Can I get some help?

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schnipdip

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I don’t know if this is going under the correct thread, but I don’t really care.

Let me tell you a little about myself before I begin. I am 19 years young and I go to community college, I have a part time job (haven’t started it yet) and a small family which consists of my mom, dad, uncle, and my dog.
I have had experiences in my life that will be with me forever and will haunt me forever. I haven’t had any ‘bad’ experiences where my dad has died or something like that, I have been very fortunate so far.
But, I have never had any friends growing up and never had anyone to talk to or want to be my friend. During my younger years of elementary school I had a few ‘friends’, but they really weren’t. They never cared about me or anything, I just say that they were friends to help cope a little better.
I have been alone by myself all the time, 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

May I note that I am not good looking either, I am loosing my hair to the point of getting surgery done to help. And I am hairy all over. I am over weight and really really really self conscience of how I look because almost every single day in high school I have been fade fun of for the way I look. It has gotten to the point of where I see someone on the street and I immediately can see what they are thinking because it is the same look that the kids would make when they were laughing at me.

I have never had a girl friend, I am extremely shy, and I hide my emotions. I can’t loosen up, because these experiences that I have been through (that is just a drop in the bucket from what I have said so far and the other stuff I can’t say) made me into this.

I have heard people say that just walk around with a smile on and project yourself to be happy to see someone. I tried and tried it over and over again. It doesn’t feel right, it doesn’t feel natural, it hurts my face to smile, it hurts my brain because I am lying to myself. It hurts even more when people still don’t like me.

So as you can tell, my main emotion is hate. I don’t like using or thinking of the word hate, but it is the only word that can describe what I am feeling to a certain extent, and my emotions actually surpass the word hate and go a lot further.

I have learned to cope with these things, I tell myself that it’s just the way life is. I can’t help that I am not good looking, or have any friends or even smart. I tell myself that one day things will get better, maybe. And that I can look forward to having my first kiss with the most beautiful girl and most wonderful girl in the whole world.

Yes, that is right, I have never even talked to a girl really. I figure that if they really wanted to talk to me or were even interested in talking to me they would say something. I can’t justify being rejected my someone that I am interested in, so I just try to ignore it. It helps a little.

You might be able to tell that since I don’t have any social outlet at all, that I am into animation tv shows, like Naruto and Bleach. Every day I wish I could have a life like that, where I was special, where I had friends who liked me, who wanted to be around me. This might sound really weird, but the girls that are in it are obviously really good looking and it just reminds me of what I can’t have, but I want so deeply.

Even if I were to somehow talk to a girl and possibly date a girl, I wouldn’t even know what to do. I wouldn’t know how to talk to a girl properly, how to behave around a girl properly, or even know what to talk about with a girl. Since my life is extremely boring it would be a one sided conversation and it would end pretty quickly.

Meaning, that I have nothing that I can pride myself on.

So this is my question.

How can I feel better about things, like to love things, when I can’t even love myself? I hate myself, I hate everything about me.

I pray to God all the time I ask him for help for guidance, but only more problems sprout up. I feel that God is ignoring me, that he doesn’t like me.

How can I even like God for giving me this life that I don’t even want?

Sometimes I pray to God to just end my life so I don’t have to suffer anymore.

I will my question with this quote: “the worst pain someone can feel is loneliness.” - Gaara
 
I have had similar feelings. I highly suggest that you get some counseling. Try Catholic Social Services. See if your parish can help.
 
You are very young and have a long life ahead of you yet, I think you just haven’t found a purpose in life yet, but I guarantee you do have one. There are many days when I don’t like myself either and I have had many good and bad experiences. To the rest of the world I must look like I have everything. What I do to help myself feel better about who I am is to use the talents that God has given me to help others. I volunteered at the hospital for a year, I sponsered a child in Columbia for another year, I answer questions here, and do many things for my family.
You are too judgemental on yourself, people are not nearly as judgemental about you as you might think. You just need to remind yourself that you are a valuable person in this world and you have a lot to offer even if you don’t know what that is yet.
What you are going through is not uncommon, it’s just that not everybody is willing to admit it. You’re also at a tough age, just give it some time, things are gonna get easier.
 
