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rcwitness
Guest
Does your pastor know about your situation at all?
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Helen31a
Guest
No. I haven’t been able to contact him. We have a small busy parish in a rural area
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Teek
Guest
I am sorry for the turmoil you are in. It is so hard. When a spouse you love dies, you can grieve and there is closure. (I am not saying it is easy— God bless all of you who long for a loved one.) When you find out the spouse you loved was all a complicated deception to control you, you have to grieve the loss of someone who never existed. It is as if the person that you loved died, and some how you betrayed yourself by believing in that lie. You lose yourself, too. It destroys your interior integrity for a time. I am so sorry you are experiencing this!I don’t where I stand with an annulment. I don’t even know if I should.
You will heal and find yourself again.
No one knows what you have experienced except you, partly because you don’t want to be accused of exaggerating or of bitterness, and partly because it would just take too long and be too exhausting to share enough of those little contributors that add up to the full insane experience. And it is a very lonely, horrible place.
I think that seeking an annulment is the best place to obtain the clarity you need to know what to do. It isn’t seeking a Catholic divorce. It isn’t justifying your case or some personal agenda. I don’t even think the first consideration should be future relationships.
It is about truth. If you were, in the future, to obtain a decree of nullify, that means that right now, today, you are not bound in a covenant to this abuse. He has no hold on you in the eyes of God. That is a kind of clarity that is essential.
If it was determined that it was a valid Sacrament, and God and you and your spouse have a valid covenant, then you are still not bound to endure that abuse. However, there is a different form of chastity to be observed in that case. Therefore it is essential to know that.
The two options require different responses, and so that answer is essential.
The best thing for me was to throw myself on the heart of God and beg for His help and His healing. I didn’t have any strength left. That was when I found out how puny the strength I thought I had was, because when He answered my prayers It was strength on an entirely different plane of existence.
He will give you what you need to be victorious and reclaim who you are for yourself and for your children. Throw your trust on Him and don’t ever let go.
Pray for your spouse when you can. God hears those prayers, too. I think the Lord cherishes those prayers for those who have hurt you deeply. He knows the pain of that kind of love.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
It helps to understand the terms.
One does not “get an annulment”. One may ask a Tribunal to review their marriage to determine if it was valid.
Validity is determined at the time consent is exchanged (the wedding). Things that happen after the wedding cannot make a valid marriage become null, they may be signs that a valid marriage did not happen at your wedding.
If the Tribunal determines that there was no valid marriage, they give a “decree of nullity” means that exchange of vows was not valid.
An annulment is a civil legal process that only impacts how the state sees the marriage (like a civil divorce). How the terms got mixed up I will never know.
I’d suggest you contact your Tribunal and ask to speak with an advocate who covers your parish. Sometimes people want an advocate from a different parish, and that is perfectly okay, just tell the Tribunal.
The advocate will help you begin the process and paperwork.
One does not “get an annulment”. One may ask a Tribunal to review their marriage to determine if it was valid.
Validity is determined at the time consent is exchanged (the wedding). Things that happen after the wedding cannot make a valid marriage become null, they may be signs that a valid marriage did not happen at your wedding.
If the Tribunal determines that there was no valid marriage, they give a “decree of nullity” means that exchange of vows was not valid.
An annulment is a civil legal process that only impacts how the state sees the marriage (like a civil divorce). How the terms got mixed up I will never know.
I’d suggest you contact your Tribunal and ask to speak with an advocate who covers your parish. Sometimes people want an advocate from a different parish, and that is perfectly okay, just tell the Tribunal.
The advocate will help you begin the process and paperwork.
U
USAFwife
Guest
@helen31a I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope you can get some constructive advice from the people on this forum. I am fairly new here, but I do notice a pattern with certain posters where they continually attack people from some morally high ground pedestal they’ve placed themselves on. Ignore them. I pray for a solution for you and your family.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
It is very simple to google “My Diocese + Tribunal” and you will find an informative page with the process for your Diocese.
In some Dioceses the priest is not involved (helps when both parties are in the same parish).
Taking that route can help to avoid the feeling of being bounced around before it even begins.
In some Dioceses the priest is not involved (helps when both parties are in the same parish).
Taking that route can help to avoid the feeling of being bounced around before it even begins.
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Augustinian
Guest
The worst that they can do is turn you down, might as well ask for it.I don’t where I stand with an annulment. I don’t even know if I should.
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pianistclare
Guest
Right.
Ask your priest or a priest in the tribunal.
No one on the internet can grant you one, and our opinions will not be taken into account.
Only the 2 parties are involved. Downt he road, they will ask for “witness” statements. But for now, it’s inquiry.
Do it.
You’ll never know until you ask.
Ask your priest or a priest in the tribunal.
No one on the internet can grant you one, and our opinions will not be taken into account.
Only the 2 parties are involved. Downt he road, they will ask for “witness” statements. But for now, it’s inquiry.
Do it.
You’ll never know until you ask.
F
Flor
Guest
Well, it sounds like you have an emergency ! Contact your Priest ASAP. Online advice from fellow Catholics isn’t going to give you a definite answer. Likely, your Priest will respond immediately if you leave him a message. If for some reason he doesn’t, then contact the next nearest Parish.
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Horton
Guest
What emergency? She doesn’t have a final divorce decree so starting a marriage case through the tribunal is moot.
@Helen31a You may or may not get a positive finding from the tribunal in your diocese. There really is no way to tell, especially from those of us on CAF. What MUST happen before submitting a petition is having a final divorce decree.
In my humble opinion I believe it is best if one waits a little while after the divorce to proceed with a marriage case. Get the emotional roller coaster slowed down, learning to accept your new life. It doesn’t appear as though you have plans to get married again in the near future. (If you do have plans then it changes things a bit). So getting a decision from the tribunal isn’t urgent.
You’ve had a difficult time with marriage and are in pain. Let yourself heal, get the final decree, and be patient with the process.
@Helen31a You may or may not get a positive finding from the tribunal in your diocese. There really is no way to tell, especially from those of us on CAF. What MUST happen before submitting a petition is having a final divorce decree.
In my humble opinion I believe it is best if one waits a little while after the divorce to proceed with a marriage case. Get the emotional roller coaster slowed down, learning to accept your new life. It doesn’t appear as though you have plans to get married again in the near future. (If you do have plans then it changes things a bit). So getting a decision from the tribunal isn’t urgent.
You’ve had a difficult time with marriage and are in pain. Let yourself heal, get the final decree, and be patient with the process.
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Flor
Guest
I didn’t mean divorce/annulment emergency, but personal crisis which could be soothed by Priestly council. Sounds like conscience due to being Catholic stuff … a Priest would pray and help with that. Divorce is the tearing of a thousand invisible threads. Pain even if it’s logical.
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