Can I get an Annulment?

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Helen31a

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I got married back in 1990. I thought i had the perfect marriage 4 beautiful children etc… I counted myself very lucky. Then about 14 years ago I discovered my husband was on a dating site. I forgave him, he told me it was my fault, the children were taking up so much of my time, we had 2 toddlers. Then about 3 years later i found out he was trying to meet a girl in a hotel for a night. Again my fault not making enough effort for him. 2012 came around and i found he had had an affair…my fault. I did throw him out and he took an apartment but I thought we were working to fix our marriage. He wanted to keep the apartment as a work base. As it turned out he was taking women to dinner, clubs etc…but the biggest shock was yet to come, he was a cross dresser. I got my decree nisi through but can’t get full divorce as won’t supply his financial details. Now it’s come to light that he wants to transition to become a woman. I don’t where I stand with an annulment. I don’t even know if I should.
 
Nobody can tell you that on this forum but it seems like you could potentially have a case along the lines that your husband may have had deep seated psychological issues that you were unaware of.
 
Nobody here can answer this question.

You must contact the parish office of a Church and speak to a Priest or Deacon.
 
Those canons involve some intricacies that I don’t want to get into. It suffices to say that the OP can present a petition and it may well be accepted. What would happen after that is impossible to say. Whether she should present a petition or not is up to her.

Dan
 
I am very sorry for your pain. And i have made some serious mistakes against my wife.

I do believe that each spouse needs to own up to heir own faults that contribute to the breakdown of a relationship. I certainly cant know you and your husband’s efforts.

What we need to do is always love our spouses, and actively! Even if we believe the Lord may be guiding us to an annulment inquiry, it should be done with honoring the other and yourself.

If you dont mind me asking, does your husband display any fruits of sorrow, remorse, repentance, effort to work on his problems? Does he pray with you, share what he feels is going on? Does he claim to know Jesus and want to overcome these terrible things?

It sounds like he is completely giving into wicked immorality! And that is a super hard thing for you to accept! Who can do that without relying on our Lord’s great comfort and healing?

My friend, you make your case to him! Let him hear what the Holy Spirit moves you to say! And listen to the Lord about whether He is guiding you to seek an annulment.

This discernment must be done through putting the world aside and listening to our heavenly Father.

As some have said, there are conditions which a person can enter into a marriage while not actually vonsenting to what Christian marriage requires! But it shouldnt be mistaken for falling into sin, no matter how ugly.

So separation and civil divorce may be wise to keep your family healthy from dangerous sin. An annulment may be possible if the marriage never involved our Lord’s blessing on account of one or both of you.
 
Helen31a said:
I got married back in 1990. I thought i had the perfect marriage 4 beautiful children etc… I counted myself very lucky. Then about 14 years ago I discovered my husband was on a dating site. I forgave him, he told me it was my fault, the children were taking up so much of my time, we had 2 toddlers. Then about 3 years later i found out he was trying to meet a girl in a hotel for a night. Again my fault not making enough effort for him. 2012 came around and i found he had had an affair…my fault. I did throw him out and he took an apartment but I thought we were working to fix our marriage. He wanted to keep the apartment as a work base. As it turned out he was taking women to dinner, clubs etc…but the biggest shock was yet to come, he was a cross dresser. I got my decree nisi through but can’t get full divorce as won’t supply his financial details. Now it’s come to light that he wants to transition to become a woman. I don’t where I stand with an annulment. I don’t even know if I should.
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You should talk to your priest for advice on this matter.
However, you should be aware that anything that happens after the marriage takes place are not grounds for an annulment. Grounds for annulment apply prior to the marriage. What happens during the marriage may serve to support some actual grounds that are known prior to the marriage taking place.
 
You cannot just spout out Canon law and state the someone you don’t know has a reasonable cause for annulment.
You are doing a grave disservice to the Church and the OP.
This, as are most annulment cases, are very nuanced and can be complicated.

OP, please speak with your priest. If he is not well versed in annulment proceedings, ask him to put you in touch with someone who is. Prayers for you.
 
Sorry but the whole tone of your post is bitter and it simply not good to make these statements publically about someone who is father to your children. It certainly seems you are not unjustified in feeling let down but you could have phrased things a lot more neutrally. I’m not trying to attack you, but i promise you that your life and your children’s lives will be better if you don’t carry this anger around with you.
 
I find your (name removed by moderator)ut offensive. I merely stated the truth of my situation and you are judging me on my truth and my position.
 
I didnt get that impression at all. This is someone who renains anonymous but is going through alot of pain and betrayal. She is seeking advice, and i think its reasonable to inquire, especially because here arent always the best supports in our parishes.
 
My husband abandoned us three years ago. He has had little or no (name removed by moderator)ut into our children’s lives. He has now formed a new friend group, attends openly gay bars as a woman. He made no attempt to save our marriage.
 
I’m not judging you at all. I’m saying there were better ways to phrase your question. You go into a lot of details about things that have been done to you and they simply aren’t relevant. All we needed to know was that he was unfaithful multiple times. It’s not relevant whether it happened in a hotel or not. It doesn’t matter why he wanted to keep the apartment and it doesn’t matter whether he used a website or not.
 
You are being judgmental. I will and have the right to supply information which supports my husband’s ability to lie openly and I have lived a 30 year lie that I had no part in. Why is this such an issue to you? My children are adults and well aware of the thruth
 
Then I would definitely lay your case before a priest. But always keep in mind tht a single life may be the consequence of a valid Sacrament marriage. I am speaking from experience here. And while ive made mistakes, our sitiuation is not nearly as extreme as yours.

In the end, hopefully your husband will cooperate and be honest. I think there are a few impediments to Matrimony that may apply.

Is your reason for seeking an annulment to possibly marry? If so, the only thing i suggest is to be chaste unless you find your marriage to be null. Peace!
 
You obviously have no concept of emotional and psychological abuse!
 
Helen31a said:
Why is this such an issue to you?
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Because it seems you are in a lot of pain and i wish that you weren’t. Since the pain has already been inflicted then i hope you and your children can heal.
 
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Please don’t respond again. You have no insight what so ever into my family, what we have gone through and what we are still coping with!
 
Don’t post on a public forum if you only want to hear from people that are going to tell you what you want to hear.
 
I wasn’t asking for judgements based on me personally but on my honest and prolonged situation. You took my truth and turned it on me. I didn’t come on here looking for sympathy but an objective view on my situation and what my children and I have been through. Please go away and before you start judging people…read their pain…their life experience and prolonged psychological and emotional abuse incurred. I’m glad you have a happy life etc…now I’m asking you to put yourself in my position and if you can’t empathise then please bow out
 
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