"You formed my inmost being; youknit me in my mother’s womb.
I praise yu, so wonderfully you made me;
wonderful are your works!
My very self you knew;
my bones were not hidden from you,
When I was being made in secret,
fashioned as in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes foresaw my actions;
in your book all are written down;
my days were shaped, before one came to be.
Psalm 139:13-16

“I will give you treasures out of
the darkness,
and riches that have been hidden away,
That you may know that I am the Lord,
the God of Israel, who calls
you by your name.”
Isaiah 45:3

“Before I formed you in the womb
I knew you
before you were born I dedicated you,
a prophet to the nations I appointed you.”
Jeremiah 1:5

I used to hate myself, too. i had good reason. One of the things I did to overcome it was to go though the Bible, especially books like Psalms and Isaiah and every time I would read something about how God feels about Israel, things like, “You are the apple of my eye” I would write them down and memorize them. As Christians, we are grafted into the vine that is Israel. Paul writes about that in Romans. Whatever blessing applies to Israel applies to you, too. Read Romans 8. Read it over and over until it begins to sink in.

The other thing I discovered, after much counseling and converting to Catholicism was the beauty of reconciliation. While I don’t think hating yourself is a mortal sin, it is still a sin. Take it to the confessional. There is a power there, the power of Christ, that breaks the stranglehold the Enemy has on us. The Enemy wants us to hate ourselves. Hate is from him. The last thing he wants us to do is to come to understand who we are in Christ Jesus. We are children of the King. By the way, that makes you a prince, in the natural order of things. In God’s eyes, Jesus is the King of Kings. You are his brother. That makes you Prince Schnipdip.

May God richly bless yo u, help you, hold you in his arms and my you come to a great awareness of the wonderfulness of you - just the way you are, because you are a beloved child of God and my dear brother in Christ.
Kris
 
I was in your shoes before, except I’ve never been overweight (high metabolism along with “snack” style eating [eating a little often throughout the day]). I’ve never really been a looker, had essentially no friends at all, and those I did have, I would later lose. There was one person that really flipped my life around. A friend I made in high school. He was the only real friend I ever had. Even though we similar interests, his personality was much different than mine. He had an air about him that he didn’t care what people thought about him, he was friendly to everyone, he was very outgoing, and would even say “Hi” or wave at random people on the street. When I would ask why, his simple response really got me thinking… “Why not?”

Hanging around him made me realize that the changes I needed in my life had to start with me. I hope and pray that you can find someone in your life like that, that can be encouraging. He helped me turn my perspective on the world around. This led me to being more outgoing. Being able to laugh at myself if I do something silly. Allowing me to be silly. I feel like he allowed me to become my real self, rather than the kid with bottled up emotions.

I still bottle up my emotions sometimes, but I think of it more as a sacrificial suffering, for the benefit of others. I still watch Anime, and I have a wife now. She was my first and only girlfriend. We met when I was 21. I am now 23, married just this past December. I still think she’s crazy, but she insists that she thinks I’m handsome, and that is enough for me, even if no one else thinks so.

It is possible for your life to change, as it did for me. It starts with a change of perspective on your part. Perspective of the world, and perspective of self. It is by no means an easy street. You are still going to come across suffering. And you will still have to deal with a lot of stress and emotion, but how you deal with it will be different.

I pray for your life to change for the better.
 
You are still someone in the eyes of God. Since you have that faith in God and that you are a Catholic, attend Mass everyday, talk to the priest and ask for his help. Your best friend is Jesus Christ and Mother Mary. You might need to see a psychologist or counseling.
I hope these will help you. Be happy and at peace.
God bless
In Jesus Christ and Mary.
 
