Can I go to confession if I'm not totally sorry for my sins?

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In order for absolution to be valid you must confess all mortal sins in number, kind and any circumstances that affect the gravity of it. Further you must have attrition (be sorry for them because you dread the loss of heaven and fear the pains of hell, and must be firmly resolved to do everything within your power to avoid falling back into those sins (it doesn’t mean you won’t fall again). If the above is not met, absolution will not be valid and you risk committing the sin of sacrilege for making a mockery out of Confession.
 
Thank you all for your replies, they really helped me out. 🙂 Sorry I have not posted again sooner – I didn’t go to confession last week, but did finally go this past Saturday after spending the week really praying for contrition and trying to understand how my sins affect my relationship with God and others. The priest spent some time with me and was very kind and encouraging, even when I confessed that I wasn’t totally sure if I believed in God, and I’m very glad I decided to go – God’s mercy is amazing! I can’t explain why, but I was in tears when I walked out of the confessional.

I’m somewhat interested in following some of your advice and making an appointment to discuss some things with a priest outside of the confessional. Would it be ok for me to make an appointment with the priest I had for confession, or another priest, rather than my parish priest? Or is that just weird? Also, I’m leaving for college in four weeks, so I’m curious as to whether you think it’d be better to wait and find a priest there who can be a more consistent spiritual director, or if it’d be ok to address at least a few things here with a local priest before I go. And, lastly, most kids my age aren’t making appointments with priests; my parents are somewhat wary of/threatened by my attempts at a more traditional faith and they likely will have /lots/ of questions about why I’m making this appointment. I don’t want it to strain our relationship. Any ideas what I could tell them?

Thanks everyone!!
littlerose
 
I think I would wait, if it’s possible. Mostly so I wouldn’t have to deal with questions and comments from the parents. But that’s just me.
 
Yeah, that is what I’d like to do, but I wonder if that’s just running from the issue and taking the easy way out. I feel like if I had a little more courage I could let my parents see my faith and really live it out better.

I don’t know…
 
Delaine75 said:
It doesn’t seem right to me to go to confession if you’re not sorry for your sins. How would you feel saying the Act of Contrition if you’re not really sorry? 😦 Seems a bit pointless.
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The OP didn’t say not sorry, but saying not 100% sorry. Who is??? I will admit I struggle with horrible sins, sometimes I know I am probably going to fall down again and hate myself for it, but I go anyway. I tell THAT to the priest too. I tell him that I was waiting to feel more sorry but this is working in reverse.

Satan loves it when we wait until we are “worthy” because we will never go! And he gains yet another victory. Isn’t that a great plan? Let’s keep putting it off until we’re REALLY sorry and then we will die with all that unconfessed sin and Satan is snickering and laughing because we believed another lie.

Reject his lies, resolve that you will do your best, that’s all anyone can do…and GO!! Jesus loves you, He really does. It’s OK you are probably a lot more sorry than you realize you are just beating yourself up so bad you cannot see it clearly.

Go and sit behind the screen, you don’t need to be “seen”. Just go and you will wonder why you didn’t go sooner, it will give you the strength to stop sinning and become more and more aware of when you do. It’s a sacrament and it sounds like you need the grace and embrace from the Lord in reconciliation.

Hugs,

Lorrie
 
Are you at least sorry and resolve to sin no more because you’re afraid of hell?

If so, then you have imperfect contrition and properly disposed to confess and be absolved.
 
littlerose1 said:
Is it ok for me to go to confession when I’m feeling like this and I’m not 100% sorry for sinning? Somehow it seems wrong to me. I keep waiting for contrition to come, but instead I seem to be moving in the wrong direction.
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Let’s focus on the idea of being 100% sorry for sinning. Generally speaking, contrition is required for a valid sacramental confession, but a person does not have to be 100% sorry for having sinned in order to go to confession. Rather, a person only has to be somewhat sorry. Whatever is lacking in terms of ones contrition is made up for by the grace of the sacrament (so even if one is, say, only 3% sorry, the power of the Holy Spirit provides the other 97%, perfecting in the person whatever is lacking). This is one of a number of reasons why dealing with sins in a sacramental way is better than a non-sacramental way.

Note that this is why a priest does not require people (during confession) to convince him that they are 100% sorry for their sins. They only need to indicate (in one way or another) that they are at least somewhat sorry, and the act of going to confession in the first place usually serves as a sufficient indicator of this. It is only when a sin comes up in confession to which a person expresses absolutely no sorrow over that a priest has grounds for withholding absolution (because it would be invalid due to a complete absence of contrition; the Holy Spirit does not elevate zero contrition to 100% because that would be a violation of a person’s freewill - God does not force his mercy on the unrepentant). Even if an totally unrepentant sinner recites the Act of Contrition at the end of confession, this is not a true expression of his belief and therefore becomes a statement of hypocrisy rather than an indication of authentic contrition (and therefore the sacrament would be invalid even if the priest says the prayer of absolution). Of course, I’m not suggesting that you, littlerose1, are unrepentant (i.e., I don’t see such a strict mentality in your OP, and I’m glad to see that you eventually made it to confession), but rather I’m only bringing up this aspect of confession to try to cover the different nuances of this topic.
 
Repentance is important. Repentance means “CHANGE”, which means you must have the will to change. It is NOT a feeling as many have stated above. It is the Will that controls your behavior to change and not do the sin again. If you deny your will making the change, then you are not forgiven. End of story. Contrition is necessary. Act of will.
 
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