than the terrible consequences of sin?
Therefore, there is so much power in offering them up.
 
Trust in the Divine Mercy: rcspiritualdirection.com/blog/2012/04/10/divine-mercy-sunday-time-to-celebrate-gods-mercy#ixzz1vpnxlK6X

However read this article too:

On the Number of Sins Beyond which God Pardons no More
[A Sermon that explains the respect we must have for the Divine Mercy]

“Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God” – Matt., 4:7

A sermon by St. Alphonsus Mary De Ligouri (1696-1787),

I think the two articles give a good balance of understanding the great mercy of God as well as the great necessity of making a real commitment to sin no more.
 
Noone can put the milk spilt on the floor back in the bottle.

If you went to the sacrament of mercy, then trust in his mercy.
What is his mercy? That your sins are erradicated by him thru the priest.
Your sins are no more. He wiped up the milk for you and filled the bottle back up.
Just be very grateful, not sorry sorry sorry and more sorry.
Just say, thank you Lord for having mercy on me. Not in sorrow but in joy and gratefullness.
Otherwise, it sounds to him that you don’t believe your sins have been made to go away.
Sorry sorry sorry sounds like you don’t think that the sins are gone forever.
He wants you to TRUST him and be at peace. That’s what he wants not sorrow for sins that he has wiped out. He has cleaned you up because HE IS GOOD not that you deserved it.
Praise him and thank him but don’t be sorry. That is kinda like saying, I don’t believe it.
He wants to do that for you, for HE IS MERCY and have made him happier than others who do pentence and do not need it. He is happy that you returned…period. He is happy to give you mercy, so you should be happy.

Somewhere in the bible it says the just man falls 7 times a day.(I think the number is right).

Jesus told a parable about two men who owed a debt. Both men were forgiven their debt, but one owed must more than the other. Jesus asked the question, who did the owner love more, the one who owed less, or the one who owed more? And the answer was, the one who owed more.
Jesus himself said that. Look how much he loves you. He said so.

I want you to never say that word sorry again about your past because it is non existent.
Just tell him what you are going to do in the future, and be grateful to him for being so merciful.

Blood and water, gushing from the heart of Jesus as a fountain of mercy for us, we trust in you.

His mercy and our trust are good things.
 
I think many of us can say there have been some really awful stupid things that we did when we were young or even not so young.

I have a bunch that I regret and wish I could go back to the past and say to myself, that is really a stupid rotten thing that you are about to do, have done or are thinking about doing.

Unfortunately none of us can change the past. We can only hope that we learned from our mistakes, and never do those same terrible mistakes again.

We are all on a long life journey, and as long as we keep moving in the right direction to become a better person, I think we can learn from our past mistakes and be better for it. Jesus tells us that a person who has much to be forgiven loves God, more than someone who has less to be forgiven. In the end we will all be judged on love, how much do we love God and how much do we love our neighbor.

To dwell on your past mistakes could hamper you in your responsibilities to help others. I would focus on the fact that we are ALL sinners, and only Jesus was perfect. SOme of the greatest saints were first some of the biggest sinners.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top