I Beiieve there is HELP for U out there, go to your Priest and talk to him about it, I’m sure he can help in some way… BUT U have to make the FIRST move ! Once u make the move u will be on your way feeling BETTER about YOURSELF. U will be in my Prayers. Bless you
 
You can change your outlook on life. First of all, looks don’t matter. At all. You say that your not good looking, but then you talk about wanting a good looking girl friend. So you are guilty of judging others as you percieve they are judging you. Trust me good looking women don’t make very good girlfriends. And they always have another option if they decide they don’t like you. Regardless of how good looking you are. Women don’t put as much emphasis on looks as we guys do. Go out and make a million dollars and see how many good looking women want to be your girlfriend. You’ll have your pick of the litter. But they will be ugly inside. Find a woman who is beautiful on the inside and you will be happy.

God loves you! Satan is telling you he doesn’t.

Volunteer. Help people. And you will feel good about yourself. And that will show, and people will want to be around you.

No one will like you if you don’t like yourself. If you like yourself people will like you. Do the things that will make you like yourself.

If you want to be married God has someone for you. Leave it to him and let him guide you. Have faith and you can move this mountain. But also have patience. It won’t change over night.
 
I can’t say anything better than the people in front of me. They offered very good advice. I’ll pray for you, too.
Angel of God, my guardian dear, to whom God’s love commits me here, ever this day be at my side, to light, to guard, to rule and guide. Amen

Remember you have a guardian angel beside you, too. Ask him for help.
 
First of all I feel very** sorry **for you. No one should be judged like that because of the way they look.😦 Secondly, God sees everyone as beautiful and that certainly does not exclude you. Thirdly,you are never alone because God is ALWAYS with you. He loves you more than words can describe. He even loves people who have done the WORST THINGS POSSIBLE and it is most certainly NOT a crime to look a way that others percieve as ugly. The only One who’s judgement in these things really matters is God’s and He looks at you as a beautiful and beloved child.

I suggest you look up Matthew West’s song “Wonderfully Made” and really focus on the lyrics as you listen. Also, with some of that time you’ve been watching anime, I suggest you pray instead. The Rosary is AMAZING and so is the Divine Mercy Chaplet. Also, simply speaking your mind to God can be wonderfully refreshing.

Also, I would like to clarify what hate really is–the desire to cause harm to someone. I really hope you don’t truly have real hate in your heart and that you never do. Of course, if you can’t help it there’s no sin, but it’s still a VERY bad thing even then as it can lead to horrible sin. So can what you describe and perhaps you should seek counseling and if you do I recomend Catholic Charities.
 
My advise is pray. Pray for wisdom, pray to grow in Christs love, to learn how to love…

Most of all, I will tell you this, Pray for protection from the lies of the Devil. His lies are the thoughts you have of inadequacy and that you should somehow be different than you are in order to be happy. The Devils great seduction begins with breaking you down and convincing you that you are worthless. Then you are vulnerable.
Our Faith teaches that You are a unique and wonderful child of God. You have much to offer. You have been created in the image and likeness of God. You have Dignity. God has given you your gifts to use to further his kingdom.
You are obviously an intelligent young man.
You obviously have a conscience. These are gifts that you possess.
My guess is that you have other many other talents and strengths…
Use your gifts to Help someone. Once you seek, you will find someone to help without expectation for reward. It may be a small thing that’s ok. Share your gifts.

Try to put yourself in the company of the faithful. You may want to consider joining a service club.

At the very least, you have this forum, which has greatly strengthened my understanding of our Faith.
Keep praying.

You need to make a choice on who you are going to listen to.

This is the advise I would give and have given to my children and the promise I have relied on personally in the times of life where I have felt alone and rejected (which have been many).

I am praying for you, Seek first the kingdom…

Peace in Christ.
 
Hi there!

