Can I go to my sister's wedding?

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MFRita

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To start: I am a convert, and was raised with no religious beliefs. My mother is a lapsed Catholic, and my older sister was baptized as a baby, but she was never raised Catholic.

The situation: My sister is getting married for the 2nd time and she asked me to be in the wedding party. She was not married in the church the first time and wont be this time either. The man she is marrying has never been married and he’s not Catholic.

Question: Is it wrong for me to even attend the wedding? I
 
Because your sisters wedding will be invalid as she has already been married (I would assume) validly, you should not attend.
 
DixitDominus said:
Because your sisters wedding will be invalid as she has already been married (I would assume) validly, you should not attend.
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I don’t agree. This would be a serious, serious insult to her sister, cause tremendous grief towards her mother, and damage relationships that could ultimately produce good for very little cause.

What if your religiosity was to ultimately bring her back into the Church? Wouldn’t it then be foolish to destroy such a relationship?
 
There’s a middle ground.

First, you should not go. To do so gives scandal, a very real but often neglected Catholic theological concept. Scandal is defined as giving the impression, even indirectly, that you are engaging in, or approve of, immoral behavior, and scandal has been, and still is, a sin, and that is exactly what you are doing when you attend (apparently approvingly) an immoral wedding. You’d be giving everybody there the impression you think it’s OK, and you are never permitted to do that.

But Lujack makes a good point, in so far as the lines of communication should remain open. Be honest with your sister. Explain your reasons, your beliefs, and why you can’t go. If you feel comfortable, quote Matthew Chapter 10 (where Christ says family members MUST oppose each other in issues of truth, morality, etc.). She may be angry now, but you are not responsible for making everybody in your family happy. You are responsible for doing what is right, and teaching what is right, if the opportunity arises.

But actions speak louder than words. If you say it’s wrong, and then go and show support, in any way, you’re being hypocritical, and that may do them more harm in the long run than hurting their feelings now.
 
I think you should go, she is your sister and regardless of it being valid or immoral those are her sins and god will judge her later, we are not here to judge one another but to love unconditionally…
 
This is a tough call. Even though she was baptized Catholic, your sister was never raised in the Catholic faith, and she’s only doing what she believes is according to the truth that she knows (even if she is wrong).

Could you persuade her to ask the bishop of your diocese for a dispensation, given the situation? Would she be willing to do that for you?

This article is also a good resource.
 
MaggieMac said:
I think you should go, she is your sister and regardless of it being valid or immoral those are her sins and god will judge her later, we are not here to judge one another but to love unconditionally…
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I am not going to come down on either side, as this is a delicate situation and not having all of the facts. We are missing several pieces of information. Is the sister aware of the depth of your spirituality? does she largely respect your spititual beleifs? Where does the mother stand? were you invited to be in the wedding party out of love and respect, or guilt (you are her sister after all)? Have you prayed about it? Have you talked to your priest? Without these details (and please do not divulge if you are uncomfortable) it is difficult to answer.
 
Do not attend the wedding. You can attend the reception afterwords though. Again, speak with your priest, as there are exceptions.
 
kage_ar said:
Speak to your priest.
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I would go. But the correct answer is probably ask your priest. I am guessing there is about a 95% chance he will tell you to go. If you are comfortable saying so, I’d love to hear how this works out.
 
DixitDominus said:
Because your sisters wedding will be invalid as she has already been married (I would assume) validly, you should not attend.
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Oh yeah, that’s the Christian thing to do…how about,what would Jesus do? Would He advise to turn away from a loved one?
 
avenger said:
Oh yeah, that’s the Christian thing to do…how about,what would Jesus do? Would He advise to turn away from a loved one?
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If a loved one is placing themselves in a state of sin, would he celebrate?
 
All the answers here are so interesting and different.
I agree with the post stating there is not enough detail to offer advice. The way it reads to me with the information posted, I would ask her if I could merely just attend, but not stand up.
I would tell her that it would cause me grief and anguish to stand up under these conditions due to deep religious convictions but that under no circumstances would I let anyone stop me from attending.🙂
 
MFRita said:
To start: I am a convert, and was raised with no religious beliefs. My mother is a lapsed Catholic, and my older sister was baptized as a baby, but she was never raised Catholic.

The situation: My sister is getting married for the 2nd time and she asked me to be in the wedding party. She was not married in the church the first time and wont be this time either. The man she is marrying has never been married and he’s not Catholic.

Question: Is it wrong for me to even attend the wedding? I
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I recently heard a young lady call into a Catholic radio show. She was planning to get married outside of the Church. She was raised as a luke-warm Catholic and didn’t practice her faith.

Her father was furious about her getting married outside the Church and refused to attend. He would not budge and inch.

This strong position of her father ended up resulting in both her and her husband to be, to begin looking into what the Church teaches and why it teaches it. The result was that they both converted to the Church and are now very fervent Catholics. The young lady attributed her and her husband’s conversion to the strong stance her father took.

This may be a chance for you to take a similar stand. Who knows, in addition to not offending God by attending ( and thereby giving implicit approval) to an invalid marriage, maybe it will cause your sister to look into the Catholic Church of her baptism?
 
Family unity is very important, especially if you want to have an influence later in their marriage and even more important when they begin to have children. You do not want to shut out your family. We are not Amish. We don’t shun people.

There is plenty of information from the OP that makes this decision easy. If you and your family did not practice any sort of religion while you were growing up then your decision to not go would be incredibly hurtful and jolting. They are not used to this sort of mindset. They wouldn’t understand. It would only cause to alienate them from your life or live with this ongoing resentment.

Don’t risk breaking up the family. Depending on what the relationship is between the sisters, you could talk about the struggles you are having with this. If that might hurt her as well, then don’t say anything. Be happy for her, supportive and loving. In time, you might find yourself taking her children to Church with you or even your sister and brother-inlaw.

And please no lectures from posters about how the faith and truth can be hurtful and that’s just the way it is :rolleyes:
 
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