I can totally relate to you and I am sorry that things are the way they are. I am also 19 years young and go to community college! I never really had many friends growing up either so I feel you. I have been made fun of when I was in high school and never really had a girlfriend ( there was this girl I was n love with, but the feelings were never returned and I still battle these thoughts everyday). I was also overweight and I don’t see myself as being good looking. But, the best advice I can give you is to just pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. To Jesus, to the Blesses Mother and to Blessed John Paul. Things get better. Believe me. And it’s okay that you have no utter idea what to do when it comes to girls. I don’t either , yet girls still find my nerdiness and shyness to be a nice quality. It’s quite alright that you are that way. You say you like Naruto and Bleach. Well, start a club on campus! I personally have no idea when it comes to that stuff, but I know plenty of people do. You will be bound to find people with whom you share this interest with! Just trust in God and let Him guide you.

(P.S. Feel free to message me or friend request. I’m quite open to making friends on here! 🙂 )
God Bless.

-Mat
 
Dont be affraid to talk to your priest too about how you are really feeling. Whether you choose to do that in confession or a private one to one with him the choice is there. Some are really good listeners and may be because he knows you a little he help you find that glimmer of hope you are searching for at the moment. All is not lost because you do have God. You know how to pray and can talk to God about how you are really feeling.

Find something that really interests you and see if there is a local group that is doing that interest. If there isn’t, how would you feel about starting a group.

You go to a Community College. Is there Student Services there? If so may be the next day you are in, go and make an appointment and have a talk about some of the things you said here about not many friends etc and they may come up with some ideas for you to think about. Like doing a little bit of voluntary work or trying a club specially one that has some kind of befriending service so you got someone to chat to when you first go along.
 
Hi Schnipdip

From your description of yourself you have a self image problem.
That can be improved by going to the library and getting some self help books. Find one that seems to make sense to you. They will help you to change in an understanding way and give you practical ways of rethinking. They can be very helpful.

Sometimes schools have counsolers who also can help. If they aren’t upbeat, then drop them.
Ask for a regular time for meeting.

One thing to keep in mind. Jesus loves you. He isn’t looking at your looks. He looks at your interior heart. He never considers a person’s exterior. Go to confession regularly and communion, and keep yourself good inside. That’s where the value of a person lies.
That is what he considers important. He loves you no matter how you appear on the outside to others.

I know it is important to you that you have friends. But attraction starts on the inside.
Believe it or not, people feel how you feel, they pick up on that. If you feel good on the inside, they will see that and admire that no matter how you look. Not everyone, but many.
We do radiate how we feel to others.

I might add one more thing. I myself have not kept in contact with my schoolmates, and I rarely see them from my school days. Many like myself just find a different life with different people in it. It is not that I made it a point not to keep in touch. But it is so busy, and children and buisness people and neighbors and different parishes, who really has the time. So don’t worry that this will follow you later because it won’t. Your life and contacts may be totally different. You may find a completly new life in different company.

Remember always to talk to Jesus. He misses it when you don’t.

Just some thoughts.
 
The people here shown such kindness and compassion it restores my faith in humanity
 
You are BLESSED by God in so many ways but have only been able to focus on your self and therefore do not see it. Life has given you a challenge that has weighed you down because you have not offered your hurt and pain back to God, united to the cross of Christ. Do not give up, do not give in, give all to God through the most holy Eucharist! Go to confession for your hatred and despair, for not trusting in the Lord through this cross. He has you in his loving hands every step of the way, so let go of these thoughts that torment you and start your journey to become a man. A man like Christ himself should be your thoughts and your dreams.
God bless you and your family!
David
 
Also, perhaps consider getting an iodine supplement–a good one made from kelp, perhaps with folic acid. Studies have shown that folic acid helps support iodine. Both hair loss and unexpected weight gain can be caused by an iodine deficiency. I would advise simply doing some research and trying it out as being tested for an iodine deficiency will most likely be pointless as a WIDE range of iodine levels is considered acceptable by the medical community.

If you are on any prescribed medications, you should ask your doctor if it would be okay to take the iodine. If you are taking thyroid medication of any kind, I can already tell you, you won’t be able to take it.
 
Dear can i get help? With everyone’s answering your question with good answers, you should come out a…winner 🙂 …peace be with you :).
 
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